by Anjela Day
“Well after she told me she begged me to stay in his life. Man, she knew this whole time she just wanted me to fall in love with this kid and be trapped. Like a dumb ass, I did.” I held him my arms and started to kiss him. It kind of felt out of line but I looked down at him
“Do you love me?” I knew that was off subject but I loved him and I didn’t care what mistakes that he had made. I just wanted him. ,
“Yeah, babe you know I do.” he said his voice full of sadness.
“ Well do you want me or not Don.” I asked sadly
He looked at me and rolled his eyes.
“What the fuck really Neisha’s that’s what you say to me after I drop that on you?” He asked sounding upset I was not madder.
“Look Don, Don, I've always loved you. I can't tell you what to do or make up your mid for you. Whatever you chose I just want to know I matter to you, and I'm who you want.” I told him pulling him off the floor. I walked over to my bed, and laid down pulling him beside him. I didn't want to have sex I just wanted to feel him beside me.
I smiled and bumped his shoulders with mine laid in the bed and we just talked It felt good that we could still be friends man I missed that so much He told me things that he had wanted me to know for years and he had even planned to take me to New York and stay with him till he got out of school. He just understood I had a life in Michigan and School would be starting for me in like six weeks. I had already taken the first year off. He didn't want me to take off any more time. *** As the summer grew closer to an end I tried to get my things together, but for some reason, Don was all I could think about. Although we wanted to be together he was still spending every waking moment with Cole, and her baby. I was proud that he was the type of man that would handle his own, but to be betrayed by some little hood rat girl looking for a way out the ghetto drove me mad. I knew it was fucked up the way I looked at Cole now. We'd been friends long as I could recall, but honestly I was hurt. I felt like if she was really my best friend she should have told me. What really pissed me off is that she was running game on Don. I wanted to confront her so bad but I knew it wasn’t my place. I didn’t know what my place was I was starting to feel like the other women and God knows I was too young for that.
I knew that Adonis was a real man that would take care of my son, but when he went full throttle I was at a lost. A part of me felt bad for lying but was it fair that I had been in love with him forever and Neisha just realized he existed and now she wants to be his everything. I tried to shake the jealous feeling but every time he was around me her name would come up and I would go mad nuts.
“Hey where's my son” Randy asked pulling me from my thoughts.
“Damn Randy why you saying it like that!”
“Shit bitch he mines that’s what the blood test say so I want to see him! When you gone change the little nigga name.”
“Is you dumb, or stupid? I'm not I told him waving him off.
I rolled my eyes because Randy knew that Adonis would kill the both of us if he finds out we been fooling around.
“I’m not changing his name, Randy!”
“Why the fuck not?” he said looking completely baffled.
“Because Adonis will kill you and you fuckin know it. I told him as I walk in between his legs as he lied back on my bed. He pulled me down and kisses my neck, but all I can think about is Adonis.
“Man fuck that nigga I been in the trap just like him I do what the fuck I got to do why that nigga got to have the money my hoes and my seed” He said talking out the side of his neck.
I just looked at Randy like he was dumb, He had never called me his. Now all of a sudden I was. What the fuck ever boy. I thought to myself. I won't lie wanted to be in love with Randy. He was my son's father. He was nice looking dark skin with a nice little body. He had sexy ass lips and put you in the mind of Kurupt from the dog pound. Adonis was the son of a boss nigga, that made him a boss. Shit his daddy went from selling dope to owning a fuckin law firm helping get niggas off. If that wasn't a boss I didn't know who was. On top of that Adonis didn’t play he held me and my son down. I really couldn’t see me being with Randy, when that nigga just work for the niggas that run money spots. Hell Randy just hit licks and run a few Spots, but they all get the shit from Adonis's connect. I was convinced was Don's dad even though they said it wasn't.
“So now I’m yours!” I finally asked Randy back on the same page.
“Man Cole don’t play with me, I forgave you for fucking this nigga. Real spit that’s my nigga and all so you need to tell him you have a fuckin man!”
“Why you can't tell him!” I asked Randy looking at him annoyed, he was trying to man up now.
“Man the nigga been acting funny as hell since you had yo seed like he doesn’t fuck with a nigga no more.” Randy said sounding jealous.
I looked at Randy as his eyes shifted to my zipper.
“So how and the hell we going to tell him that we together! The money you making he will cut that off from the neck then what we going to have? Shit, what if he takes that 500,000 dollar insurance policy back? I asked Randy thinking of all that Adonis had done for my son, and me.
“500 Gee’s” Randy looked at me like the light had just come on and truthfully I really didn’t want to know what he was thinking.
I would wait all day just to hear from Adonis and when I did it was about Cole and the baby. I knew I had no chance to compete and the truth is I didn’t want to. I wanted it to me and Don just like the old days.
How selfish was I being? I knew it was time to close that chapter of my life let Adonis be the man that he was growing to be. Who knows with me out the picture he would be free to be with that girl. It was a Friday night and I had chosen to stay in and paint my toes watch old movies. Kind of a kickback night. I sat in my room with the TV on Friday the 13th on mute and Toni Braxton I love me some him playing on my radio. Tears just began to run down my eyes as I sang along with her. Every word she sang tugged my heart and it pushed me closer to the choice I knew I had to make. I picked up the phone and kept the first six numbers and hanging the phone up. I wanted to call him so bad my hands shuck I needed to get my mind off of him. I picked up my hairbrush off my dresser and stood in front of my mirror. Turned up the music and began to pretend that I was live in concert. Laughing at myself but I was in my zone singing let it flow and thinking to myself. Why can’t I let go? Just as Toni and I were hitting our big high note my door opened and all I could hear was a baby’s laugh. I turned to the door to see Don standing to watch me. I was so embarrassed until I realized that he had his son in his hand. Then I was just plain jealous. I turned the music down sat on the bed and just looked at them.
“So what’s up sexy boo?” Adonis said to me I rolled my eyes. A thousand thought ran through my head but, I was mostly stuck on how he went days without talking to me and could just think everything was ok with us. I had no idea why I felt that way. He was still the same little boy that used to pull my hair and call me Ching Ch’ang I tapped the bed for him to sit down. He walked over to me and held the baby out so that I could take him. I crossed my arms over my chest in protest
I was so mad. He looked at me with confusion in his eyes but I knew I had to hold my grounds and what was best for me. I looked at Don holding that baby in his arms a million times and I couldn’t bring myself to say it then he looked at me with this look. He moved the pillow on my bed and laid the baby down he grabbed my face and kissed me. My heart began to race. “Don I can’t do this! I want you so bad but I’m so mad that you taking care of this kid that’s not yours. It should be me.” I said letting my jealousy out. “I mean us, you won’t even sex me. Yet and still you want me to be ok with the fact that you slept with this ugly hood rat.” His heart had to break as those words came out my mouth. It was not to long ago. I was telling him how much I loved him. Now I’m folding throwing in my hand. If can’t have all of him I didn't want any parts. If looks could kill he would have went straight through my he
art.
“Don, say something! He picked up his son took one last look at me and walked out the door. I couldn’t believe that I had just done that. What if I never saw Don again. That second I wished I could take it back I would have settled and taken what I could get Just too keep Adonis in my life.
***
My 19th birthday should have been the happiest day of my life but far from it. My best friend slash boyfriend hadn’t called me in two weeks. My so-called home girls were no more. The only people that offered to take me out were my mom’s bridge club and coworkers. It wasn’t how I pictured my 19th birthday being. Call me crazy, but when I saw 19 I just knew me and Don would be out all night clowning maybe even hitting Canada and going clubbing. All I could do is get dressed and find something to get into by myself. It was up to me to make my own party. Still a little scared to put on a short dress, and high heels but what the hell you only live once. So I put on the shortest dress and my thigh-high leather boots It took about an hour to curl my hair no makeup needed because I always thought that I was a natural beauty. I ran downstairs and grabbed my mom’s keys to her explore just as I got to the door she grabbed my hand and took her keys from me. I was floored. My birthday and she was gonna make me drive that rag a muffin car wow. Fine I just had to get out of that damn house. “happy birthday to youuuuuu happy birthday to my baby “ she sang in a raspy tone death voice. But it made her laugh so what was I gone to say. She pulled me into the dining room where it was this huge cake sitting on the table. I already knew where this was leading and I just wanted to go. She gave me this huge gift box I looked at and sighed. My mom’s idea of a gift was dressing me like a nun and keeping me a kid forever. I tried not to roll my eyes as I opened the box. To my surprise, it was a single car key. We weren’t rich how could she afford I thought. I was speechless. I dropped the box on the floor and grabbed my momma and jumped up and down as she stood still with these funny smirks on her face. I ran to the door. Stopped in my tracks “thank you, mommy, ran back and kissed her and ran back out the door. 1993 Thunderbird blacks on black my dream car. Yeah it was an ole school but I use to tell Don it was the only car I wanted to drive. Oh, this was gone be my night. Everything started to look up. I even had that feeling in my gut that I was gone be ok. I opened the sunroof and was off like a thief in the night. I headed straight to Canada handed them my Id and when asked what I was I entering their country for I screamed it’s my birthday. Took my foot off the brake got the all clear and gassed it all the way to the first light in Windsor. I drove around just looking at gas prices and the differences between the US and Canada.
As I looked at the dark sky lit up only by the bright stars. I just sat back for a second and enjoyed that view. I drove until I seen a parking lot full of cars and SUV. I pulled in and noticed most of the cars had Michigan plates. I could hear the music blasting I knew that this was where I wanted spend my 19th birthday at. When I walked in I noticed that there were tons of men. The only woman I saw was in skimpy outfits serving drinks. My first thought was Gay bar damn. Oh well. That’s until Black beauty walked on the stage she was dressed in red leather and she had a little whip-like thing in her hand. The first thing she did was walk off the stage and hit men with the object in her hand. The bodyguard walked towards her. It was clear he was unneeded any man that grabbed or even attempted to touch her she would hit their hand and shake her finger no, no, no. and as soon as she got the men ooooo and ahhh she ran to the stage in her six-inch heels and jumped on the pole. I watched as she pulled herself to the top and slowly slide down and grip it with only her inner thighs right in the middle of the pole. She then flipped upside down doing this thing where she slid down into the splits. She stood up and fell right back into the right back into the splits popped her butt and rolled over on her belly. She never took a thing off she never touched one man and every man stood up and began to shower her with cash. It was so much money on the stage they had to call from this old man with a push broom to push it into a large black bin. Damn I need to get paid like that.
After Black beauty the girls were good but none compared to her. She held the stage the whole time. It was something about her that had me thinking damn that’s sexy. Again the thought that maybe I was Gay played in my head. I just kept coming to the thought I don’t even like girls. However Black beauty was sexy and everything I wanted to be. When I got home there was a small gift box on my bed and a card. Inside sat two pear shape diamond earrings. My eyes lit like a Christmas tree. I opened the card and seen Don’s handwriting and couldn’t hold back the tears. On the front of the card, it said to my wife. The inside was handwritten it was simple and straight to the point it said Neisha it’s always been you love Adonis. I wanted to call him, even when he bought me the perfect gift and wrote the perfect letter I knew he still had a family and I couldn’t mess that up. School had to become my focus, but for some reason, I couldn’t shake the strip club. I found myself in my dorm room pretending the wall was a pole and working on my moves. I found myself going back time and time again to see black beauty. I even brought my college roommate Alana with me. She reminded me of myself shy and looking for her chance to figure out who she was. I didn’t know what it was about College night. Men were lined up two blocks away just to get in. We got in and sat in a booth in the corner Alana normally had a drink or to but tonight she was throwing them back and for every two she drank I had one. The DJ walked on the stage and announced that it was amateur night so any of the ladies out there that wanted to give it a try step up and show what they're working with. Alana stood up and grinned. This little skinny shy girl was about to jump on the stage and shake her non-excitants ass. How funny was this? I thought to myself. instead, Alana grabbed my hand and yelled I wanna try and she sat down the crowd began to scream. My face turned upside down. I looked back at her pissed she'd called me out. I looked around to see all the men screaming for me. “Go ahead you got this.” Alana said pushing me forward. I downed the rest of my drink then slammed my glass on the table. I slowly walked on the stage. I have danced in front of people before how different could this be. I wondered I stood on that stage and was stiff as a board. I felt sick, looking back at all the faces looking at me. I wanted nothing more than to run off stage. I didn't as soon as the music started. Like any real dancer when that music dropped so did my body. I wasn’t Black Beauty but tonight I was the brown panther. I crawled and popped things I didn’t know I had. Seductively undressing down to my bra and black lace panties. I was shocked when I saw a man stand. He started to toss bills at me. Then other men joined in showering me with money. I laid on the stage like Black Beauty had done the first time I saw her. I started caressing my own body as I watched the men never take their eyes off me. My honey pot was juicing up at the thought of men being turned on by my body. Thoughts of being controlled by one or more of the men as I moved crossed the stage. Before I knew it men were throwing money as I had never seen before. As I turned to get up Alana walked on the stage and pushed me back on the ground. She squatted on top of me it appeared that we were about to have wild sex as she put her fingers in my mouth and kissed me all the way down my body. She ripped my panties off and kissed the lips of my pussy. My eyes widen and my heart began to race. The men stood to their feet to see if Alana would go through with it. She stood up and turned with her butt in my face squatted down and began to lick her lips and play with her tongue ring. Then she did it she put her whole face inside of me. I smacked her ass then slowly ran my finger up and down the lips of her honey pot. Her pussy was so hot and wet. I was turned on and chills shot down my spine. By the time we walked off that stage we had to have made four grand a piece US. The owner offered us a spot once a week and after seeing all that money how could we say no. It started off as once a week then twice. Before we knew it was a full-time job. We were missing classes then we weren’t even in school anymore. We had entered a world that I was intrigued by and feared at the same time. No matter the fear the money was too good to walk away fro
m I started to date this guy named Kevin and this girl named Sasha. I wasn’t gay, and a woman really could do nothing for me. However, I was young and wanted to have fun. I was on a life high. The only sex I had was oral, although I had never given it I loved to receive it. Sasha was a bit on the greedy side she wanted me all to herself but I wasn’t really into her. I just like the fact that she was nice to me. It was Kevin that was stealing my heart, but I couldn’t get too close to him. The secrets that I was keeping from him he would surely leave me. Honestly, I didn’t feel if I could lose another man I truly loved.
I never thought that I would be in a relationship with to people but the shocker that they were to different sex’s. What was going through my head? I felt like three people at times girlfriend by day mistress in the afternoon and when the clock struck midnight I was the money maker. However, I was starting to feel like the sexless whore. I hadn’t taken beauty’s place, but trust I was giving her a run for her money, and she knew it. When I first started dancing I thought that it was all about making money getting drunk being free having fun. I was so wrong this was a business like no other. I’m sure when you think of a pimp you think of prostitutes and call girls sleeping with men for money. Well, the buck doesn’t stop there. The biggest pimp is another stripper. The one who brings in the men runs the women and that was a Beauty. She was a force. She slept with every girl she thought she wanted and took a cut out of everyone's money. She was fearless she had no problem taking yo cash or getting into yo ass. So know if you made a thousand buck that night she was getting 300 if not more. This job was becoming a nightmare and I was on my own. Alana' was so turned out that her dad put her in rehab. Sex booze and drugs really change a person. I couldn’t stick with Sasha she had become too clingy and I was falling for Kevin. He even went so far as to ask me to marry him. It was the happiest and most life-changing day ever. I could finally start over. I could be in love with a man and not think of Adonis. How could I say no I knew he loved me I loved him He made me smile and I know he wasn’t Don but I could feel myself letting go of the past and Kevin was my future. I tried a million and one ways to break it to Kevin every night I would lay next to him and want to tell him my life story I couldn’t. I just continued living my double life and praying to God I stayed in the clear. Soon as I walked in the spot I could already tell that big shit was going down. One of the hardliners Gemini was in the dressing room with a busted lip. And Lace and Leather had the look of fear in their eyes. Moet came off the stage and before I could blink an eye she went on to tell me how Beauty was kicking ass today because she needed five thousand dollars by tomorrow and every dime we made belonged to her.