by Sarah Dessen
‘You knew he probably wouldn’t show,’ he was saying to Adam, who was busy turning dogs over the flame. ‘He’s been antisocial ever since it happened.’
‘It’s been over a year now, though,’ Adam said. ‘He’s got to start hanging out again sometime.’
‘Maybe he is hanging out,’ Maggie said. ‘Just not with you.’
‘Meaning what?’ Wallace asked. I stepped back behind the open door, waiting for Maggie to respond, but she didn’t. ‘Belissa? I can assure you, that is not happening.’
‘No kidding. They’ve been broken up for months, idiot,’ Jake said.
‘Yeah, but she’s still been hung up on him,’ Wallace replied. ‘But then tonight, she came by the shop to tell him she’s got a new boyfriend. Some guy from the U, down for the summer working at the Cadillac tending bar. Said she wanted to tell him in person, so he didn’t find out from someone else.’
There was a short silence. Then Leah said, ‘And how do you know this, exactly?’
‘I might have been just inside the door, checking the air on the display bikes.’
Someone snorted. Adam said, ‘You are the worst gossip, Wallace. Worse than a girl.’
‘Hey!’ Esther said.
‘Sorry. Just an expression,’ Adam told her. ‘Seriously, though, Maggie might be right. Maybe he does have something going on, somewhere else. When I invited him tonight, he said he’d try to make it, but he already had plans with someone to run some errands.’
‘Errands?’ Leah said. ‘Who runs errands at night?’
‘It didn’t make sense to me either,’ Adam told her. ‘But that’s what he said.’
I looked around the kitchen, then walked over to a nearby drawer, pulling it open, then the one beneath it. In the third, I found what I was looking for: the Colby phone book. It was such a small town, only one Laundromat was listed.
‘The Washroom, Clyde speaking.’
I glanced outside again, then stepped closer to the fridge. ‘Hey, Clyde. It’s Auden. Is Eli there?’
‘You bet. Hang on.’
There was a bit of interference, and a short exchange, as the receiver was handed over. Then Eli said, ‘You are missing out on some serious apple crumble right now.’
‘I got dragged to a hot-dog party,’ I said.
A pause. ‘Really.’
‘Yeah.’ I turned around, shutting the phone book. ‘Apparently, they are a very important rite of passage. So I figured I should check it out, for my quest and all.’
‘Right,’ he said.
For a moment, neither of us said anything, and I realized that it was the first time in a long while that I’d felt nervous or uncomfortable around Eli. All those crazy nights, doing so many crazy things. And yet this, a simple phone conversation, was hard.
‘So let me guess,’ he said. ‘Right about now, Adam’s probably still cooking hot dogs, even though no one wants any more.’
I glanced outside. Sure enough, Adam was at the grill, opening up another pack. ‘Um,’ I said. ‘Yeah, actually.’
‘Leah and Esther are probably starting to argue about leaving.’
Another look proved that yes, they did look like they were having a somewhat spirited conversation. Leah, at least, was gesturing pretty widely. ‘They are. But how did you –’
‘And my brother,’ he continued, ‘having arrived talking big about throwing down and scoring with women, is most likely drunk and dozing off somewhere. Alone.’
I peeked back at Jake. His eyes were definitely closed. ‘You know,’ I said, ‘with all the time we spent together, you could have mentioned you were a psychic.’
‘I’m not,’ he said. ‘You need a ride?’
‘I do,’ I replied, without even hesitating.
‘Be there in ten.’
Seventeen minutes later, and I was out on the deck with everyone else, watching Leah and Maggie argue.
‘The deal was,’ Leah was saying, her voice slightly slurred, ‘that I would come as long as we could leave at some point and do something else.’
‘It’s past midnight!’ Maggie replied. ‘It’s too late to go anywhere.’
‘Which was exactly your plan. Get me here, get me drunk –’
‘You got yourself drunk,’ Adam pointed out.
‘– and get me stuck. Same as always,’ Leah finished. ‘What happened to our big, fun summer before college? The one that was supposed to be full of new experiences and great memories we’d take with us for when we were apart? It was supposed to be… to be…’
She trailed off, clearly grasping for words. I said, ‘The best of times.’
‘That’s right!’ She snapped her fingers. ‘The best of times! What happened to the best of times?’
Everyone fell completely silent, I assumed because they were all contemplating this question. Then I realized it was because Eli had appeared behind me in the open kitchen door.
‘Don’t ask me,’ he said. We were all staring at him. ‘I just came for the hot dogs.’
‘Hot dogs!’ Adam burst out excitedly. ‘We’ve got hot dogs! Tons of hot dogs! Here! Have one!’
He grabbed a bun, stuffing a dog into it, and thrust it out toward him. Eli raised his eyebrows, then took it. ‘Thanks.’
‘No problem!’ Adam said. ‘Lots more where that came from, too. Plus there’s chips, and baked beans, and –’
‘Adam,’ Wallace said, his voice low. ‘Chill out.’
‘Right,’ Adam replied just as loudly. Then, in a somewhat more subdued tone, he added, ‘We have Popsicles, too.’
Everyone looked at Eli again. It was so awkward and tense, you would have thought we were at a wake, not a cookout. Then again, maybe we kind of were.
‘So, Eli,’ Maggie said after a moment, ‘how’s it going with the shop? Come up with a name yet?’
Eli glanced at her, then down at his hot dog. ‘It’s still in the discussion phase.’
‘Personally,’ Adam said, ‘I like The Chain Gang.’
‘That makes us sound like a singing group,’ Wallace told him.
‘A bad singing group,’ Leah added.
‘It’s better than Pump Cycles.’
‘What’s wrong with Pump Cycles?’ Wallace asked. ‘That’s a great name.’
‘It sounds menstrual,’ Adam told him. Esther swatted at his arm. ‘What? It does.’
‘I think,’ Jake said, surprising everyone, as we’d assumed he was fast asleep, ‘that we need a name with edge. Something dark, kind of dangerous.’
‘Like?’ Eli said.
‘Like,’ Jake went on, eyes still closed, ‘Barbed Wire Bikes. Or Flatline Bikes.’
Adam rolled his eyes. ‘You can’t call a tourist bike shop Flatline Bikes.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because people on vacation want to think about happy, relaxing things. When they rent a bike, they don’t want to think about dying in some accident.’
I could tell, by Adam’s face as he said this – relaxed, opinionated – followed by just after – shocked, then ashamed – that he’d had absolutely no idea what was going to come out of his mouth until it was too late. And now it was.
Another silence fell. Adam’s face was flushed, and I watched Maggie and Esther exchange a desperate kind of look. Beside me, Eli just stood there, the awkwardness tangible, something solid you could feel. All I could think was that it was my fault he was there, that any and all of this was happening. But I had no idea what to do about it until I saw the pot of baked beans on the table next to me.
It was a split-second decision, the kind you hear about people making in the most dangerous or serious of situations. This was really neither, but I still was not thinking, just doing, as I reached my hand into the beans, scooping out a big gob with my fingers. Then, before I could reconsider, I turned and launched it right at Eli.
The beans hit him square in the forehead, then splattered back into his hair, a few falling to hit the deck at his feet. I could hear the inhaled breath of everyon
e else on the deck, indicating their absolute shock, watching this. But I kept my eyes on Eli, who blinked, then reached up, wiping some beans from the tip of his nose.
‘Oh, man,’ he said to me. ‘It’s so on.’
And just like that, he was reaching across me, lightning quick, and grabbing the pot of beans. One smooth movement – too fast to even think, much less stop him – and he’d overturned it on my head. I felt heat on my hair, something slimy trickling down into my eyes, even as I grabbed for a discarded plate nearby, launching the half-eaten hot dog back at him.
‘What the hell…’ I heard Leah say, but the rest of the sentence was lost as Eli pelted me with buns from the bag he’d grabbed off the kitchen counter. I ducked my head – still covered with beans – and ran across the deck, picking up along the way a bag of Cheetos for ammo.
‘Wait!’ Adam yelled. ‘That’s my breakfast for the week!’
‘Oh, lighten up,’ Maggie said, picking up a handful of coleslaw from her plate and tossing it at him. When Leah gasped, she threw another fistful at her.
Leah’s jaw dropped. She looked down at her shirt, then up at Maggie. ‘Oh, boy,’ she said, picking up a beer can and shaking it, hard, before popping the top, ‘you better run.’
Maggie squealed, taking off down the stairs with Leah behind her, the beer already fizzing over. Meanwhile Adam and Wallace were now exchanging rapid fire with the leftover nuts while Esther, arms over her head, ducked behind Jake, who was asleep with a sprinkling of coleslaw over his face. All of this I noticed before running back into the house while trying to simultaneously dodge the Popsicle pieces Eli was tossing at me and chucking potato chips back at him behind me. I was so busy defending myself and keeping up my offensive that I didn’t realize he had me trapped in the kitchen until it was too late.
‘Wait,’ I said, gasping for breath as I leaned against the fridge. I held up my hands. ‘Time-out.’
‘There’s no time-outs in food fights,’ Eli informed me, throwing another slushy piece at me. It hit my shoulder, knocking off some beans.
‘Then how do they end?’
‘Whoever runs out of food first has to formally surrender,’ he said.
I looked at my hands, covered with bean residue and pieces of chips, but basically empty. ‘I’m not good at surrendering.’
‘No one is,’ he said. ‘But sometimes, you lose. Nothing you can do but admit it.’
We were both so filthy, standing there, beans in our hair, food all over our clothes. It was the last moment you’d think would mean anything, and yet somehow, it did. Like only in all this chaos could it finally feel right to say the one thing I’d wanted to, all along.
‘I’m really sorry about your friend,’ I told him.
Eli nodded slowly. He kept his eyes right on me, not wavering a bit, as he said, ‘Thanks.’
Outside, I could hear someone still shrieking, other battles going on. But in the bright light of the kitchen, it was just us. The way it had been those other nights, yet suddenly something felt different. Not like we’d changed so much as that we could. And might.
I was looking right at Eli, thinking this, and he was staring right back at me, and it was suddenly so easy to imagine myself reaching my hand forward to brush his hair from his face. It was all there: how his skin would feel against my fingertips, the strands against my palm, his hands rising up to my waist. Like it was already happening, and then, suddenly, I heard the door bang behind me.
‘Hey,’ Adam called out, and I turned to see him holding up the camera again, the lens pointing right at us. ‘Smile!’
As the shutter snapped, I knew it was likely I’d never see this picture. But even if I did, it wouldn’t come close to capturing everything I was feeling right then. If I ever did get a copy, I already had the perfect place for it: a blue frame, a few words etched beneath. The best of times.
Chapter
TEN
‘Boot cut or boyfriend fit?’
There was a pause. Then, ‘Which do you think looks better?’
‘You know, it’s not an either/or kind of thing. It’s more about how you want your butt to look.’
I sighed, then put the deposit book into the safe and pushed the door shut with my foot. Another day, another opportunity to hear Maggie go on about the gospel of denim. I liked her and all – surprising as that was – but I still had trouble stomaching the seriously girly stuff. Like this.
‘See?’ I heard her say a moment later as the customer emerged again from the fitting room. ‘The boot gives you that nice flow from thigh to ankle. The upturn at the cuff draws your eye right to it, rather than other areas.’
‘Other areas,’ the woman grumbled, ‘are my problem.’
‘Mine, too.’ Maggie sighed. ‘But the boyfriend fit has its strengths also. So you should try them and we’ll compare.’
The woman said something, although I couldn’t hear her over the front door chiming. A moment later, Esther came into the office. She had on army pants and a black tank top, and her expression was grave as she flopped into the chair behind me without comment.
‘Hey,’ I said to her. ‘Are you –’
Maggie suddenly appeared in the open door, eyes wide, her phone in one hand. She glanced at it, then at Esther. ‘I just got your text! Is this for real? Hildy is… dead?’
Esther nodded, still silent.
‘I can’t believe it.’ Maggie shook her head. ‘But she was, like, one of us. I mean, after all this time…’
I opened my mouth to say something, offer some kind of condolence. But before I could, Esther finally spoke. ‘I know,’ she said, her voice tight. ‘She was a great car.’
Outside, the fitting-room door swung open again. ‘Car?’ I asked.
They both looked at me. ‘The best Jetta ever,’ Maggie said. ‘Hildy was our sole source of transportation in high school. She was one of the girls.’
‘Such a trooper,’ Esther agreed. ‘I bought her for three thousand bucks with eighty thousand miles on her, and she never let us down.’
‘Well,’ Maggie said, ‘I wouldn’t say that. What about that time on the interstate, on the way to the World of Waffles?’
Esther shot her a look. ‘Are you really going to bring that up? Now? At this moment?’
‘Sorry,’ Maggie said. Outside, the fitting room door swung open again. ‘Oh, crap. Hold on.’
She disappeared back down the hallway. A moment later, I heard the customer say, ‘I just don’t know about these. Now I feel like my ankles are huge.’
‘That’s just because you’re used to the flare,’ Maggie assured her. ‘But look at how good your thighs look!’
Esther tipped her head back, looking at the ceiling. I said, ‘So what now? You’re walking?’
‘Not an option,’ she said. ‘I leave for school soon, and I have to take a car with me. I’ve got some money saved, but not nearly enough.’
‘You could take out a loan.’
‘And be in more debt?’ She sighed. ‘I’m already going to be paying college off until I’m dead.’
‘I don’t know,’ I heard the customer say outside. ‘Neither have really looked right so far.’
‘That’s because finding the perfect jeans is a process,’ Maggie replied. ‘I told you, you have to find the ones that speak to you.’
I rolled my eyes again, picking up my pen and going back to my balance sheet. A moment later, I heard the customer go back into the fitting room, and Maggie reappeared in the office.
‘Okay, so let’s talk options,’ she said to Esther, who was still staring at the ceiling. ‘What about a loan?’
‘I’m already going to be paying off college until I’m dead,’ she repeated, her voice flat. ‘I guess I’ll just have to cash the savings bonds my grandparents gave me.’
‘Oh, Esther! I don’t know if that’s a good idea.’
I knew this really didn’t concern me, but I felt bad for Esther. So I figured someone should jump in to clarify. ‘She doe
sn’t want to be in more debt,’ I explained to Maggie, wishing there was a way to draw a parallel between this and jeans, somehow. ‘If she takes out a loan, she’ll owe more.’
Outside, the fitting room door banged open again. ‘I don’t know about these…’ I heard the customer say. ‘Are my legs supposed to look like sausages?’
‘No,’ Maggie called down to her, shaking her head. ‘Try the other boot cuts, the ones with the embellished pockets, okay?’
The door shut. Esther sighed. I said to Maggie, ‘More money borrowed is more money owed. It’s basic.’
‘True,’ Maggie agreed. ‘But a car is a consumable item, not an asset. Esther’s not investing the money she puts into it, because it will automatically begin to depreciate. So while it’s tempting to liquidate her savings, and cash in the bonds, the better bet is probably to take advantage of the rate you can get from the local credit union on a loan.’
‘You think?’ Esther asked.
‘Absolutely. I mean,’ she continued, ‘what is the rate right now, like, 5.99 percent or something? So you do that, and keep your bonds in savings where they retain their full market value. It’s a more cost-effective use of the money.’
I just looked at her. Who was this girl?
‘What about these?’ the customer called out.
Maggie glanced down the hallway, her face breaking into a big smile. ‘Oh, man,’ she said, clapping her hands. ‘What do you think?’
‘I think,’ the woman said, ‘that they’re speaking to me.’
Maggie laughed, and as I watched her head back down to the fitting rooms, I sat there, trying to process what I’d just seen. It wasn’t easy. In fact, later that night, when she came in before locking up, I was still thinking about it.
‘That financial stuff,’ I said to her as she slid the cash drawer onto the desk. ‘How did you know all that?’
She glanced up at me. ‘Oh, mostly from my riding days. My mom wasn’t exactly supportive of it as a hobby, so I had to finance my bikes and equipment and stuff.’