by Nan Comargue
Alexa glared at him, forgetting just how close he was sitting. She quickly glanced away again.
“I didn’t cheat on your father,” Val said. “I didn’t even know your father when I became pregnant. Nikolai’s father is a man I knew in the former republic. He was killed. Those were terrible times.” She paused, visibly composing herself. “I was already three months pregnant with Nikolai when I first met your father.”
“At the legal aid clinic,” Alexa recalled, eager to find some traction in this suddenly slippery place called the past. “My father was volunteering there to help the new immigrants deal with government procedures, which was so unlike him, because he rarely did pro bono work.”
Val shrugged one elegant shoulder. It didn’t seem to matter to her what her late husband was or wasn’t, only what he had given her. Now Alexa was realizing the extent of that gift.
“Did Daddy know?”
Again Nik laughed, but this time she managed to ignore him.
“Your father knew that I was pregnant from the moment I met him,” said Val. “It was in my file. What happened to Nikolai’s father was the reason I left the USSR and part of the reason why I was granted asylum here.”
Nikolai’s father.
It suddenly occurred to her that Nik had never known his real father and never could have if he’d died before Nik was even born. When she turned her head to look at him, his gaze was already fixed on her, blue and intent. The stare was so unnerving that she stammered, “W-what is it?”
“I’m waiting for my sympathy,” he said, his voice bland. “Poor, sad Nik who never knew his father. Do you want to hold my head in your lap?”
Whatever sympathy she’d been starting to feel immediately evaporated. “Oh, no!”
“Well then, quit staring at me like that,” he told her. “I’m a big boy now. I came to terms with it a long time ago.”
Alexa focused her attention back on her stepmother. “How long has Nik known the truth?”
“All his life.”
“So I’m the only one who didn’t?”
“I-I’m sorry, Alexa.” But the apology didn’t take the sting out of the admission. “We thought it best not to tell you. It was difficult enough to get you to accept a new mother figure in your life after you and your father had been on your own for so long. Then there was the way you never connected with Nikky. Knowing that he wasn’t your true brother would have made it all that much more complicated.”
“No,” Alexa drew the word out. “This is making it more complicated. I don’t know why everyone couldn’t have told me the truth in the first place. This is just one of those silly lies people once thought it was right for adults to tell children, like lying to them about being adopted. Don’t you think I wondered about whether I was adopted?”
Her voice broke on the last question. So many times she’d looked at their family photographs and wondered if there had been some mistake. Her father, Val and Nik were all fair blue-eyed blonds while she was dark-haired with gray eyes. And she’d always thought she was the one who didn’t fit—when it was Nik all along.
Val’s thin face twisted. “Oh, my darling, did you—? Why couldn’t you—? I’m so sorry!” Wringing her hands, she turned to her son. “Nikky, please do something.”
“What do you want me to do?” He asked the question seemingly in response to his mother’s plea. “Kiss it better?”
The dry note in his voice made her writhe inside. Her chest started to hitch. She hated crying in front of people, but crying while Nik and his mother watched was her worst nightmare. Her eyes were too blurry to see him but she heard Nik’s tone, low and warm and entirely unlike anything she’d ever heard from him before.
“Aw, baby, come here.”
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. Alexa ended up nearly sitting in his lap, her face pressed against his broad chest, one of his hands holding it there. He was so big and strong and tender that it was incredibly soothing. She hadn’t known up until that moment that he knew how to offer comfort, but then he was the last person on Earth she would have sought it from.
His chin rested on her hair. He was mouthing something—nothing—but it was in that same deep tone so she didn’t care what it was. They were only words. The warmth and comfort of his body were what she craved.
Soon the stress and exhaustion of her long day overcame her defenses and her eyes grew heavy.
“That was quick,” she heard Val say.
Alexa yawned. Were they talking about her still? She barely cared at that point.
Nik had to raise his voice to address his mother. “Not for me,” he said. “I’ve always known.”
There was a short silence before Val spoke again.
“I didn’t know, Nikky. I never even suspected.”
Nik moved his hand across Alexa’s back in wide, calming circles. She sighed, letting her eyes shut, and snuggled closer to the solid bulk of him.
“Well, now you do,” Nik’s voice said from very far away. Everything was far away now. The hurt. The lies. Everything except the safe strength of Nik’s arms.
“This won’t last,” said Val. “She’ll hate you again tomorrow, possibly more than ever.”
But Alexa was beyond hate. She was falling asleep.
Chapter Two
The first object Alexa saw when she woke up was the framed photograph. It had sat on her bedside table for many years. It could have been titled The Happy Family, because that was what it showed—her, her father, Val and Nik, taken two decades ago. All smiling, despite the major argument they’d had before the photo was taken about Alexa’s decision to move away to college and the fact that no one in her family supported it.
She’d been in tears just minutes before the picture had been taken, but there she was, grinning away, as if everything was fine. It was a symbol of their family life. Happy on the outside, seething on the inside. At least, that’s how Alexa had felt—on the outside, looking in.
Of course, now she knew that she hadn’t fit in. They’d all had a secret they were keeping from her. She really was the outsider.
“I thought you were going to sleep the day through.”
The warm male voice made her jump. She looked over her shoulder. It was Nik, of course, lying on the other half of her bed like he belonged there.
At least he was fully clothed.
“Why are you in my bed?” Alexa asked, her voice icy.
He was even more tumbled than usual…and sexier. It wasn’t fair.
Nik lay back with his hands clasped beneath his head. “I meant to tuck you in last night but you wouldn’t let go of me. I didn’t want to wake you up, so I stayed.”
It sounded like a thin excuse. “All night?”
“All night, all morning and most of the day,” Nik replied. “It’s after noon now.”
“You’re kidding!” She sat up, clutching the sheet to her chest—unnecessarily, as it turned out, since she was also fully dressed. The clock on the table beside her confirmed the worst. It was almost one o’clock.
“I’m glad I let you sleep,” Nik said. “You needed it.”
The sanctimonious tone irritated her. “I had a long flight.”
“I know that.”
His calm responses were even more annoying. “So you don’t have to sound so smug about it. I was exhausted from the flight—and from everything else.”
“I know,” he said, gently this time. “I wasn’t being smug about that.”
“No?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “What else then?”
He slanted her an intimate glance. “I was being smug about not touching you last night, even though I wanted to and even though I knew you wanted me to.”
“You can learn a lot from sleeping women,” Alexa shot back.
He ignored that. “In any case, I wanted to be sure you knew who you were fucking.”
The last word fell like a grenade. Alexa’s ears were ringing.
“You’re sick,” she told him. “You’re my
brother.”
For the first time she saw a flicker of anger in his eyes as he jerked upright. “No, I’m not.”
“I spent most of my life believing you were.”
He let out a frustrated breath. “I know. Shit, I spent years trying to convince them to tell you the truth.”
Them. Her father and his mother. The betrayal went so deep.
“Why?” Alexa wondered. “Why were you my champion on this? Why did you even care?”
Their eyes met and for an instant she thought they had a connection, but then his shifted away.
“You’re not ready to hear all of it,” he told her.
She banged her hands against the mattress but the movement was singularly unsatisfying. It just made them both bounce a bit.
“I’m sick of people deciding what I’m ready and not ready for! Don’t you think I deserve to know the truth?”
“Yes.”
His quiet response took the heat out of her ire. It wasn’t his fault. They weren’t even close. The decision was for their parents, her father and his mother, to make.
Only, by choosing secrecy, they’d made the wrong one.
Burying her face in her hands, Alexa moaned, “I don’t know who I am anymore. Where do I even belong?”
Nik tugged her into his arms. “You belong here,” he said gruffly, “with me.”
It was very enticing—to be near him, to shelter in his strength. To let him dictate, because Lord knew he would if she let him.
She felt so weak. So lost.
Nik seemed like the only solid thing that she could hold on to.
She whispered his name against his chest. “Nikky.”
The nickname galvanized him. Suddenly she wasn’t in his arms but beneath him and he wasn’t soothing her with words, he was kissing her rawly.
Alexa couldn’t breathe. She didn’t care.
He sought the taste of her mouth with agile and hungry lips, as if gathering sustenance. He thrust his tongue deep, teasing hers to match his passion.
Two years’ worth of anxiously suppressed memories came flooding back—she and Nik against the wall behind the reception hall where someone, she couldn’t remember who, was getting married, while she and her younger brother were making out as if the world was coming to an end and they were the only ones left to survive.
Because that was the only excuse—wasn’t it?—to make out with your brother. Pending apocalypse. Biblical stuff. Not because you were drunk and lonely, and he was hot and eager.
She’d always wondered how he could be so willing. He hadn’t even had the excuse of too much liquor to help him. But now she knew. He’d known the truth. And poor, stupid Alexa had been in the dark.
Levering her hands against him, she pulled away abruptly.
“I hate you,” she told him.
His blue eyes flickered darkly before he grinned down at her. “Try something else. I’ve heard that one before.”
“It’s not a joke,” she cried, her voice hoarse.
Her breath was coming at a swift and unconvincing speed, but somehow she had to make him believe that she found him repulsive, that his kisses disgusted her rather than making her ache inside.
He sobered. “So I won’t laugh then.”
But he still sounded amused. Was it at her expense or self-mockery?
“Nikky…”
He moved his hips impatiently. He was fully aroused. She could feel the heat of him through his jeans.
“Make up your mind, baby.” His tone was ragged now. “What do you want from me?”
She wanted comfort but she wasn’t sure he was the right one to give it.
Nik lowered his head, catching her off guard with a kiss that was slow and deep and luscious, unlike anything she could have expected from him. She parted her lips for him, inviting him in this time when before he would simply push his way in unbidden.
Alexa balled her fists in his shirt, holding him close. His imprisoning arms weren’t enough. His heavy weight wasn’t enough. She wanted to crawl right into him and hide forever.
Ever so gently, he lifted his head, their lips clinging together for a prolonged moment before they parted.
“Baby,” he murmured the word almost against her mouth. “What’s wrong?”
The answer was ‘everything’, but he already knew that. Alexa couldn’t answer. She merely shook her head.
He moved one hand to thread his fingers through her hair, his eyes following the action raptly.
“God, you’re so beautiful!” Then it was his turn to shake his head, a small cleansing motion. “Why are you crying, Lexy?”
She hadn’t known until that moment that she was. Her eyelashes felt sticky…and his face was damp with her tears.
She reached up to wipe the wetness away from his cheek. At the last second, Nik turned his head so that he was kissing her fingers.
It was that gesture, more than anything he’d said during the last hectic day, that made her wonder if she did really hate him or if what she had always called hatred was actually—on closer inspection—a kaleidoscope of emotions, the way smooth, pointillist paintings gave way to riots of dots.
Nik was watching her closely. When she met his gaze, he was practically kissing her already. Then he was kissing her in long, open-mouthed draws, and he was bearing them both away on the powerful tide of his desire.
Yet it was Alexa who felt powerful when he swept his hand down her body in an all-encompassing movement. She was shaking, just like his hand.
It had been nearly a year since she’d been with a man and even longer since she’d been with someone who turned her on. Lord help her, Nik did it for her. Though she suspected his long, strong frame would do it for most women.
He was sprawled on top of her but he wasn’t heavy. All of his weight seemed balanced on his braced knees and thighs. She could feel the hardness of him, the hunger.
She could forget. Yes, she could forget who he was. For the sake of her sanity, she had to forget.
Alexa shifted, tilting her head back. For a moment, Nik stilled. Then he realized what she was doing—giving him full access to her mouth—and, with a groan, he took advantage.
This time she let her tongue meet his in a delicious exploration, tangling and untangling together in a way that caused them both to pant for breath.
Nik moved his hips against her in sudden urgency and Alexa angled her pelvis in the same way, her inner thighs slipping past his denim-covered legs to grasp him in between.
He moved his hands to her blouse, unbuttoning then tearing at the fastenings, reaching his fingers impatiently through the gaps to stroke her skin. The restricted access made her aching nipples impossible for him to reach properly.
“Nikky…” His name was pure frustration on her lips.
He lifted his head. His forehead glistened with sweat. “I know, baby. I know. I’m trying—”
She tenderly smoothed back his damp hair. “I know you are.”
“I’m trying not to lose control,” he said, flashing her a twisted smile. “What did you think I meant? That I can’t get you out of this damned blouse? I can. See?”
He ripped it from neck to hem, sending tiny buttons flying. Her bra, he simply pushed down and away, finally revealing her breasts to his hungry gaze.
The air throbbed between them, unbearably thick and heavy. All Alexa could hear was the sound of her heart beating in her ears and his breath, hot and hurried.
That she was affecting him in this way was a heady revelation. Easygoing, devil-may-care Nikky, who always seemed to take the world on his own terms, versus her, who was usually warned to lighten up, try to have fun and not take things so hard.
Nik lowered his head and captured one nipple in the wet heat of his mouth. The sensation was electric. Then, as he drew on it, that strong current tore through her, overwhelming everything else—the anger, the doubts, the guilt. All that existed was this man, hungry and nameless.
Alexa held his fair head to her as he alte
rnately licked and teased her breasts, biting her nipples lightly and sending waves of mingled pain and pleasure coursing through her. Every nerve seemed to end between her legs and every pull of his lips and touch of his teeth sent restless energy hurtling to her pussy.
She moved with mindless need, and he responded by settling one knee between her thighs, both easing the want and feeding it. She pushed her hips against his muscled limb, humping it in her desperation to get closer.
Her skirt rode up, giving her better access. Her panties were damp, more of a tease than a barrier between them, and when Nik reached down to pull the crotch to one side, she almost sobbed in relief.
“Better?” he murmured.
Alexa nodded, though he couldn’t see the movement. Then, when he pushed his fingers into the creamy folds of her cunt, she ceased being capable of coherent responses.
His hand was faintly rough and big enough to make his strokes, however gentle, very thorough. He left no place unexplored, tracing the crevice of her butt with one finger, even breaching the tight gateway of her asshole. It surprised her how open and ready her body was for new experiences, when he pushed the tip of his finger into her ass. Before she could pull away, he was already moving on, back to her pussy, sopping now from his attention.
She was ready. When he lifted himself away, she expected his cock to return to replace his finger and she was already tensing for that welcome invasion. But instead he moved lower.
The first sweep of his tongue was cool and sure. He laved her juices. Then he touched his lips to her clit and she nearly threw them both off the bed.
“Easy,” Nik said, though his voice wasn’t exactly steady. “Fuck, you taste so good!”
He settled between her thighs, alternatively making her wet then licking up her fresh cream with thorough sweeps of his tongue. He teased her clit with his lips, flicking it as if only in passing.
Nik devoured her pussy like he was starving—licking and stroking with tongue and lips and fingers until she had nowhere to escape him and no lingering desire to do so. Then, when she could barely take it anymore, he drew the entire nub into his mouth, sucking it strongly.
The ripples of pleasure turned into a tidal wave of pure ecstasy. Alexa had never experienced anything like it before. She was drowning in bliss. Pushing against him, she came in pulsing surges.