“Like, you live in the motel room,” Crystal said. “Like it’s your house.”
I shook my head. “We’re only here for one night.”
Crystal shrugged. “Then I guess we can only be friends for today.”
“Where are we going?”
“First we’re going collecting,” she said. “It’s on the way. Here.” She handed me a trash bag and led me under a fence and into a park. The grass was brown and dead and full of weeds, and most of the equipment in the play area looked broken and rusted and dangerous. There weren’t any kids playing or anyone walking their dog or doing yoga. It was just us with the trash bag.
“You didn’t tell me your name yet,” Crystal said. She threw two empty cans into the bag.
“I’m Dolly.”
“Pleased to make your acquaintance, Dolly.”
We shook hands like you’re meant to do when you meet someone new and friendly.
“Are you a climate change warrior?” I said.
“Say what?”
“Is that why we’re collecting trash? To make the planet nice and clean again?”
Crystal frowned. “It’s for the recycling money. Five cents a can. Some weeks that’s fifty dollars, but we have to do a ton of collecting, like, all day long.”
“Oh,” I said. “I didn’t know you could get money for that.”
“Uh-huh. All you have to do is collect it, and it’s, like, free money.”
I peered under a bush and picked out a can. “Lucky people are LITTER BUGS.”
Crystal went scratching in the trash. She was still chewing her ponytail which was wet with her spit and sticking together in clumps.
“Why do you live in the motel?” I said. I tried not to step in any of the poop lying around that NO ONE HAD SCOOPED.
“Mama lost her job last year,” Crystal said. “So we lost our house. Well, we didn’t lose it like we couldn’t find it. The bank took it away.”
She pushed her bangs out of her eyes. They were bright blue and glassy and sharp, like she was an ice princess. Or a lady wizard.
“It was a nice house. We had a yard and a kitchen table for doing homework. Now I do it on the floor while my brother Charlie watches TV. He likes the show about home renovations.” She shrugged. “Anyway, it’s okay, I guess. This place is better than the shelter we were in before. Those are the worst. The food is so disgusting.” She made throwing up noises and spat for real in the dirt. “Hey, watch out for those,” she said. “If you get pricked you can die from the junkie disease.”
I looked down at my shoes. Three plastic injectors with very SHARP AND DEADLY needles were lying right there. A can of Mountain Dew was sitting beside them, but I didn’t pick it up and neither did Crystal.
We walked around the other side of the park.
“Why are you skipping school?” she said.
“Um, I’m on an adventure with Dad.”
“What kind of adventure?”
I sighed. “A dumb one. But we’re going home today. My mom misses me a lot.”
Crystal stopped to pick at a bite mark on her arm. “This is why I’m not in school,” she said. “They had to shut it down to kill all the bugs. There was an infestation. Some kids got real sick.”
I looked closer and saw a whole row of tiny red bites along the underneath part of her arm. Some of them had been scratched raw and bloody. “Does it hurt?”
“It itches like a bitch.” Crystal clawed at the skin and then dabbed spit on it.
“I do that too,” I told her. “It’s a good cure.”
She bent for a can and tossed it in the bag. “How old are you?” she said.
“I’m seven years and almost three months.”
“I’m seven and a half. But everyone says I’m small for my age. I should probably go to the doctor.”
“Maybe you have scurvy,” I said.
Crystal shrugged. “I had the chicken pox before. I still have a scar.”
She showed me her cheek and the little crater sitting by her nose.
“I have a scar from burning my arm on the oven once,” I said. “My mom was baking cookies but she fell asleep and forgot and I tried to get them out before they burned. It didn’t hurt so much. Only a little. And I got to eat the cookies afterward.”
Crystal clutched her hands to her stomach. “Stop,” she said. “Now I want cookies. A hundred cookies.”
“A thousand cookies!” I said. “I could eat a thousand.”
“With milk!” Crystal yelled.
“And ice cream!”
“With caramel chunks!”
“And a billion chocolate sprinkles!”
We were screaming louder and louder and then we fell to the patchy grass and laughed in STITCHES. Crystal’s blue eyes were sparkling at me in the sun and it felt very nice to have her for a friend.
I dusted the grass off my knees. “Do you know ballet?”
“Uh-huh,” Crystal said. She got up and showed me her pirouettes. Her long skinny legs could stay very straight and perfect.
“You’re so good,” I said. I felt a pinch of jealous but then I decided that she deserved a SPECIAL TALENT because of losing her house.
“I’m better at the jumps,” I said. I set Clemesta down and showed her the one I had been practicing.
“That’s pretty,” Crystal said. “And your tutu is real nice.”
I smoothed it with my fingers. “It was a bargain,” I said, “that’s the only reason Dad bought it. I’m not spoiled or anything.”
Crystal looked at Clemesta who was resting on the grass. She petted her mane.
“She’s my most special-precious thing,” I said. “She’s magical. Also she talks, but only to me. She’s my guardian protector angel. But also a horse queen.”
I waited for Crystal to call me a PANTS ON FIRE LIAR or a baby like the girls in my class usually do, but she just nodded. She stroked Clemesta very gently so she wouldn’t feel frightened. Clemesta liked her. “I have an old stuffed lion of Charlie’s,” Crystal said, “but he doesn’t talk.”
“Lions are good protector animals. He’ll keep you safe.”
“I hope so.”
We collected a few more cans and tossed them in the bag. The sun was burning in the sky and a plane passed over us. Its white trail stayed behind in the blue, two long lines to show you the way.
“One day I’ll be a pilot,” Crystal said. “I’ll fly people to their vacations in Hawaii.”
“I like your name,” I said. “I forgot to tell you before.”
Crystal slung the garbage bag over her shoulder. “It’s because I came out bright and shining like a crystal. That’s what Mama says. Charlie calls me Crystal Meth but he’s a jackass.”
Someone called out, “Who’s your friend, Crystal?” and Crystal jumped. She stopped smiling right away.
“What do you want, Shayna?”
Shayna was much bigger than us, maybe even older than Lucy, my old babysitter. She was wearing a tight dress and scuffed cowboy boots. Her hair was mousy like Crystal’s and shaved on one side and long on the other. She reached over and yanked Crystal’s ponytail.
“Stop sucking that thing,” she said. “I told you, it’s nasty.”
Crystal flicked her hand away.
“Introduce me to your friend,” Shayna said.
Crystal looked at the grass. “This is Dolly,” she said.
Shayna smiled. “Well, hey there, Dolly,” she said. “I’m Crystal’s big sister, Shayna.”
She snatched the trash bag out of Crystal’s hands and looked inside. “This all?”
“We didn’t finish yet.”
“We were playing,” I said.
Shayna looked me up and down. She had beady black eyes like a cruel and hungry shark.
“We’re leaving now,” Crystal said. She took my hand and tried to pull me away.
“Where to?” Shayna asked.
“Crystal is going to help me change my bill for the vending machine,” I said. “It’s
too big.”
Shayna’s eyes went wide. “Is that so?” She smiled. “Well, I guess I better help with that. Since I’m the oldest.”
“No, Shayna,” Crystal said. “Please just leave us alone.” She looked like she wanted to cry.
Shayna smiled at me. “Give me that bill, Dolly.”
I looked at Crystal. She shook her head but only a little so Shayna wouldn’t see. I crossed my fingers behind my back.
“I don’t have it,” I said. “I left it at the motel.”
Shayna squinted her eyes. “You sure?”
I nodded.
“Well, I hope you know it’s a sin to lie, Dolly. And we don’t like liars around here. Isn’t that right, Crystal?”
Crystal stomped her foot. “Pleeeease, Shayna,” she said, but Shayna ignored her. She put her face so close that I could feel her breath on my cheek. It smelled rotten. She smiled a MEAN WITCH smile with her pointed yellow teeth.
“Give over the bill, Dolly.”
I reached into the top of my leggings and held it out.
“That’s a good girl,” Shayna said. She snatched it out of my fingers and turned to walk away. “Come on, girls,” she called, “keep up.”
Crystal didn’t speak as we followed Shayna into the town. We passed a hardware store and a bait shop and a diner. Everything else was shut up and the windows nailed with wood. There wasn’t even one grocery store or deli or flower store, so probably no one around here could ever buy stuff like that, even on Mother’s Day. One house we passed had a big sign stuck over the door that said CONDEMNED PROPERTY. I didn’t remember what that meant, probably something like DAMNED or CURSED. Everything looked damned and cursed around here.
One of Crystal’s shoes came off and she stopped to stick her foot back inside.
“Stupid shoe,” she said.
“Wendy’s is a good place to break that bill,” Shayna said. She touched her stomach like it was talking to her. “Yeah, I’m feeling Wendy’s.”
Crystal didn’t answer and I didn’t either. We just followed Shayna across the street. At the counter, Shayna ordered bacon cheeseburgers and chicken nuggets and chili cheese nachos and fries and chocolate Frostys. She paid for the food and when the lady behind the counter gave back the change, Shayna slipped it inside her pocket.
“That’s mine,” I said.
“I’ll give it to you later.” She winked, and I already knew it was a lie.
We carried our trays to a table in the corner. The restaurant was full of old men in faded T-shirts and baseball caps. Also there were lots of women with big stomachs and kids all around them, shoving fries into their mouths and staring at the TV in the corner.
Shayna ate like she was a starving stray dog who hadn’t seen food in a hundred days. Crystal only picked at some nuggets. She didn’t want to look at me.
I tried to stare DAGGERS into Shayna’s skull for spoiling our fun, but she didn’t seem to notice. Probably she was so evil that she was IMMUNE. I ate my fries and pulled the bacon off my cheeseburger. It was pink and shiny, like a tongue.
When Shayna had finished all her food, she sat back in the chair and patted her stomach. “Well, that’s better. Isn’t it, Crystal? Way better than that garbage from the food bank.”
Crystal scowled at her.
“Don’t be like that,” Shayna said. “I’m looking out for you.” She turned to me. “Crystal’s skin over bone, isn’t she, Dolly? You can count all her ribs.”
I didn’t know what to say. I squeezed Clemesta. “That girl is trouble,” she said. “We should get back to the motel.”
I finished my Frosty and wiped my hands on a napkin. “I have to go now,” I said. “My dad is getting worried.”
“Suit yourself,” Shayna said. “We’re in no rush.”
“But,” I said, “I don’t know the way back.”
Crystal stood up. “I’ll walk you,” she said, but Shayna grabbed her arm.
“Hold up,” she said. “You want to make sure that’s worth your while.”
Crystal tried to wriggle away but Shayna kept her trapped. She looked at me and the tears started to fall down her cheeks. She was very ugly when she cried.
I swallowed. I wanted to cry too but I held everything tight inside my tears pouch.
“What do you want, Shayna?”
She smiled again, that stupid fake and phony smile. I wished she would get EATEN BY WOLVES in very slow and tiny bites that would hurt a LOT.
“Well, now,” she said, “I’m a reasonable woman. I’ll keep your change. And Crystal will take that tutu off you.”
We walked to the motel without saying anything. We must have taken a different route because I didn’t recognize even one thing and I would have definitely gotten LOST FOREVER if I had tried to find my way back alone.
We passed a big fence with KEEP OUT tape all around. Everything inside was burned and black and crispy. It looked like it was a fairground once upon another time when the town wasn’t filled with mean BITCHES like Shayna. Probably one day everything got set on fire. I bet lots of bad people got burned too. I was glad. Someone should have set fire to Shayna.
She sang the whole way back. She tried to do some dance moves but she was a horrible dancer and just looked preposterous with her stupid broken-heeled cowboy boot clicking against the sidewalk. Crystal’s recycling cans jangled like cowbells and the tutu floated around her bony legs. She had to keep stopping to hitch it up so it wouldn’t fall off her tiny waist.
As soon as we reached the motel, Shayna skipped off. Crystal stood looking at me with her teary blue see-through eyes. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t give me my tutu back, either.
I walked away BOILING.
“What a witch,” I said to Clemesta.
“Probably a SLUT too,” she said. “A mean witchy bitchy slut.”
We stomped upstairs and banged on the door. Dad opened up right away.
“Jesus Christ, Dolly, where the hell have you been?” he said.
He was showered and his hair was slicked back and he didn’t stink of cigarettes and medicine anymore, he smelled fresh and fruity, but his face was twisted and angry and also pale and ghostly, like he had the biggest fright of his life.
“I was freaking out,” he said. “I didn’t know where you’d got to. I was thinking something awful happened, that you’d run off or someone had got you or the police—Jesus.”
He rubbed his hands over his face and sank onto the bed. “I thought you were gone.”
I looked at him and I felt so mad that I couldn’t even speak one single word, I just sucked it all inside me and shut my mouth and ran into the bathroom and slammed the door behind me.
Stupid Shayna. Stupid Dad. Stupid adventures. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and gave it a WHACK. Stupid everything.
I wished Clemesta was with me but I had dropped her on the other side of the door.
I spoke to her using telepathy and she answered right away.
“I want to go home,” I said.
“I know,” she said.
“I want everything to go back to how it was before.”
She sent me telepathy hugs. That made me feel a little better, but my stomach was cramped up like someone was twisting it with their two fists.
Dad was knocking on the door, saying, “Let me in, Dolly.”
I didn’t say a word.
“Please, Dolly.” He wasn’t yelling anymore, his voice was soft, like when he’s SORRY DAD full of promises and asking for another chance and saying, “It will be different” and “I will try harder.”
“I’m sorry,” Dad said. “I was just so scared. I can’t lose you. Understand? I couldn’t live if you were taken from me, Dolly.”
His voice cracked. “You’re the only thing that matters to me in this world. You’re what I live for, Doll, you’re the only thing.”
I opened the door, but only a tiny bit.
“Can you forgive me?” Dad said. He touched a hand to my cheek and I
didn’t jerk away. His eyes went dark and he touched my forehead.
“Jesus,” he said. “You’re burning up.”
“I’m mad,” I said. “That’s why.” I wanted to tell him about Shayna but my voice sounded strange, like the words were stuck. “I’m mad at you too,” I said. Dad went spinning around the room and I tried to catch him in my eyes.
“Jesus, Doll,” he said. He scooped me in his arms when my legs went to Jell-O. My stomach jumped and then there was throw-up everywhere and I started to cry because of the bad taste in my mouth, Twizzlers and fries and something sharp and burning. Dad opened the toilet seat and moved my head over the bowl. “I don’t want to go in there,” I said. I threw up twice more and then I went blank.
I blinked and I was in the bed. Dad was holding me and pressing a cool cloth to my head. The water trickled down my face.
“I’m on fire,” I said. “I’m on fire.”
Dad’s eyes were frightened eyes again, like the coyote in the trap. I remembered that he didn’t survive with only three paws. The other coyotes ate him up. “It’s a fever,” Dad said. “We’ll bring it down.”
I still tasted throw-up in my mouth. “I need medicine,” I said. “Mom gives me medicine for a fever. The purple one.”
Dad pressed the cloth but my skin was turning the water into hot lava.
I cried. “Call an ambulance,” I said. “Call the doctor.” I started shivering but I was sweating too and everything felt wet around me. Dad put his head in his hands and shook his head. “Fuck, fuck.”
I cried some more. “I need Mom. She’ll know how to make me better. You don’t know anything, not anything.” My voice croaked and the tears went backward down my throat instead of out my eyes. Everything was heavy and invisible.
Dad nodded. “I know, sweetheart, I know. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,”
“Are you crying too?” I said, and then it all went blank again.
When I opened my eyes, Dad was standing over me with a glass of water.
“Drink this,” he said. He put a teaspoon of something into my mouth and I swallowed. He had his shoes on. My pajamas were wet from sweat and Dad pulled them off and slipped one of his T-shirts over my head. Everything was dizzy and spinning but my body was made of bricks.
All the Lost Things Page 13