by Hart, Eve R.
“You’re a dumbass,” Blade said at the same time he got to his feet, then snatched my plate up and walked away.
He exchanged a few words with Abigail as she took the plate to clean it off. I know, I should have gotten up and done my own dishes because I was a grown-ass man. Believe me, I’ve fought that battle one too many times. It was one that I lost every single time because Abigail would smile at me and tell me that she actually enjoyed that shit.
And recently, I’d let that fight go, figuring that she needed something to do to keep her mind off of other things.
There was only so much I could do and I realized that. I certainly was no expert on how to handle that sort of thing. She lost her brother. It was unexpected and she didn’t have the chance to say goodbye. One morning, she was eating breakfast with him, fighting like they liked to do. The kind of poking and making fun of each other that wasn’t really mean. And then that night, she was hearing that her brother had died from a gunshot wound.
I couldn’t save him. There was nothing I could have done. He was gone by the time I’d even stepped foot in that room. Still, that didn’t make the guilt any less there.
I remembered everything about that day so clearly. I remembered watching her and Dade at breakfast. She made scrambled eggs with cheese. Bacon and sausage. And even a pot of oatmeal. I’d had the oatmeal, so did she. Dade shoveled eggs and bacon down this throat all at the same time, it seemed. Blade got two slices of toast and made a sausage and egg sandwich. He put mayo and pickles on it. We all sat there at the same table talking like it was any other day. Abigail was blushing at first and not looking Blade or me in the eyes. But with Dade there, she always seemed to be a little stronger. A little braver. She would come out of her shell a little more.
My mind flashed forward to hours later. Iron’s blood-soaked cut, that was the first thing I saw then. I couldn’t even look at Dade’s face because I knew. The chill in the air told me there was nothing that I could do. Still, I tried. I tried like hell wishing I had some way to raise the dead.
I was no stranger to sudden loss, but it had never felt like this before.
I blinked back to the present to see Blade heading my way. His face was stern, almost angry looking, but that was how it always was.
“Let’s go,” he said as he practically hauled me up out of my chair. With his arm around my shoulders, I stumbled out of the kitchen. I turned my head at the last second to see Abigail smiling as her eyes were on us. “Let’s find something to take your mind off of this shit day.”
Well, I really didn’t have any reason to tell him no.
Or not one that I would allow myself to admit at the time.
So I let him drag me out to the bar. And I drank the beers he handed me. By the end of the night, I’d been able to forget everything, or push it back so far it didn’t bother me.
Sometimes I needed to escape and Blade always seemed to know the moment right before all the shit was about to come crashing down on me.
CHAPTER THREE
Abigail
“I need coffee,” Bridget said as she breezed into the kitchen.
I kicked the dishwasher closed as my head fell back with a laugh. It wasn’t like she hadn’t had a whole pot to herself already today.
“Your heart is going to explode,” I told her. I hit the buttons and got the dishwasher going. “Or your head.”
“Never,” she said with a chuckle and reached for the huge container of dark roast grounds. “What are you doing now?”
“Nothing,” I said with a shrug.
Breakfast had been made and devoured. The kitchen was now cleaned up and ready to go for dinner. So, I didn’t have a darn thing to do.
“Good,” she said with a smile. She poured filtered water into the back of the coffee maker until it reached the top. I shook my head thinking about how much coffee she actually managed to drink in a day. “Girl time.”
I cocked my head at her. Bridget was a little odd and I didn’t quite know where I stood with her sometimes. I’d noticed that she was closer to some of the guys and I figured it was just because of who she was. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t get down with the girl talk. Which I welcomed right now because she would take my mind off of other things and keep me laughing. I so needed that.
When I’d first met Bridget, I have to say it wasn’t the best of first impressions. I was shy and awkward and she was kind of grumpy and dismissive.
She did apologize to me the next day and I understood it.
It still made me laugh inside how she’d punched Lake when she met him.
Yes, in case you were wondering, I might have had a little crush on Lake back then. Who wouldn’t? He was cute and a little shy and he had this smile that made me feel at ease. Did I hate her because she had him now? No, not at all. Lake and I never would have worked out anyway. We were too alike and not in good ways. Bridget and Lake were alike in the best ways. Simply put, they got each other.
And it wasn’t like Lake was the only man to look at around here. I may have had crushes on most of them at one point or another. Not that I would even think of making any kind of move. This was the boat I was currently sailing in, and I was smart enough to know that you didn’t rock the boat. If I did say something, make some kind of move on one of the members, it could end in awkwardness. Oh, who was I kidding? It would end in awkwardness. Period. Because even the ones that noticed that I was there wouldn’t really look twice at me. At most, I was at sister status with them.
Hey, you shouldn’t feel bad for me. It was okay, really. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. And it wasn’t like there weren’t men out there, you know, outside of the club.
I may not have gotten out much, but I knew they were out there when I decided the time was right. Or something.
With a sigh, I grabbed a cold bottle of water out of the fridge. Then I sat down across the table from Bridget.
“I was thinking we all need a girl’s night or something soon,” Bridget said.
“Yeah, that’d be nice. It’s been a while since we did something.”
“Maybe we should take a day trip. We could hit up Myrtle Beach and do some shopping,” she said with a shrug.
I eyed her for a few seconds.
Bridget wasn’t really the shopping type. Sure, when the girls invited her along, she’d usually go if she wasn’t doing anything. But it didn’t seem like the type of outing she would pick to do on her own.
“What?” she asked seeing the look on my face. “It could be fun.”
“Who’s idea was this?” I asked her bluntly.
I liked the way Bridget didn’t treat me like I would break at any moment. She was pretty blunt and to the point. She didn’t feel sorry for me about Dade, even though she did share some of the same sadness about him being gone now.
I smiled, remembering the first conversation she had with Dade. It was after he lost his leg and he was still struggling with the whole thing. He was kind of a grumpy butt then. She didn’t give him looks of pity. She had actually tried to crack a joke. I think we all laughed because it was so awkward. From that point on, I was in awe of her. And Dade, he had instant respect for her.
Back to my point.
This idea of hanging out and going shopping wasn’t something I saw coming from her. If she wanted to check up on me then she’d just come right out and say it.
“Cable,” she answered with a quick half smile. “Well, Claire, I guess. She said something to him, he came and talked to me and now here I am, making the move that everyone is afraid to make.”
My posture sagged as I let out a small sigh.
“We get it, Abigail. We do,” she went on. There wasn’t sympathy in her voice but she wasn’t trying to be mean either. “And no one expects you to be fine any time soon. That said, we are worried about you. If you’re not down here cooking or cleaning, you’re up in your room.”
“I know,” I said lamely.
“I think we could all use a day of fun away
from this place,” she said with a wide smile.
I didn’t think she was wrong.
Before I could say anything else, Laurel breezed in carrying several bags hanging off of one arm and Cathrine hugged tight to her body with the other.
The bags went on the table with a loud thump and I reached out for the cute baby. Her hands excitedly stretched in my direction the moment she saw me.
“What are you two up to?” Laurel asked as she went to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water.
“Well, Bridget said girl talk but so far the only thing she’s talked about is trying to get me out and about,” I said with a laugh.
“Oh, yes! That sounds like fun,” Laurel said with an excited smile.
“She suggested shopping,” I added with a pointed look.
Laurel looked over at Bridget with a cocked brow. Clearly, I wasn’t the only one that saw through it.
“I want to go dancing,” I stated as the idea hit my brain.
I wasn’t old enough to drink yet, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t go out and have fun.
“Yeah,” Bridget said with a happy nod. “Friday?”
“I’m in,” Laurel added.
“Okay, now that it’s all set, what’s in the bags?” I asked.
“I stopped by the store. I was craving something, but I didn’t know what that something was. I kind of went crazy, didn’t I?”
We all dug through the bags, pulling out random things. Chocolate bars. Chips. Baby carrots. Crunchy peanut butter. A can of tuna.
“Pregnant again?” Bridget asked without a hint of shock in her tone. I giggled.
“Shhh,” Laurel said looking around to make sure no one else was around. “Yes, but we are keeping it quiet for a little longer.”
“Keep bringing stuff like this around and it won’t be a secret for long,” I said. “Also, yay! Congratulations!”
I leaned over and threw my arm around her in a side hug. Cathrine got excited right along with me, clapping her hands wildly. I knew she didn’t know what was going on and she was most likely reacting to the tone of my voice, but I still thought it was adorable.
“Thanks,” Laurel said with a happy smile.
I envied these women sometimes. They were so happy. They had amazing men that would lay down their lives to keep their women happy.
I was still young and while I wanted that, I wasn’t sure it would be any time soon. Maybe I just wanted to be loved. To be looked out for.
Or maybe I just wanted someone to take care of. Someone that showed their appreciation every chance they had.
Ugh.
I had no idea what I was talking about.
Honestly, I think it all led back to sex.
Yep, sex.
I was surrounded by it. Though they tried to keep it out of sight when I was around, I wasn’t dumb.
Claire came walking into the kitchen looking like she was having to drag herself with every step. Her short hair was a bit wild and she looked like she hadn’t slept in days. Cable was right behind her, his arms full of bags much like Laurel’s had been.
Greetings went around as Claire flopped down into a chair. Cable set the bags on the table, looked at what was already spread out, then his eyes wildly bounced between Bridget and Laurel.
He wasn’t a dumb man and by the look on his face he had figured it out.
“Don’t look at me,” Bridget said with a smirk. “I like my freaky time with my man too much to give it up for a baby right now.”
A nervous laugh slipped out of my mouth.
“Another one?” he asked Laurel while trying to hold back a smile.
“Yes,” she breathed out with a sigh. There was no way this was going to stay a secret for long. “But not a word, okay?”
“You got it.” His smile widened as he looked down at Claire. He dumped the contents of the bags onto the table causing everything to pretty much become one crazy pile. With a wink at the three of us, he bent over and kissed Claire on the head. “See you in a bit, beautiful.”
Then he left.
I took in all the goodies on the table.
“You too?!” I exclaimed.
“Me too,” Claire said with a happy, but tired sigh.
Laurel was quick to express how excited she was about the two of them being pregnant at the same time. Bridget was shaking her head muttering about the club being overrun with kids, but there was a huge smile on her face. I leaned over and wrapped my arm around Claire’s shoulder and whispered my happy congratulations.
“So is this why we haven’t seen you around here much?” I asked.
After Dade died, she’d spent the night in my room a few times. She didn’t make me talk about it or get irritated at all my mood swings. When I woke in the middle of the night crying, she was there to wrap me up in a hug. I loved her hugs. I might even say they were the best.
I liked Claire. Honestly, I liked all the significant others. They were kind of like a comfort group within the huge group of the club. At least one of them would stop by and hang out with me at some point during the day. Claire came around less than others, having a place to live off the compound since before she started seeing Cable and all. Everyone else had at least lived here at one point. Bridget and Lake had the house that they inherited when Ed died. Laurel and B had a house with a lot of bedrooms. Which, I had a feeling they would have them all full at some point. Gwen and Knight also had their own place. Cami and Brand lived above the tattoo shop that he ran. Chris and Ky had a place on the beach, and Mouse and Ingram had one not too far from them.
So, yeah, they all had places of their own. They all still had rooms here if it got to where they would need to crash for the night. You know, drink too much and not drive home. Or have the urge to get freaky and not have enough energy to move afterword. Must be nice, right?
My point was that Claire didn’t come around as much. I knew it wasn’t because she didn’t like the club. But she’d been even more scarce lately. If the pregnancy was the reason she looked like she did, I imagined she didn’t have the energy to be social.
“No,” Claire said as she leaned forward and it almost looked like she was trying to hide from someone. Her voice came out in a hushed whisper. “Petra’s not here, is she?”
My brows pinched together in confusion.
Petra was Iron’s woman. Well, she was with Iron. I wouldn’t have ever said she was someone’s like she belonged to them. I imagined that she would hate that sort of thing. And she scared the cucumbers out of me. I’d never do anything to make her notice me let alone have a reason to dislike me. She was unique. And while I would never call her soft, she did have a blunt way of putting things without sugarcoating it at all. Sometimes… it was just the thing that people needed to hear though, even if it hurt. She might have been the reason I didn’t lose myself when Dade died. For that, I was grateful for her. But that didn’t mean I wanted to see her more than I had to.
“No,” I told Claire because I pretty much was the one person that knew what was going on here at all times. “She hasn’t been here this week. And besides, she’s never around at this time of the day anyway.”
Claire visibly relaxed.
“Does she scare you that much?” I asked.
The three of them froze, Laurel and Bridget’s eyes were pinned on Claire and there was clearly something I wasn’t clued in on. And I seemed to be the only one.
Sigh.
Again with the feeling like an outsider sometimes.
But I wasn’t trying to say I was ungrateful for what they all had given me here.
Come to think of it, I hadn’t ever seen Petra and Claire in the same room. Or even here at the same time. Not even the few cookouts that Petra had come to.
That was weird, right?
“She doesn’t scare me,” Claire finally said. “Okay, a little. But that’s not the reason.”
“You don’t have to tell me,” I assured her as I reached out and grabbed her hand.
“I use
to work for her. I kind of… bailed on her and got myself into some trouble. I feel really bad about it, especially since she’d taken me in and all.”
“Oh,” I said with a hint of shock. That didn’t sound like the cold, badass woman I’d seen around. There was nothing about Petra that seemed warm. At least not to me. Granted, I didn’t know a darn thing about her beyond what she let others see. “Wait, what does she do?”
Again with the deer-in-headlights look from these girls.
“What?” I asked all confused like. “What am I missing?”
Bridget cleared her throat and I knew she was going to be the one to tell me. Out of everyone, she treated me least like I was some kid. Blade was a close second, though he didn’t really talk to me all that much. Mostly because he wasn’t a talker.
“Petra owns an upscale brothel, basically,” Bridget said, her eyes going a little soft in Claire’s direction as she delivered the shocking blow. “She takes really good care of everyone that works for her.”
I said nothing because I was still taking it all in.
Petra sold sex.
Claire worked for Petra at one point.
Which meant that Claire got paid for sex.
And by the crushed look on her face, I could tell it wasn’t something she was exactly proud of.
I looked back over at Bridget and the look on her face told me she loved me, but if I dared to say one judgmental thing to make Claire feel bad, then she was going to kick my bottom.
“Well, I for sure wouldn’t judge anyone for that. Especially when I’m sitting over here dreaming about getting some. And then to get paid for it on top of that. At this point, it kind of sounds like a dream job to me.” I clamped my mouth closed after the words tumbled out. My cheeks flamed hot and I almost wanted to close my eyes and wish this embarrassing moment away.
Fudge and farts.
If I hurt Claire’s feelings I’d not only have to deal with Bridget and Laurel, I’d also have to deal with the wrath of Cable. While he seemed kindhearted for the most part, he was huge. And he loved Claire with everything he had in him. I imagined he wouldn’t be so kindhearted if he heard that I’d made her feel bad.