by Hart, Eve R.
“Can we go back to the compound now?” I asked.
With a sad nod, she got to her feet and finished her coffee.
She talked softly on the way there but my focus was outside the window. The scenery went by in a blur and I didn’t hear her words or their meaning. So I said nothing.
I found myself in Dade’s room not long after she dropped me off. Months later they still had everything here. They could have cleared out this room, used it for someone new. You know, moved on. They should have. They hadn’t asked me if that was okay and I hadn’t gone to Iron to tell him to just go ahead and do it already. The thing was though, it was keeping us all in some sort of limbo.
‘Live in the memories but don’t drown in them.’
Bridget had said that to me once. I didn’t think I understood what she meant until this moment. How could I live in the memories, replay all those wonderful moments, and not drown in the pain? I couldn’t, so I just tried not to even let them in.
My feet carried me to the end of his bed. The sheets were wrinkled and pushed away from one side, the way they’d been left from him getting out of bed. I couldn’t bear to strip them from the bed. Or even pull them up so they were right. But that wouldn’t have been right then, because it wouldn’t have been the way he left it.
I didn’t stare at that messy spot though. My eyes were on the rest of the room, scanning it like I’d find something I hadn’t seen before. Or maybe I was trying to look at it in a new light.
If it was the time, I didn’t think I’d be the one to do it. Only I felt like I had to. I had to be the one to go through all of his things, pack them up, and decide where it all went next. I didn’t think I could live with myself if I didn’t do it.
I breathed in the air in the room. It smelled of a place that had been closed up for a while. There was still a small trace of Dade in the air but it was almost gone. It made me realize that soon it would be completely gone and there wouldn’t be a trace of him here at all. It hit me hard and fast. Dade’s scent wouldn’t be here anymore because he was gone.
I let the tears fall. I sobbed uncontrollably. Even as I crawled up his bed and buried my head in the pillow on the made-up side. Even as I tried to find some tiny trace of him in the room around me. I cried harder than I think I cried when Iron had first told me.
I must have fallen asleep at some point. I blinked my swollen eyes open. The pain was still there once I noticed where I was, only it seemed to be slightly lessened. It wasn’t something that would ever completely go away and I knew that.
Pushing myself up, I tried to rub the sticky haze away from my eyes. My body felt like it weighed a thousand pounds and my legs didn’t want to carry me over to the dresser across the room. With shaky fingers, I picked up the picture that was there. Just the one and it was the only thing sitting there other than the key chain that had once held the key to his room and his bike. The key to his room I now held. The bike one, well, I was sure Iron knew where that was. I hadn’t asked. Not about the key or the bike. I didn’t want to know.
I stared down at the picture. A light layer of dust had settled along the top and I wiped it off on my shirt. Younger versions of ourselves were staring up at me. It was taken on one of his good days after he’d gotten out of the hospital. I was smiling, no surprise there, but so was he. His wasn’t as wide as mine but it was still beautiful. Because it showed that he was trying. It showed that life could kick him around and stomp on him, but he’d find a way to make it through. It showed that he wanted to live even though he’d lost a part of himself.
One good day. I remembered thinking back then that I’d take it. Just one good friggin’ day for him. And I got it that day. The proof was right there staring me in the face. I would have sworn that was the moment that he tried really, really hard to pull himself out of the hole he’d fallen into. And I’d been there to be a part of it.
I tucked the picture under my arm, then I moved to the door. With the door open and my finger on the light switch, I took another look around.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow I’d be ready to set us all free.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Charming
I didn’t know where Abigail was. I wasn’t in panic mode because I knew she was safe. Why wouldn’t she be? She rarely left the compound but that didn’t mean that she never did. Truth was, if she’d gone out I would be fucking happy. She didn’t need to stay cooped up in this place all the time. I just wished I knew where she was. Maybe if she’d answer her phone I wouldn’t feel so wound up.
“She’s in Dade’s room,” Blade said with a chin jerk as he climbed up the stairs.
My hands gripped the railing as I looked over at him. With a deep breath, I pushed away and started in his direction.
“No,” he told me flatly.
“No?” I asked him with a twinge of anger flaring in my tone. My fingers twitched at my sides like I was half a second away from punching him.
“Leave her be.”
“The fuck, man?”
“She needs time alone, give it to her.” He had all the fucking answers, didn’t he?
I stared him down with a fire in my eyes. If she was in there then she probably wasn’t doing okay. I pictured her crying and it broke my heart.
“That’s her time. She’s trying to work it all out. Fucking let her. She’ll come to you when she needs you.”
He shouldered past me, headed for his room.
“Us,” I said because there was something wrong with his statement and I couldn’t let it slide.
“What?” he asked. His head turned to look over his shoulder but there wasn’t anything in his eyes that indicated that he’d understood why I’d said that.
“She’ll need us.”
He swallowed. I saw it even though his shoulder blocked the view. With a nod, he turned his head away from me and ducked into his room.
I stood there, breathing in the fresh air almost too deeply. There was nothing calming or soothing about it, yet I continued to take in deep breaths. If I kept it up I was going to pass out, probably hit my head and then I wouldn’t be good for anything. I wouldn’t be here if she needed me.
My body screamed at me to go for a run. It wasn’t such a bad idea, it would give me something to do and I could clear my head at the same time. But what if I missed her when she was done? What if I wasn’t here when she needed me?
After what seemed like hours, though it wasn’t, I let myself wander down to the clubhouse. That was as far as I was going to go, I promised myself. I’d hoped I’d find her in the kitchen but wasn’t all that shocked when the big room was empty.
I checked the time. It was getting late in the day. Usually, she was down here doing prep work for whatever she would be making for the dinner. I shot Iron a text to let him know we’d need some pizza tonight. He sent me one back right away telling me to come up and get some cash.
Good. At least that would keep me busy for a little while.
I got the cash, found a prospect that I trusted, and sent him out with a list of pizzas to order. He came back about an hour later. The smell seemed to draw the brothers in like flies, and before I knew it, I was sitting at a table surrounded by people and trying my hardest to carry on a conversation. Blade sat on my right side, a chair between us. My arm slung over the top like I was saving it for someone. Not like I needed to. It was pretty clear what was going on and luckily, no one had said anything about it.
I had waited for it. I did. It wasn’t like the shit they’d come at me with wouldn’t have been stuff I’d already beaten myself up over anyway. But most everyone had been cool. No one seemed to sneer at me or look at me with eyes that said I’d betrayed the club in some way.
Things had been pretty great. I couldn’t define it and I didn’t think we really needed to. What I could tell you was that sometimes Blade stayed with us after, and sometimes he didn’t. It didn’t bother me either way but I was concerned about Abigail. She hadn’t said anything. I got the
feeling like deep down she understood it and since she didn’t look hurt or sad on nights that he slipped away, I wasn’t going to go into it. Why make a problem if there wasn’t one?
Blade forced me to grab some slices and watched to make sure I actually got them down. We ate and chatted with a few of the brothers that were around. We even lingered in the dining area after we were done, having a couple of beers with Colby, Sketch, Cable, and Ky.
Something called to me and I turned my head. A second later, Abigail came walking into the kitchen. The moment I saw her, I breathed a sigh of relief. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could have gone on without going to make sure she was okay.
Her eyes, puffy and red, met mine right away. It was clear that she wasn’t okay and I hated myself for listening to Blade. With a timid smile, she headed my way. I smoothly kicked the chair out for her and she plopped down between Blade and me. My arm curled around her shoulders while Blade’s hand went to her thigh. He didn’t look at her directly but that was just him. Her hand went to link with Blade’s at the same moment her head tilted to lean on my shoulder.
No one said anything. Not about the closeness between all three of us, and not about Abigail’s swollen eyes which were a clear indication that she’d been crying. Colby got up and grabbed her some pizza. I didn’t even hate the sweet smile she sent him because it was clear I couldn’t get up right now. He was doing us all a solid and I gave him a nod of thanks.
She ate slowly still curled up into my side. I was happy she was at least trying to put something in her system.
She even joined the conversation. Something in me clicked and I noticed that she was different. Her sadness wasn’t like it had been before. Her eyes were puffy from crying and she seems like she was emotionally wrung out, but there was a lightness about her that I hadn’t seen in a while. I wanted to ask her but I figured it was best to wait and see. It was obvious she was working through something and maybe she wasn’t completely there yet. I wasn’t dumb, and given that she’d spent the afternoon in Dade’s room, I had a good idea of what was going on.
She shifted her eyes to look up into mine. She sent me a smile and I kissed her forehead with a smile of my own.
“I need you both,” she whispered into my ear.
My gaze went over her head to look at Blade. Yeah, he knew what was going on without me having to say anything.
I swallowed hard because I was torn. Was this the best time to have sex? Maybe not. Then again, it wasn’t just sex. We’d been there when she needed us so why should this be any different?
Blade gave me a jerk of his chin and I knew it was the right thing to do. So far, he had always made the better calls when it came to her and I didn’t see where this was any different.
We gracefully said goodbye but it was clear what we were slinking off to do.
Inside my room, she reached for me right away. The way we all moved wasn’t different but it felt that way. Maybe it was because we’d done this enough times by now.
We hadn’t both taken her at the same time yet, but she’d hinted big time at wanting it. We were working up to it and I got the feeling that was what she needed right now.
I was giddy and nervous at the same time. But the feeling that overshadowed everything else was something I couldn’t put my finger on. It was warm and it seemed to vibrate throughout me. No, it wasn’t exactly love, though there was no doubt that I felt that for Abigail. And well, Blade too but in a different way. Whatever it was, it told me that this was right at this moment.
Hands were everywhere as we stripped each other out of our clothing but it wasn’t frantic. There seemed to be a perfect rhythm to it all. Blade crawled up the bed and laid on his back. I watched as Abigail made her way up his body, taking her time to lick and kiss a path up his stomach and chest. His eyes were on hers and when she lifted her head, he pulled her down for a kiss.
Her arm reached out like she was searching for me.
“I’m here, baby,” I told her softly as I made my way onto the bed.
I tossed my legs over Blade’s and kissed up her back as my hands slid around her body to cup her tits.
She continued to kiss Blade while I dropped one hand to play with her clit. Her body bounced and rocked with need. I wasn’t going to rush this, no fucking way.
“Please,” she moaned.
Blade reached over, snagged a condom from off the top of the side table and tossed it at me. Then he went back to kissing her while I rolled the condom down his shaft. With my hands on her hips, I guided her back until the head of his cock was right where she needed it. She let out a long moan and her body arched back into me as I slid her down his shaft.
“Yes,” she breathed out and my hands remained on her hips as I guided her up and down until she had the rhythm on her own.
“What do you want, baby?” I asked as my lips brushed the shell of her ear.
“I want it all, please.”
“Are you ready now?”
“Yes. No. I want you in my mouth first. Please.”
My head cocked to the side and I looked down at Blade. His eyes shrugged at me— yes, you read that right. Then he flicked his eyes up as if telling me to stand on the bed in front of her.
That was all well and good and even made sense, but I was a little worried that I wouldn’t be able to keep my balance on the not-so-solid mattress once I fed her my cock. Abigail had this way of throwing me off balance anytime she touched me.
Blade rolled his eyes, it was slight but I caught it.
I shuffled to the side then stood, bracing a foot on either side of Blade’s body.
Her eyes looked up at me with excitement swirling deep inside them. Her head tilted back as her tongue slid out and rested flat against her bottom lip. Just the sight had me ready to explode.
One of her hands stayed plastered to Blade’s body while the other one came up to wrap around my shaft. Then her warm, wet mouth was on me. I grunted when I felt teeth and I knew she didn’t mean it. Like Blade read my mind, his hands slapped down on her hips and he held her still while he thrust up into her. Yep, that was much better. She focused her energy on sucking me and it was incredible.
Her moans vibrated down my shaft and tickled my balls.
My knees were weak and I started to wobble. Damn, she was so hot right now. I closed my eyes and tried to pull myself back enough so I could stand.
Then I felt Blade’s hand on my back, right above my ass. His fingers curled into my hip and damn, I suddenly felt a lot more stable. I looked over my shoulder at him and saw his brows jerk up once like he just fucking knew.
I let her play a little longer but I wasn’t coming in her mouth.
When I pulled away she let out a little whimper and there was a small pout playing on her puffy lips. Fuck, she was so beautiful.
Blade and I had already talked about it. I knew he was an ass man, that was really no secret if you’d been with him in these types of situations. But Abigail’s was mine, at least for this first time. It had been in the back of my head, but he had been the one to say it out loud. Like he just fucking got it or something. I reached for a condom and grabbed the lube from inside the side table.
“Eric,” she moaned as she watched what I did. “Are you clean?”
My mouth fell open and all I could do was nod. Of course, I was because I never went without a condom. Not even for a blowjob because I was weird about it. I didn’t take any chances. And I knew I was because of my job, I got tested regularly.
I knew why she was asking for this. She could have asked before and we could have talked about it. I knew Blade was clean too, but there was the big thing about her not being on birth control. I’d been meaning to talk to her about that, you know, see if she wanted to go on it, but I hadn’t gotten there yet. If she didn’t, well, I was fine with that too.
“I want to feel you,” she breathed out in a daze. “It’s safe in there, right? They can’t swim through my body and crack my eggs.”
It
was hard as fuck not to laugh at her right now. By the way the bed had stopped shaking, I knew Blade was taken a little off guard by her words. Oh, I knew she wasn’t dumb but it seemed her mind just went blank sometimes and the strangest things would come out of her mouth.
I pulled her back against my chest and kissed her. We all needed to forget about that little trip up even if I thought it was cute as hell. If I gave her the chance, she’d realize what she’d said and then she’d be embarrassed. Which would ruin this for her.
I released her mouth and gently pushed her down on Blade’s chest. His thrusts were slow and controlled now, he was keeping her on edge. As well as himself, I didn’t doubt.
I coated my fingers with lube before doing the same to her hole. We’d played with her ass before, stretching her open with our fingers and getting her used to the feeling. She was tight and as much as I wanted to fuck the hell out of her ass, I knew I had to go slow.
She moaned as I slid my slick finger into her. It wasn’t long before I was adding another. I watched as I stretched her out because it was fucking hot. Once I had three fingers inside, I began to move them back and forth and pushed them apart.
“She’s ready, Charm,” Blade grunted.
Yeah, she was.
I poured more lube into my hand and made sure my cock was nice and slick.
“Please, please. Now,” she begged as I brushed the head of my cock against her entrance.
She tried her hardest not to tense but I was expecting it. I went slow, feeding my cock to her ass one inch at a time.
I looked down once I was fully seated inside of her. Damn, it was tighter than I imagined and I knew some of it had to do with the fact that she was sitting on Blade’s dick too. I could feel the wide smile on my face as I looked up. Blade pulled away from Abigail’s mouth to catch my eye. With a nod, we started moving.
It was slow at first because the last thing we wanted to do was hurt her.
Then she was wiggling and bouncing and begging for more.
“I feel so full. Oh, this is so amazing,” she said and I could hear the happiness in her voice. That was all I really wanted, to keep her happy and satisfied at all times.