Cammy and I were both very nervous when this happened because the child was arriving a full month premature, but on August 19, 1998, our precious baby daughter Julia was born. She was tiny, only four pounds, but she was absolutely beautiful.
Within minutes of her birth, however, Julia developed a breathing problem. It was severe enough that she was moved into the pediatric ICU unit at Saint Monica Hospital and hooked up to IVs and a breathing apparatus. I was so frightened for her that I was physically shaking.
What a horrible feeling it was! I had never experienced this kind of trauma with any of my children. The thought of Julia not making it was devastating, and I found that I absolutely could not leave her side-except to run to Cammy's room once in a while to comfort her.
I watched every movement of the tiny child's chest and kept reporting to Cammy, who was beside herself with worry, that the child would be fine. We were trusting God, and He would pull little Julia through.
Much of this was sheer bluster. I was feeling very helpless in those moments because I was not accustomed to not being in control. I didn't like the feeling, but I couldn't do anything about it. I had to trust the doctors, and I had to trust God. I prayed desperately.
Slowly, strength came into me, and I gained confidence. Finally, I knew that little Julia was going to be all right.
Cammy and I didn't like leaving the hospital in the days that followed. We stayed as much as we could, holding our baby, feeding her, and playing with her. Gradually, over the course of a week, Julia's breathing got stronger, and she became less dependent upon the breathing apparatus. After only one week, we were able to take her home. What a great miracle!
Needless to say, Julia is very special to Cammy and me. Personally, I love all of my children, but I feel a very special tie to this one because I know that God sent me a message through her. Through Julia, He let me know that if I surrender any situation to Him, He will take care of it.
I had never before prayed with such conviction and such abandonment to the will of God, and I was prepared for the outcome to be different. Julia was the test of my faith, and I came through it knowing that I do trust God-no matter what. I was deeply grateful to Him for the experience.
46
From the first time I met her (back in 1984), Cammy's mother, Irma Garcia, had played an important part in my life. We were as close as mother-in-law and son-in-law could be. Irma was a true Christian who never held my organized crime background against me. She knew how to look at the heart. She believed in the transforming power of God, and she was convinced that I had a great future ahead of me, despite my background.
Early on, Irma saw that I loved her daughter and treated her like a princess, and that was enough for her. She was on my side. Throughout the ordeal of my trials and imprisonment, she encouraged Cammy to stand by me, support me, and keep our relationship strong. I am convinced that she never said an unkind word about me to her daughter and that her unfailing support of me strongly influenced Cammy, sustaining her through the seven years of my absence.
Irma was a woman of God. She loved Jesus with all her heart, and, in her own simple way, she would express her love and faith to everyone she met. Because of this, she had a very strong impact on me.
She was by my side throughout all of my court battles, and she would encourage me to relax, have faith in God, and let Him work it all out for me. She encouraged me to read my Bible and pray, and she assured me that God would do the work-in His time.
I tended to get stressed out over my court cases, and Irma would say to me, "Stop working so hard. Pray about it. Leave it all to God. He'll take care of everything." I didn't agree with her on this point and would invariably answer her that I just couldn't do it. I felt I had to work hard to make it happen.
One day at church, our pastor related a story I liked very much. A Christian man lived in a village that was being hit with torrential rains. The river overflowed, and the town was being flooded. As the waters rose, the man had to seek refuge on the roof of his house. Still, the water continued to rise, and rescue teams were sent out to find those who were endangered.
First, a neighbor passed by in a boat and called to the man to come aboard before the flood overtook his home. He declined, saying that he was praying to God and trusting Him to save him from drowning. Next, some men came by in a helicopter and called to him to grab their ladder and come aboard before the flood overtook his house. Again he declined, saying that the Lord would save him, and he continued to pray.
Eventually, the floodwaters overtook the house and the man drowned. As he entered heaven and faced God, he said, "Lord, I don't understand. I've been a good Christian all my life. I had a strong faith. I prayed for You to save me, but You let me drown. Why, Lord?"
God's response was, "What do you mean, I let you drown? I sent a boat for you, and then I sent a helicopter!"
I hurried home to tell Irma this story.
"See," I gloated, "God helps those who help themselves. I can't simply leave my troubles to prayer."
With the passing of time, I have come to the conclusion that we were both right. We must give our troubles to God in prayer, but He will often show us a means of escape that we are to follow. We, then, become the vehicle by which our prayers are answered.
At least this was true in my own case. God set the course for me to follow to make a successful break from the mob and begin my ministry. But I had to be proactive, first in seeking His help in prayer, and then in following the course He laid out for me.
I was deeply moved by Irma's persistent faith. She'd had a very difficult life, yet she was always happy, never complaining. Irma Garcia made me want to know Jesus more. She was genuine. She walked the walk and talked the talk, as we say. The one-two punch of Irma and Cammy combined to bring me to this life in Christ.
When I was imprisoned the second time, Irma helped a devastated and discouraged Cammy get through the next thirty-five months. She was always there for her, and Cammy loved her dearly for it. That's why November 1999 was one of the most devastating months in Cammy's life. That month, Irma was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Cammy was not the only one crushed by this news. The rest of the family was equally devastated. The only person who seemed unmoved by it was Irma herself. And that was typical of her. She told us all not to worry. God would work it out-in His time. Whatever happened would be His will for her.
During the days that followed, for the second time in our relationship, I was the one ministering to Cammy and encouraging her to turn to God for strength. The first time had been during my prison term. The time now with her mother's illness was much more significant, though. Cammy desperately loved her mother and didn't want to lose her.
I took the lead role in coordinating the plan of treatment Irma would undergo. First, a tumor was removed by doctors at UCLA Medical Center. Chemotherapy followed and then radiation. The diagnosis was good, because the cancer had not spread to the lymph nodes, so we were hopeful. And, for a while at least, Irma did well.
Then one night in February 2001, I was driving home from a meeting in San Diego when I received two difficult calls on my cell phone. The first was from my mother. She said that Dad had been arrested again for violating his parole. As before, he was accused of associating with known crime figures. This was violation number four. That was not good news, and I felt very bad for Dad because he was eighty-three years old at the time. Prison could not be easy to bear at that age.
I was surprised by my reaction to this call, and it made me realize how much I had changed. Before, I would have cursed the officials who put my father in prison, sure that their actions were unjust. Now, I felt only sorrow for my father as I talked to my mother.
I had no sooner turned off the phone from that call than it rang again. This time, it was Cammy, and she was crying hysterically. My heart began to beat fast. Had one of the children been hurt? Was something else wrong at home?
Cammy's news was about her mother. Irma had
been riding with Cammy's sister Sabrina in the car when one side of her face suddenly drooped in partial paralysis, and now she couldn't talk. This lasted a while, so Cammy told Sabrina to take her immediately to a hospital emergency room. Once there, a CAT scan of Irma's brain revealed that she had cancerous tumors-a lot of them. Her cancer had spread, and the prognosis this time was not good at all.
That May, Irma lost her battle with cancer, but not before she had left an indelible imprint upon all our lives. She was ready to "go home," and the two of us spent a lot of time in fellowship together as we drove regularly to UCLA Medical Center for her treatments. I learned a lot from that gracious lady, and I thank God for her.
47
Since Cammy was the catalyst that brought me to Christ, many have been curious about how our relationship has held up through it all. It has endured now for seventeen years, and I'm certain it will conclude as our vows stated-"until death do us part." But those vows were severely tested when I was forced to return to prison in 1991 for what could have been five very long years. Cammy was devastated by the court ruling that sent me back, and her spirit was weakened.
Even after my release from prison the first time, we felt the need to arrange a renewal of our vows at Westwood Hills Christian Church. The second separation was even harder. Cammy later admitted to me that if it hadn't been for prayer and for her turning to God during those times of uncertainty and lack, she would not have made it through them. It was not that she stopped loving me; it was just that she was emotionally as well as financially exhausted.
This was complicated by the fact that some of her acquaintances were advising that, for her own sake and that of the children, she should think about getting out of the marriage. After all, she was still so young, and being alone for so long with three small children would have been difficult for anyone. Everywhere she went, people asked about her husband, and men tried to take advantage of her loneliness and need.
What should she do? Cammy decided that her marriage vows were important. She had made them before God, not just before people, and not just to me.
As I showed in the previous chapter, her mother, Irma Garcia, was a great help in this regard, constantly reminding Cammy that I loved her and that if she remained faithful to God and to me, God would bless our marriage and cause everything to work out for us. And, of course, she was right.
Cammy's thinking had to change a little. For quite some time, she was caught up in the excitement of our early relationship, and she started to think that I was invincible, that I could overcome any obstacle in my path. This notion grew until she could not believe that I would ever be imprisoned. I would work things out, she was sure.
Of course, I was to blame for this thinking. I had become Cammy's hero by doing everything for her and by providing her every need-and then some. I had never let her down. This led her to make the mistake of placing me on a pedestal. When I went to prison, the illusion of grandeur she had built up in her mind was shattered, and she had to take a long and hard look at the man she'd married. Obviously, I wasn't invincible.
Then, when I went to prison the second time, things got much worse. Now, Cammy felt that I had let her down, and she was very angry and resentful toward me. Irma explained to her that she had set herself up for disappointment by placing me before God and that this was unfair to me. After all, I was only human. Fortunately, Cammy turned to God, forcing herself to stay in His Word and praying regularly for His strength to sustain her. There is no question that her faith in God pulled her through that very difficult time.
For my part, I had not originally believed that my faith had anything to do with our marriage. I loved Cammy to death, and I didn't need God to enforce that love. I know now that I was wrong in that I loved her more than I loved Him. Even though I had accepted Christ, I could not yet fully comprehend how I could love a God whom I couldn't see, touch, or feel more than this wonderful woman whom I absolutely adored.
My love for Cammy was unselfish in one sense. I would do anything and everything for her, and I was willing to share everything I had with her, without ever having to be asked. But my love for her was also selfish in that I wanted all of her attention. I was older, had been in other relationships, and knew that Cammy was the woman I wanted to grow old with.
But, at the same time, I was the one causing all the problems: my trials, my imprisonments, my parole complications, my death threats. It was all because of my mob ties. Cammy had never caused me a minute's grief when I was going through all this. Every trouble we endured was the result of my actions. I had put every effort into keeping her as comfortable as possible, but I had failed to give God His rightful place in our lives and in our marriage.
Belatedly, I came to realize that what I was giving Cammy was not enough. Even though she knew that I loved her dearly, other influences in our lives would have been too much for her to withstand without God's help. I had been relying on myself, but Cammy turned to God. In the end, it was His love and grace that kept our marriage together, nothing that either of us had done.
After I came home from prison the second time, I found myself desperately needing God to help me with the marriage. Cammy now reacted differently to me and was sometimes distant. She lived in constant fear that something would happen, that I would fail her again and have to go back to prison. And, because she didn't want to be hurt again, she put up a kind of shield that wouldn't allow me to get as close to her as I had before.
This was very difficult for me to understand. Cammy and I had been so much in love and had shared such a special closeness. Now, I began to mistake her protective mechanism for a loss of the special love we shared, and I felt betrayed. How could she do this to me after all we had been through these past years? Our love should be stronger than ever, I reasoned.
Of course, what Cammy was feeling was normal. I just didn't get it at the time. I needed to work through it, and, in time, I came to realize that she had never lost her love for me. Fortunately, my biblical foundation had become strong enough to direct me to God to find the answer to our dilemma. If He could get me out of prison, He could heal whatever was wrong with our marriage. If He had been able to speak to me while I was still behind bars, He could answer us now and show us what to do.
My faith was developing in other areas, and now I asked God for guidance and enlightenment in matters of the heart. Over the coming weeks and months, I found the counsel I needed in His Word, and Cammy and I listened intently to messages that preached and taught about God's will for marriage. Our marriage was sacred to us, and we had to find solutions to the things that separated us. Neither of us thought of giving up or of ending the marriage.
Now, after some years of growing and learning, I can honestly say that our love has grown deeper through the trials. It may be somewhat different today than it was when we were younger, but it is battle-tested and true. And, best of all, I have strengthened my relationship with God as a result of my love for Cammy and her love for me. Turning to Him helped me to remain in love with her, and that, in turn, has manifested itself in my greater love for Him. I no longer place Cammy above God.
Our love is now God-centered, and, as a result, it is strong and continues to grow through each transition we make. Without a strong foundation, a marriage cannot survive, and what better foundation than God Himself?
48
Well, we're getting to the end of the story now. I hope you know me better than you did when you first picked up the book, and I also hope that by now you have gotten the message. The message isn't about me, and it isn't about the mob, my father, or even my relationship with Cammy.
The message is about YOU.
God can be pretty creative, you know. You might have noticed some of His work. He can create an entire lifetime for a person for the sole purpose of using that life to deliver His message to one person. Or two. Or ten. Or maybe even a million.
The story of my life can be thought of as a parable, a story Jesus would tell when He wanted t
o simplify a message He was attempting to deliver to His disciples. The message in my parable is simple. It's not, "Read my lips" or "It's the economy, stupid." No, this message is all about your salvation. It's about where you will spend eternity. Nothing in your entire existence should matter more to you than the answer to that question.
Every human being, regardless of race, color, or religious belief (or the absence of the same), will one day die. The evidence to support that conclusion is as concrete as any cinder block the mob ever used. And what then?
Eternity! An ageless, endless, boundless FOREVER! This is not just a word created to describe something we humans cannot comprehend and, therefore, need not concern ourselves with. Eternity is a place we will all enter one day that is not limited by time as we now know it. You won't find an alarm clock, a wristwatch, or even Big Ben there. Still, it's the very last stop on the train. Take a moment or two, or even an hour, and let that sink in. But I caution you, don't take much longer than that, because none of us knows for sure when he will enter that final zone. The people who entered on September 11, 2001, certainly didn't know the timing of their departure.
Eternity! Jesus, Himself, tells us in John 5:28-29, "Do not be amazed by this, for a time is coming when all who are in the graves will hear his voice and come out-those who have done good will rise to live, and those who have done evil will rise to be condemned." He was saying that every man, woman, and child will have to face eternity-some with Him ("to live") and some without Him ("to be condemned"). It's real, people. As real as the bloodstained hands of a one-time Mafia prince!
Blood Covenant Page 36