“Yeah, we’re having a big party later, back at the hotel.”
Azamat’s attention moved to just behind Alyona, where Madina and her friend Oleg were walking towards them. The two of them were busy chatting to Milana and Alikhan. Alyona must have sensed his distraction, for she turned around.
“Hey, Alikhan!” she said, looking first at her friend and then back at her uncle.
“Hey,” Alikhan replied.
Alikhan’s eyes met Azamat’s. The look they gave him wasn’t aggressive, to Azamat’s relief, but it seemed to convey the message that he didn’t want to talk to him and didn’t want him to come any closer. Azamat took the hint and stayed where he was, next to Mama, who was busy fussing over Alyona. He nodded to Madina and then rested his gaze on Milana. She still took his breath away. He felt like a nervous teenager again as she approached him.
“I’m sorry we weren’t able to meet up yesterday.”
“That’s okay, I understand. Mama and I had a lovely day doing our own thing.”
Milana glanced back at Alikhan. “He, er, just wasn’t ready. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, really. I heard you had a good time.”
He hoped the lightness in his voice covered up his true feelings. He had been very disappointed to learn that Alikhan didn’t want him to come on the sightseeing trip. He’d spent a reasonably happy day with Mama, but he’d been constantly wondering what everyone else was doing. But he couldn’t hold that against the boy. Perhaps things would have been different if they’d had the chance to get to know each other before Murat had died. Again, it was too late for regrets. He had to give the boy space, he had to respect his feelings. An image of Pavel’s angry face flashed into his mind once more and he shook his head to get rid of it. No, he was going to do everything he could to make sure that his son had no reason to hate him.
Milana was telling him all about their day, but he’d heard the whole story from Alyona and Madina already.
“It was just so much fun. I feel so alive in a big city like this. The shops were amazing.”
“I heard you nearly bought them all out.”
Milana laughed, and the sound tinkled like music in his ears. When was the last time he’d properly heard her laugh?
“Not quite, but let’s just say we’ll be on starvation rations for the next month or two.”
Milana glanced at Mama a couple of times, but Mama was pretending not to notice her. Azamat was grateful that Mama had understood his need to keep his connection with Milana and her son away from public scrutiny for the time being.
Milana, looking a little relieved, lowered her voice and placed her hand on his arm. “Do you want me to talk to him again?”
Azamat saw a flicker of annoyance run across Alikhan’s face as he saw what Milana had done, and he gently removed his arm.
“No, no it’s okay. I don’t think he’s ready, and I don’t want to push him.”
“Okay. Maybe in a few months. When the time is right.”
“Yes. You’ll let me know?”
“Yes, of course.”
“So, you’re heading back home tomorrow?”
“Yes.” Milana’s smile was back. “We have a morning flight. You?”
“Mama and I are spending a couple of days with my other sister, Bela, and her husband, and then flying back on Wednesday.”
“Oh, that will be lovely. Well, it was good to see you again, Azamat.”
“You too, Milana.”
She walked away from him, as she had done so many times before in his life. It didn’t take much to open up old wounds of pain, he observed. His heart had never properly healed from losing Milana. Perhaps it never would. But pursuing her now might be the thing that would drive Alikhan away from him, and he could never risk that. Never.
IT WAS GOOD TO SPEND time with his younger sister again. He hadn’t realised quite how much he’d been missing Bela, Michael and Angelina until now. There was something about their little family of three that made him yearn to be part of it. He couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was. Was it the way they treated each other? The atmosphere in their apartment? He felt at peace in their home, and Mama also seemed less anxious and, well, happier.
It was the day after the competition. Milana and Alikhan had flown home. Madina and Alyona were on the long bus journey back, together with Madina’s friend, Oleg, and the rest of them were at this moment taking a walk around the park nearest to Bela and Michael’s apartment.
He seemed alright, that Oleg guy. They’d got to chat a little over dinner after the dance competition, when the whole family had got together. Azamat felt some responsibility towards his sister to make sure she was treated with respect. Ever since she’d divorced that idiot, Musa, that is. Now that she and Alyona were back under the roof of her parents’ home it was his job to look after them. His and Papa’s, of course, although Papa worked such long hours he was barely around. No, Oleg had kept his sister’s honour intact and Azamat had warmed to his friendly, laid-back personality very quickly. It was good to see that Madina was moving on with her life. It was good for Alyona, too. She deserved only the best.
“A penny for your thoughts?” Michael had hung back to chat with him.
“Sorry?”
“It’s an English expression. You seem deep in thought about something, that’s all,” Michael said.
“I was thinking about Madina’s new acquaintance, Oleg, that’s all. He seems alright, don’t you think?” It might be good to get Michael’s opinion. Azamat trusted his judgement.
“Oh, I only got to meet him very briefly at dinner, but yes, I liked him a lot. I think he would be good for Madina, and Alyona seems to like him a lot too. I’m happy she’s found someone like him.”
“I’m glad you think so too.” Azamat studied the family group ahead of them. Angelina was skipping around, clearly very excited by all the visitors, and eager to show them around her new home here in Moscow.
“And how are you doing, Azamat?” Michael asked in that serious, probing tone of his that meant that they were about to have a deep talk about something. Azamat was about to brush off the question with a quick reply, but maybe it would be a good opportunity to go deeper, like Michael wanted.
“It’s okay, actually. I, er, I’ve been talking to God a little bit. Asking for forgiveness, that is.”
“Oh, that’s great. And how does that make you feel? Has anything changed?” Michael’s pace slowed, and Azamat slowed too, turning to face him. He thrust his hands in his pockets and looked at the ground.
“Good, I think. I feel like I can live in the present now, instead of allowing the past to haunt me. I guess I’m feeling more optimistic about the future.” He paused. Why was it so hard to talk about these things?
“Do you believe God has forgiven you?” Michael asked.
“Yes, yes I think so,” said Azamat, looking Michael in the eye again. “Although I feel like there’s a final step I’m missing out on somewhere.”
“And have you forgiven yourself?” said Michael.
“I’m working on it.”
Michael started walking again. The rest of the family had already reached the end of the path and were waiting for them. “I’d love to talk to you more about that this evening, if that’s okay. I’ve got a great book I think you’d like,” he said.
Azamat nodded. “Sure, that would be good.”
Back at the apartment Bela and Mama had put together quite a feast for dinner. The conversation had turned back to the dance competition.
“I was so proud of Alyona,” Mama was saying. “She looked so beautiful, so graceful. It’s such a shame you had to miss it, Bela.”
“I know Mama, but it couldn’t be helped. I’m sure it was wonderful,” Bela replied.
Mama narrowed her eyes a little and looked at Azamat. “And that Alikhan boy, he was rather good too.”
Azamat shifted in his chair. Everyone in the room now knew that Alikhan was his son. Alyona hadn’t been able to keep that secret f
or very long, and it was easier now that the secret was out in the open. Mama was desperate to get to know this long-lost grandson of hers, but Azamat had persuaded her to keep her distance. He knew she was finding it hard, but it was killing him even more.
“Mama,” he said, his voice low, his eyebrows raised.
“I know, I know. I was just saying,” she protested.
“Mama, will you help me with the dishes?” Bela asked suddenly, getting up out of her seat and collecting a handful of dirty plates.
Azamat exhaled slowly. He and Michael turned to the subject of Michael’s linguistic work, until eventually Michael declared that it was time for Angelina to go to bed. Michael excused himself, and Azamat picked up a couple of plates of biscuits and sweets to return them to the kitchen. He reached the door, but then held back instinctively. Mama and Bela’s voices were low and hushed. They were talking about something important. Were they talking about Alikhan?
“Mama, please tell me a little more. I’m desperate to know.” Bela’s soft-spoken voice carried over the sound of dishes clinking in the sink.
“It’s all in the past now, there’s no point,” said Mama.
“But what if it’s not, Mama?”
“What do you mean?”
The clinking of dishes stopped and the sound of water flowing from the tap ceased. Bela continued. “I know about Lida, Mama. I know that you came here all those years ago to have the baby.”
“Lida had no right to tell you,” came Mama’s sharp retort.
“She didn’t. I just figured it out myself. And I think I know what happened to your baby.”
“You do?” Mama’s voice was full of surprise. Azamat inhaled sharply and nearly dropped the plates he was carrying.
“Yes. I think I know who my half-sister is.” Bela’s voice was quivering. Azamat’s mind was racing. A half-sister? Another sibling they hadn’t known about? What was going on?
There was a pause. “I don’t think you do, lapochka.” Mama’s voice was steady now.
“Why not?”
“Because the baby I gave birth to was definitely a little boy.”
Chapter 29
Bela
Bela reeled backwards like she’d been hit in the stomach. What? A boy? Not a girl? Then, Irina couldn’t be her long-lost sister after all. She collapsed onto the nearest stool.
“But... But it all made sense. It all fit together.”
“What did, lapochka?” Her mother sat down next to her.
“How you had gone to stay with Lida to have the baby. And how Lida and Vladimir had adopted the baby to make sure that it went to a good home and didn’t grow up in the orphanage.”
“I’m sorry, but it sounds like you’ve got it all wrong. Lida must have put the baby in the orphanage after all.”
“But there were no records. Irina’s birth records are lost.”
“Things like that just happen, lapochka. It was just a coincidence, that’s all.” Mama’s voice was soothing as she stroked Bela’s hand.
“I’m sorry, Mama, I shouldn’t have brought it up. I obviously jumped to the wrong conclusion.”
“It’s okay, no harm done,” replied Mama. “Well,” she continued, her voice stern, “other than the fact that Azamat has been listening at the door the whole time, and now I have to explain to him about the other step-brother he never knew about.”
Azamat appeared around the corner of the doorframe holding two plates of biscuits and looking sheepish.
“Oops. I’ll leave you to it, then,” said Bela, quickly hurrying off towards the living room. She’d made a mess of things again and didn’t want to deal with Mama’s anger right now.
She found Michael and explained what had happened.
“I feel so stupid, I should have listened to you before I went racing ahead with my own theories,” she admitted.
“Don’t worry, it’s okay.” He gave her a hug.
“All those months I’ve been getting to know Irina, thinking she was my sister. She must have thought it was really weird, the way I kept hanging around her.”
“I’m sure she was just glad to have found a new friend. And there’s no reason you can’t be friends. You’re still technically distant cousins.”
“I know. But it still hasn’t solved the question of what happened to Mama’s baby. I’m back to square one. There are no records. It seems like the child just vanished into thin air.”
IT WASN’T QUITE THE reunion she had been anticipating. Lida had invited them all over for dinner the evening before Mama and Azamat were due to fly home. Bela had built up in her mind a tearful reunion between Mama and Irina, with hugs all round, and the secret finally out in the open. But that wasn’t going to happen now. In fact, it might be rather awkward. Now that Azamat knew about Mama’s baby, there would be a lot of unanswered questions hanging in the air, and Mama was clearly angry that now Azamat knew her secret too. At least Lida had no idea of any of this. What a relief Bela had never voiced her suspicions. Perhaps they could all pretend that there was nothing going on and that everything was as it always was. Mama and Azamat were simply visiting a long-lost cousin, that was all.
The evening was perfectly pleasant. Mama and Lida had hugged and renewed their old friendship. They chatted together happily about all the years since they’d last met. Bela kept looking anxiously from one to another, but neither side was letting on that there had been any secret that needed to be hidden.
“I’m sorry you weren’t able to meet my eldest daughter, Madina, and my granddaughter, Alyona,” Mama was saying, in between forkfuls of Lida’s delicious fish and smetana salad.
“Oh, that’s okay. I’m sure we’ll meet again some time. I heard they did marvellously. Second place wasn’t it?” said Lida.
“Yes, second place. A real honour.” Mama’s eyes shone with pride.
Daniel hadn’t been able to make it that evening, for some reason, but Mama, Lida, Vladimir and Irina chatted away happily without any awkwardness at all. How silly Bela had been to think that Irina was her long-lost sister. When was she going to learn to stop jumping to conclusions?
Finally, it was time to leave. Everyone said their goodbyes, and Lida promised to make a visit down to Shekala one day.
“I haven’t been back to my homeland for years. I would like to see the place again,” she said, her eyes soft with memories and regrets.
“You and Vladimir would be most welcome,” Mama replied, and Bela could tell she genuinely meant it and wasn’t just being polite.
Just then, a key turned in the lock and the front door opened. It was Daniel.
“I’m so sorry, I’ve only just got back from work. Am I too late to meet the guests?” he said. He turned to Azamat and shook hands. “You must be Azamat. It’s great to meet you.”
Azamat clasped both hands around Daniel’s. “You too.”
Then Daniel turned to Mama, who was standing just behind Azamat.
“And you must be cousin Radima,” he said.
Mama froze for a moment. A strange look had come over her face, like she’d seen a ghost. It was just for a second, and she recovered quickly, but Bela had noticed it. A quick look at Lida showed that she, too, had frozen for a second. Her eyes were wide and her face suddenly pale. What was going on? Lida had obviously not expected Daniel to come back in time to meet Mama and Azamat, but why was she so nervous about them meeting?
Bela’s mind started whirring again. Could it be? But how?
Chapter 30
Bela
Four weeks had passed since the dinner party at Lida’s house. Four, painful weeks. Bela had been ready to let go the idea of having found her half-sister and had accepted that it was back to the drawing board. But now? What was that strange look that had passed over Mama’s face when Daniel had walked in? And why had Lida looked so nervous and worried?
It wasn’t possible that Daniel was her long-lost brother, was it? Both Lida and Irina had been adamant that Daniel hadn’t been adopted.
Bela was back in Lida’s living room, waiting for Lida to get ready for the Circassian Christian meeting. They were due to travel together since the evenings were so dark now in late November. Lida was taking her time as usual, giving Bela a chance to sit and think. She walked over to the bookcase where there were a number of family photos on display. What was it Irina had said? There were lots of photos of Daniel as a baby, but none of her until she was adopted at around six months old. Bela picked up a photo of a little baby, lying on a blanket. She guessed that the baby was about a month old, so it must be of Daniel. But could Daniel be Mama’s baby? Lida would have put him in the orphanage, like Mama had asked. Even if she had adopted him later, it took months for the paperwork to go through. Bela knew that better than anyone, now that she’d worked in the orphanage office for several months.
She fingered the edge of the photo frame. It was a little loose on one side, so she turned it over to fasten it back into place. But as she did so, she noticed something sticking out from underneath the black cardboard backing. A piece of paper? She worked the clasps loose and removed the back of the frame completely. Yes, it was a piece of paper. She shouldn’t be snooping, but she couldn’t help it. Carefully, slowly, she opened up the piece of paper.
“Bela?”
Bela spun around, her cheeks glowing hot suddenly. She’d been caught doing something she shouldn’t have. But there was no time to put the paper back. No time to come up with a reasonable explanation. She just stood there, the photo frame in one hand and the piece of paper in the other.
“Bela?” Lida asked again, her face white.
“I’m sorry, Lida, but I have to know. I didn’t mean to pry, but this kind of ... well....”
Lida stepped forward to take the piece of paper, but Bela took a step back. “Is this what I think it is?”
“Bela, please!” Lida’s eyes were wide and pleading.
“This wouldn’t happen to be Daniel’s birth certificate, would it?” Bela couldn’t stop herself. She’d spent months searching for this document, and here it was in her hands at last.
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