by Jaci J.
“Come here bitch,” a man’s deep voice snarls. My heart hurts. I'm desperate to get to her.
Kicking in the door, another gunshot rings through the house. My eyes find Lil, Rifle in her hand, back against the wall. Her eyes are wide and frantic. I can see the terror in them beautiful brown eyes as her chest is heaving quiet breaths and a big guy slumped against her with a hole in his side. There’s blood running down his body, pooling around their feet. Holy fuck.
“Lil, baby?” Her eyes blink once coming back into focus. She looks a few feet to my left. My eyes follow the path to where another guy is lying face up, eyes open in a big pool of blood.
The man against her groans, bringing my attention back. Fuck, he's still alive.
“Holy … fuck,” Happy stutters.
I can see Lil shaking. Those big innocent eyes still staring at the guy on the floor. He’s dead, and the other one is close to it. Stepping up to her I touch her face, reaching over the guy.
Her eyes swing to mine, blinking rapidly, rifle hanging limply in her hand. The man brings an arm up and instantly she flinches. I've got to handle this shit before he starts moving around.
“Ears and eyes, baby,” I whisper to her, eyes intently holding hers. With one last sad look she follows my instructions. I hate seeing her so damn scared.
Closing her eyes slowly, she takes a deep breath as Happy takes the rifle from her. Slowly her hands come up to her ears, covering them. Grabbing both sides of the guy’s head I give a precise hard twist. With a bit of resistance and a loud crack, his neck snaps. His body hits the ground hard.
She's on me before I can move. My heart hits my chest hard. All of a sudden I feel exhausted and heavy. I wrap her legs around my waist and she wraps one arm around my neck while the other snakes under my arm, hand resting on my shoulder blade pulling me as close as she can get me. Her face is pressed into my neck, lips on my skin and her little body starts to shake.
“Tank. Tank,” she whispers softly. Voice shaky and tense.
“She okay?” Happy asks with so much concern in his tone.
“Lil?” Nodding her head she takes a deep breath.
“Yeah she's okay. Call for back up and clean up,” I tell him. “We gotta get to the club.” Happy nods his understanding already on his phone. I can feel the blood from her clothes starting to soak through my shirt. She keeps squeezing me, breathing me in. Shit just hits me hard. She almost died again. On my watch, they almost got to her.
Wrapping my arms around her, I let myself feel her. One on her back the other gripping the back of her neck, fingers resting on her pulse. I feel it and I let the reassurance settle in.
“Handled,” Happy says firmly. We've gotta get the fuck out of here.
Happy grabs Lil's bag on the way out. I don't stop, I don't let her go, just head right outside to my bike.
“Baby?” Shaking her head in my neck she holds me tighter. She needs me and I'm not putting her down. Straddling my bike I keep her too me. Lil wrapped around me, I drive with one hand. Throttling up as we hit the highway, we head home, back to the club.
26
Lil
Riding down the road, I just can't let him go. I can't. Those men were in my room, waiting for me. I walked in and they were on me. I barely had a chance to fight. Their faces were something made of nightmares, faces void of any life and just flat out sinister. There was no evil. No hate. All those emotions require a conscience of some kind, some portion of a soul to feel even the worst of emotions. These men were blank. No emotion. No thought. No feelings, whether good or bad. There was no moral sense. The worst part of the whole thing was they had no weapons. Not a gun, not a knife. They were going to use their bare hands on me. That was the most frightening of it all. I can’t believe I was lucky enough to get to the shotgun that Dad put in my room before they got to me. Thank fuck he taught me how to shoot and how to shoot to kill.
Right now, I just need Tank. He's the only place I feel safe. It's the only thing helping me keep it together. Wrapped around him I hold on. My chin on his shoulder I watch the road fly by behind us. The stars in the sky stream by as Tank drives. It's cold and the wind is whipping my hair in my face. I try to erase their blank faces from my memory. I try to tell myself nothing matters, they don't matter. They were only soulless human beings and now they’re dead. There is only one thing that matters at this moment. That thing is the only person holding me up. The person keeping me safe.
“You good baby?” Tank asks me standing in the doorway to his room. He has blood stains on his white tee and his handsome face is full of concern. Since he found me in my room, this is the first time he's set me down. He held me through the entire ride here. Held onto me through telling the story to Gin, my dad and Tiny. My poor dad was raising hell, throwing shit, punching shit and kissing my head a million times, thanking any God who would listen for still having his baby girl here with him. He’s also thankful as fuck that he put that shotgun in my room. Because of this, he’s the one who saved my life, but he’s so blinded by rage, he won’t hear me.
Tank never once put me down. He just continued to sit and hold me while I was still in a somewhat catatonic state. I didn’t know how to feel. I couldn’t cry, or bitch, or scream. All I could seem to do is stare off into space which started freaking all the guys out. Everyone is worried sick over what could have happened and if I was gonna snap out of it soon. This is the second time they would have come to kill me. The first time was just a warning of what was to come, and they are proving that they intend to hold to that promise.
After some time when Tank thought I was through it, he asked me if I wanted down. Reluctantly I said yes ‘cause I know he's got shit to do.
“I'm pretty sure I'll be okay.” His face smooth’s a little, looking less wound up.
“Got Church for a bit. You need anything, you find me, yeah?” Nodding I offer him a small smile. Looking satisfied with my answer, he returns the smile and goes, leaving me alone in his room at the compound.
I haven't spent much time in these rooms. I've seen a few from time to time, but usually they're off limits to the Old Ladies and family members. The rooms are pretty big, nothing special though. A king size bed in the middle of the room under a large window. Two night stands on either side of the bed. Off to one side is a long dresser and above it, a large TV mounted to the wall. The other side of the room has a loveseat sized couch with a matching chair. It's set up as a small living room area. There's not much decoration in the room. The walls are white and the carpet a black industrial office style. The bedding is all gray with a black throw blanket. It's all very functional, but not homey. The bathroom door is on the other side of the room. I know it's a shared bathroom with Gin's room. A little scared to go in there, I fight with the decision to walk in there. God knows what I'll find. Laying back on the bed I grab up Tanks pillow. I know it's his because it smells exactly like him. Also its feather, the only kind he'll use. Apparently he's a little bit of a pillow snob. Bad ass biker is a freaking pillow snob, the thought makes me smile.
Sitting alone I let my thoughts settle in. I can't hide from the reality that things are going to shit at the moment. This is my reality. My life. Club life is somewhat of a mystery to me at times. Although I've been around it since birth, it's still slightly unknown to me. Some aspects blatantly obvious and some still an unknown. I grew up in a great deal of secrecy and suspicion. Things weren't overtly hidden, but they were coded and hushed.
Most women were left out of the loop, blissfully unaware of the shit going on around them. We're taken care of, loved, protected, and safeguarded. The men, the club members are the only ones in the know. My mother knew more than most, but she was still in the dark a lot of the time. Although I don't know many of the things the club does, I do know most of those things aren't legal or moral. I also know they deal with a lot of unsavory people, some being other club members. I know many deaths lay at their feet, whether they caused the deaths first hand or didn't prevent
them at someone else’s hands. I know many members have served a good deal of time incarcerated or fighting not to be locked up. Throughout my life, things have usually stayed good. As things were for the most part good, when they were bad, they were really bad. That's why I know what's going on is really bad. You can feel it.
Since as far back as I can remember, we've lost six club members and family members.
A man named Pipes, when I was six, was shot by a rival club. He was Peaches dad. It was hard on her and the guys ‘cause he was a loved member. That was a bad time for the club.
A few years later, Sargent’s Old Lady and Stitch’s mom Rae passed due to cancer. She was a beloved family member.
Tanks father, our sister chapters President was killed when I was seventeen. His name was Red. That was another dark time for the club.
Josh was killed soon after, followed a few weeks later by a member named Crow. Another bad time for the club.
Sadly my mother was killed a few years later. Another attack by a rival club. That may have been one of the darkest times for the guys.
Lastly, Prospect Jones. He died protecting me.
Through the dark times, they still seem to push through. This is a club founded on strong, self-assured, smart men. Men who don't believe in normal society’s beliefs and rules. Living their lives without by their own rules, by the way they deem fit. Men who follow their own paths in life, swaying from the normalcy. This club is founded on drugs, weapons, extortion, money, blood, but also respect, loyalty, love, a kinship, and a one percent attitude.
For all the dark, for all the death, the brutality and destruction, this is a club full of family. Loyalty and love for one another. A family who will unconditionally support and back you without a need for reason. A group who protects each other no matter the situation. A club who's bonds burn fiercely. Always taught to protect, support, and love what is ours.
Growing up in a place where our normal might be what someone else nightmare. My childhood was unconventional at times. No matter the difference, I was loved unconditionally, cared for to the extreme of being spoiled. Protected by an army of one percent thinking people. For all of the negative, there is just as much positive.
Every year, the club organizes four charity runs for many different organizations. Children's hospitals, libraries, schools, churches, low income projects, and other community aiding organizations. All funds collected are given to a charity the members vote on based on their need. As much as a million dollars is raised each time. The club helps struggling families in the community with various needs such as bills, housing, food, and clothing throughout the year.
The club has helped local businesses with things such as repairs and reconstruction after a fire if the insurance is unable to cover all the costs. A few of the members even went overseas when a city was destroyed by a natural disaster, giving help where needed. Most members have served our country in some form of military. Every member, caring in their own way. Giving what they can without a second thought. I've grown up loved by these people. I've always had wild and crazy aunties, uncles, cousins, and friends. I've always seen too much. I experienced everything early and without restriction. My only limit in life was that all my doings must be kept within club space with my family. Taught at a young age that everyone else was outsiders to be respected, but never trusted. I was taught to love and care for my family with the same fierceness they gave to me.
So knowing all of this, I don't blame the club or anyone for what’s happening to me. Yeah I'm scared as shit right now, but I know I will be protected and safe. I know things will be handled in the clubs way. My job is to be supportive, understanding, and patient. Taking a deep breath I push down the fear and take solace in the club and their protection, because they are my family and won't let anything happen to me.
Not knowing what to do with myself, I start messing with my phone when I hear someone knocking on the door. I get up to open it and see Gin on the other side. I’m hauled up in the biggest bear hug ever. He doesn’t let me go and I know he’s worried, so I just hug him back. I’m ready to stop thinking of what could have happened and what has to be done now. He finally puts me back on my feet and gives me a once over and gives me a sad smile.
“Please don’t." I try to stop him before he gets going, because once he starts it'll be hard to stop him. "I’m doing fine so let’s just leave it that way, ok? I’m fine, I just need to not think about it, ok?”
He gets it and gives me a genuine smile, but not before he informs me, "Fine sis, but don't start bitchin' when I give you a hug for no goddamn reason."
A gash walks by, eyeing Gin and asks if he’s ready for a little fun, then gives me a nasty once over. I guess I'm interrupting. Too fucking bad. He looks over to her and see’s the nasty look she’s throwing at me.
“Get the fuck outta here. If I ever see you look at my sis like that again, you’ll wish you never stepped foot in this clubhouse. Ya got me, bitch?” She turns and stomps off like the good little gash she is. Nasty bitch.
I give him a look and he gives it right back. "Shut it sis."
"Hey I didn't say shit."
"Didn’t have too. That mean ass mug said it all." Whatever, it's his funeral if Peaches catches him.
We walk into his room and I notice it’s pretty much the same layout as Tank’s room, but the only difference is the mess. Food containers, booze bottles, and dirty clothes littler every available surface. Flopping back on his bed, he snatches a game controller from his night stand. With a few clicks on his remote, the giant ass TV comes on. Apparently, large TV's are a guy thing. The better to watch zombies getting blown to bits I suppose.
It's always been this way with Gin and me. We could spend all of our time talking or not talking at all. It's always comfortable and easy with him. Always loving me for me. The constant in my life who has loved me with a sincerity only blood can. My best friend. My cousin. My brother.
Sitting down next to him, he mindlessly hands me a controller without taking his eyes off of the TV.
“I’m gonna kill your ass at this game, sis,” he warns softly. Side by side, leaning against his head board, we play. He killed me. I do suck at this gaming shit. Gin's good, but it's only because he plays constantly into the wee hours of the morning.
I resort to cheating to win.
Whacking his controller out of his hand, I proceed to shoot his guy in the face. “Boo you suck!” I chant right at him. “I'm the shit!”
Laughing, he smacks away my controller right back. “Who's the shit now?” Pointing at him I laugh in his face. Scoffing he hands me my controller back.
“Alright sis, this shit is on now.”
************
Deep rough voices pull me from my sleep. Oh shit. Instantly I recall where I'm at. I didn't mean to fall asleep.
“What the fuck? Thought you were leavin'?” I hear Tank say to Gin. Listening, I hear Gin move around on the bed.
“Changed my mind,” Gin retorts plainly. His voice lacking any interest in the conversation. Tank laughs but it's not a humorous laugh.
“I see that. Fuck. I’ve spent an hour runnin' around this fuckin’ place lookin' for her, thinkin’ somethin' else bad happened. Fuck man. You could shoot me a fuckin’ text. Never thought to look in here.”
Gin gets off the bed, causing Peaches to roll towards me. Her side leaning into my back. While we were playing video games, Peaches came in and got in bed with me. Gin sat at the foot of the bed ignoring us and playing.
Peaches is always great for taking my mind off of shit and she must have known that I needed her, so she and I layed in bed chatting and laughing. She made me read Cosmo with her, forcing me to take those stupid quizzes. I guess we fell asleep somewhere between then and now.
“How the fuck would I know you were lookin' for her.” The bed dips again, but this time closer to me. Instantly I can smell him. Smoke, spice, man, and leather, my Tank. His rough hand goes to my face and I open my eyes.
“Woke her up asshole,” Gin mumbles mindlessly. He's now standing at the foot of the bed staring at the TV playing his game. Such a loser.
“Baby?” Tank says softly. Sitting up, I accidentally pull the blankets off Peaches.
She tugs on the blanket and grumbles “go away Tank. She's keepin' me warm.” Tank snorts a laugh.
“To fuckin' bad. I want my girl back now.” A hand behind my back and one under my legs, Tank scoops me up effortlessly. Gin turns his head quickly to look at me.
“Night Caleb. Love you,” I tell him. Shaking his head at me looking clearly annoyed with his name. I just give him a sweet innocent smile.
Lifting an eyebrow, he smirks. “Yeah, yeah. Love you too, sis.”
Looking at Peaches she cracks one eye open at me. “Loves you bitch.” With a laugh and a smile she turns over towards Gin.
“Loves you too, bitch face.”
Tank laughs at us, “you two are fuckin' strange.”
27
Tank
Two months later. …
Shit's been calm and quiet. Nothing. No news, no threats, no hits. Nothing. Not a Goddamn thing. You'd think that's good, that things are looking up'.
Fuck no. This is the calm before the storm. That shit's still in the air and we're waiting for the other shoe to drop. We might be on edge, but that don't mean we aren't living. That's exactly what we're doing. We're living our lives. This weeks a big one. We’ve got Rampage and Stitches birthdays, along with Leo and Mary's twenty-fifth anniversary. So we're partying.
It’s Saturday and the place is starting to fill up already. It’s mid-afternoon and we've got at least fifty people hanging around. The foods ready and the drinks are flowing. Bar's stocked. All the fun party favors are here, and the entertainment for the night is due to arrive in a few hours.
“How many Lil order?” Happy asks me rubbing his hands together looking like a kid on Christmas. No clue. Lil's been staying tight lipped on that shit. Only people in on it is Peaches and Cali. Sneaky ass bitches.