by Anjela Day
“Where is my ring? What the fuck where the hell is my got damn ring. Calm down Ms. Grant It is in processing we didn’t want it to get lost. I looked at her and rolled my eyes.
“Why am I here I asked. I know you can’t think that I would hurt Don. She gave me a sly smile and looked at her files. No I don’t think you did it, in fact, I don’t know why you are here she said to me with this smug tone her partner leaned over my shoulder and whispered we would love to know what you know. I held my head down and I wanted to tell it all like a bad book. I smiled and raised my head I looked her dead in her eyes and said am I under arrest
“No you’re not,” she said with a temper.
“Well, then I’m going home”. I stood up and opened the door the male detective slammed it. We can keep you for forty-eight hours. I looked at him turned the nob again you can but you want because I will hit this department with a lawsuit so big I will own the mayor. I pointed to the video camera and said: “she just said I didn’t do it what are you holding me for.” I opened the door and walked out down the stairs and out the door.
What started off as the best day of my life had quickly become the worse, and just when I thought that it couldn’t get any worse before I made it out the door who was standing there but the news crews setting up. I held my head down once again and thought great wedding picture my dress covered in dirt and God knows what else. As the reporters began to question me I just kept walking. One reporter was bold she stood directly in front of me and said why did they bring you down for questioning do they suspect you. I ran down the stairs and up the street waving down the first cab I saw. *** I must have locked myself in the house for a week not answering the door or phone no one.
The day had come Adonis’s Funeral I couldn’t get out the bed. I felt cold all over my stomach tossed and turned. My doorbell must have rung more than my phone. I was going crazy. I couldn’t bring myself to cry I just would pick things up and throw them. I tried praying but I was so mad I was so scared I would question God or say something out of line I couldn’t I got dressed took a deep breath and walked out the door. I got in my car and began to drive. The sun was shining so bright I pulled the visor down and a sheet of paper feel on my lap. I thought nothing of it until I got to the church. I parked on the street and sat in the car and read the paper. It was from Adonis. I held in my hand walked into the church. The church was packed so many people I had never seen just there to say bye. It was standing room only. At first, I thought I would stand against the wall and just listen as everyone said goodbye in their own way. I even listened to Cole told her how her and Don had the perfect love they just kept missing each other. I grit my teeth and would not disrespect him in that way. When the last person said there goodbyes. I hesitated about going up there but I held my breath and walked to the front. I walked up on the stage and I could hear the chatter and laughter the shocking words and gossip. I just rubbed my hands together and garbed the microphone. Hey, everybody, I know most of you know that I was gone to marry Adonis the day he. I stopped shook my head cleared my throat I know most of you don’t know that I have known Adonis since he was six years old he gave me a worm and then he made me eat it. From that day on we were best friends. I was gone to tell u about how much I loved him but when I got in the car I found a letter he wrote me and I thought you would want to hear how he felt his last day on earth.
“Hey Sun shine, I love you and I know you stay on my head to tell you what I’m thinking and how I felt today. Today I woke up in your arms and I knew that I had never felt more safe and happy then with you. I am complete and stronger because I know the road that I want to travel is with you. I have made mistakes and I have trusted people that weren’t any good for me and you never judge me.”As I read the letter I realized that it told too many of his secrets so I folded the paper and just began to cry. I walked off the podium and began towards the back when Adonis’s mom grabbed me and hugged me. I wanted to fall in her arms but I stood strong took her hand and sat beside her. It drove me crazy to sit that close and to see him in this box. I just wanted to jump in with him. I just wanted to die, my soul was already gone.
It had been a month after Adonis’s death and word on the street was that they had brought Cole in seven times but couldn’t prove anything. I just had to keep it moving. Funny how people can be in your life your whole life but when you change one thing you loses your whole world. No one came around me I don’t know if they were scared that they would say the wrong thing to me or if they were really only there because of Don. It was fine I needed a new start I was ready to make my own stamp on the world. I got a job for this video producer just behind scenes editing videos and making appointments. It started off great the money was good and the people were cool. I couldn’t wait to go to work. I was having blast doing something It was scary because I was starting to get to think about Adonis every minute. In a way I felt selfish but not thinking about him so much as a relief. Finally, things were going good I was networking and living the life that any twenty years old would love. I even met this guy Rasheed. His friends call him Sheed he was really cute and sweet. He wanted to get to know more about me but that was a book I wasn’t ready to open. Telling someone about my past they would run so far it would knock me flat on my ass. When we first met he would call me every night and come to my job and pick me up. Take me out to lunch and buy me all types of gifts. Maybe I had met my next man who knew. I just knew that I was ready for a man in my life. I loved the fact he knew nothing about me and I could get away with things that I would never get away with Adonis. That was my problem I found myself comparing him to Adonis. Wondering if we would go as far or if I could fall in love with anyone other than Adonis. I knew if I didn’t close that chapter in my life and open my heart I would be alone forever and forced to live with regret forever. So I let myself feel free around him. Dressing a little sexy and even showing skin. We got closer and closer to the point where he would ask me to spend the night. At first I admit I had doubts and pushed myself away from him, but finally, I knew I wanted to be with him so I would take him up on his offer from time to time. Now if you don’t know me by now I wasn’t fuckin no man just like that and he acted as if he was cool with it. He never rushed or forced me to do anything. I could feel this relationship getting hot and heavy when he invited me to meet his friends at this little get together at this little bar. I thought ok maybe this is it I can commit to this man. It was hot so I showed up wearing a short little red sundress and some cute little gold sandals. I walked in all eyes might not have been on me but I turned heads as I sat at the bar waiting for Rasheed to arrive. A couple guys approached me and were asking me to dance. I declined and just sat and chilled. When Rasheed walked in this short little guy was trying to talk to me and I couldn’t help but smile because the more I said no the more he would flirt. I stood up and walked over to the dart board. This nice looking man stood behind me grabbed my arm and adjusted it to aim the dart. We were laughing and having drinks when Rasheed walked over to me and grimed me really hard. He grabbed me by the arm and walked me outside and got in my face.
“So what the fuck you got on he asked. I rolled my eyes and walked away .he grabbed my arm and began to tell me how whores and tramps dressed like that, not his women. I was an embarrassment to him and I should have known better. Was he serious. I thought walking outside. I walked to my car. I couldn’t believe that this was happening another man that wanted to control me ugh. I snatched back looked at him in disbelief rolled my eyes and walked to my cars I couldn’t get my keys out fast enough. I got in the car seamed and locked the door pulled the mirror down and looked at myself took a deep breath and sighed. I drove away. Now work was my life and I was devoted to being the best at my job. My job became my life and that’s when the depression set in. I couldn’t deal with being alone. My life had become a loop homework sleep work. I missed Don more than ever. I could still hear his voice and I would close my eyes and see his body stiff and cold on that table. When I
would go home and lay in the bed that I made love to him in. I held his shirt and tried to sleep thinking what the hell was wrong with me why can’t I just meet someone. I knew in my heart that no one would ever be Adonis and I had to stop pushing people away that wanted to help me be happy. A couple of weeks had passed and I was walking back into the office when Rasheed grabbed me he handed me this small little gift box. It was a pair of gold hoop earrings. He explained to me that he knew he was out of line and he just broke up with a girl that slept with every man she met. He wasn’t trying to control me just didn’t want to lose the best thing he had met in a long time. I could hear my brain cell say run and my heart says dummy but my eyes kept saying awe he is so sweet. I forgave him but trust I kept my guard up. I was done with letting men hurt me. Once again we began on a smooth point he would do the sweetest things and we would just chill. I could see him get mad if guys would look at me or he would walk behind me if I would wear something short. he started spending more nights at my house he did at his own we still weren’t having sex and it was pissing him off. He took me to a Piston game and every time I wanted a drink or a snack he would make me come with him afraid if he left me alone someone would steal me away. While we were in line waiting for nachos I went and stood in line for the restroom. It was wrapped around the corner. As I stood there I kept glancing at my cell phone looking for a signal so I could call my friend Tasha. As I moved my phone around I hit this guy dead in his gut. And knocked his whole tray on the ground. I was so embarrassed. But he was so cool as he smiled and took his napkin and wiped his shirt. As he raised his head I noticed it was Cali. I smiled sweetly at him.
“hey,” I said in this cute lite voice. He looked at me with the sexiest eyes and prettiest teeth.
“What up shorty? How u been he'd asked a mouth full. Man, he was sexy as hell his arms were bulging out of his Piston jersey. Man, that was pure sex appeal.
“So you going to let me take you out and buy u a beer or something?” he said I smiled and couldn’t stop blushing. I reached in my purse and took out a marker and wrote my number on his forearm. As I was putting the pen in my purse Sheed walked over to me and grabbed my hand. Man, I’m ready to go. I just twisted my face and looked at him.
“What is wrong with you?” I asked he pulled me out of the building and through the parking lot looking for his car. He opened the door started pushed me in and started the car. He got out of that parking lot as fast as he could. We got back to his house and Sheed got in my face and just start yelling at me as if I were a child. I stood up and walked towards the door and he grabbed me and pushed me to the ground. I said to myself what the hell not again what am I a punching bag? I stood to my feet I was about to take this nigga on. He might kick my ass but I wasn’t about to be Anna may Bulock to his Ike Turner. I got in his face we were eye to eye. Move I shouted. He smiled. He took a deep breath and stepped to the side so I could get by. I walked passed him then he called my name when I turned around all it took was one punch to my face I was out. I can’t remember anything other than that I just know when I woke up my head hurt and I was chained to the bed. He stood over me and told me I was his and he would break me or kill me pick one. I thought to myself oh my God men hate me. The next three weeks were hell. I realized that he might kill me. I couldn’t bear to do the things that he would ask of me. Crazy things like to strip down to my panties and scrub the bathroom and kitchen floor. Sit on his lap in the bathtub. He would make me cut my hair and nails every week not short just clip the ends because he hated freezey ends. If we went around his friends I had to put on jeans and long sleeve shirts mostly to hide the bruises that he put on me never hitting my face. He told me once because he would hate to have to look at me hurt. How funny was that? He watched me like a hawk and hit me any time I did something he didn’t like I had no friends so who could I tell or run to. I went to work so many days with bruises on my back and legs. He told me that was just in case I wanted to show my body off. I wanted to leave him but what if he did kill me. We start having sex and I swear every time he would mount me I thought of DJ or Kevin and I hurt. Even on my period, he would make me have sex. If I bleed in the bed he would make me scrub the sheets by hand then the bed. Finally, I was allowed to go home. I sat in my room scared not to call him every hour and tell him everything that I had done. What could I do but sit alone and cry, beg God to end my life I was sick of the pain or ask over and over why me? that day and everyone that I had talked to it was sick of how he treated me but I felt broken. I knew I should find a way out but for some strange reason, I felt like that was my life the only men that were gone to want me were the ones who raped me and beat me and feared if I met a man who didn’t he would leave me. It was a Friday night and Rasheed had gone out of town for business and I was relieved that I didn’t have to have sex or be with him. Call me crazy but I was honestly beginning to think that what he showed me was real love and I needed to be with him. I sat on my floor reading. When my phone rung. It was Cali. I smiled when I heard his voice but I was so scared to talk to him
“Hey sexy what’s up? You hard as hell to get in touch with. my voice shook every word that I said to him. It felt so good to talk to anyone other than Rasheed. Too bad every word that came out of my mouth had to be full of lies. He asked me out for that beer. I was kind of nervous to go but what the hell Rasheed was out of town what did I have to lose? My life! Needless to say I stood him up and stayed in the bed I knew better than to cross Sheed I was a dog and I did whatever my master said. It got to the point where he sold my car and took me to work every day and picked me up that way he would know where I was at all times. I was lying in the bed with him my body was sore from work and Rasheed came in ready to have sex. I had just got off my period and he said to me you ready to have my baby. I looked puzzled what the hell was he talking about? He held me down even when I didn’t fight and began to put his dick in. He smacked me and asked what was wrong I wouldn’t cry anymore nothing I said. He pushed me onto the floor. His dick was soft. He yelled at me to get up. So I did he smacked me again and I still wouldn’t cry. So his dick wouldn’t get hard. It was crazy he had to make me hurt to get off wow. I lied in the bed and tried to sleep. I found myself sneaking hiding in the bathroom talking to Cali on the phone he made me smile. We would talk for hours as long as Rasheed was sleep if I heard him move around or stop snoring I would hang up the phone turn the ringer off and hide it under the sink. I would lie in the bed with lee at night with thoughts of Cali.
It had been three weeks and it was the night before Rasheed would go out of town on one of his business trips I walked in the bedroom and he had a girl sitting on the bed. He came up behind me and hit my ass. I looked over at the girl she was wearing only her bra and panties. I turned and walked towards the door. Sheed grabbed me by my hair and pushed me on the floor. He pulled his handcuffs out and made me handcuff myself. He stood me up walked me over to the bed and took the other cuff and locked me to the bed. He took out my cell phone bill and began to read out Cali ’s number and times. He took my phone dialed the number and waited for Cali to answer.
“Hey baby”
“Say hello” he shouted I said nothing and he hit me with a belt.
“Ouch ok, I heard you! Hello” I cried.
“ This Neisha?” He asked. The loosely dressed girl stood up and lit a little candle she pulled out a small paper clip shaped like the letter R I watched as she held it over the fire I could hear Cali yell hello. Neisha. Rasheed took the belt and hit me over and over who do you belong to he asked with every hit. I cried you over and over begging he would stop baby I’m sorry I screamed baby, please. The girl opened my leg and on my inner thigh she wiped with this cream and then picked up the metal. I screamed no baby no please I’m sorry I will do what you say Please I love you. I would have said anything to stop him. No matter what I said he was gonna do what he wanted to do. I could smell my flesh burn I could hear the sizzle like I was cooking. I just wanted that night to be over. I stayed chai
ned to that bed all night until I had to pee I begged him to let me get up he told me to pee and I tried to hold it but he went and got to glasses and poured them into each other back and forth until I couldn’t hold it anymore and pee ran down my body . He took his belt out and beat me again it turned him on so much he unchained me. I could smell the piss Sheed pushed me to the other side of the bed and fucked me over and over again. If I had any type of pride it died in that bed. When Sheed left for his trip I got up scrubbed the bed and sheets. Like a housebroken dog I knew everything I was supposed to do. I went to work my body hurt so bad. I could tell everyone was talking about me I barely did my hair and jogging pants were my new style. I went back to my house and just slept. My phone rang at Three am I just knew it was Rasheed so I woke out of a deep sleep and answered the phone.
“Hey what you doing. Cali asked. I said nothing.
“Come over here,” he said
“I can’t,” I replied.
“Well, what’s yo address I want to see you.
“I can’t” I said looking around feeling like I was being watched.
“Man what’s yo address.” I could hear the change in his voice. I admit I was scared not to give it to him. At this point, I felt like if I didn’t obey men I would be nothing. I was a drone with no control over anything. He got there about four I opened the door I knew I looked a hot mess with a tank top on and oversized jogging pants he looked at me and kissed me. I pulled back. He hugged me and it felt nice when he touched me but man did the scars on my back hurt. He was so cool he walked into my room and laid in my bed
“Come here. I smiled and walked over to him. He pulled me down and wrapped his arms and legs around me. He kissed my neck and began rubbing my breast. I closed my eyes tight and didn’t fight I knew it was sex he wanted maybe Rashed would walk in and kill me take me out of this misery. He stopped when he saw I wouldn’t stop him.