by Ford, Mia
“I know, which is why I’m not telling them anything about it. It’s another headache they don’t need. If I win I’ll be able to tell them everything.”
“Ok, well, if you think that’s best I guess I can’t change your mind, but I think you are wrong here,” I said, my voice coming out a little exasperated. I felt like I was beating a dead horse trying to talk some sense into him. But Paul had a strong, stubborn streak. He was going to do this consequences to his health be damned.
Paul grabbed my hand in his and kissed it.
“Don’t worry,” he said. “I’ll be ok. I’m going to be as safe as I can be and I might cut back on the training a little bit, but I will be ready when the day of the tournament comes.”
We left the hospital and went back to Paul’s place where we watched a movie and Paul pretended not to be in pain, refusing to take the painkillers the doctor had sent home with him. She’d given him some samples they had there and then a prescription for him to get filled at the pharmacy.
I hated seeing him in pain. Every time he moved to even adjust himself on the couch I could hear strained breathing and quiet wincing under his breath. He was also very quiet, which he occasionally had his quiet moods, but typically he was quiet when he didn’t feel well.
We spent the evening just watching some movies. I ordered a pizza at one point, and I texted Lara a few times about what had happened and how worried I was. She texted back that I had to let Paul do his thing and I shouldn’t be that girlfriend who is always nagging and pushing. Men didn’t like that, especially when they were as independent and strong as Paul was.
But I couldn’t get my mind off watching Paul fall off that bull and how close he’d come to having his skull bashed in by the massive legs slamming down towards him. It might have been the scariest thing I’d ever seen.
I loved Paul so much. The thought of losing him now, especially if something tragic like that happened to him, brought me to tears. But I tried not to let on like I was worried. I put a smile on my face and just kept everything bottled up.
I was becoming more like Paul. That was exactly what he did. I didn’t want to allow myself to become that way. It kept people out. It pushed people away.
That’s how I was feeling, as if Paul was pushing me away from him somehow.
But I didn’t know if my feelings were right or not.
I tried to quiet all the noise in my head but the thoughts would not stop coming. They just wouldn’t quit racing through my brain.
After the second movie of the evening Paul told me he was going to hit the shower.
As he got up and walked towards the bathroom he removed his shirt and tossed it in the dirty hamper.
I gasped aloud when I saw the bruises on his body from where he’d fallen. Some were older bruises from the attack outside the gym, but the fresh ones were dark, and deep looking. Some of them were almost black with scabs scattered over them in spots. The combination was disturbing to say the least and I felt instantly nauseas.
“Hey, it’s ok,” Paul said noticing my reaction. “It looks worse than it feels. I’m fine.”
I tried to fight back the tears but my eyes began to sting and my vision blurred as the salty tears began to seep out of my eyes.
Paul’s demeanor softened, a wave of concern and sadness washing over his expression.
He walked over to where I was now standing in front of the couch, too freaked out to sit comfortably, and he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to him gently.
“Baby, I’m fine,” Paul said. “It’s part of the sport. You’ve grown up around this. I don’t see why this is such a shock to you.”
He was right. I didn’t know exactly why I was freaking out the way I was. My emotions were just so riled up lately. I was so moody, sad one moment and happy the next. Everything was just piling on top of me and the stress was relentless it seemed. I just didn’t know what to do to quiet the anxiety inside of me.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I just hate to see you in pain or injured. I always thought I was stronger than that, but when it comes to you I can’t bear to think of something happening to you.”
Paul kissed me on the forehead.
“Nothing is going to happen to me,” Paul said. “It was an accident and yes, I was almost hurt seriously. That is the risk you take in a sport like bull riding. But the likelihood of something happening again is very small. You have nothing to worry about. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Promise?” I asked.
“Of course,” Paul said.
But he was going to end up breaking that promise. I didn’t know it yet, but my world was about to be rocked from every direction.
Chapter Eighteen
Paul
“Get it together,” I muttered staring into the nervous face in the mirror. “You’ve got this under control. You are ready.”
I tried to let my own words repeat in my head, letting them sink in, trying to get the message, but no matter what I did the nerves were not to be calmed.
I was used to this but it had been years and today was for all the marbles. It was more important than anything else I’d ever done in the sporting arena by far.
It was the day of the tournament. It had arrived far faster than I thought it would, but here we were. I had no more time to prepare. There was nothing else I could do to make sure that I was ready for this.
I was there. I just had to get the job done.
Training the past several days had been much more difficult since the accident. I knew that I should have been taking it easy. In my condition the likelihood of being injured was far more risky, but I had to do it. I was probably ready for this the day of the accident. My rides had been flawless up until then, but I was a perfectionist. I never would have been able to live with myself or sleep at night if I didn’t continue to push.
I knew that Debbie was worried about me. Her family was worried and even her friends were concerned. I appreciated all of it, but I’d always been too stubborn to let anyone get in the way of something I wanted.
I was doing this for me. I was doing this for my family. And I was doing this for Debbie too, for us. She knew that. And she knew how much I loved her. I made sure to tell her that as often as I could and to show her how much she meant to me.
But I had a job to do. And it was time to get it done.
The first two matches went perfect. I scored high eighties on both and ended up being among the top finalists to move on to the next round. I was really hoping to score into the nineties, but I was just getting warmed up. These were just qualifying rounds anyway. The way it was set up is all twenty-five riders who had been narrowed down from the pre-qualifying rounds from every county during the past week (I’d easily won my county a few days prior in a best of five rides event) were selected to move on to the final rounds today. We would each ride once and then the top five scores would be selected for the final round which would be for the one hundred thousand dollar prize money.
I was a bit nervous for the qualifying round the other day but once I was on the bull and ready to burst out of the gate I was fine. I got locked in and was able to hold on each ride for the full eight seconds. I thought I was going to be thrown off early on the last ride but I held on and made it through.
But here I was ready to compete with the big boys.
I gave myself one final look in the mirror and headed for the gate as I heard my name announced. Glancing over at Debbie who looked even more nervous than I was, I gave her a wink and a smile to let her know that this was going to be a piece of cake, even though I felt my guts turning to rubber inside.
The crowd was enormous and loud. I couldn’t believe how many people had come to this huge arena. It was bigger than anything I’d ever been a part of even when I was riding and competing regularly as a teenager.
Seeing that many people on their feet and cheering as I made my way to the gate began to eradicate the butterflies I was feeling in my stomach. I was starting to g
et a bit pumped up actually.
I wished that my parents were there to see it, but I didn’t want to get their hopes up about the prize money and I wanted to surprise them if I did in fact win.
Still, it would have been nice having actual family there.
But I had Debbie. I considered her closer to me than anyone in the world. She was my soulmate, even though I’d never really believed in such a thing before I met her. I couldn’t imagine a world without her in it.
And I’d never live with myself if I ever broke her heart.
All of Debbie’s friends, her parents, and her Aunt and Uncle were there to support me. That meant a lot.
A few minutes later I lowered myself onto the insane bull that began to thrash wildly the second my legs touched its back. Oh, this one was going to be wild. Probably not as nuts as “Demon” had been, but it was going to be a rough ride. I could feel it.
But the second I was there in the zone, waiting for the gate to open up, I knew I was going to ride the hell out of this bull for the full eight seconds nothing was going to distract me.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
The gate open and everything happened in a flash.
My grip tightened as my body began to flail around on top of this one thousand pound muscular beast beneath me. I allowed my free arm to flail behind me careful not to touch the bull at all, but allowing the momentum to do what it needed to. I was determined to remain free and relaxed. Tensing up was the worst thing you could do. It would just zap you of your energy in no time.
The buzzard went off signaling the end of the eight seconds and the crew rushed out to help me get out of the arena. I released my grip, the rope came free as the cowbell jiggled, and I was jumping to the ground.
The second my feet hit the dirt I ran hard to the side and jumped over the fence only seconds away from being gored by that monstrous beast that I had ridden so beautifully moments ago.
I knew it was a good ride. It felt terrific. I didn’t feel anything wrong during the ride and it was over so fast. My brain did not overthink anything and I was pretty sure my body just went along with the groove. That was usually indicative of the best rides, but you would never know until the scores came back.
“That was fantastic!” Debbie said running into my arms to greet me.
She and her family had come out of the stands to congratulate me. It was a nice surprise as I was trying to get my brain back into reality and let the adrenaline that was burning through my body slow down.
“Thanks, honey,” I said. “It felt good, but let’s just hope the judges see it that way.”
“It was impeccable,” Joe said giving me a slap on the shoulder with his huge, heavy hand.
A few moments later the judges score came back.
Ninety-three.
“What?” I said in total disbelief. That was the highest score of the day. It may have been the highest score I’d ever had.
“Great job!” Debbie said before planting a huge kiss on me.
“Way to go!” Lara chimed in.
Logan gave me a big high five.
“That was sweet, man! Hell I’ve never come close to that. I probably would have been out during the qualifying.”
“Nice ride,” a voice came from behind me.
I turned to see a man I didn’t know but vaguely remembered from watching his run earlier. He was good, but cocky.
“Thanks,” I said.
“But it’s not going to be as nice as mine,” he said. “I think you just shouldn’t celebrate too soon.”
With that he walked away staring daggers into me the whole time. I couldn’t hold back a chuckle. Bullies annoyed me to no end. They were jokes, all of them. I had yet to meet one who would not back down if they actually thought they could get hurt even a little bit in a fight. The trick was to escalate it far faster than they expected. If they got in your face, then you punch them in the gut. Inflict a little pain and they’d leave you alone. That was one thing I learned very quickly as a child.
“Who is that?” I asked.
“Chip Mathews,” Logan said. “The guy is supposed to be a legend around these parts. He was a star football player in high school, star baseball pitcher, and he has been winning amateur rodeo contests since we were teenagers. He went to high school with my cousin. They were bitter enemies, apparently.”
“Yeah, he seems like the kind of guy who has a lot of arch enemies,” I joked.
“He is only speaking to you to throw you off your game because you are a threat to him,” Joe said. “You see a lot of jerks like that in this sport.”
“Oh, I know,” I said. “I’ve dealt with those types before.”
I had too.
There was still a lot of time to kill before the early rounds finished up and they announced the top five. I was pretty sure I would be among them as I didn’t see anyone there coming close to my score, but of course I still had a slight, lingering doubt in the back of my mind.
There was always the “what if”.
We all decided to grab a bite at the concession stand and relax for a bit. It was good to get my mind off the event madness going on around me. As I sat there at one of the huge tables lined up in the eating area chatting and goofing off with Debbie, her family, and her friends I felt some of the tension I’d been feeling all day start to ease up. I knew that I probably should have been focusing intently on the tournament but when it came right down to it when you were out there it was just you and the beast. It was still very unpredictable. You just had to hope that you were prepared enough to cover anything that was thrown your way. And no matter how good you were there might be someone out there who was just a little bit better. That was the way it went.
God, it felt good to be a part of this again. Riding was the only thing in the world besides writing that gave me that kind of a rush, where I felt like my life was put on hold if I didn’t have this in it. I couldn’t believe how I’d let myself get so far away from something I loved so dearly. I hadn’t felt this alive in years.
I looked over at Debbie who caught my gaze and smiled back at me. She was sitting right beside me and I pulled her closer, my arm hugging her around her soft waist. I loved this woman with all of my heart and soul. I wasn’t sure how far bull riding would take me, hell it might have just been this tournament, or how far my writing my go, but no matter what I knew that I had the love of this amazing woman and that was enough to make everything else ok.
It was a good time.
Before I knew it though they were announcing the top five winners and heading into the next match. I hugged Debbie tightly, nervously, but trying to keep my cool as they ran down the list of names. I couldn’t remember a time when I’d been so nervous. I was usually a pretty cool head. Things didn’t overwhelm me that much. I’d always felt that I could handle whatever came my way and I didn’t attach too much emotion to any outcome either positive or negative. Whatever happened I would deal with it.
But I wanted this so badly. I hoped Debbie couldn’t tell how nervous I was. I didn’t want to worry her at all. I knew she worried about me a lot as it was and I didn’t want to give any of those stressors merit.
I’d gone out there and given it my all, even though my whole body felt like it was going to give up on me. I was still dealing with a lot of pain in my ribs and even the back of my neck from where I’d fallen the other day. That coupled with the number those goons did on me that night, and my body was screaming for a few weeks of total rest.
After this tournament I promised myself I would do just that.
The announcer called the fourth name and paused for the applause from the crowd before continuing. “And finally, the last rider to make it to the top five and move into the final round to ride for that one hundred thousand dollar prize…. Mr. Paul Henry!”
My legs buckled, my mouth went dry, and my head began to spin.
Was this really happening? I couldn’t believe it. I’d known that I had a shot at this,
but it was still wishful thinking until it actually happened. The shock that it was happening was almost more than I could bear. For a few seconds I thought that I might actually pass out from the head rush of excitement coursing through my body. I felt the buzz of the adrenaline washing through every cell inside of me and I felt almost blissful for a moment.
And then I snapped back into reality.
Debbie was hugging me. Her family and friends were all gathered around me giving me a group hug. I could hardly breathe at the moment and the lack of open space was making it worse, but I loved it. They were giving me the adulation that came with my small victory. And I greatly appreciated it.
But I wasn’t finished yet. In fact, I felt like this was just the beginning.
Now it was down to the wire.
“Way to go!” Debbie shouted in my ear before giving me a big hug and a kiss. “I knew you could do it!”
I held her tightly in my arms and inhaled her sweet scent deeply. It had such a soothing, calming effect on me. She always had since the moment I met her. I took whiff after whiff of her and sank into the softness of her body. I could feel the love she was giving me and I tried to send those same vibes back to her.
“I knew you’d be in the finals,” Joe said slapping me hard on the shoulder with his huge hand.
“Thanks,” I said.
I looked around at the other riders who were being congratulated by their friends and families. They all were excited, all of them with the same gleam in their eye that they might actually win this thing. And it was possible that any one of them might actually win it.
But I was determined to make sure I came out on top. I had to. It meant more to me. It wasn’t just about me winning money for me; it was about my family. They were counting on me.
Then my eyes landed on something unsettling.
Chip Mathews, the first name that had been called to the top five, was glaring at me. His eyes were like cold, steely, daggers that were aimed at my head. I could almost visually see him decapitating me in his mind.