by Lavinia Kent
She picked up the phone again and pushed Clay’s number before she could reconsider.
Please let him not answer.
Please let him not answer.
“Hello, Jordan. I was beginning to wonder if you were going to call me back.”
“Oh.”
“Is that all you have to say?”
“No.”
“Well, I’ve only just seen the Page Six article, although I heard about it last night. I understand why you’ve been slow to call me back, but you must realize that article is mostly nonsense.”
She swallowed. “It’s more than the article. There’s some stuff going on with Amelia. I’m just still feeling a bit worn out and it’s taking my brain some time to catch up.”
“I hope it wasn’t too upsetting for either you or Amelia. It really isn’t a big deal. The paparazzi take pictures at fundraisers. I’m sure it’s not the first time it’s happened to you. It’s probably not even the first time you’ve been caught kissing in a photograph. I know it wasn’t for me. I’ve been in dozens of stories like that. I’ll say it again, it’s not a big deal.”
Dozens? Now, wasn’t that what a woman wanted to hear? Her temper started to rise. She knew she wasn’t being quite reasonable herself, but it felt like he was completely dismissing her feelings, talking over her. She’d started out doing her best to be calm, not quite sure what they should do, but…She wished she could punch him through the phone. “Actually, it is my first time. And you’re being a bit of a dick.”
“Excuse me?”
“I’m being called a cradle-robbing, gold-digging, home-wrecking whore and you don’t think it’s a big deal. And the problems with Amelia weren’t about the article, but they could have been. I’m sure she’s not going to be happy about any of this.” Jordan knew she was overreacting; she really didn’t mean to, but he could have at least considered how she’d feel about those things being said. “I’ve had a good friend tell me that I need to put things on hold with my new charity until this all blows over, which could be today or could be a year from now. And I hate it when people talk about me. I’ve already told you that.”
She heard him let out a long breath. “Hey, I’ve done nothing wrong, so don’t take it out on me. It may not be completely nothing, but it’s not the end of the world. As you said, it will blow over—so let’s just get over it. I’m sorry if you think I’m being a dick, but I think you’re being a little dramatic here.”
He wasn’t even trying to actually understand her. She wanted to slam down the phone. Were Amelia’s hormones catching? “I guess it’s good that all this happened. It’s letting me see a different side of you.”
A long pause. Another drawn-out breath. “I’m sorry, Jordan. I meant to be reassuring but clearly you’re taking it wrong, misunderstanding me. But I truly believe in a couple of weeks nobody will be talking about this. We just need to weather the storm for a bit.”
“I’m not completely positive that I want to do that.”
Absolute silence. She wasn’t even sure that he was still there. Why wasn’t he saying something? This was when she needed reassurance, when she needed him to tell her why she should want to stick with him, that what they had mattered.
Finally: “What are you talking about?”
“I think we should take a break.” She hadn’t planned to say that, but it wasn’t a bad idea, give everything a bit of time to die down.
“You’re blowing this out of proportion. I understand how unpleasant the rumors are, but I think a better way for us to deal with this is to confront them, to let people know that we are a couple, to let them know that we met again recently and hit it off. We can do that while making it very clear that nothing happened when I was seventeen, not that I think anyone truly believes that. It was just Lydia being an ass.”
“Lydia? What does Lydia have to do with this?”
“Shit. I assumed you knew. Lydia fed the story to a friend who’s a reporter now. I think she was trying to get back at me. She got the photo of prom from her friend Carol. The photo on your balcony was simply bad luck. Someone had just sent it in.”
“So this all happened because of Lydia? Because she thought you cheated on her with me?”
“I’ve explained all that to you. I really didn’t do anything wrong. I was always up-front with her about where things stood between us.”
“I can’t believe that we’re arguing about her again.”
“I can’t either. I thought you understood what had happened.”
“That was before she started trying to ruin my life.”
“I’m sure that she’s considering me much more than you.”
“And you think that helps?”
Again quiet held for a long moment.
At last Clay spoke. “No, I know it doesn’t. I’m sorry if I implied that it did. I know this isn’t easy for you. And I’m sorry about whatever is happening with Amelia. I do, however, believe that what we need is to not overreact. If we just wait this will simply be a blip on the screen.”
“So you agree we should take a break?” she asked.
Silence.
She could almost feel his stare through the phone. “Is that really what you want?”
“I think it might be for the best.”
“But is it what you want?”
Now it was her turn to be silent.
“Jordan?”
“It does seem like it might be the easiest thing. It’s not as if we’ve been together for long. We can always try again in a month or two if things quiet down, sometime after Amelia’s wedding, when I have my life more settled. I’m sure that at the very least people will have stopped speculating if I slept with you when you were a teenager. I can’t believe that’s even an issue. God, I want to have Lydia fired. And yes, I know I can’t. That would do nothing but increase speculation.”
“Do you really think that not seeing me is going to change what they believe? I think the only way to deal with it is to confront the issue. Nobody who knows you would ever think you would cheat on a man you were married to. You’re far too honorable for that.”
“But they would think I would sleep with a teenager?”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it.” For the first time, his voice shimmered with anger. “The very idea is ridiculous.”
This was going nowhere. They were just arguing in circles. “Look, all that matters is I don’t want to keep seeing you right now. It’s not worth it.”
“So I’m not worth it.” His voice had grown very cold.
“If that’s how you want to take it, then, yes. You are not yet that important to me. It was just supposed to be sex between us and I can get that anywhere. I can get it from somebody more appropriate.”
Clay was quiet for a long minute. “I guess there’s nothing more to say, then.” His voice dripped with ice.
“I guess so.”
“Then I’ll say goodbye, Jordan. I do wish you well, but you’ve made a mistake.”
He disconnected, not giving her a chance to answer.
She stared at the phone. The pencil dropped to the counter. Coldness filled her. How had that happened? Yes, she thought that they should take a break for a while, but she certainly hadn’t meant forever. Somehow it had all just gotten away from her.
* * *
—
Well, that had not gone as he’d hoped. Clay leaned back in his chair, turning to look out over the city. Jordan wasn’t the first woman to say she didn’t want to see him anymore, but never before had it felt so final. She was right that they hadn’t been seeing each other for long, but he’d really felt they were building toward something special.
And now it was over.
And for such a stupid reason.
He was angry.
Hell, he’d known from the star
t that sex was one of the main drivers between them, but if it was simply sex he would not be feeling empty. He let his anger build again, anger was better than despair.
For a moment, he wanted to pick up the phone and call her back, to insist she listen. Things were good between them and only getting better. He’d been in enough relationships to know that he didn’t always want more, but this time he certainly did. There must be some way that they could keep seeing each other, keep getting to know each other. Maybe he could convince her that they could be even more discreet, that they could fly off to meet someplace far away from anybody they knew.
But maybe it was all an excuse. If she’d wanted to keep seeing him, she could have worked for it, too. She simply hadn’t wanted it enough, wanted him enough.
He was a man and a man had his pride.
He wanted to curse, but instead he stood and pulled on his jacket. It was time to head home.
Alone.
Chapter 22
“Alex wants me to come home,” Amelia said as she strolled in the room and poured herself a cup of coffee. A happy smiled played about her lips.
This was definitely not the moment to talk about Clay. Not that there was any reason to talk about him now that…“Does she know there’s a problem beyond wedding stress?” Jordan bustled around the kitchen, trying to distract herself, trying to concentrate on Amelia. She took the dishes from the drying rack and began putting them away. She almost never ran the dishwasher unless she had several guests.
Amelia turned to look at Jordan. “No, I don’t think she does.”
Jordan placed a plate in the stack, and turned. “So you haven’t told her about the baby?”
A sheepish “No.”
“Amelia…”
“I know. But I was thinking that maybe I could get her to come up here, that we could spend a day away from all our troubles and then I could take her for a long walk on the beach and tell her. Things are always easier to say when I’m walking on the beach.”
That was true. “And you’ll really tell her, you won’t chicken out?”
“Yes, I’ll definitely tell her. That way, if she decides that she isn’t sure about the baby I can just stay here.”
Ah, yes, nothing like inviting yourself to a prolonged stay—not that she’d mind. After what had just happened with Clay, Jordan would be delighted if Amelia decided to stay forever, if she could just think about Amelia’s problems instead of her own. Well, that wasn’t strictly true. But the most important thing was that Amelia be happy, and she never would be, hiding out here in Forbidden Cove. “You know you’re always welcome, but I don’t think that will happen. I think you’ve been worrying for nothing.”
Amelia’s face dropped to her mug. “I know. I’m just scared. I don’t know what I’ll do if she doesn’t want the baby. I don’t think I can handle things on my own.”
Jordan walked over to her. “Do you know, after your father died I wasn’t sure I could picture you taking over everything. I knew you’d managed a lot of it when he was sick, but the thought of you taking over the company was hard to imagine. And then I saw you walk into your first meeting. You wore a simple pair of slim black pants and a fabulously tailored blue shirt. I mention what you wore not because it should be important, but because it showed how confident you were. You looked completely professional, but you didn’t feel the need to hide behind a power suit. You looked the same as you look every day, but the way you held yourself changed. You knew you were in control and it showed, even the old gray-hairs recognized that you’d come into your own. If you could do that, then you can do this, not that I think you’re going to have to.” She laid a hand on Amelia’s shoulder and Amelia bent her head toward it.
“I know. I was terrified then and I managed.”
“You sure didn’t look terrified.”
“I’m good at hiding it. I did have Alex, however. I always knew I could do anything when she was with me. I always knew she believed in me.”
“That’s a great feeling.” And wasn’t that what she’d been starting to feel with Clay, that he made her better, stronger. Don’t think about that. Don’t think about that. “And once you tell Alex everything, I’m sure she’ll understand.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“I’m sure I am.” At least she sure hoped she was. “I think you should go and call Alex back and have her come here now. But there’s something I need to tell you first.” It might not be the best time, but when would there be a better one? When Alex was here and they were all excited about the baby? No, it was better to bring it up now.
“What?”
She could do this. It might not really matter now that things were ended with Clay, but it was only fair that Amelia know. If there were going to be rumors about her and Clay, then she didn’t want Amelia to be blindsided. “There’s this article that came out that—”
“Oh, the Page Six one? I couldn’t believe anyone would bother to write such garbage. I would have mentioned it last night if I hadn’t been so distressed about the baby.”
“You know?” She’d been so worried and Amelia already knew—and clearly didn’t think it was important at all.
“Cindy Knorr—do you remember her?—texted me yesterday when I was on the road. I didn’t see it until later. She was laughing at the picture of me and Clay, couldn’t believe I’d ever worn my hair like that or I’d ever dated a boy.”
“Oh.”
“It all seemed so ridiculous. I mean, I know you were talking about Clay, but I just can’t see the two of you really getting together. Although, it did remind me that when we broke up I accused him of having the hots for you, but I think now it was my own insecurities about my sexuality. I had a hard time believing anyone would ever find me attractive.”
“That’s ridiculous. You were so beautiful.”
“I don’t know about that, but I realize now that no teenage girl ever sees herself as pretty. It all seems so silly now.”
“It is an age filled with insecurities.” Insecurities she’d never quite outgrown, not about her looks, but about her education and personal worth. “And what would you do if I told that I had gotten together with Clay?”
“You hooked up?” Amelia put down her coffee and stared at her. “I guess I should have realized. I mean, I did recognize that photo of you leaning on him was taken on your balcony, but holy shit. You hooked up with Clay? You cougar.”
For some reason, when Amelia said the word it didn’t bother her. “You don’t sound upset.”
“Why would I be upset? I told you before that I wouldn’t be. I mean, yes, he could have handled breaking up with me better. You don’t break up with a girl right after prom without a word of explanation. I was so convinced I’d done something wrong and he wouldn’t even talk about it. He just said it was over and that was it. To be fair to him, I don’t think he really understood how women think, but he was just a kid, we both were. Still, he was a good guy. And let’s face it, he’s hot and always has been.”
“But he’s so much younger.”
“So? Go you. Why shouldn’t you hook up with a hot young guy?”
Well, that felt good, even if it didn’t matter anymore. “I guess. I think it’s just hard to be the older woman.”
“Nonsense. Don’t let society dictate what makes you happy. You helped teach me that when you were so understanding when I came out. Don’t think I don’t know that you helped with Dad. He would never have known how to react if you hadn’t been there to show him.”
“Well, it doesn’t really matter anyway. I told Clay I didn’t think we should see each other for a while, and he did not take it well.”
“He always did have an ego. But I hope you didn’t break up over a stupid gossip column.”
“Not really. And we weren’t really quite together.”
“But you wanted
to be?”
“I didn’t say that…”
“And I dropped on your doorstep with all my problems. Sorry. I should have actually talked to you before thinking I could just show up.”
“You can always just show up. And you had nothing to do with what happened between Clay and me. It simply wasn’t meant to be.”
“I don’t know. I can’t help feeling guilty. Maybe the two of you belong together, not that I’d know anything after all these years. Still, if you want him…”
“Well, it doesn’t matter now. It’s done. I may have been overreacting, but I didn’t like the way he responded. And he certainly didn’t fight to keep us together, didn’t say that it was anything more than sex.”
“All right, I’m not going to press, but think about it. I’m sure that if you talked to him you could persuade him to give you another chance. I remember just how persuasive you can be when you want.”
Really? She’d never felt that way, but she wasn’t about to argue further. “Don’t worry about my problems. Go upstairs. Call Alex again and get her to come here if that’s what you want.”
“I’ll phone her, but do think about Clay. Don’t let stupid gossip change what you want. I know you didn’t actually say you want to keep seeing him, but you looked really happy in the picture with him on your balcony. I know pictures can be misleading, but…”
“Well…”
“You don’t want me to worry. It can’t be good for the baby.” Amelia laid a hand on her belly.
“That’s playing dirty.”
“And don’t I know it. Just think about it.”
* * *
—
Four hours later Amelia was gone and Jordan was once again on her own. Alex had shown up almost faster than was physically possible. The walk on the beach had been long and they’d both returned physically glowing—and not just from wind-burnished cheeks.
Amelia explained that Alex had thought she was saying what would make Amelia happy, that she had thought the stress of trying to get pregnant, and failing, was more worry than either of them needed. It wasn’t the baby she’d wanted to put off, it was the stress of trying.