by Nerys Leigh
Pastor Jones grasped her hand and kissed the back. “Your cooking will always be my favourite, my darling.”
She leaned down to kiss his forehead, smiled sweetly, and said, “Liar,” which set everyone laughing.
“Please, let me help you with the dishes, Mrs Jones,” Louisa said, rising from her seat.
“Oh no, Simon will do that, won’t you dear?” She threw a pointed look at her husband.
He stared at her in incomprehension.
Her eyes flicked to Jesse and Louisa.
Louisa lowered her gaze, pretending not to notice.
“Oh, um, yes,” Pastor Jones said, finally catching on. “Dishes, of course.”
“Why don’t you show Jesse the garden?” Mrs Jones said to Louisa. “It’s such a lovely evening and the flowers are outdoing themselves today.”
“Of course,” she said, trying to sound neutral despite her apprehension. She wasn’t certain she was ready to be alone with Jesse again. The distraction of sitting so close to him all through the meal had only been mitigated by the deliciousness of the food.
There was a wooden bench a little way into the garden and Louisa sat at one end. Jesse stopped beside her and they gazed at the profusion of flowers around them.
“You’ve already seen the garden, haven’t you?” Louisa said.
“Plenty of times,” he replied. “I was here yesterday. Mrs J doesn’t always do subtle so well.”
She smiled a little. “I suppose she’s just trying to help.”
“When I was young, before my pa remarried, I spent a lot of time here when he was working. Before I was old enough to understand why sitting too near to a blazing hot furnace wasn’t safe. She was almost like a mother to me.”
Louisa moved her attention from a bumblebee fastidiously investigating each trumpet of a tall pink foxglove to look at him. “You never told me what happened to your mother.”
He rested his elbows on the arms of his chair and linked his fingers. “She died giving birth to me.”
“Oh Jesse, I’m so sorry.”
He shrugged one shoulder and looked at his hands. “Doctors think that’s why I’m like this. Whatever went wrong damaged something, although they don’t know what.”
Shame twisting her stomach, she closed her eyes and sighed. “I’m sorry for how I’ve been behaving. I don’t think I’m doing so well with all of this.”
“Actually, I was thinking how well you’ve taken it. I know the prospect of a disabled husband must be daunting. People like me... well, the fact is most people like me don’t get to have normal lives.”
“But that’s not why,” she said, eager that he should understand she wasn’t put off by his inability to walk. She stopped, surprised at herself. She truly wasn’t. That was unexpected.
“That’s not why what?” he said.
“That’s not why I need time to think about staying. It’s not because you can’t walk. Well it is, but not in the way you think.”
Faint lines appeared at his brow. “I’m confused.”
She huffed out a frustrated breath. How could she explain? She couldn’t tell him his lack of social prospects and the town’s lack of status was the true reason. He’d think she was a snob. And she wasn’t a snob. Her future was at stake. She had to be rational about it. She couldn’t simply stay because Jesse was handsome and charming and kind and funny and all the other things that were of only secondary importance when choosing a husband.
“It’s difficult to explain,” she said, “but it’s not because I don’t think you would be a good husband or because I’m repulsed by you or anything like that.”
One side of his mouth curled up. “It’s good to know I don’t repulse you, at least.”
She winced. “That didn’t come out right.”
“Truth is, a lot of people are repulsed by me. Or at least, they don’t know how to behave around me. I make them uncomfortable.”
He made her uncomfortable, but for reasons that had nothing to do with his disability. Reasons she couldn’t possibly tell him. “That must be awful for you.”
“Frustrating is more the word. It was worse when I was younger and self-conscious, but it is how it is. All I can do is live my life, be the person God would have me be, with His help, and politely correct people when they say or do stupid things. Also with God’s help. Lots of help.”
She thought of how badly she’d reacted when they’d first met. “Like me.”
“No, not like you,” he said, smiling. “You didn’t talk over me or treat me like a child or get angry at me. You treated me like a normal human being. That’s all I want.” He looked out over the garden. “Waiting for you to arrive today, all I could think about was all the ways it could go wrong. I can honestly say I’ve never been so scared in all my life. But you’ve been real good about it all. I couldn’t ask for more.”
For the first time since she’d arrived, Louisa properly considered what the whole situation must be like from Jesse’s point of view. If she was in his position, feeling as if his only chance at the one thing he wanted was to take the risk and do the only thing he could, wouldn’t she do the same? In fact, wasn’t that what she had done by coming all the way across the country to marry a man she’d never met?
“I think you’re very courageous,” she said.
His eyes widened. “You do?”
She nodded. “You did what you had to, no matter that it was a risk. I promise I’m not taking that lightly and I will think very hard about what I’m going to do.” It was all she could promise for now, until she’d had time to think through all the ramifications of her decision, but she hoped he understood.
“I appreciate that.” His smile returned, the playful one that crinkled the corners of his eyes and made the gold flecks in them shine. “Is there anything I can say or do to help you make up your mind?”
She couldn’t help smiling back. “Not right now.”
He nodded slowly. “Well then, how about we just talk?”
“I’d like that.” She found she wanted to talk to him. Maybe she’d been wrong before. In order to make an informed decision, she ought to get to know him a little.
Simply talking couldn’t hurt. Could it?
Chapter 4
By the time Jesse reached home the sun had set and the sky was turning a dark purple.
He rolled up to the path towards his front door, frowning at the light glowing from the parlour window. Unlike many people, he always locked his doors, years of working in a bank having instilled in him the value of security. Was he being robbed? He briefly considered turning around and going for the marshal, but then he heard a high pitched laugh. His fears vanishing in an instant, he continued to the door. He should have guessed who was in his home. There was no way they would wait overnight for news.
The moment he wheeled through the parlour door a squealing yellow blur hurtled across the room and flew into his lap, pushing the air from his lungs and shoving his wheelchair back several inches.
“Is she nice? Is she as pretty as in her picture? Are you going to get married straight away? When can I meet her?”
He grimaced. “Nan, your knee’s digging into my leg.”
“Oh. Sorry.” She squirmed round so she was sitting across his lap rather than kneeling on it. Her large, round eyes shone with excitement. “So? What happened?”
“Nancy, at least let your brother get in the door before you question him,” Malinda said from the settee where she sat beside Jesse’s father.
“He is in the door, Ma,” Nancy pointed out. “Pa said she had eight travel trunks. Does she have lots of pretty dresses?”
Luke lounged in the armchair where Louisa had sat earlier, chewing on the remains of a biscuit that looked suspiciously like one of the ones Jesse had baked that morning, with two more waiting on his plate. Jesse was surprised to see him there at all. At fourteen, his brother usually had other things to do when he wasn’t in school or helping their father in the forge, mostly involving
a certain other fourteen-year-old named Tabitha who lived in town.
Jesse wrapped his arms around his sister and kissed her temple. “I don’t know. She didn’t show me her luggage.”
“But she is going to stay? Do you think if I asked her, she’d show me?”
“I don’t know,” he said again.
“You don’t know if she’ll show me her dresses or you don’t know if she’ll stay?”
He stifled a sigh and looked past her to his parents. “Both.”
Luke looked up from his biscuit.
The excitement melted from Nancy’s face. “She might not stay?”
He hated seeing his sister unhappy. Her constant childish enthusiasm for life was always such a joy to be around. Well, mostly always. “She’s going to tell me tomorrow what she’s going to do. She hasn’t decided yet. It was kind of a shock for her, finding out I can’t walk.”
She rested her head on his shoulder and picked at one of the buttons on his shirt. “Yeah, but she could see you can do everything else, couldn’t she? And how nice you are and everything? Why wouldn’t she want to stay?”
“She likely will,” Peter said. “She just needs a bit of time to think. I’m sure you’ll get to meet her soon, angel.”
Nancy sighed, her head remaining against Jesse’s shoulder. “Yes, Pa.”
Nothing ever happened fast enough for his ten-year-old sister. In the past week Jesse had barely seen her sit still as she helped him get his home ready for her potential future sister-in-law’s arrival. There were times when she almost seemed more excited for Louisa’s arrival than he was. Almost.
“It’ll be all right, Nan. You’ll see.” A tight hug and a kiss to her forehead had her smiling again. He couldn’t help wishing it was as easy to cheer himself up.
Although if Louisa gave him a hug and kissed him...
“So what’s she like?” Malinda said.
He didn’t even have to think about smiling, it just happened. “She’s even better than her photograph. She was wearing a green dress that looked so beautiful on her. Then she changed into a blue skirt and white shirtwaist that looked even better. And she’s funny and smart and interesting and real easy to talk to and... and...” He looked at the window even though outside all was in darkness. “And I really want her to stay.”
Malinda stood from the settee, walked over to him and Nancy and wrapped her arms around the both of them. Even though she and Jesse weren’t related by blood, she’d been married to his father since he was ten and she was as much his mother as if she’d given birth to him.
“She’ll stay,” she murmured. “There is no way any woman in her right mind could resist my gorgeous, wonderful son.”
He smiled as she kissed the top of his head. “Thanks, Malinda.”
She straightened and pushed a strand of hair away from his eyes. “You need a haircut.”
“I like my hair this length.” It was a little longer than most men had theirs, but he didn’t want to conform. He couldn’t anyway, so why even try?
“So do I,” Nancy said. “And it would be even better if you’d let me tie ribbons in it.”
It had been a longstanding disagreement between them since he’d grown his hair out. One day he’d relent and let her, just once, but he was saving that for a birthday or Christmas. So he simply rolled his eyes and shook his head and she giggled.
Jesse’s family stayed for another hour and he was glad for it. He’d probably have been moping for the rest of the evening and gone to bed miserable if they hadn’t, but as it was, by the time they stood to leave he was feeling much better about things and much more hopeful about Louisa.
Luke handed Jesse the plate he’d used for the biscuits as he walked past. “Thanks for the food.” He pushed his hands into his pockets and looked at the floor. “Even if she doesn’t stay, you can find someone else. I’ve got some money saved up. I can help pay for another train ticket.”
Jesse’s mouth dropped open for a split second before he recovered and closed it again. It wasn’t that he and his brother weren’t close, they were, but he knew Luke was saving that money so he could marry Tabitha when they were sixteen. It was as big a gesture of sacrifice as he could imagine from the young man.
“Thank you, Luke,” he said with sincerity. “That’s real kind of you.”
Malinda, tears in her eyes, threw her arms around her youngest son. “I’m so proud of you.”
“Ma!” Luke said, batting her away. “You’re embarrassing me.” He rolled his eyes at Jesse and carried on into the hallway.
That was the Luke they all knew and loved.
Nancy climbed down from the chair she’d pushed to his desk and walked over to hand him the drawing she’d been working on. A white church with arched windows sat beneath a bright blue sky. Beside the church was a bride in a flowing white dress and a groom in a wheelchair.
He had to clear his throat before he spoke, and even then his voice sounded a bit husky. “Thank you. I love it.”
After one final hug, she followed her mother out.
Jesse’s father was the last to go. “Would you like me to stay and help with your legs?”
“No, they’re not bad today. I can do it.”
Peter placed his hand on his shoulder. “God will work this out. I’m proud of you, son. You’re going to make a fine husband and father.”
Jesse looked down at Nancy’s drawing of his wedding. He hoped he got the chance. “Thanks, Pa.”
Once his family had left, he wheeled over to the settee and swung himself onto the cushions. The wheelchair was comfortable, thanks to his father’s design and build and the padded leather seat he’d given it, but it couldn’t match the softness of the settee. He pulled a footstool in front of him and lifted his right leg up, stretching it out with a sigh.
Beginning his regular massage and stretching routine to loosen his bunched muscles, he looked at his sister’s drawing beside him, his thoughts turning to Louisa. Not that they’d ever strayed far from her. He wondered what she was doing, if she was thinking about him. If she was trying to decide whether to stay and give him a chance, or if she’d already made up her mind.
“Please, Father,” he said. “I don’t know if I did the wrong thing in not being honest with her before she came. Forgive me if I did. But please tell her to stay.”
~ ~ ~
Louisa pulled the knitted blanket closer around her shoulders, staring at the blank piece of paper resting on her lap desk in front of her on the bed.
Well, it wasn’t entirely blank. She’d written the Jones’ address in the top right hand corner with the date beneath it. And she’d also written ‘Dearest Mother and Father’. That was where her inspiration had run out.
The letter was either going to inform them that she would soon be on her way home, or tell them she was staying for two weeks and asking for their advice on whether or not she should marry Jesse if she found out that would be something she would have no objections to doing. The trouble was, she still didn’t know which it was going to be.
She’d been so certain leaving straight away was the right thing to do, both for her and Jesse, until he’d arrived with the delicious meal from Mrs Goodwin and set her thoughts in a whirl again. How did he do that to her? She wasn’t a flighty, silly girl with her head in the clouds. She was practical and sensible and she knew what she wanted, what her parents had raised her for - she was going to marry a well-to-do man with a good job and good prospects who could elevate her to the social status which her birth alone couldn’t. She was unwaveringly sure of that, when Jesse wasn’t around.
She didn’t like the way he made her feel out of control and uncertain about everything. It wasn’t good for her.
She picked up her pen, pulled the desk to her, and placed the nib onto the paper. It stayed there, unmoving, until the ink had leaked into a splotch. Gritting her teeth in frustration, she scrunched the paper into a ball and threw it across the room where it bounced off the wall to land on the rug.
Then she punched her fist into the bed beside her with a squeak of anger.
She should go home. She knew she should go home. Right away.
Jesse’s green eyes came unbidden into her mind, along with his easy smile, his infectious laughter, his smooth voice.
With a sigh of resignation, she pulled another sheet of paper from the desk’s small drawer and began to write.
Chapter 5
Louisa started at the sound of the knock on the front door, almost dropping her bonnet. She was ridiculously skittish this morning.
She placed the bonnet onto her bed and walked into the hallway. Pastor Jones had left for the church straight after breakfast and Mrs Jones had joined him not long after, so she was alone in the house. Halfway to the door she came to a halt as a frightening thought occurred to her that it could be Jesse, and she considered creeping back to her bedroom and hiding until whoever it was went away.
The knock sounded again and she almost jumped out of her skin. This was silly. She was behaving like a child. Lifting her chin, she smoothed her hands over her hair and resumed her walk to the door. She was an adult and she was going to act like one, even when she felt more like a terrified little girl.
Squaring her shoulders, she grasped the handle and pulled the front door open.
And looked down.
“Oh good, you’re home.” The young girl standing outside lowered the fist poised to knock again and gave Louisa a wide smile. “I’m Nancy.” She held out her hand.
Louisa automatically took it and gave it a gentle shake. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Louisa.”
Nancy. Why did that name seem familiar?
“I know, that’s why I’m here. I came to see you.”
Nancy looked past her into the house and Louisa suddenly realised how rude she was being.
“I’m sorry. Would you like to come in?” She stepped aside to let her past and closed the door, wondering why a young girl she’d never met would be there to see her. “May I get you something to drink?”