“Still, we’ll find another way. Give me the C4, I’ll lead them somewhere, get to a safe distance, and blow it.”
“Already done.”
“What?”
“Eric, I have a great grandson. Let’s face it, I’m getting old.”
“That doesn’t mean you have to give up.”
“This is not giving up,” he stated defiantly, as if offended. “This is cold logic, with one life being sacrificed to save the many.”
“Fine, then set the C4 somewhere and blow it when you’ve reached a safe distance.”
“It doesn’t work that way, Eric, which is why I didn’t tell you. When I took the C4, I was informed there were no detonators. It’s why they had so much, because it was a one-way delivery. I knew what I was doing when I loaded up, and I damn sure know what I’m doing now.”
“Please…” Desperation filled my voice.
“Eric, it’s okay, really. I don’t want to get so old that I’m a burden on my family. I’m in a good place right now. I’m happy, and I’m at peace knowing that my family is safe. Besides, I still owe you one, especially after beating the shit out of you.”
“I told you before, there are no—”
“I need this, Eric. We’ve lost too much from these things…your best friend, your wife and son, Antoinette, this world even turned my grandson into a monster. I don’t want to die in some hospital bed, hooked up to a machine to help me breathe after years of pain. At least this way, I go out on my own terms, fighting. My death will mean something. Please let me do this.”
His words hit hard, because I’d felt the same way before I assaulted that courthouse back in Indiana. I understood his decision, and I knew there was no changing his mind.
“Thank you, David. I’m proud to have called you my friend, and I hope you get to see your wife again.”
“You, too, Eric. Just make it count, okay? Get those kids to safety?”
“I will…”
“One more thing, a favor. I need you to let Tom know I won’t be making it to dinner, but I’m proud of how much he’s grown, as a husband, and as a man. And I need you to tell Katherine I’m sorry for everything that she went through. Will you do that for me?” He was choked up, but somehow still sounded like the tough son of a bitch I knew he was.
“I promise, Dave.”
“Thank you. Now,” I heard him yelling and gunfire sounded on the other end, “it’s my turn for some thrilling heroics.” I could hear him through the walls of the offices, having taken his suppressor off. Gunshots rang out in the streets beyond, fading as the sounds grew more distant. I heard movement on the stairs above me, but I couldn’t make myself look.
The group had come down to check on me, hopeful looks on their faces.
“Dave kept his word. He’s giving us a way out.” I didn’t have to say more for them to understand, and Gabriel stepped further down the stairs.
“I didn’t know him long, but he was a good man, and he’ll be remembered that way.” I nodded and told Matthew to lead everyone down the stairs. He carried Kat past me without a word, knowing that any mention of seeing me in that chair would only hurt the memory of the man responsible for us making it out alive.
I joined them by the door to the first floor, hearing no sounds on the other side. Cracking it open slightly, the hall was empty, but I stepped out to make sure. Waving Matthew forward after he handed Kat off to Jessica, we swept the rest of the first floor that had once been crawling with zombies. Aside from a few stragglers that we easily picked off, the office building was empty.
Somewhere deeper into the city, an explosion detonated in the distance that still managed to reach us, shaking the crumbling walls. I stepped into the street and glanced in the direction of the sound, seeing smoke rising over the rooftops. The storm had passed, replaced by sunlight trying to work its way through the clouds. Closing my eyes, I quietly said thank you, and goodbye, to Dave.
“Guys like him are going to be how we get back on our feet,” Matthew spoke over my shoulder, waving back to the group that it was safe to come outside.
Exhausted and emotionally frayed, I took Katherine from Jessica and studied her face in my arms. Despite the frostbite and smoke, she looked peaceful, and I felt a smile creep onto my face.
“Let’s get you home.”
Chapter 100
Day 250
Aftermath
I stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around my waist and wiping condensation from the mirror. Staring at my reflection, I barely recognized the man in front of me. The face was the same, short stubble growing in, damp hair to the shoulders, but the eyes…there was a darkness in them, a knowledge of actions taken, that seemed far removed from humanity.
Bracing myself on the sink, I let my head fall and noted the bruised skin on my knuckles, the various cuts along my arms and chest. I could only guess how much my back looked like a pachinko machine from all the hands clawing at me, but I had been checked out as soon as we got back to San Antonio.
There was no parade, no celebration, when we arrived through the gates, driving the vehicles that Harper had pulled strings to send in. Before I let the medics check me out, I made sure the children were being looked after, keeping my promise to Antoinette, and carried Katherine to the emergency room. Her skin had been so cold, even after the three-hour drive back with the heater on, that I refused to let anyone else touch her. Maybe I was a little overprotective, but…can you really blame me?
I was given the all-clear by the doctors, despite the many lacerations all over, and taken to the main headquarters for debriefing. Harper and Murphy were both there, as well as a detained Gabriel. They asked to hear my version of the events that transpired in Austin and, after my testimony in defense of Gabriel’s character, they agreed to release him, with the stipulation that he join their cause. He didn’t hesitate to take the deal, thanking me. Harper would need Gabriel, and more men like him, if there was any hope to reclaim what was lost. Things may never return to normal, but we could at least try.
I was dismissed and headed back to the hotel barracks, where my room was the same as when I had left, minus one tenant. The loss of Dave weighed heavy on my conscience, added to the already herculean load that threatened to break me, as I had stepped into the shower.
Rubbing my jaw, I hung the towel on a rack inside the bathroom, walking back into the room and getting dressed. My clothes had been washed, but as I held up my shirt, some of the stains hadn’t come out. The dull red was embedded in the white fabric, a reminder of the carnage I had unleashed, the monster I let out of the cage. Shoving my head through the collar and pulling it down, I finished putting on my pants and a new pair of tennis shoes that had been brought to me. The ones from up north were worn down, and I still couldn’t believe I never found a pair of boots. I guess Die Hard was right about everyone having small feet.
Waiting outside my hotel room was Jessica, leaning against the wall with her eyes closed. In the days following our return to the city, we had spent time a lot of time together, waiting for Katherine to get better, but also doing some healing of our own. As I opened the door, she looked up and smiled appreciatively.
“I’d almost forgotten what you looked like when you showered.” I laughed.
“Thanks.” I took her hand and we walked downstairs, but I pulled her back. “You know what I’m going to tell her, right?” Jessica met my eyes, the green pools of her irises deep with thought.
“I’ve got some idea, yeah. Are you sure it’s what you want, though?” My eyes fell to the ground, studying the generic patterns of the carpet, before nodding.
“I made my choice back in Austin, and now I have to ride that road to the end, wherever it takes me.” She understood and we left the hotel in silence, walking hand in hand. As we passed the park, I saw the children playing, laughing, the events of those twenty-four hours already a distant memory for them. Among them, Marcus stood out, holding Teresa on his tall shoulders and guiding her acros
s a set of bars overhead.
It had been almost a week since that moment in the daycare, the crossroads decision that put Marcus and me at odds. No matter how much he understood what had to be done, no matter how much I knew that his anger was founded in pain, Antoinette was his wife. I didn’t regret what I had done, as the only other option was letting Marcus do it, but I wish like hell the choice was never given. Knowing too well the amount of guilt and self-hatred that came with that, though, I had taken that on myself.
He noticed me walking with Jessica and nodded, a silent understanding that meant so much. I returned the gesture and almost looked away, but something caught my eye. I hadn’t hallucinated since going the pacifist route, but I threw that all away for Katherine. Still, something was different. Samantha wore the yellow dress from my favorite picture on our honeymoon and smiled at me, Phillip’s short body standing next to her with his tiny hand in hers.
Unlike before, the guilt that had washed over me for failing my family was missing, replaced with a soft…warmth. A smile broke through the hardened cracks of stress on my face, an expression that only I needed to know about. As quickly as they were there, though, the image of my family faded and I was left looking at the front of a building. After so much violence, I thought I was destined to be tortured, but Jessica had been right. Samantha wouldn’t want me to suffer, but to be happy, and this was the only hallucination that mattered. There were a lot of demons I still had to deal with, but her forgiveness was a piece that I had been missing inside for too long.
“What are you looking at?” Jessica followed my gaze, but stood confused.
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you, but I think I’m okay.” Her expression didn’t change, and I laughed. “Let’s just say, maybe there’s still hope for me yet.”
“O…kay?” She raised an eyebrow, but I squeezed her hand lightly and led the way to the hospital, taking the stairs to the second floor. Following the signs, we found our way to the room Katherine was recovering in.
Turning into the doorway, I could practically hear the audience go, “Aww.” Matthew sat in the chair at Kat’s bedside, his hand on hers, his eyes closed as he slept quietly. I took a step forward and he snapped awake, though, his hand shooting to his hip out of reflex. In a strange way, I was really proud of his reaction, knowing he had grown to be protective of my daughter.
“It’s okay, kid.” I held out my hand and he relaxed, taking a deep breath.
“Sorry about that, Eric.” He rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. “It became kind of automatic out there, you know?”
“I know.” I glanced to Kat, who had made a full recovery since she had been brought in. She was hooked up to the EKG, the rhythmic beeping of her heartbeat calming my nerves. Seeing her eyes closed put me on edge ever since finding her in that freezer, but the strong pulse in her veins let me know she was just resting. The expression on her face was relaxed, peaceful.
“She woke up from a nightmare a few hours ago, but I calmed her down. I got her to eat some breakfast before she went back to sleep.” He nodded to the chart at the foot of her bed. “They said she can leave tomorrow if she feels up to it, that all of her vitals are great.” Hearing the good news, my lungs filled my chest so much that I wondered how long it had been since I’d actually breathed.
“Seems like having you here is helping her.” Jessica stepped forward, hugging the kid before wrapping her hands around my arm. Matthew blushed and shrugged, which made me laugh. He paused as a thought struck him.
“Did you talk to Dave’s grandson yet?” My smile faded and I nodded, my face grim.
“I stopped by as soon as I had the chance, told them what happened.” Before Matt could ask, I added, “That his father was one of the bravest, selfless men I’d ever had the honor of knowing. Dave was one tough son of a bitch, and he was proud of his family.” The kid nodded his agreement, his eyes hooded in thought, before Kat’s eyes blinked open.
Her eyes came to focus on me first, shifting to Jessica, to her arms around me, then to Matt beside her. He squeezed her hand and she smiled, looking to me.
“I feel like that scene in The Wizard of Oz, when she wakes up and everyone’s there.”
“Well, if you start telling me this was all a dream we need to get you checked for a concussion.” Picking up the chart, I made like I was studying it and she laughed.
“If only.” Her expression grew solemn. “Thank you, Eric. I didn’t get the chance to say that before, but if it hadn’t been for you…” She trailed off and I cut in.
“I wasn’t alone, you know.” Without Gabriel’s help and Dave’s sacrifice, I don’t know what would have happened. She looked to Matthew and Jessica, asking for a moment alone with me. They didn’t go far, waiting outside the door, but she waited until they left to talk.
“I thought I was going to die in that freezer, Eric, cold and alone.” Tears came to her eyes as she continued, breaking down. “I thought…I deserved it, after everything I had done.” She couldn’t keep going, so I sat on the edge of the bed and held her, rocking her slowly as she cried into my chest. When she was done, choking back her last tears, she pulled her head back and looked up at me.
“Thank you, for everything.” I knew she wasn’t just talking about the freezer.
“I made a promise a long time ago, and I plan to always follow through. You’re my daughter, Kat, and I won’t let anything happen to you.”
“I’m not…I’m not the same person I was, though, Eric. I’m not…clean.” I held her face in my hands and stared into her eyes, red and baggy from crying.
“There is nothing you could do that would make me give up on you, not ever, and you’re still one of the best people I know, Kat. You’ve had to do things to survive that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, but that doesn’t make you a bad person. Hell, if it does, you’d have to get in line.” She smiled and hugged me. “I do have something to pass on to you, though, a favor for a friend.”
“What do you mean?”
“Dave had three grandsons, one of which we met back in Crown Point.” I watched her mind trace the pieces until realization dawned on her.
“Oh my God, Eric! We…I killed his grandson?” She started to tear up again, a feat I thought impossible from the amount of dehydration.
“Wait, Kat, just listen. He knew, and he wanted to tell you that he had nothing but forgiveness for you. He knew it wasn’t easy for you, that it wasn’t your fault. In fact, he said he was sorry for everything that happened to you.” She shook her head and covered her face in her hands.
“I wish I had a chance to thank him and tell him how sorry I am.”
“I’m sure he knew, sweetie. Believe me, he knew how good you were.” We sat there for a full minute, contemplating how lucky we were to have Dave on our team.
“You’ve changed, too, you know. I think Jessica’s getting to you,” she broke the silence, grinning slightly. I held her shoulders back and lifted my chin.
“Whoa, now, you take that back or I might get you checked out after all.” This elicited another laugh.
“I’m serious, Eric. You’re…different, but in a good way. I can’t explain it.”
“I can accept that, I guess. Just don’t say I’m going soft or I’ll have to beat you.” Remembering something from what felt like a lifetime ago, I held up a finger and reached in my pack, my hand coming up with a stuffed turtle. “Still, I did get this for you.” She took the turtle and smiled, hugging it to her chest.
“Where did you get this?”
“Back in Indiana, at a gas station. I know it’s not the best souvenir—”
“I love it! Thank you.” She hugged it again and set it on her lap, an amused expression on her face. “You’ve gotta admit that you’re a little softer, Eric.”
“Fine, but don’t tell anyone.”
“Deal.” She held out her hand and we shook on it before I stood and opened the door, letting Jessica and Matt back in the room. My chest gre
w tight as I looked around the room at my family, knowing what I had to say.
“There’s something I need to say to you, something you need to hear.” I looked at the floor, trying to think of the speech I had rehearsed in the shower and coming up empty. “I thought I was lost after Chicago, like I would never be whole again, and you’ve all shown me otherwise. I lost friends and family that I thought…well, I thought I had lost them forever, that I would end up going somewhere else.” I scanned the room, landing on Jessica’s face. “You’ve all given me hope that maybe I’ll find them again someday, and you’ve become family in the process.” Jessica smiled and took my hand.
“Even me?” Matthew shared a glance with Kat.
“Don’t push your luck, kid.” I gave him a hard stare and he flinched, which made me laugh.
“You’re not staying, are you?” Kat whispered, her eyes welling up again as she focused on the bedsheet. She and Matt were planning to stay in San Antonio, try to re-assimilate to a society, which was a relief. It was what I had always wanted to give her, ever since finding her on that table in the fort. Damn, that felt like an eternity ago.
“No, I’m not.” She began to cry and I sat next to her, taking her hands in mine. “Kat, I love you so much and I’m so proud of the woman you’ve become. You have no idea how happy it makes me that you’re here, away from the fighting and the fear, and I’m honestly glad that you and Matt stayed together through it all.” I paused, my heart heavy. “But the choices I’ve made, the things I’ve done, have taken me down a different path and it might be a while before I can try to be a part of civilization again.”
“You said I’m still good even after what I’ve done! What makes you any different?” she yelled, throwing her hands down.
“I crossed a line, Katherine, a big one, before I even got here. I’ve been pushed so far and I finally gave in to the monster inside me, and I just…” I looked through the window of the hospital, “I lost myself somewhere out there. I don’t belong in this world anymore, not until I find that part of me again. Besides, knowing there are so many people still out there that need help, I think Gabriel was right. I’m built to fight, to survive, and I can do it so that people like you, like Marcus, don’t have to.”
A Broken World (Book 2): Shattered Paradise Page 25