by E. L. Todd
“I asked you to brunch and I haven’t asked for anything else.”
“Because you feel guilty for asking me for money.” I kept my voice down even though my body was on edge. “Look, I really don’t care if you just want me for stuff. But be a man and own up to it.”
He ground his teeth, and his jaw was clenched. “I asked you for money last week because I wanted something. But it’s a mutual relationship. You’re getting something out of it. This, brunch, was for no reason at all. And that’s the truth.”
I still struggled to believe that. “I don’t like you and you don’t like me. So, why don’t we just save ourselves some time and be business partners, not brothers?”
He looked wounded. His eyes constricted like he’d been stabbed. “Of course I like you, Thomas. Why did you think otherwise?”
“Why?” I was offended that he was so oblivious. “How many times have you ditched me to hang out with your friends? I got those Met tickets for you and I, and then you lied and said you were sick. But when I went to the bar with my friends, I saw you there with Conrad and Slade. I can’t count the number of times you bailed on me because you found something better to do. And not once was I welcome in your tight little group. I admit I’m quiet and different, but I shouldn’t be ostracized for it. And I shouldn’t even have to mention all the times you beat me up in front of your friends just because you have a black belt and I don’t. What about when you bullied me in the quad at school and humiliated me in front of everyone I knew?”
He stared at the table and said nothing.
“Dad has always favored you because you’re older. Every time you treated me like shit, he never intervened. Well, you know what, Theo? It’s too late. I don’t want a relationship with you now. All you’ve ever done is caused me pain. We may be related by blood, but that means nothing to me. So, let’s just drop this act and you can go hang out with your friends, the people you’d rather be with.” I stood up then threw a hundred-dollar bill on the table. “You’re only talking to me because I’m far more successful than you’ll ever be. The fact I was a skinny loser who beat you at life isn’t something you can handle. Now that I’m useful and cool, you want to form a useful relationship so you can reap rewards.” I leaned toward him and kept my voice low. “Well, fuck you, Theo.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Theo
When I walked into the apartment, my shoulders sagged and I released a heavy sigh. I immediately went to the refrigerator and pulled out a beer, needing something to numb the pain deep in my stomach.
Conrad came out of his room wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. Judging his messy hair, he just woke up. And since it was one in the afternoon, that must mean Beatrice spent the night and did nasty things to him. “You alright, man?”
I sat at the kitchen table and stared at my beer. “No.”
He opened the refrigerator then froze. “What’s up?”
I drank half my beer then set the bottle on the counter. “I just saw Thomas…”
“And?” He poured himself a cup of coffee then sat across from me. “Did he change his mind about the loan?”
“No.”
“Then what’s the problem?” he asked.
“I asked him to brunch, and while we were sitting there we got into a fight.”
“About…?”
“He basically said I’d been a dick to him my entire life, I bullied him and made him feel like shit, and now I was forcing a relationship with him just because I needed something.”
He drank his coffee while he stared at me.
I sighed and leaned back in the chair. “He told me about all the times I ditched him to hang out with you and the guys. He reminded me of the time I kicked his ass at school in front of a girl he liked. He told me I’d never included him in our group, and he’d always been unwanted because he was different. He told me he never wanted to have a relationship with me, that I wasn’t his brother, and I should fuck off.”
Conrad touched the mug in his hands but didn’t say anything.
I rested my face in my hands and sighed.
“Damn, I’m surprised you got through brunch.”
“We didn’t. He left money on the table and walked out.”
Conrad didn’t drink any more of his coffee. “So, all those times we thought we tricked him, he knew we ditched him?”
I nodded, unable to speak.
“You did pick on him a lot.”
“I know I did. I just thought…it was water under the bridge because we were kids at the time. I didn’t realize it bothered him so much.”
Conrad crossed his arms over his chest.
When I thought about my childhood, I remembered always picking on Thomas. He was lean and thin, not having muscle tone like I did. When he tried to take lessons in martial arts, I sabotaged every attempt and made the kids dislike him. At school, I went out of my way to torture him. And I only agreed to hang out with him as we got older when I had nothing else to do. When something better came along, I always ditched him. “I’m a fucking dick.”
Conrad didn’t deny it.
“I always wondered why he was so distant all the time. I had no idea this was eating him alive.”
“Can you blame him?” Conrad said. “We were mean to him. Honestly, anytime the group was together, I never noticed he was there. He was always so quiet.”
“He probably didn’t want anyone to know he was there,” I said miserably. “Every time he attracted attention to himself, I tortured him.”
“I’m surprised he agreed to give you the loan.”
“He said he wants a five percent return every year.”
“You agreed to that?” he asked incredulously.
“He’s the only person I can get the money from.”
“I can just ask my dad for more,” he argued.
“Then the business isn’t half mine,” I argued.
“Then ask your dad,” Conrad said.
“No,” I said. “I don’t want to go to him.”
He sighed and shrugged at the same time. “Then you’ll have to deal with Thomas.”
I rested my face on my hand and remembered our conversation. “I feel like shit, man.”
“Tell him that.”
“When he dropped everything on me, I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t have an excuse. I was frozen.”
“Well, go by his place and try again.”
“He doesn’t want to see me,” I said miserably.
“Then…I guess just let it go.”
The idea of my brother hating me forever didn’t feel good. I didn’t want it to be that way. The look he gave me made me feel small and worthless. “I guess I could try…but I don’t think he’ll ever forgive me.”
He shrugged. “I don’t know what to say, man. The odds are slim. You can leave it alone and I doubt Thomas will ever bring it up again. Or you can try and hope for the best.”
“If I get my dad involved, he can force us to sit down and talk about it. But I know Thomas will be pissed off if I involve him.”
“Then don’t,” Conrad said. “Keep it between the two of you.”
I leaned back in my chair and sighed. My eyes felt heavy so I closed them. I felt depressed and hollow. Now I realized I was an asshole. I’d been one to my own brother for years and I never once cared until now. I was a horrible person.
Alex came out of the bedroom then approached me from behind. She ran her hands down my chest then leaned over me, her hair cascading around me. “Why is my man so grouchy today?” She leaned down and pressed her lips to my neck and ear.
Conrad silently excused himself and returned to his room.
I reached behind me and grabbed a hold of her neck. “I didn’t have the best afternoon.”
“Why not?” She kept kissing my neck.
“I…I got into a fight with my brother.”
She came around the chair then straddled my hips. “About what?”
Should I tell her? If I did, she might hate m
e. “I was…a jerk to my brother when we were growing up.”
“How so?” she asked.
I told her everything, including me beating him up at school.
She stared at me for a long time, disappointment in her eyes.
I hated the look.
“Why would you treat him like that?” she whispered.
“I don’t know…he was my brother. I was a jerk…”
“I don’t blame him for despising you.”
I didn’t either.
“Did you apologize?”
“I didn’t get a chance to.”
“Well, you should march over there and say you’re sorry.”
I rested my hands on her hips. “I don’t think my apology is going to make a difference.”
“You better keep apologizing to him until he accepts it,” she said firmly. “This is your brother we’re talking about. It can’t stay this way. That’s not what families do.”
“I know…”
She stood up and pointed a finger in my chest. “March over there right now.”
“Maybe I should let him cool off—”
“Go now or you ain’t getting nothing from me.”
My eyes widened at the threat. “That’s not fair. My problem with Thomas has nothing to do with us.”
“Go!” She marched back into her room and slammed the door.
I groaned in annoyance then left.
***
I knocked on his door and waited for him to answer.
He answered it, looking irritated. “What?” he barked.
“Can we talk?”
“Is this about the martial arts studio?” He stared at me with pure loathing.
“No. I just wanted to apologize—”
He slammed the door in my face.
I sighed and knocked again. “I just want to say I’m sorry.”
He opened the door again. “Fine, I heard your apology. Now let’s move on.”
It was clear my words meant nothing to him. “Thomas, I—”
“You don’t get it,” he snapped. “I’m over it, Theo. I’ve moved on. I don’t give a damn. I have a great apartment, the job I’ve always dreamed of, great friends, and more money than I’ll ever need. You think I go to bed every night thinking about the way you tortured me? No, I don’t care. I don’t hate you, Theo. I’m indifferent to you. So, just leave me the hell alone.” He slammed the door again.
Somehow, I felt even worse. If he hated me, that meant he still harbored some emotion toward me. He still thought about me. But to be indifferent was to not care at all. Whether I lived or died wouldn’t affect his day.
And that was much worse.
***
It would probably piss him off even more, but I decided to stop by his office since he couldn’t run away from me. He wouldn’t be able to yell and scream. He would have to calmly listen to me.
The building he worked in reeked of money and suits. Everyone was dressed in designer clothing, and the lobby smelled like vanilla. I headed inside then migrated toward his office. When I approached it, I saw his secretary at her desk outside. She was placing her things into a box like it was her last day.
“Can I help you?” she said the moment I came near his office.
“Hi…I’m here to see Thomas.”
“Mr. Riley?” she asked.
“Uh, yeah.”
She flipped through her planner. “Are you a client?” Judging the tone of her voice, she knew that answer.
“No…”
“Do you have an appointment?”
“No…”
“Then I’m going to ask you to leave.” Her voice was crisp and the threat was in her eyes. She was a small woman, but she looked like she didn’t take shit from anybody.
“It’ll only take a second.”
“Leave before I call security.”
“I’m his brother,” I blurted. “And I wanted to give him something.”
She studied my face, clearly seeing the resemblance between Thomas and I. There was no way it could be denied that we shared genetic material. “He has a meeting in ten minutes. I suggest you make it quick.”
“Thank you,” I said graciously.
She returned to her work.
I opened the door and walked inside.
“Yeah, invest five into the stock,” Thomas said into the phone. He listened to the response then looked up at me. Anger immediately spread across his face. “Tim, I’ll call you back. I have to take care of something.” He hung up and slammed his phone down onto the receiver. Then he rose to his feet. “Are you trying to piss me off?”
I approached his desk. “Just give me five minutes.”
He clenched his desk until his knuckles turned white. He wanted to yell but he managed to keep his voice down. “I don’t owe you a damn thing, Theo. If I don’t want to talk, we don’t talk. The fact you barged into my office with your personal bullshit is a slap in the face. You obviously don’t respect me.”
“I knew you wouldn’t talk to me if I went to your apartment.”
“Which is my own right,” he hissed. He was struggling to keep his cool.
The door opened and his secretary appeared. “Evan wants to know if you want to play a match at the club after work?”
Thomas had to force himself to sound normal. “Tell him I need a rain check.”
She closed the door.
The glare was back on his face. “If I could strangle you right now, I would.”
I knew he meant it. “Just hear me out.”
He dropped into his seat and rubbed his temple.
Okay, Showtime. “I didn’t realize the damage I’d done until you told me. Honestly, I didn’t even think twice about it. I picked on you and teased you because you were my brother. I was young and stupid at the time. It’s not an excuse, but I wasn’t thinking clearly. But I regret it now. Everything you said was true. I was a monster and a tormentor. I was a typical bully. I was a man I’m not proud of. I wish I could take it back.”
He stared at me blankly.
“Thomas, I’ll do anything to make this up to you. I don’t want you to hate me—”
“I don’t hate you,” he said quietly. “I never think about you.”
That hurt more than anything else he said. “I want us to be brothers. I want us to spend time together. I want you in my life.”
“Why?” he demanded. “You never wanted me in your life before. The only reason why you want it now is because you feel guilty. You think if we establish a relationship now, it’ll fix everything? That’s not the case. You don’t want to hang out with me. So why force it?”
“That’s not true—”
“Some people have close relationships with their family. You and Dad are buds. You and the rest of the extended family are inseparable. And that’s great for you. It’s different with me, and I’m fine with that. I’ve made my own friends and family, people who like me for who I am. So don’t pity me. Because I’m doing just fine without you. I have absolutely no desire to reconcile our relationship. I don’t want to be brothers. You know what I want?” He leaned forward. “I want to go back to not speaking to each other. I want to go back to being invisible. That’s what I want.”
I’d felt like shit loads of times in my life, but I’d hit rock bottom. What I did to Thomas really separated him from everyone in the family. I basically banished him from everyone else. When he looked at me, all he saw was pain. “Just give me a chance.”
“No.”
I stood up then pulled the tickets out of my back pocket. “I got tickets to the Mets. You want to go?”
A smile upturned his lips. “So you can ditch me and hang out with Conrad instead?”
I ignored the jab. “They are good seats. It’s in a box.” I put one on his desk.
He opened his drawer and tossed a stack of tickets on the surface. “I have front row season tickets,” he snapped. “And the only people I invite to go with me are my friends—not you.”
&nbs
p; I stared at them and felt my heart sink. “We can do something else. Let’s go see the Nicks.”
“Get out of my office or I’ll throw you out.” He stared me down, murder in his eyes.
“Thomas—”
“You don’t get to be my friend and my brother because you’re ready. I needed you for twenty fucking years. All you did was torture me. When I needed a friend, you kicked me in the head. When I needed help, you turned your back on me. No, this isn’t going to happen because you want it to. You had years to get to know me, and you know what? I’m actually pretty damn cool. But you’ll never know that. Now get out of my life and stay there.”
I knew this was going nowhere. Without another word, I walked out.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Thomas
Theo’s visit ripped open old wounds. I’d made my peace with my adolescents and moved on to bigger and better things. My life was full of joy, and there wasn’t a single thing I would change. But listening to Theo apologize just reminded me how dark my life used to be.
I was the skinny kid that everyone hated. I preferred staying home and reading while everyone went out to the parties on Friday night, Theo included. I was the loser who excelled in every subject, and was punished for his intelligence. I was a punching bag for the jocks. But nothing anyone did hurt more than what my own brother did. I said goodbye to that part of my life and moved on. When I went to college, I started over.
I worked out every day and built up strength I didn’t know I had. I took boxing and street fighting, loving the feel of the strength of my muscles. Girls started to notice me, loving my looks as well as my physique. The fact I was good in school made me more desirable. For the first time, I was cool. No one knew I used to be a loser.
And now I was the most successful person from my high school class. Beautiful women threw themselves at me. I had a nice car and an apartment that overlooked the park. I was the guy that every other guy wanted to be.
The past was all behind me.
But then Theo had to bring it up again. I wished I’d just kept my mouth shut at brunch. I wished I hadn’t said anything. We could have shared a meal then went our separate ways again. But now he was apologizing to me, saying words I didn’t give a damn about.