by Laine Watson
“Heh, your past self?” I take a seat on the sofa and glance down at the carpet, focusing on a few individual fibers. “Haru doesn’t tell me things about his past unless it directly applies to a situation, and it’s basically just for reference.”
“Hey,” Hayden calls, his face intensely thoughtful.
“Yeah?” I glance up at him.
“You had a friend.”
“Come again? He clearly doesn’t care what I was saying.
“W-what was her name? Danny?”
“Darby.”
He blushes with a goofy smile. “I liked her. She turned me down.”
“That’s because you tried to have sex with her in the back of a club. More than once! Gross.”
“That’s not where my head was, but I never turned down sex. I really liked her.” He glances up at me. “Are you guys still friends?”
I nod. He looks as if he has more to say, but I have my own questions to ask him. “Did you and Haru hang out a lot after college?”
“Yeah. We didn’t have a choice. He basically lived on my sofa.” Hayden laughs. “My quiet, nerdy, soft-spoken friend turned into the best wingman a guy could ask for.”
Wingman? “So like, you guys picked up girls together?”
“Yeah, it was awesome. He didn’t have to say anything; they’d come to us. Tell us all kinds of shit they wanted to do to us.”
I scoffed, shrinking a bit. “Thanks for sharing.” I mumbled. Haru’s been with a lot of girls. I hate that.
“That was until...” Hayden takes me out of my thoughts. “Oh, sorry. Yeah. You probably don’t want to hear about that.”
“It’s fine. That was until?”
“Never mind.”
“No, tell me. Please?”
He stares at me. “Until he started sleeping with the girls I wanted. He stopped caring about stuff. It’s hard to explain. It was like he had no feeling or conscience, like he was numb to life or something. He was a shell; there was no life in his eyes. It was kind of scary. He was the most put-together friend I had at one point, goal oriented. If he was making bullshit decisions, there was no hope for me.” He laughs sadly.
After a bit of silence, Hayden speaks again. “I can’t pinpoint when he lost it, I just knew...” He pauses.
“What? You just knew what?!” I implore.
Hayden straightens himself on the sofa, rubbing his hands together.
I can’t help but stare intensely at his regretful face. Following a heavy sigh, he speaks, “We worked at this one job with one of our other friends. Something happened between them, and then I didn’t see Arima for a while. When I got this job, he was the last person I expected to see. But there he was and a completely different person. And he and the guy we used to work with weren’t friends anymore.”
“What happened to him?”
“Don’t really know. He fell off the map, and Arima didn’t talk about it. Few years later, Arima had a whole new identity. That’s when I found out about Max.”
“So, what was Haru like when you saw him again?”
“He was this no-nonsense guy. When we first started working together again, he never hung out with us. No matter how many times we invited him, he always declined. That is, until he started talking about you. Suddenly, he had a personality again. He finally came to hang out after work, and I had my friend back. That lifeless, hollow stare was gone. I half thought we’d be back out there again. He’d be an even better wingman now. Ladies love the hair.”
“Oh.” Hearing that hollows out my chest. I scoot back on the sofa, pressing my fists into the cushions.
“Sorry,” Hayden says, apologetically.
“Part of me often forgets Haru used to be a different person.” I glance up at him and hang my head. “Sorry about before. You being here reminds me you know a different Haru than I do. I wish I knew all of him—who he used to be, the things he used to do. I don’t care what it was.” I stare back at Hayden.
“You say that, but it might be hard to see.”
My cheeks burn a little. My heart is in a constant state of flux. I hear Hayden, but all I can think about is Haru with other women. This guy brings another layer to Haru as a man.
He’s right, even I get caught up in how beautiful Haru is.
“So, girls just come up to you and proposition you guys?” I peeped.
“Yeah.”
“How many times did you turn them down?”
“We never turned them down.”
With another deep gulp, I lower my eyes. “He’s really experienced, isn’t he?” I ask, already knowing the answer.
Hayden refuses to answer me. “Arima’s a different guy these days.”
I wonder if he’s always had strange sexual desires. If he’s talked to a lot of vaginas, named them...
“Did you know any of Haru’s girlfriends?” Haru said he’s never had one, but maybe he just told me that.
Hayden laughs. “The Arima I knew didn’t do girlfriends. You came as a shock to Trent and me.”
“Trent?” I heard that name before. “The honorary roommate?”
“Yeah.”
“You guys still hang out with him?”
“Sometimes, but not since the transfer.”
“What about the girls he liked, were they like me?”
“That’s a trick question. I’m not going to answer it. You ask a lot of questions that if I answer, Arima’s going to fuck me up.” He laughs. “Sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry. It’s sometimes hard to talk to Haru about his past. Maybe he doesn’t want to tell me because he thinks I’ll judge him or won’t love him anymore.”
“He’s a guy. He just doesn’t want to talk about it. If I were you, I’d focus on what Arima’s doing now. You guys are engaged, right?”
“No.” I furrow my eyebrows.
“Oh?” He darts his eyes at me, an unreadable expression on his face. “I—I wouldn’t worry about the past. You’re the one with him now.”
Why would he ask that? Did Haru say something about an engagement? I ask myself and glance toward the stairs.
There are so many unopened doors; I want to explore them all.
Chapter Five: Olive Branch
The doorbell rings. I sigh deeply as I put the kitchen hand towel across the stove handle and cross the tidy living room to open the door.
“Summer!” Darby hugs me, almost toppling me over.
“Hi.” I smile awkwardly.
My mother stands smugly on the porch.
Darby lets me go and walks into the house. “This is a really nice house. Oh, my gosh! It’s got high ceilings! I love high ceilings,” she says, looking around and investigating.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Hi, Summer.” She walks past me. Once inside, she looks around. “You decorated?”
“Oh, yeah.” I smile a little, shutting the door behind her. I want to point out my car and let her know I bought it myself, but that seems kind of lame.
She turns to me. “Not bad.”
“Haru’s at work, and Max is at school. I can make you guys some lunch.”
“Okay!” Darby comes from the hall that leads to our bedroom. “Can I please have your bathroom? And that tub? I just want to have the entire house. You guys have walk-in closets on each side of the room. I’m so jealous! You guys don’t even have a kitchen table. This is so awesome!”
“I’m fine. No, thank you.” My mother sits uncomfortably on the white sofa with the black and lavender embroidered long-stem blooming flowers. “I’m going to do some work if you don’t mind.”
“That’s fine.” I smile.
“How do you guys have a white sofa and a kid? Oh, my gosh! You’re like a mom or something,” Darby enthuses.
“Darby, why are you acting like this is new?” I ask.
“Seeing it is real.”
I smile at her and head toward the kitchen to prepare some lunch.
The time passes quickly. My mother works for hours, and Darby and I talk a
bout life. Around four, Haru and Max come home.
“Ms. Vaughn!” Max’s excitement is apparent.
Darby stares up into Haru’s face. “He’s fucking glorious. I’m so jealous!” Darby whispers playfully.
“Language.” My mother reprimands moving her laptop onto the sofa as Max rushes to her with opened arms.
“He is amazing.” I gush.
“Sorry,” Darby says.
“Max! You moved away. We’re not friends anymore!” My mother laughs, hugging him.
I glance over at her, and nostalgia overcomes me. Maybe Max really didn’t get what happened back at my mom’s house. He seems just fine.
“Mr. Arima.” My mother smiles and greets Haru.
“Ms. Vaughn.” Haru nods.
“Now that you’ve taken my only child away from me, moved her hours away, inconveniencing me in the middle of the week, all you have to say is ‘Ms. Vaughn?’”
“I didn’t take her. She’s right here. You’re always welcome.”
Aww, Haru. I swoon over his cuteness. He’s not scared of her.
“Mom!” Max runs into the kitchen and hugs me around my waist.
“Hey, buddy! We’re going to see Grandma and Grandpa today, remember?”
“Yeah!” he shouts and runs back to my mom. “Ms. Vaughn, are you coming too?”
“I suppose,” she says.
Haru glances over my mother’s shoulder at me, standing in the kitchen across from Darby.
“Hey, princess.” He leaves my mother in the living room with Max.
“Hi, Haru.” I wait for him to kiss me and light my cheeks on fire. His lips touch mine, and I finally feel whole again.
“Who are you? And did I pay for you to be here?” Haru greets Darby when he’s done.
“Oh, Haru! This is Darby, my best friend.”
“You’re real? And the kid too? That’s crazy. I always hear about you guys, but... wow. You’re like so perfect.” Darby drools.
“Uhm... Hi?” Haru says, glancing at me awkwardly.
“Sorry. She’s fine. She’s just meeting you guys for the first time. It’s a lot,” I explain.
“Okay,” Haru says, still a little awkward. “Max!” he calls.
Max looks up. “Yeah, Dad?”
“Go take a shower. Get dressed.”
“Okay,” he says.
“Before you do, can you please come say hi to Darby?” I ask, tilting my head to the right with a smile.
Max comes in the kitchen. “Hi, Darby.” He smiles, then dashes up the stairs.
“I never made any food for lunch.” I remember, looking at Darby.
“That’s okay. We can eat at dinner,” Haru assures me.
“It’s cool.” Darby smiles.
“Good. Thanks for not thinking I’m an airhead.”
“No problem.” She says.
“Haru, how was work?” I ask sweetly.
“It was good.” He looks to Darby. “Did you guys get here okay? No problems?”
“Yeah, it was awesome. First-class and everything,” Darby replies.
My mother says nothing and recommences working.
“Mom, do you want a snack? Haru? Darby? Haru, can you ask Max if he does?” I head over to the fridge.
“You need to go get dressed. Stop worrying about everyone else. I’m going to go take a shower. I’ll meet you down the hall.” He kisses me on my forehead. “It was nice to meet you, Darby.”
“Nice to meet you too,” Darby says, watching Haru walk away. Immediately, she loses the trance-like look on her face. “He calls you princess?”
“Yeah. It’s sweet—most times.” I say, darting my eyes across the room.
“What is it other times?”
“Never mind.” My cheeks warm.
“Aw, this is so cute, and you seem so happy. Job, kid, car ... you got your life together—who are you?”
I giggle, trying to study my mom’s posture. Way to go, Darby. Now I don’t have to tell her all the stuff I’ve been doing and will keep doing. I chuckle to myself. “Yeah, it’s a challenge, but Haru is so supportive. It feels good to be here with him.” I sigh happily. “Okay. I’m going to go get dressed. Help yourself to anything you want.”
There is no response from my mother. She continues working.
I go into our room, and Haru is in the shower. “Haru,” I call as I walk into the bathroom.
He opens the tapered glass door. “What’s wrong?” He looks me over and cocks his head to the side. “Get in with me.”
I remove my clothes and run to him. Pressing my body against his under the warm, refreshing water, I hug him tightly.
“What’s wrong, princess?”
“This was a bad idea, Haru,” I whimper against his chest.
“No, it wasn’t. Trust me. It’s going to be just fine.”
“No, it’s not. She’s saying all kinds of bad things in her mind. I just know it.”
“So what if she is? This is your olive branch. If she doesn’t want to take it, then fuck her. I’m proud of you for just being with me, showing me how to care for someone. You’re the only person who has ever done that for me. Aren’t you where you want to be, princess?”
“Yes, but I feel like no matter what I do, it’ll never be good enough for her.”
“And that’s okay. It should be good enough for you.”
Chapter Six: Attempt
We make it to Haru’s parents’ house. Dinner sits beautifully on the table. We all introduce and greet one another. Once we sit down, an eerie silence falls upon us. The clanking of eating utensils and chopsticks, chewing, and drinking is all you hear. No conversation or questions, and no eye contact.
This is awkward. Even Max isn’t saying anything. How could Haru be so confident things would go well?
When dinner is ready, Darby glances around the room. “Hey, Max, you got toys and stuff over here?”
“I have my own room!” He enthuses, seemingly unaware of the thick air around him. “Want to see?”
“Yeah!”
I smile at Haru. Haru’s mother clears the table.
“Oh, I’ll help you,” I offer.
“Oh, thank you, dear.” She smiles at me. She and I put things in plastic containers with tops and load the dishwasher. Haru’s father sits in the living room, along with my mother and Haru, both of whom are not speaking or acknowledging each other.
“Ms. Vaughn,” Haru says, and I nearly drop the plate I’m holding on the floor. I slowly put the dishes in the dishwasher and listen intently to the next words said.
“Excuse me. It was nice to meet you, Ms. Vaughn. I think I’ll go check on Max and Summer’s friend, if you don’t mind.” Haru’s father smiles as he passes the kitchen.
“It was nice to meet you too,” my mother says. I can only hope she returns his smile.
I lean against the counter quietly, so I can hear.
“You were saying,” my mother says.
Haru’s mother comes to stand right in front of me with a sweet smile. “You’re listening, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” I admit.
“I’ll go and check on Max, too.” She disappears up the stairs.
The house is quiet. All I hear are the faint laughs of Max and the people upstairs until Haru asks, “Are you mad at her?”
Mom waits a moment to respond. “I was. She never considered the repercussions of leaving.”
Haru laughs. “That’s what you think she did?”
“Didn’t she? She left to live the high life, ride around in a car with spaceship doors and shop at overpriced boutiques, as if the life I provided wasn’t sufficient.”
That is not what happened!
“That’s what you think our life is?”
“Isn’t it? What more could she want? You offered her a free ride; she took it. I always hoped she wouldn’t be that type of girl, but what can I do?”
My heart falls down to my stomach. Tears build around my eyes. She still thinks I’m nothing. I have n
o purpose. A nuisance.
Haru let out a displeased sigh. “Max’s teacher suggested we get Max screened. He might skip second grade, maybe third.” He ignores my mother’s remarks.
“He’s a smart kid,” my mother says.
“I never once went to those parent-teacher things, not until Summer forced me to go. Now, we go to almost all of them. She’s such a bummer.”
I laugh, sniffling.
“It’s like having two children, isn’t it?” My mother’s words cut me deeply.
“Yeah, for her. I don’t know how she does it. I can barely keep up with my job and myself, but somehow, she goes to school, works, takes care of Max and me, and still looks fucking amazing doing it.” He takes pride in his remarks. “She’s so stubborn; she wouldn’t let me buy her a car because she had to get it herself. She doesn’t let me do anything for her. Why would she not want me to take care of her?”
“What?” my mother says acidly.
“Could you talk to her? Please? Let her know I want to give her everything she wants. She’s my entire world, and she never needs to do anything alone,” Haru pleads with my mother.
The tears that had been building in my eyes fall as Haru speaks.
“She needs nothing from you.” My mother shocks me, maybe even Haru.
“I know she doesn’t, but will you talk to her? She’s way too adamant about being independent. It’d be so much easier if she would let me do everything.”
Haru’s being manipulative. I smirk.
“I will not talk to her. Why would I? Here I thought she was mooching off of you, and she’s out here working her butt off. Do you think what she does isn’t worth anything?”
Knew it would backfire.
“She wasn’t looking for a free ride at all. She just needed to find out what she wanted. And for some ungodly reason, what she wanted was to be with you.”
“Well, you can say that again. I have no idea why she would want to be with someone like me. This is why I want to take care of her. Listen...” he says.
Everything goes quiet. He’s whispering.
Dammit Haru, what are you talking about? Do you know I’m listening?
After a while, I go back to cleaning the kitchen. I am wiping down the counters when Haru comes in.
“Hey, you ready to get out of here?” he says in front of the stairs.