by Jack Skeen
What did Jorge find that so many people seem to miss? There are hundreds of thousands of great men and women around the world who know the answer. Many of their names we will never know. Every night they are off to their second job in order to send their children to college. Every day after school they are tutoring those who need help. They are manning food kitchens, serving in the armed forces, running businesses, and raising crops but in ways that are unbelievably rich. They are happy and satisfied people. They have discovered the true meaning of life. They have mastered the Circle Blueprint.
The good news is that you are never finished drawing your Circle. It does not matter what it was yesterday or 15 minutes ago. You can change it at any time. You might not like how much you weigh and decide right now to put your body in your Circle. You might be bored in your work and decide to put your giftedness in your Circle. Your marriage might be languishing in mediocrity and you decide to put your love and passion in your Circle. You might choose to make a difference in your community. Or, you might simply choose to help a single person or animal in need. Every day you can change the impact and quality of your life. Every great person is simply an ordinary person who drew a Circle around something big. Every person who is thriving is doing so because he was able to become intentional about what was truly important to him by balancing his Circle. Your Circle not only changes the world around you but it profoundly changes you—the person who draws it. There is nothing to keep you from having a great life, and we mean that in every sense of the word.
Our intent is to help you understand the size, elements, and balance of your Circle. And, with appropriate understanding and balance to allow you to master your purpose in life and ultimately achieve personal greatness. While there are many common lessons, it is also true that we each have a unique path. What will be clear as you progress through the book is that you can expand and balance your own Circle to become your greatest self.
Balance is not only key to having a Circle that is not distorted, it is also the key to endurance. Your mechanic will tell you that if your car's tires are out of balance they will wear out sooner than they were designed to last. Similarly, if your life is out of balance in any way you will eventually show signs of wear and tear. One of your responsibilities in life is to understand, find, and maintain your balance.
Balance is different for each of us. Some people thrive working 60‐hour weeks. For others, that is simply too much. Some people need a lot of time by themselves to recharge their batteries, while some need hardly any. The important thing is to assess your personal balance in every key area of life.
The Circle Blueprint is your way to create a rich and amazing life. It is your opportunity to assess where you are and where you want to go. It is a plan for thoughtfully expanding your impact and the quality of your life.
But, there is more. Some people seem to be more effective at expanding their Circle than do others. In fact, many people seem to get stuck along the way and their lives hardly change at all. Perhaps you have had the experience of going back to where you grew up for a high school reunion and being startled by the group of people whose lives haven't seemed to have changed much from when you graduated. They still hang out with many of the same people from high school and do the same things you used to do so many years ago. It is almost as if their lives have stood still. How does this happen to people?
We encourage you to take ownership of your life Circle Blueprint. The difference between the wise and the foolish is amazingly simple. The wise put to use every good idea they encounter and learn from their own mistakes. Fools, on the other hand, quickly forget the good ideas they learn and go on unchanged, even repeating their own mistakes. We are asking you to be wise today. If you encounter any good ideas in this book, put them to use today. Take one step in the direction of making your life Circle Blueprint bigger or stronger. Then take another. We believe you can change the world by expanding your Circle, even if only a little. And, we know that if each of us commits to expanding his or her Circle each day, there is no end to the goodness we will create together.
Exercise
Complete the chart in Figure 4.2. Where do you need to make some changes? What would bring you into better balance?
Figure 4.2 Personal Balance
Since balance is different for everyone, this exercise may help you identify where your life is in and is out of balance. Look at each area listed in the chart. Feel free to add areas that we neglected to include or to disregard any we included that aren't relevant for you. Put a check in the box that best represents how you are investing your time. For example, if you are a person who needs a lot of time with friends to be fulfilled but you are spending so much time at work that you have no opportunity to be with your friends, you would put a check in the box at the extreme left of the chart for friendships. When you are finished, review where you need to work on bringing your life into better balance.
Chapter 5
Distress and Vision in Expanding Your Circle
In Figure 5.1 you will see that the first step in expanding your circle is having something matter for you; to have a vision, a passion, a drive. The things that matter to you, that you want to improve, develop, and achieve act like fuel that drives the process of growth and change. It is critical that you come to understand how things come to matter or fail to.
Figure 5.1 Steps in Expanding Your Circle
Why does one single mom decide to get a second job to put her kids through school while her friends don't seem to do anything to help their children? Why does one employee take work home so he can complete it on time while his buddies simply punched out and went to the bar? Why does Jorge take on feeding the day laborers while his friends don't?
We believe there are reasons the single mom works a second job, and although not entirely the same, reasons that an employee goes the extra mile and that Jorge shares what he has to help feed those with less. The motivation for each of these people to expand their Circle is that it was important to them. It was important enough to the mom to provide more opportunities for her children, to the worker to meet deadlines, to Jorge to feed others with what may be viewed as meager means. For those who do not expand their Circle not much is very important.
How do things become important enough to motivate you to expand your Circle? Everyone has resistance to change. It is part of human nature. We tend to think we have it pretty good and that change will make our lives worse. We tend to resist changing jobs, even if our job is boring. We tend to stay in bad relationships because we are fearful of what change might bring. We tend to persist in bad habits because it takes too much effort to give them up.
Resistance leads to a kind of myopia where our vision tends to narrow and limit our ability to see new opportunities in the world around us. We become accustomed to the status quo. We see only that which supports our current circumstance. Without seeing opportunities, our Circles don't grow.
The Two Levers
There are two levers that can open our eyes to see new opportunities. The first is distress. In many of the stories we have recounted, an ordinary person was moved by distress of some kind. It might be your own distress or that of someone—or something—else. Jorge was moved by the distress of the homeless and poor day laborers outside of the bar. You might be distressed when you step on the scale in the morning, or when you are laid off from your job, or when your relationship becomes so bad that something terrible happens.
It is unfortunate that so many of us depend on distress to overcome our resistance to change. It is only when the pain and destruction in our lives becomes too great to ignore any longer that we are willing to contemplate doing something different.
The second lever is vision. Vision is a much better lever to open our eyes because it doesn't require pain and suffering. When we catch a vision of who we could be or what we can do, it can become great enough to expand our Circle. It can make a change important enough to be put into your Circle. The mother working a secon
d job to send her kids to school has a vision of her children having more opportunity than did she. The worker who takes work home to make certain it is done right and on time has a vision of advancing her career.
Many people enjoy watching the Olympics because the games are filled with stories of young people whose lives have been shaped by vision. Many of them talk of having watched the games as little children and being mesmerized by the gold medalists. They were inspired to buy posters of those people and tape them to the ceiling of the bedroom. Every night they would dream of being good enough to earn a medal. That dream expanded their Circle. They gave up the lives of normal teenagers, spending all of their free time training and conditioning. Then, one day, it was their chance to shine. An ordinary child became a world class athlete because her vision had changed her Circle. Being the best in the world was important to her. And because she made it important, she became the best in the world! Imagine what expanding your Circle can do to your life!
First Steps
Distress and vision are not enough on their own. Change does not occur, nor does your Circle expand, unless you actually take a step in the direction of change. All of our stories have that one element in common. Each person did something. They took action. Until you take action your Circle remains unchanged. Many people have dreams of what they want their life to be, but they never do anything to make those dreams come true. We want you to dream a dream for your life and then make it happen.
This understanding of human change is described in the Change Formula, created by David Gleicher.
You Create a Vision of What Your Life Can Be
Vision. It reaches beyond the thing that is into the conception of what can be. Imagination gives you the picture. Vision gives you the impulse to make the picture your own.
—Robert Collier
One of the defining characteristics of every Circle Blueprint is a vision or dream of a preferred future. It is the desire to create something (a loving marriage, a healthy lifestyle, opportunities for your children, a stable income, shelter for the homeless) that determines your Circle.
So, what vision do you have for your life? What do you want to be that you aren't now? What do you want to have that you don't have currently? What do you want to do that you aren't doing? What do you want to change? What difference do you want to make? Big or small, any vision for your life that creates goodness, expresses kindness, shows care, or seeks to improve the welfare of others will begin expanding your Circle.
Everything starts with vision. Vision is a tremendously powerful force. It can create almost anything. In the last chapter, you made some notes about areas of your life that were out of balance. We encourage you to have a bigger vision, but as a first step, what about trying to bring your Circle into balance? You have identified areas out of balance—some form of distress—now, if your vision is to balance your Circle, what first steps can you take? We think you will find that this small step toward balance will help you toward the bigger vision for your life.
Chapter 6
Driving Your Circle Expansion: Brakes and Gas Pedals
The Law of Attraction*
There was a time when people didn't understand the law of gravity. That doesn't mean gravity didn't exist. Until Sir Isaac Newton named it, it simply operated beyond our understanding. The same is true of the law of attraction. The law of attraction posits that our thoughts have creative power. Your vision actually creates your life.
This is not a new idea. The field of medicine has understood the law of attraction for a very long time. When new medicines are tested for efficacy, they are given in combination with placebos. Placebos have no medicinal value of any kind. They are made up of benign substances like sugar or salt water. However, when people believe the placebo is actual medicine, many of them get better. Placebos almost always have some healing effect. Somehow, the belief that a substance will make you better creates that result.
Our thoughts shape our lives in ways much bigger than we know. You may know people who are always worried about getting sick and seem to be sick a lot. Do their thoughts somehow attract illness? Jesus stated, “I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart” (Mark 11:23). Was Jesus saying that there is amazing power in belief? Is it possible that you can create almost anything for your life if you can believe?
Brakes and Gas Pedals
If the law of attraction is real, why do so many people live such limited lives? Perhaps it is because we have such little faith. There are many things that limit our ability to believe. Among them are things like resentment, cynicism, skepticism, fear, and doubt. To the extent we are in the grip of such negative forces our ability to utilize the creative power of belief is stunted. These brakes limit our ability to harness the power of the law of attraction in order to build an amazing and powerful Circle for our lives.
The gas pedal is belief. When we cultivate simple belief, we expand our power to create in our lives and in the world around us. When we see the world as full of possibilities and ourselves as full of creative potential, we begin to harness the power of the law of attraction.
How likely is it that you will be a millionaire? For most people the answer is “quite unlikely, if not impossible.” You have no belief that you could ever make that much money. Your belief limits your ability to even see a new possibility. However, you know there are people who are making that kind of money. Until you can believe you have that potential, you have no ability to see the road that leads there. This is true not only for money but also for happiness, love, care for others, and anything else that might make our lives wonderful.
Creating a PhD, a Story of Belief
Ted's's first career was in trouble. He was 30 years old, married with two children. He was pastor of a small Presbyterian church he had founded on the East Coast. The church had grown from four families to about 200 people when the trouble started. A minor decision by the leadership ignited a conflict that embroiled the church in a horrible fight. Ted was completely undone. He had no ability to deal with such ugliness and anger. He felt trapped. His dream of being the pastor of that church for the rest of his life was shattered. What options did he have? He needed to support his family, but who wants to hire a minister who failed in his first assignment?
In the middle of the conflict he was sent to a five‐day retreat for ministers in southern California. He was reluctant to go. The last thing he thought he needed was introspection when he felt he was under siege. But, the retreat was amazing! It was run by psychologists who were skilled at helping the participants better understand their potential and roadblocks.
Ted was overwhelmed. Suddenly, he had the vision that he needed to become a psychologist. He thought that was a highly impractical dream. At the time, graduate school was extremely competitive and Ted had no credentials. Even worse, he had no money, and a young family to support. The obstacles were insurmountable, seemingly higher than a mountain.
Ted didn't care. That week when he was in California, he applied at the school that sponsored the retreat. They told him it was too late. Admissions would be closed in a week. He still didn't care. He found a place in California to take the necessary admissions examination. He completed all of the forms. He obtained all of the recommendations. And . . . Ted was turned down.
He didn't care. Ted found another school that accepted him that very year. But, he didn't have any money, the school was in Chicago, and Ted lived on the East Coast. What could he do? One of the leaders of the church one day offered Ted $1,500 a month because he believed in him. Ted rented his house and moved. A year later, he reapplied at the first school and was accepted. Ted's vision became a reality! To this day, Ted is amazed by the power of vision.
But isn't this the same for everyone who creates something in their lives? Every sports team creates a vision of winning before it wins. Every couple crea
tes a vision for their family before it occurs. Perhaps every expansion of our lives is preceded by a dream of that expansion.
Write It Down
Exercise
What vision do you have for your life? Take the time to write down everything you want to create in your life. Don't hold back. Don't be afraid. Don't let the brakes hold you back. Write those things down in the belief that you can create anything that is truly important to you, especially if it is built on truth, goodness, love, health, and care for others.
Note
* As discussed in Ronda Byrne, The Secret (New York: Atria Books, 2006).
Chapter 7
Creating a Road Map
Until you put your vision into words and record it somewhere, it is more likely to remain a wish and to lack the creative power to change your life. Sometimes, we lack the faith to believe we can have what we want and so hold back on expressing our desires. Sometimes, we believe but are too fearful to express ourselves fully. It is only when we get past these obstacles and write it down that we begin to unleash the full potential of vision. This process of writing down our vision is like creating a road map toward the destination of thriving.