by Willow Rose
He had just gulped down his second whiskey when the door opened and she stepped in. Carrick couldn’t help himself. A thousand different emotions went through him as he spotted her standing there in the doorway. The waiter approached her and he pointed at Carrick in the bar.
First of all, he was angry at her for being late and for her toying with him the way she did. But, second of all, he was completely blown away by her beauty, her gentle smile and soft eyes. She was nothing like the younger women he usually dated, far from as beautiful as any of them, but still there was something so special about her, about her beauty that went far beyond ordinary youthful beauty. Far beyond long legs and blonde hair, far beyond the smooth skin of a twenty-year-old. Far beyond the tightness of a young body.
She was simply striking.
“Hi,” she said, as she approached him. “I think our table is ready.”
“If you’ll both follow me,” the waiter said.
Deidre grabbed Carrick’s hand while they walked across the restaurant. It felt like his heart stopped for just a few seconds. He didn’t quite understand what was happening to him. Why did he feel so strange? Why did he want to kiss her lips so badly? Why did he feel like protecting her from all the evils in this world? Why did he act like a teenager on his first date? Why did he mumble and fumble for the words during their conversation? Why did he blush when she told him he had nice eyes? Why did he tell her he had been nervous that she wouldn’t show up? He never revealed that kind of stuff to anyone. Why couldn’t he keep his big mouth shut when Deidre was around? Why did he want to tell her everything about himself and know everything about her? He never cared where his dates came from or where they were going. He never cared about their emotions or anything they had to say, let alone their take on politics or even the food. He never ever cared before. Why now? Why her?
“You hardly touched your food,” she said with light laughter when they were done eating.
“I know. I haven’t had much appetite lately. It’s crazy. I used to eat like a horse; I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately. Maybe it’s a bug going around.”
She leaned over and grabbed his hand in hers. A warm sensation rushed through his body.
All you have to do is get her to bed with you. Then everything will blow over. Once you’ve slept with her, this will all go away.
“Do you want to go somewhere after this?” she asked, when Carrick picked up the check.
Finally! Finally she is ready to go home with you!
Carrick smiled from ear to ear. He leaned over the table and made sure she could see his chest hair before he said, “That sounds like a wonderful idea. How about my place?”
Deidre laughed. “I think I might have a better idea.”
46
July 2015
I needed some air. After having eaten dinner at the hotel’s restaurant, Morten and I took a walk through the town. It was a beautiful evening, clear skies, and what seemed like a thousand stars. It reminded me of home. On the island, we often saw lots of stars because we were so far away from a big city. The moon was shining very brightly. It wasn’t completely full anymore, but almost. It was beautiful. I had been feeling bad ever since I had read the autopsy report, but finally I seemed to calm down a little. The walk made me feel better. Morten’s hand in mine made it perfect.
“So, how are things with Jytte?” I asked.
Morten had taken a call from home during the dinner and walked outside to talk with his ex-wife for a long time. He hadn’t told me anything when he came back, and I assumed he wanted to digest whatever information he received first, before sharing it with me.
Morten sighed. “She’s not doing too well. Camilla says she tried to run away from the rehab earlier today. But they stopped her at the bus stop and persuaded her to go back.”
“How did she get to the bus stop without them noticing it? Aren’t they supposed to make sure they don’t get out?” I asked.
“It’s not a prison. She hasn’t been court-ordered to be there, so it’s not a closed institution.”
“That’s silly. It should be.”
“She’s still only a teenager,” Morten said, slightly annoyed. “She’s not a criminal. She needs help, psychotherapy, not armed prison guards.”
“No, of course not,” I said.
“Don’t talk about things you don’t know about,” he said, and started walking faster.
Ouch. That hurt.
He clearly didn’t want me to be a part of this. It hurt me deeply, since I knew this was important to him, and I knew he was constantly thinking about it. But I had to respect it if he wanted to be private about it. I guess. I just felt so left out. Suddenly, he and his ex-wife were talking daily, and I wasn’t a part of it. It didn’t feel good. Not at all.
“Just trying to be a part of your life,” I said and walked up to him.
He didn’t say more. He just walked, looking down at the pavement. I felt insecure. I had no idea what to say without offending him or making him angry with me. I decided to talk about something else.
“Well, I heard from Maya today,” I said.
He looked up.
“She finally answered my message on Facebook that I wrote yesterday.” I laughed. It came out awkward.
“So, what did she say?” he asked.
I could tell he too wanted to talk about something else.
“Just that they were doing fine and not to worry. Victor was a pain in the butt and kept talking about roses and so on. He was driving them all nuts and Grandma had bought him a bouquet of red roses, thinking it would make him happy, but it only caused him to scream and run around the house, holding his hands to his ears while screaming for hours yesterday. Then, when my mom threw out the flowers, he finally calmed down until later in the evening when he kept babbling on about some cross and kept saying, ‘Don’t pick up the cross; don’t pick up the cross.’ It’s all the same old story with him.”
“He sure is something, that Victor,” Morten said with a light laugh.
I could tell it made him feel good that my kids weren’t perfect either. I put my arm around his shoulder and we walked like that for a little while.
“Let’s go back to the hotel, shall we?” I asked. “It’s getting a little chilly.”
“Sounds good to me. There’s a game on at eight. Manchester United is meeting Arsenal tonight. Should be fun.”
It wasn’t exactly what I had in mind, but I was just pleased to see him happy and excited about something.
47
July 2015
Carrick had no idea what Deidre was up to. She hadn’t told him anything about where they were going. He only knew that they were going to her favorite place on earth. That’s what she had told him when they left the Italian restaurant and drove out of town in the taxi.
Deidre hadn’t even told the taxi driver where they were going; instead, she guided him all the way and told him when to turn. All Carrick knew so far was that they had left Dublin and were going south. Letting her take control like this made Carrick feel uncomfortable, but also immensely aroused. He was usually the one making the decisions. He was the man in charge when on dates, not the other way around.
Yet, he couldn’t stop asking her where they were going every time she told the driver to take a turn.
“Trust me,” was Deidre’s answer. “You’re going to love it.”
Carrick felt more and more convinced that he would. He hoped she was taking him to her home. All he knew was that she lived in a small town somewhere and that she came to Dublin every now and then because of her job. He wondered if she had even told him the name of the town. Maybe she had at some point, but he had a tendency to not listen to unimportant details like that.
Carrick smiled and looked at his reflection in the dark windows of the car. He still looked great, yet he corrected a couple of hairs and the scarf. If he was going to get lucky tonight, he wanted to make sure looked his best. Landing Deidre was by far his best score to date. An
d the one he had worked the hardest for. It had to be the greatest sex ever. It simply had to. It had to be all worth it.
“Now, stop right here,” Deidre suddenly said.
Carrick looked outside. He could barely see anything. What was this? There were no lights, no buildings as far as he could see. Was this where Deidre lived?
“Here?” the taxi driver asked. “But there is nothing here.”
Deidre handed him a stack of money. He accepted it and didn’t say any more. Deidre leaned over and kissed Carrick on the lips. “I can’t wait for you to see this.”
Carrick stepped out of the car, into what seemed like a vast nothing, and watched with great disappointment as the taxi drove off.
“Shouldn’t we have asked him to wait for us? How do we get back?” he asked.
Deidre chuckled. She grabbed his hand and pulled him. “I’ll just call for another taxi, you silly.” She pulled him towards the dark forest.
“I can’t see anything out here,” he said. Far in the distance, down the road, he spotted some light. “Is that a town down there?”
“Yes. We’ll go there later and have a pint at the pub,” she said. “But first, I want to show you this place. It’s spectacular. Especially on a clear moonlit night like this. Come.”
Carrick felt uneasy at the prospect of walking into a forest in the middle of the night. He never was much into nature. Weren’t there animals in there? Wouldn’t they disturb them?
Maybe she wants to do it in there. Maybe she is some organic, spelt eating nature freak who wants to do it in a tree or a clearing.
Carrick shrugged and followed her. Whatever she was into, he would gladly do it. As long as he got what he came for.
They walked through the trees and reached a clearing and the river. Carrick’s eyes got used to the darkness and he could soon see much better. He had to admit, it was kind of exciting. And arousing as well. He had never done it out in nature before.
There’s a first time for everything, right?
Deidre stopped. She bent down and picked up a flower, then put it between her teeth. “Does this make me look like a Spanish flamenco dancer?” she asked.
It really didn’t. She looked kind of silly, Carrick thought, but he didn’t say. He smiled and nodded.
“Very sexy,” he said, which was the truth. Right now, Carrick believed everything to be sexy. He was so aroused he could have humped a tree. But he didn’t have to. Because in just a few minutes, he would…
“Look at all the roses on the river bank over there,” Deidre said.
Carrick turned and looked at the ocean of wild roses. He never cared much for flowers, but he had to admit, it looked pretty spectacular.
“Not as pretty as you are, my dear,” he said, and turned to face her in order to kiss her. He was ready to take charge of things now. A clearing and a bed of wild red roses…wasn’t a bad place to have sex.
He looked into Deidre’s eyes, put his arm around her waist, and pulled her close, just as she whispered the words that were going to be the last he ever heard.
“All beauty must die.”
He barely saw the rock in her hand before it was slammed into the side of his head.
48
July 2015
Bradan was behind the counter at the hotel when we got back. He was my favorite among the clerks. I didn’t care much for the other guy, Art, that had been there earlier in the day. He was always grumpy and not very service-minded. When I had asked him to mail a postcard for me, he had looked like I had completely ruined his day. I know not many people send postcards anymore, but Victor loved to receive them. and had an entire collection of postcards from different countries.
But Bradan was different. I had grown to like the guy over the days we had been there. He always had a funny remark or would give me a compliment. The type of person that made you feel good about yourself when you were around him. He was fascinated by the fact that I was an author and always wanted to know more about writing. I suspected he himself had a writer hidden in him somewhere. He had only managed to ever finish a few short stories, he had told me. He didn’t believe he could ever achieve more than that. I had told him I thought he could, if only he believed in himself.
“You look lovely this evening, Mrs. Frost. Been out for an evening stroll, have we?” he said, when we asked for the key to our room.
“Yes,” I said. “We took a little walk after dinner. It’s such a lovely evening out. Lots of stars.”
“Stars are so romantic,” he said and handed me the key. “Makes you realize how small we are, don’t they? How insignificant.”
“I don’t think you’re insignificant, Bradan,” I said. “Look around. You make a great difference in these people’s lives, spreading your happiness, making them feel good about themselves and making sure they have a great vacation. That’s not insignificant.”
“I guess we all dream of making a difference, don’t we?” he said. “We all want to do something that separates us from the crowd. Like you do with your books.”
Morten cleared his throat behind me. “The game is about to begin,” he said.
I smiled at Bradan. “You have to excuse us. There is some game beginning.”
“Yes, of course. You can’t miss that one,” Bradan said. “Have a good evening.”
“You too.”
We left the lobby and went up to our room. Morten rushed inside and found the remote. He turned on the TV.
“Argh. It already started,” he sighed. “And Arsenal scored already. Why did you have to talk with that idiot for so long?”
“Excuse me?” I asked.
What was going on with him? He never used to talk to me like this. Was it just all this with Jytte or was more going on?
He sighed. “Could I just get to watch the game without you nagging me?”
I couldn’t believe him? What was this?
He made a motion to lie down on the bed, when suddenly I spotted something on my pillow. Morten was too absorbed in the game to notice. He threw himself at his side of the bed, while I picked up what I had found.
“What’s this?” I asked and looked at it.
Morten turned to look. “It looks like a cross,” he said, then returned to his game.
“I can see that it is a cross,” I said and turned the gold cross in my hand. There was something on it and it rubbed off on my fingers.
“There’s something on it, Morten,” I said. “Could you please look at this?”
“Mmmm…”
I looked at my fingers and rubbed them together. “Morten!”
He turned to look again. He sounded annoyed when he spoke. “What?”
“It’s blood,” I said. “There is blood on the cross! Why is there blood on this cross?”
I had finally caught Morten’s attention. He approached me. I turned the cross and found an engraving on the back.
“Anna Delaney?” I asked and looked at Morten. “This is Anna Delaney’s cross? What is it doing here? And why is there blood on it?”
At the same second, there was a knock on the door, and before I could react, it was opened. In stormed Inspector Grady, flanked by two officers. Behind them stood Bradan with a keycard in his hand. He had an apologetic look on his face.
Inspector Grady looked at me, then at the gold cross in my hand.
“Is that what I think it is?” the inspector asked. He walked closer and grabbed the cross from my hand. He looked at the engraving on the back, then at the blood.
“Bring her to the station,” he said, addressed to his two officers.
49
February 1978
Violet was getting big. Doing the chores in the laundry was becoming harder and harder. Yet, they still demanded she work as hard as any of the others. And with her growing stomach, she became clumsier as well. One morning, she dropped a cup and spilled water all over the floor. One of the nuns came to her as she was wiping up the floor and picking up the broken pieces of the cup. Violet was
crying. The nun grabbed her by the ear and pulled her up.
“I’ll teach you to be careful,” she said, and dragged her out of the common room, while all the other girls stared at her, happy it wasn’t them this time. She was taken into a small bathroom where the nun shaved off all of her hair. Violet cried and screamed for her to stop. She loved her beautiful hair. It had been Conan’s favorite part of her. Her gorgeous thick blonde hair. Violet hadn’t given up the thought that maybe some day he would come and look for her, some day he would find her and take her away from this awful place. He still loved her. She knew he did. He was going to come. One day. And every time she imagined him coming for her and the baby, she would picture him caressing her hair and telling her how beautiful it was, just like he had done back in the summer.
“Don’t! Please don’t!” she screamed, while watching the long blonde locks of hair fall. But she knew it was no use. She could scream all she wanted. It wasn’t going to stop the nun. She had seen other of the girls who had been shaved as a punishment. Violet cried and cried. How was Conan supposed to love her without her hair?
Once it was done, Violet looked at her face in the reflection of the faucet and started to cry. She could hardly recognize the girl that was looking back at her. Who was that despicable creature?
“Now, no man will want you again,” the nun said. “That way you’ll stay out of trouble.”
The nun stood right in front of her, smiling from ear to ear, like she believed she had done Violet some kind of favor. What happened next wasn’t anything Violet had planned or ever expected from herself. It was the sum of many months of frustration and imprisonment.