by Nerys Leigh
Jesse was almost sure he saw the marshal’s lips twitch.
“Anyway,” he said, closing his notebook, “how are the two of you doing?”
Jesse looked at Louisa, but she didn’t answer. She’d barely said a word since they left the bank.
“Just a bit shaken up,” he said. “A few cuts and bruises. We’ll be okay.”
After Marshal Cade left, Pastor and Mrs Jones left Jesse and Louisa alone.
Neither of them spoke. Usually that wasn’t a problem. They had become close enough that silences were never awkward. Until now.
With all his heart Jesse wanted to comfort her, but for the first time since they’d met he had no idea what to say to her. He was responsible for what she’d been through that morning. If he hadn’t confided in her, if he’d never involved her in any of it, she wouldn’t have been in the bank when the gang came. She wouldn’t have been manhandled and groped and had a gun pressed to her head while he sat terrified and helpless to do anything.
He wanted to tell her he was sorry and beg her forgiveness. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and take away all her fear and hurt. And yet all he did was sit and watch her stare at her lap, feeling more useless than he ever had in his life.
Lying on that floor in the bank, unable to think of anything other than how he couldn’t live without her, he’d asked her to stay. But now all he could think was that he didn’t have what it took to be a husband.
For the first time in his life, he doubted his ability to do something.
Mrs Jones walked into the room, taking a moment to look at the two of them, and Jesse raised his eyes to hers, silently begging for help.
She sat beside Louisa and took her hand. “Can I get you anything, Louisa?”
“No, thank you.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.
Tell me what to do, Jesse wanted to beg her. Tell me how to make it better. Please.
Mrs Jones glanced at him, shrugging slightly. “Would you like to go to bed and rest?”
There were a few seconds of silence before Louisa answered. “I think so.”
His heart sank. She wanted to get away from him.
“All right,” Mrs Jones said gently, standing.
Louisa stood with her, her face devoid of emotion, as if she wasn’t thinking about her movements, only following instructions.
Jesse reached out to take her hand. Not caring that Mrs Jones was there, he brought it to his lips and pressed a kiss to the back, closing his eyes against gathering tears. He needed her to know how much he cared. How sorry he was.
When he looked up she was watching him. She touched her free hand to his cheek, cradling his face for one blissful moment.
And then she turned away, pulling her hand from his grasp, and left the room.
~ ~ ~
Jesse wheeled slowly along the road away from the Jones’ house, each yard he moved taking a mile’s worth of effort.
He couldn’t banish the events in the bank from his mind, Louisa’s look of terror when West held the gun pressed to her head, her body trembling in his arms as gunshots exploded around them, the paleness of her face when it all caught up with her, the quietness he didn’t know how to fix in the Jones’ parlour.
And it was all his fault.
The knowledge made him feel sick to his stomach. She could have been killed and it would have been as much his doing as if he’d pulled the trigger himself. And Louisa knew it. She could barely even meet his eyes back in the parlour.
There was no way she’d stay with him now.
Emotion clogged his throat and he had to stop to gasp in a breath. What would he do without her?
He looked around him. He’d been heading in the direction of his house with barely a thought, but that wasn’t where he wanted to go.
Turning his chair, he started in the other direction.
~
Jesse wheeled into the smithy, stopping just inside the open door.
The stifling heat of the forge, the constant pounding of metal on metal, the caustic smell of burning wood and molten iron, the fiery sparks that could singe skin - to most people it was a place in which to spend as little time as possible.
Not to Jesse though. For him, it was home.
As a baby he’d lain in his crib in the corner while his father worked, ears plugged with cloth to protect them from the noise, lulled to sleep by the sound of hammer on metal. As a small child he’d eventually learned how to stay safe around the heat and fire, after a handful of burns he still carried the scars from and a period of being looked after during the day by Mrs Jones until he was old enough to understand. As a young man in his teens he’d helped his father in his work with anything that could conceivably be done sitting down, even though he’d never felt a calling to take it up as a profession. Not like his younger brother did. But Jesse could still shape a horseshoe and fix a broken knife blade and forge an axe head.
For him, the blacksmith’s workshop was a place of security and peace. It was where his father was, the one constant of his entire life.
Peter Johnson stood at the large anvil, pounding at the rough beginnings of what would become, in his skilled hands, the rim of a wagon wheel. The brand new wooden wheel itself stood off to one side, ready to be fitted with the circle of metal that would hold it together.
Jesse watched his father in silence, absorbing the calming effect of the familiar sight. It was a couple of minutes before Peter turned to pick up some tongs and noticed his son by the door.
“Jesse?”
He swallowed and looked away, the emotion of the day suddenly threatening to overwhelm him.
His father pulled off his thick leather gloves and walked over to him. “Son, you all right?”
Jesse pressed his lips together and shook his head.
“Come on, let’s go inside.”
Jesse’s childhood home sat behind the smithy, across a wide, packed earth yard. It was bigger now than it had been when he was born. Back then it had just been two rooms, an open parlour and kitchen, and a bedroom. When his father married Malinda, Peter built another room, giving ten-year-old Jesse his own bedroom for the first time. Another bedroom had followed when Luke came along, then one more four years later when Nancy was born. After Jesse moved into his own house, his old room became a new kitchen. With Peter’s building skills and Malinda’s good taste, it was a beautiful and happy home. Jesse loved it.
He wheeled into the parlour and moved onto the settee, focusing on his hands in his lap as his father sat beside him. “Is Malinda in?”
“I took her to see her sister. She was a bit shaken up by what happened to you so we went by the school on the way, part to make sure Luke and Nan knew you were safe in case they heard about the robbery but mostly to check on them. We both needed to know you were all safe.”
Jesse nodded silently.
After a further few seconds of quiet, Peter said, “Is Louisa all right?”
He nodded again then shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. “I don’t know.” When he opened his eyes again they stung with tears. “I think she’s going to leave me.”
His voice broke on the final word and Peter wrapped his arms around him as he dissolved into sobs.
It had been years since Jesse cried in front of his father. Not that he was embarrassed. Having been just the two of them for the first ten years of his life, they were as close as any parent and child could be. Peter held him silently as the emotions of the day, of the previous two weeks, drained from him in tears. Being strong when Jesse couldn’t be.
When the sorrow had finally wrenched all it could from him, Jesse sat up and wiped at his eyes.
Peter dug in his pocket for a handkerchief and handed it to him. “Did Louisa tell you she’s going to leave?”
“Not in so many words, but I know she is.” He stared, unseeing, at the red patterned rug beneath his feet. “She couldn’t even look at me when we got back to the Jones’ house. I’m sure she blames me for what happened, and she�
�s right.”
“Why on earth would she blame you for a bank robbery?”
Releasing a deep sigh, Jesse hugged his arms around himself. “There’s something I haven’t told you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about this before?” Peter said when Jesse had finished telling him the whole convoluted story of Ransom and the bank.
“I didn’t want you to get involved. My job is my responsibility. I thought I could handle it. I thought it was just Ransom trying to scam extra money.”
“So why did you tell Louisa?”
“She guessed something was wrong. I could have lied and told her it was all fine, but she’d have known.” He looked at his father. “She knows me, Pa. I don’t know how, but it’s like she sees inside me. I never thought...” He shook his head, moisture burning at his eyes again. “That man had his hands on her. He threatened her. He held a gun to her head.”
“Son...”
“She could have died and it would have been my fault. I got her into it. I accepted her help because I wanted to be with her and I liked it when she took risks to help me. I liked it. What kind of man does that?”
“Jesse...”
“She did it all for me and it almost got her killed. Why would she stay now? Why would she possibly want to stay with someone who put her at risk like that?” Leaning forward, he dropped his head into his hands, squeezing his eyes shut against the tears that threatened to fall again.
His father’s hand rested on his shoulder. “Jesse, I don’t know what’s going to happen, although I’d guess if Louisa cares about you enough to do everything she did, it’ll take more than what happened today to scare her away. But I can tell you this – if she does leave, you will get through it.”
Jesse shook his head, wiping at his eyes. “I love her. How do you get over love?”
“I didn’t say you’d get over her, I said you’d get through losing her. I do know what it’s like to lose the woman you love.”
Jesse raised his head to look at him.
“It took me a long time to recover from losing your mother, and there were times when the only thing keeping me going was that you needed me. But with God’s help I got through it. And then I met Malinda and I learned that, even though I will always love your ma, it was possible for me to love another woman just as much.” He wrapped his arm around Jesse’s shoulders, tugged him closer, and kissed the side of his head. “Don’t give up, Jess. God will give you all the happiness in the world. I have no doubt of that.”
Jesse leaned his head against his father’s shoulder. “How can you be so sure?”
“Because I’ve been praying for it since the day you were born.”
Chapter 27
Louisa woke with a start, the sound of a gunshot echoing in her ears.
It took her a few disoriented moments to realise where she was. Sitting up in her bed, she rubbed both hands across her face and groaned softly. She wasn’t used to resting during the day.
Despite all the restless, late nights she’d had recently, sleep had only come in fits and starts, accompanied by barely recalled yet disturbing dreams. In more than one of them, Jesse had been shot. That scared her most of all.
Checking her watch, she was unsurprised to find it not yet noon. She rose and walked to the window, sinking into the chair there with a sigh.
She wished she’d asked Jesse to stay, but she’d been afraid to talk about any of what had happened. Afraid she’d burst into tears and never stop if she even looked at him.
He could have died in the bank today. Her chest twisted in pain at just the thought.
Releasing a long breath, she closed her eyes. “Father,” she whispered, “I know You’re here with me and I know You looked after Jesse and me at the bank. Thank You for keeping him safe. I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to him.”
Her thoughts returned to lying on the floor in the bank, Jesse’s arms around her secure as bullets punctured the walls and windows above them. For the first time, she didn’t think of the terror she’d felt, she thought about the way Jesse had launched the attack on the man holding her hostage and then covered her with his own body, shielding her from harm the only way he could. He’d saved her life, she was sure of it.
“I want to stay with him, Lord. I love him so much. Just the thought of leaving him makes my heart feel like it’s being crushed to nothing.”
So stay.
She heard the words in her head in her voice, and yet she had the strangest notion they weren’t her own.
“But... Mother and Father...”
They want you to be happy.
She watched a bumblebee buzz past the window and land on a penstemon, crawling into one purple trumpet.
“Jesse makes me happy.”
Was it that simple? Could she really just stay?
There was no answer.
But then perhaps she already knew the answer. Perhaps she’d known it all along.
She leaped from the chair, pulled on her shoes, and checked her hair in the mirror. It was a mess, but she was in too much of a rush to do anything about it now. Raking her fingers through the worst of the tangles, she shrugged and turned away.
She paused for a moment with her hand on the doorknob and closed her eyes. “Thank You, Lord. I love You.”
Then with a smile on her face, she carried on out the door.
Mrs Jones was in the kitchen preparing lunch and Louisa walked straight up to her and hugged her.
Mrs Jones stiffened in surprise before returning the embrace. “Well now, what’s this for?” She drew back and held Louisa out by her shoulders, studying her face.
“I just wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done. You’ve been such a wonderful friend and so generous with your home and your time. You’ve truly helped me a lot. I’m so glad I’ve got to know you and Pastor Jones.”
A small frown creased Mrs Jones’ brow. “It was entirely my pleasure, but are you all right? You talk like you’re leaving or something.”
Louisa shook her head and smiled. “I’ve just made a decision. I know now what I’m going to do.” She drew in a deep breath. “And now I have to go see Jesse.”
Mrs Jones’ frown deepened. “Are you sure you’re all right? After what happened this morning, don’t you need more time to recover? I can walk you to Jesse’s house if you’d like.”
She leaned forward to kiss Mrs Jones on the cheek. “Thank you for caring, but I’m fine to go by myself. It won’t do me any good to start being afraid of walking along the street in broad daylight. It’s not far anyway.”
“But you seem... nervous.”
Louisa gave a small laugh. “I am, but not because of the walk. Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll be just fine.” She turned and headed for the door.
“Will you be back for lunch?” Mrs Jones called after her.
“If everything goes as I hope it will, no.”
The walk to Jesse’s house seemed longer than usual yet at the same time far too short. Despite her assurances to Mrs Jones, Louisa found herself staying away from blind corners and peering down shaded alleys as she passed. She scolded herself for being so jumpy. The men who had robbed the bank were all in jail, as was Mr Ransom. She had nothing to fear. And yet there was a feeling in the pit of her stomach she couldn’t shake. But maybe that was more to do with her intentions once she reached Jesse than anything else.
After a minute of walking she began to pray, not stopping until she reached Jesse’s front yard. On a whim, she bypassed the front door and skirted around the outside of the house. As she’d suspected, Jesse was in the garden, sipping from a steaming cup as he watched a cloud of butterflies flitting around the purple flowers of a lilac bush. It felt as though those butterflies were passing through her stomach on their way to the nectar.
She paused for a moment to admire him. From the moment she’d first seen him she’d been captured by his good looks, but he was so much more than that. He was strong and determined, intelligent and
funny, charming, thoughtful, caring. He never let anything hold him back. He had saved her life with no thought for his own. He was everything she’d never let herself dream she wanted.
It was time to break free of her parents’ well-intentioned but misguided wishes and make her own decisions. And this decision was clear.
Her heart pounding, she left the cover of the house.
Jesse looked round at her approach and his face took on a smile that seemed to hold a hint of sadness. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m... I’m all right. Better than I was.”
“Did you get any rest?”
“Not much. I kept dreaming you... I had bad dreams. I don’t think sleep is what I need at the moment.”
He looked down at the ground between them, his shoulders rising and falling in a deep sigh. “I think I know why you’re here.”
“You do?” Were her intentions that obvious?
He raised his eyes to hers. “After what happened today, I don’t blame you. And it’s not like you didn’t warn me.” He smiled a little. “More than once. I want you to know, although I wish with all my heart that things could be different, I understand. And I wouldn’t have missed the past two weeks with you for the world.”
Louisa suddenly realised what he was saying. He thought she’d come to tell him she wanted to return to New York. Her legs began to tremble and she considered sitting down, but instead she plunged into what she had to say while she could still stand upright.
“Do you love me?”
His eyes widened at the question. “Do I... are you asking if I’m in love with you?” When she nodded he placed the cup onto the table beside him and pushed his chair forward until he was close enough to take her hand. “Louisa, I thank God every minute of every day for bringing you into my life. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You’re everything I could ever want. You are the most beautiful, wonderful, fun, smart, brave woman on this earth. Yes, I’m in love with you. I love you so much that sometimes I can barely breathe when you’re near me.”