I open the front door before he can reach it, leaning against the jamb as I watch him close the distance from my driveway to the porch.
“Hey,” I greet, holding my hand up in an awkward-as-fuck wave. I mentally smack myself in the forehead for being so nervous and stupid.
“Hey, yourself,” he greets, stopping just inches in front of me. All that separates us is the threshold of my front door. “Can I come inside, or are we talking out here?” he asks, motioning to the two chairs on my porch.
“Sorry,” I say, stepping aside and letting him in.
My front door leads right into the living room, so I head for the chair I have, leaving the couch open for Lee to take a seat on.
“Everything okay?” he asks after taking a seat.
I wring my hands, realizing that I probably look like a lunatic right about now.
“I can’t do this,” I spit out, almost tripping over my own words.
I can tell I’ve caught him by complete surprise when his eyebrows just about disappear into his hairline.
“Do this…what?” he asks for clarification.
“This…us,” I try and clarify, pointing between the two of us. “I thought I’d be okay with the casual, friends with benefits thing, but I’ve realized that I’m not. I want more. I want the commitment. I want a real relationship. I want to know you’re not out fucking some random woman you meet at the bar.”
“I can’t offer you more, Allison. That’s just not who I am,” he states matter-of-factly. He’s so strong in his conviction, almost as if he’s had to give this speech a time or two before.
“I disagree. You’re an amazing man, Lee. You don’t give yourself enough credit. Even though we’ve known each other most of our lives, I’d like to think that I’ve gotten to know you even better these last few months, and I think you’re a great guy. You have so much love to give and a hell of a lot to receive; you just have to let it happen.”
“That’s just not me,” he states again as he stands from where he sits across from me. “I’m sorry, Allison. I’m going to go before I say or do something to hurt you more. I’m sorry what I could offer wasn’t enough. I hope you find what you’re looking for,” he says before heading out the door. He pauses long enough to pull the door shut behind him. Our eyes lock for a second as he looks over his shoulder just before it latches closed.
I don’t hold back my tears as I sink against the chair. I let it all out, crying until I didn’t think I could cry another drop. I finally force myself up, stopping in my kitchen to pour a glass of wine, the middle of the afternoon be damned. One glass will not cut it tonight, so I bring the entire bottle with me as I head for my bathroom and turn on the hot water to fill up my jacuzzi tub. I light a couple of candles, placing them around my bathroom to give a soft glow of light. I set my wine glass down on the bath tray before I toss in a bath bomb and then go snag my Kindle from my nightstand before I strip and slip into the hot water.
I sink into the water up to my chin, allowing the heat to relax my tense muscles. My head lulls back on the bath pillow—another gift from Lindsay—and I enjoy the swirling water as the jets keep things moving and hot.
I reach for my glass of wine, gulping down half of it before returning it to the tray. My cell buzzes against the wood of the tray, and I almost want to ignore it. I don’t think I can stomach talking to Lee right now. I don’t really care what he has to say to me; my heart is battered. Just in case it is someone or something important, I flip my phone over and see a text from Lindsay.
Linds: Hey! How are you holding up? Lee showed up here a little bit ago, and Tucker’s been outside with him since. Didn’t appear to be in a good mood.
Allison: I’m not. I’ve cried myself out of tears and am currently soaking away my misery both in the bath and with a bottle of wine.
Linds: Oh, babe. Want me to come over? We can have a sleepover. Watch trashy movies and eat our weight in take out and candy. I can even stop and get some ice cream or canned cinnamon rolls. I know they’re your favorite.
Allison: I don’t want to ruin your night. I’ll be fine.
Linds: We didn’t have anything important going on, just an evening at home. And even if we did have plans, you know I’d drop anything at any time to come to your aide. You’re my ride-or-die, sister from another mister. You’re stuck with me for life, woman.
Lindsay really is the best friend anyone could have. I smile at her text. They don’t come any better than she is. You’ll never find anyone more loyal, trustworthy, loving, basically the perfect person ever.
Allison: I mean, I won’t lock you out if you showed up, but I’d also feel guilty asking you to come.
Linds: Give me an hour, and I’ll be there. What flavor of ice cream do you want tonight, and what kind of candy?
Allison: Anything sweet and salty. You’re the best.
Linds: I know you’d do the same for me in a heartbeat. Now, let me go break it to Tucker that I’m leaving for the night. I’ll put together an overnight bag and then stop at the store before heading over. You enjoy that bath and wine. That reminds me, how's the wine supply?
Allison: I’ve got one unopened bottle in the fridge.
Linds:
I turn on some music before I set my phone back down, then get comfortable once again with my head on the pillow and my eyes shut. I sit this way for a long time, well past the pruned stage of relaxing in the water. Not wanting to still be in the bath when Lindsay arrives, I finally pull the plug on the water and push out of the tub. Once enough has drained out, I flip the shower on and rinse off before I get out and towel dry my now relaxed body. I slip on some lounge pants and a baggy sweatshirt. If we are having an old-fashioned sleepover with junk food and movies, I might as well be in my comfortable clothes.
“I’ve come bearing gifts!” Lindsay says as she pushes through my front door, each of her hands loaded down with at least two bags, with her overnight bag slung over a shoulder.
“Did you buy out the entire store?” I ask.
“Just the break-up slash heartbreak recovery items. Chocolate, ice cream, wine, and some grocery store Chinese.”
“Sounds like the perfect kit,” I say, taking two of the bags from her hands. I help unpack the items, putting what needs to be in the freezer or fridge away. I grab two plates, setting them on the counter so we can each make one from the take-out containers. “So, how much does Tucker hate me?” I ask, dumping some Mongolian Beef on my plate.
“He doesn’t hate you one bit,” Lindsay says as she dishes up some lo mein on her own plate. “He was actually giving Lee a piece of his mind when I stuck my head out at one point. I think he’s on your side of all this,” she says, pointing at me with her fork.
“Really?” I ask, a little shocked at that news.
“Yep. They’ve been best friends their entire lives like we have, and Tucker has mentioned he wishes Lee would settle down a few times. Tucker did say that he thought things were changing in Lee’s mind since the two of you have been spending so much time together lately. He said he’s never really done that with anyone else, so he thought Lee had turned a new leaf, so to speak. Maybe your little talk will be the wake-up call that he needs.”
“I don’t know, Linds. He was just so stonewalled. Said he couldn’t give me any more and got up and walked out. I thought for a split second that he might turn around when our eyes met as he was reaching back to shut the door, but he didn’t. He just continued on. Left without another look back.”
“I’m sorry, Allison. He’s a dummy. Want me to punch him in the balls the next time I see him?” she asks, humor lacing her question.
“As nice as that sounds, no. I wish him no ill will. I just wish he’d realize how much potential we could have together. Everything was just so easy and carefree between the two of us. Hell, the last time we were together, he begged me to stay the night just so he could hold me. You don’t just cuddle with a fuck bud
dy all night.”
“I’m sure he’s just scared. He’s never had a serious relationship, and that’s a lot of avoiding commitment being engrained into his brain for the last ten-plus years.”
“I guess you’re right with that assessment. I hadn’t looked at things like that,” I tell her as I take one last bite of my food. I’m already so stuffed, and we’ve only touched the Chinese food. I don’t know how we used to eat so much crap when we were kids and having sleepovers like this every week.”
“Ready for our first chick-flick?” Lindsay asks once we’ve finished up our dinner round. I place our dishes in the dishwasher before we take our glasses of wine to the living room. I pull out a couple blankets and extra pillows, and we both get comfortable on the couch before I turn on Netflix and we find a movie to take us away.
I look over, halfway through the movie, catching Lindsay texting on her phone. The slight smile on her lips is like a double-edged sword. One edge I’m extremely happy for her. She’s found an amazing man in Tucker, but on the other, I’m a tad bit jealous of what she’s found. I want that. I want to have a permanent smile etched on my face because I know I’ve got someone waiting for me at home. “Tell him you’re mine tonight. He’ll get you back tomorrow. Don’t make me pull out the custody agreement,” I say jokingly. Tucker and I have a running joke that we’ve got split custody of Lindsay now that they’re together. With their conflicting work schedules, they have to take advantage of the days and nights they are off at the same time. It was why I was so hesitant to ask her to come over tonight. I didn’t want to take one of their nights off together from them.
“He’s fine. He pulled out the Jack Daniels and is working on getting Lee drunk. So, it sounds like they’re having their own version of a pity party,” she says, smirking as she puts her phone back down. We both get pulled back into the movie, our attention not breaking until the credits start rolling up the screen.
“Another movie or something else?”
“I’m good with whatever. This is your pity party, so you tell me what you want to do,” Lindsay tells me.
“Feel up to a game?” I ask, not really wanting to watch another movie.
“Sure, Rummy?” she asks.
“Yeah, I haven’t played in months,” I say, standing to go find a deck of cards. We move to the table, pulling out some snacks to munch while we play cards and BS the time away.
Morning comes, and I just roll back over. I don’t have anywhere to be today, so I attempt to fall back to sleep, but it fails me. I pull my Kindle out and get lost in the story I’m currently in the middle of for the next hour or so until Lindsay wakes up. Like all our childhood years, we crashed together in my bed. She’s the sister I never had.
“How are you feeling this morning?” she asks sleepily.
“Eh, I’ll be fine. I don’t feel like bawling right now, so I take that as a plus.”
“Has he tried to contact you since leaving here yesterday?” Lindsay asks.
“Nope, not that I would have responded if he did. I almost ignored your text yesterday, thinking it might have been him.”
“I wouldn’t have let you ignore me,” she says, stretching her hands up high above her head. Her phone starts going off on the nightstand on her side of the bed.
“You’re being summoned,” I say as I chuckle. I swear Tucker can’t go a few hours without Lindsay next to him. He’s fallen, and fallen fast for my best friend.
15
LEE
Fuck…
I groan as the light from the windows shines brightly in my eyes. I’m definitely not in my room or bed. The lack of black-out curtains and the sun streaming in is the first indication of that. Tucker did his best friend duty and got me drunk last night. Drinking my problems away doesn’t usually work, and if the pounding headache I’m waking up with is any indication, it didn’t solve my issues last night, either, and has just created more.
My mouth is cotton dry; I’m in desperate need of some water and something for my pounding head. Top that off with something greasy to fill my stomach to soak up any of the leftover alcohol, and I might start feeling human again. I roll from the bed, my feet hitting the carpeted floor in Tucker's guest room. I look for my phone and find it plugged in on the nightstand, and next to it is a bottle of water and four ibuprofen. I’m not afraid to admit that I love him. He’s a damn good man and the best friend I could ever ask for. Has never cast judgment on my life’s choices, even the stupid ones that have gotten me in trouble over the years. I toss back the pills before emptying the bottle of water.
With a little bit of hydration in my body, I make it entirely out of bed and into the bathroom. A quick shower, and I’m already starting to feel slightly better. Now for some more water, maybe some coffee to help wake me up and food, and I’ll be like a new man.
I make my way out to the kitchen, my stomach and nose leading the way as if I didn’t know the layout of this house as well as I know that of my own. I find Tucker and Lindsay in the kitchen, she’s standing next to the stove, and Tucker’s got her pinned between him and the countertop. “Morning,” I call out so they know I’ve joined them.
“Morning,” Lindsay calls, looking over Tucker's shoulder at me. “How’s the hangover?” she asks, turning to flip something that is in the pan.
“Ugh,” I grunt, not yet ready to make sentences or use words.
“That good, huh?” She smirks. “That’ll teach you to let this man get you drunk. Did you drink anything besides shots of JD?” she asks.
“I don’t think so,” I tell her honestly, not really remembering much after the first half-dozen or so shots.
“Nope, I kept it to just the Jack Daniels. Didn’t need him puking all over the place because of some mixed liquors,” Tucker states.
Lindsay slides some eggs onto a plate, along with a few strips of bacon and sausage links, topping the plate off with a few slices of buttered toast, and then sets it all down in front of me.
“You are a godsend,” I tell her, picking up the fork and shoveling the hot food into my mouth.
“Hey, that was supposed to be my plate,” Tucker whines.
“Hush now, I’ll make you another one. Lee looked like he needed it more than you did,” Lindsay says to him before kissing him on the cheek.
“You didn’t poison this, did you?” I ask, stopping once the food is half gone.
“Nope, but I do have some strong words for you, but I’ll let you recuperate a little bit before I let you have it,” she states.
“Shit, son. You’re in deep shit, and I am here for it,” Tucker quips, fighting back his laughter.
“Hey now, I thought you were supposed to be my best friend.”
“I am, but it doesn’t mean I can’t sit back and laugh at your expense when you're getting your ass handed to you by my woman,” he states, sitting on a stool next to me. Lindsay sets down a second plate, filled just as full as mine, with all the same delicious-looking food.
She holds up a coffee pot and an empty cup, offering it to me. “Want a cup?”
“Yes, please.” She sets it down in front of me, filling it up to the very brim. I sip down a little bit of the hot liquid, feeling the caffeine hit my bloodstream almost instantly. I might have drunk an unknown amount of whiskey last night and woken up hungover as fuck, but I’m doing pretty good right about now.
“Okay, give it to me,” I instruct Lindsay once we’ve all finished our breakfast and the kitchen has been cleaned up, the dishes loaded into the dishwasher. I’m kicked back in Tucker’s recliner while the two of them are curled up together on the couch. I swear he has to be touching her at all times when they’re in the same room.
“I’ll keep this as short and sweet as I can and get it all out. Then I won’t rehash things with you unless you specifically ask me to,” she says, pausing to take a deep breath. “I understand you’re an adult and can make your own decisions, but I think you royally fucked up yesterday. Allison is one of the best people th
at you will ever meet, as you well know. She’s kind and loyal to a fault. I know it's your ‘thing’.” she says, using air quotes as she says that last word, “being a lifelong bachelor, but do you really think that will keep you happy for the rest of your life? Think of how much your parents enjoy having you and your siblings over for family events, and how excited your mom was when your sister got engaged, and now to have grandkids on the way. Thinking you can’t do all of that and be happy simultaneously is just garbage. You’re a good man, Lee. You deserve to find someone who loves you, all of you. All your quirks, all the good and the bad. We all deserve that. Since we were babies, Allison has been my best friend, and I want what’s best for her, so if that truly isn’t you, then so be it. But don’t run just because that is what you’ve always done. If you think you could make something of it with her, then give it a shot. I know she might be mad for me telling you this, but I haven’t seen her as happy as I did for the few months that the two of you were hooking up. She had lost that spark that makes Allison… well, Allison. You brought that back, and I hate that she might lose it again.”
I digest everything that Lindsay just word vomited all over me. I’ve known for a while Allison was special. Hell, I’ve probably known since I crushed on her back in middle school, but I never wanted to ruin the friendship we had.
“Isn’t it better for me to break things off now than to wait months or years down the road when I really break hearts?” I ask, my mind racing with what-ifs.
“Why focus on things ending? What if you give things a go, and you get fifty or sixty happy years together?”
I just shrug my shoulders in reply. She’s got me on that question. If I’m being totally honest with myself, I can see myself settling down with Allison. Doing the whole marriage and kids thing. But, that part of my brain that loves the bachelor life's freedom throws all the what-if scenarios my way.
Just A Kiss (Lyrics and Love Book 4) Page 7