by Kailin Gow
“Sure thing,” he said wryly.
Sitting at the neat little desk in the corner of his room, we struggled for fifteen minutes with a few problems and it was clear he was no help at all. Though I admittedly wasn’t the genius I wished I was in math, I managed to find every solution without Liam’s help. If anything the little advice he gave me always led to an error and I had to backtrack in order to find the right answer.
As I worked on the fourth problem, my thoughts ran to Torrid. I was destined for great things, he had said. My gaze rose discreetly as I looked at Liam. His brow creased in concentration, I could see the difficulty he was having with the problem, even though I’d already begun to find the solution.
I thought of history and the problems he had there. Arcadian history was a must to anyone who aspired to be governor and though he’d get good grades in exams due to his great short term memory, weeks later he was clueless as to some of the more important aspects of our history.
How could he govern if he barely knew where we came from?
His gaze rose to meet mine, slow and seductive as a wicked grin came to his lips. He obviously had no idea the thoughts that rambled through my mind.
“You know you’re beautiful when you calculate,” he said in a hushed tone.
“You should have seen me in algebra,” I said. “I was a real knock out.”
He chuckled and reached for my hand. “You're so incredibly smart, Kama. You’re quick and you get these math problems so much faster than anyone. Maybe the Committee didn’t even know what to do with you because of your outstanding intellect.”
“Yeah, right,” I sneered. “I’m so smart they can’t even find what to do with me.”
“Someone at the Committee has obviously overlooked the fact that I need you. What good am I as Governor if you’re not there at my side? You were always the one with the answers, smarter and quicker than I’ve ever been.”
“Well, seems they think you can manage on your own, or with someone else…”
The words choked me and I could see the effect they had on Liam. I wished I didn’t say it, but I did since it could be the truth Liam and I will have to face.
“I don’t want anyone else,” he quickly said. “If I have to live the rest of my life as a celibate, I will.”
The pain in my heart was so great, I couldn’t even laugh at how ludicrous he was being. It was all I can do to keep from weeping. The thought of anyone else in his arms, in his embrace, in his kiss; it was torture. I imagined him, smiling, his eyes full of lust and love as he greeted the woman he married. She smiled at him, not so much in love with him as she was in love with the notion of being married to an important man; the most important man.
“There will never be anyone else, Kama.” He slammed his book shut and pulled me into his arms. “I’d rather be a pauper with you than governor with anyone else.”
“You're talking ridiculous and you know it. You’d never be happy living anywhere other than the Diamond District, and being governor is your calling. You can’t turn away from that.”
His lips covered mine, hard and passionate, as though trying to erase the reality that surrounded us. “Stop talking such nonsense,” he whispered between onslaughts of his lips and tongue. “I love you and no one can change that. I love you and the devil may do with me as he will if I should choose to be with you.”
With a passion I’ve rarely seen in him, as though this would be the last time we can ever be together, he pulled me to the bed, his lips never leaving mine. He laid me back, his body quick to cover me. He transmitted his hunger to me and I responded without even thinking. My hands roamed over his back, as though my fingertips wanted to remember every muscle, every curve.
He leaned back and tore his shirt off, sending buttons flying across the room. My hands gravitated towards his pecs, reveling in the power within. What he lacked in mathematic abilities, he made up for in strength and power. He was such a divine creature, it hurt, and my desire to get closer to him hurt all the more.
How will I live without you?
He came over me, his lips moving quickly over my face, down my neck and into the opening of my shirt. I gasped; shocked by the intensity of the sensations he created. The upper reaches of my thighs twitched involuntarily, urging me closer to him. I wanted more, yet my hand pressed against his chest, keeping him from completely pressing his body to mine.
“I want you,” he groaned. “I want you now, tonight.”
“We can’t.”
“We can, Kama. Let go and take control of our own destiny.”
I sighed. I have not seen Liam for so long, my heart ached for him, but I could not risk getting him nor I in trouble. He had too much at stake, and was jeopardizing his future as Governor by being with me. With a heavy heart, I turned to Liam and said, “I love you, but take me home.”
Chapter 8
Since I last was with Liam at his home, weeks have gone by, and the school year was almost out. Like all the graduating seniors in school, I should have been preparing to celebrate. Instead I was having an increasingly harder time concentrating on anything and everything. Everyone else seemed content and happy, with another perfect day in Arcadia. I looked around, seeing smiling faces around me, faces without a concern in the world, for they knew what their future held. I was still without a Life’s Plan, and my encounter with Torrid had not help matters.
I walked through the halls at school, feeling weak with hunger. It was lunchtime and eating was the last thing I wanted to do. I headed for the cafeteria, dreading once again the forlorn look in Liam’s eyes as I turned away from my usual seat beside him.
On a few occasions I had dared; dared to sit at his table, at his side. It’d felt like old times, like when I’d belonged. But the stares, cold and hard, judgmental and even disgusted at times, were more than I could stand. Everyone knew my Life’s Plan did not include Liam. I wasn’t even supposed to sit close to him.
“Don’t let them bother you,” Liam had said.
But beyond the stares of the other students were the strict and condemning glares of the teachers – teachers who used to smile at us when we were a couple, but now looked harshly at us, judging us, making sure we were not together romantically. How long before they reported us? I didn’t want to chance it, so I tried to erase the look of anguish I saw in Liam’s eyes as I once again turned to find another table.
Jocelyn and Matthew were seated alone in a corner, the rest of their table empty.
“Mind if I share your table?” I asked.
“It’s not our table,” Jocelyn said with a cold and uninviting shrug. They seemed like the only two persons at school who did not care whether or not Liam and I were far enough apart.
I wanted to comment on the harshness of her tone, but I simply set my lunch bag beside her and sat down.
They both fidgeted and became edgy as I pulled out my sandwich and slowly unwrapped it. I devoured my sandwich like a madwoman, happy to eat without worrying how proper I look, amongst the Committee workers’ group where I used to sit. My weak appetite was rendered inexistent. I looked over at Jocelyn and Matthew, and noticed the tiny blue heart inked onto the inner side of Jocelyn’s right wrist. I wanted to break the ice, say something that would amuse them, or at least lighten the mood. “Nice heart,” I said, indicating the tattoo.
At that, Jocelyn instinctively tried to hide her wrist with the tattoo. “It’s nothing,” she said defensively.
“What is it for?” I genuinely wanted to know. I have never seen anyone my age with a tattoo. I’ve seen it on older Arcadians, but never anyone as young as Jocelyn. “You can tell me,” I said, looking into Jocelyn’s eyes and smiling. We all came from the same district, the district other than the Diamond District. That should give us something in common to share. “It’s okay, Jocelyn,” I said. “I won’t tell.” I glance around. “If anything, I’m the most sympathetic friend anyone whose got an ax to grind here can have right now.”
Jocelyn nod
ded.
“I guess you guys have heard about my Life’s Plan.” I finally said.
Both startled, they turned to me as though they’d forgotten I was there at all.
“I know you finally received it,” Jocelyn said. “Was it what you desired?”
There was an odd note of bitterness in her tone.
“Not exactly,” I muttered. “There was no mention of Liam in it at all.”
They looked at one another, their gazes silently exchanging something in between them. An understanding?
“What?” I shoved my sandwich aside and turned to them. “Do you guys know something about this? I’ve been trying to find answers for weeks. No one can tell me anything.”
Matthew quickly looked down at his lunch, biting his lip while his brow creased in anger.
“Matthew,” I insisted. “I’ve known you all my life. You can be straight with me.”
Keeping his head down, he lifted his eyes to me, his lips in a grim line. “Do you really think you're the first from the Amethyst District to get a Life’s Plan that didn’t include what you desired?”
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. I had never really paid much attention to who got what they desired and where they hailed from. Everyone always assume they will get their Life’s Plan, and it will be close to what they desire. That was how we were brought up to think.
“Well, you're not. Few from our neighborhood ever do. Just because you dated Liam doesn’t give you a free pass, though many of us thought it would.”
“Liam wants to ignore my Life’s Plan,” I said, a little defensively. “He wants us to be together.”
Jocelyn shook her head, slowly and silently warning me to keep my voice low.
“The Arcadian Governor works hard to make everything appear perfect,” Matthew said. “But to anyone who dares dig a little deeper, we’re far from a perfect society, and the way the Life’s Plans are dealt out is just one proof of that.”
I felt the warmth of Jocelyn’s hand over mine. “Don’t let Liam have his way. You’ll both pay for it so heavily.”
“Last year Jocelyn’s older brother was banished from Arcadia,” Matthew added. “We never saw him again. Though, hey, who knows, maybe he’s happier where he is now than he ever could have been here.” Matthew shrugged with male bravado, trying to be cheerful.
“Jason loved Melanie,” Jocelyn argued. “He was crushed when he had to leave everything and everyone he loved behind. And we were crushed to see him leave so suddenly.” Jocelyn glanced down at her wrist with the tiny heart tattoo. “This is a reminder of Jason for me. To be strong, to stay strong. If he had not left, the Committee would have come to our house and dragged our entire family out for a hearing. Jason left to save everyone, including Melanie that fate.”
“I’m sorry to hear of this,” I said taking Jocelyn’s hand, imagining how horrible that experience was for her and her family.
Matthew looked sheepishly at Jocelyn. “Yeah, I guess you're right. Nothing’s worse than banishment. That is the last resort. I’m sorry to be so casual about it.”
He reached out to take her hand and for that moment we were all connected, as we’d once been as young children; all struggling to belong, all wanting to be wanted.
As I watched them, I realized the love they shared. I had always assumed they were just good friends, but the look of adoration Matthew had as his eyes roved over Jocelyn’s small heart-shaped face made me suddenly envy her. They still have a chance to have their Life’s Plan include being together.
My gaze strayed across the cafeteria and rested on Liam who now sat alone with Sarah. What was to become of us? Our naïve and adolescent plans had revolved so strictly around one another that planning for anything else was inconceivable.
Meeting Liam’s gaze, I knew he was thinking the same thing and I knew he longed to have me at his side just as much as I yearned to be there. How I’ve missed him! But we also both knew how strong the temptations could be when we were so close to one another. Being simply friends was impossible.
“I’m really glad you came to sit with us, Kama,” Jocelyn said.
She brought me out of my reverie, my desperate dream of being with Liam. “Why is that?”
“It’s just nice to see another side of you. We both thought that… well, you know, since you’ve been dating Liam you’d…”
“I’d what?”
“We’re from Amethyst and he’s from Diamond.”
“I know,” I said with growing frustration. What was she trying to say?
“Don’t get upset,” Matthew said. “We just assumed you’d become like the Committee workers’ children. I mean, Liam is set to become Governor and we all know what that means. It’s only normal you get a little big in the head.”
“I did no such thing.”
“I know,” Jocelyn said. “And that’s what we’re so happy to discover. You haven’t really changed at all. You're still that good old girl from Amethyst.”
I wasn’t sure if I should be flattered or insulted. “Well,” I said. “If I ever do start acting like an insufferable jackass Diamond District queen, you’ve permission to knock me down a peg or two. Being in a position of power doesn’t mean to lord it over anyone or everyone. It means doing the right thing for everyone, and not just for yourself.”
Jocelyn and Matthew looked at each other. Then Jocelyn let out a laughed that twinkle in the air, transforming her serious face into a sweet friendly one. “I’ll do that,” Jocelyn said, “but I doubt you will ever become an insufferable Diamond queen.” She turned serious once again and leaned in close before she rose with Matthew in unison, their empty lunch bags folded up under their elbow. “I truly regret you’re not with Liam, though, Kama. You’ll be a good influence on him, you’ll shape him into the kind of Governor we need in Arcadia.”
“I hope that’s how the Committee sees it,” I said. Looking at Liam, sitting by himself at the table we used to share, my heart went out to him. Being his best friend since we were little, I knew how lonely he truly was. He lost his mother at birth, and was raised mainly by nannies in the Governor’s mansion, often without seeing his father for days. Because his father was close to my mother, Liam and I became close friends, too. Growing up together, I was the closest person he had in his life.
“Don’t take it so hard, Kama.” Jocelyn put her hand to my shoulder. “Perhaps you weren’t meant to be with Liam or even live here in Arcadia. I’d like to believe that my brother left for a better place outside of Arcadia. That there’s still hope out there.”
They walked away, leaving me to struggle through the rest of my lunch alone.
Ignoring Liam’s gaze that burned through the side of my skull, I ate my sandwich then quickly got up to make it to my next class. Before long, Liam was at my side.
“Kama, wait up,” he said, his breath burning my ear.
I kept my stride and looked straight ahead of me, aware of all the students and teachers close by.
“Kama,” he muttered beneath his breath as he stayed beside me. “I’ve missed you. I miss having lunch with you. I even got you a tray with salad and apple pie and…”
Turning abruptly to face him, I stopped, nearly causing a run in of students who were suddenly caught behind us. “Don’t you get it, Liam? We can’t be together. Not now. Not here. Not anywhere. Not anytime.”
“You're wrong.”
“Being with me, Liam, the way you are right now, you're on the verge of breaking the law. Don’t you realize that? Don’t you realize what that means?”
“My father makes the laws, Kama.”
“It’s been weeks since I’ve received my Life’s Plan, weeks since we’ve been condemned to be apart, weeks of everyone watching us mope around because we can’t be together… and what has your father done?”
His face went blank as his jaw hung loose. I watched him struggle to find an answer. It was painful to watch him come to see the truth about his father’s abilities.
�
�Don’t you get it, Liam? He can’t do anything. If he could he would have done it by now.”
Reeling from the pain of watching him I turned and continued on my way, hoping he’d turn away, yet wishing desperately he’d come after me.
He stayed at my side and while I wanted to breathe a sigh of relief, I knew it was far too dangerous to remain so close.
“I’ll respect your fears in public. You're right. It may be too dangerous, but we can still see each other in private. No one can stop that. No one needs to know.”
Just as I prepared to argue with him, Ms. Feinstein passed us by, her eyes riveted to us. Her gaze did a quick sweep, assuring we weren’t holding hands, and practically measuring the distance between Liam and me.
Liam slowed down, but not before whispering his final message. “I’ll be with you,” he said with conviction. “I will find a way.”
Chapter 9
The first thing on my mind the next morning was finding Torrid again. Jocelyn and Matthew had made me see a different side of Arcadia and I wanted to hear Torrid’s opinion as well.
I rushed silently out of the house and headed to the flowering meadow without hesitation or even stopping to read a street sign. It felt like I was going home and I’d always known where it was.
He was there, tall, strong and so dark, not just his coloring, but his mood. His arms were once again crossed before his chest and he could have been a statue, he was so immobile. The closer I got, the more I saw my life reflected in his eyes. My future and my potential stared back at me.
“How did you know I would come?” I asked. While I’d known he’d be there, I was nonetheless surprised to see he was.
“There are many things I know.”
“About me?”
“About you,” he said with a serene smile. He unfolded his massive arms and brought one behind his back. A second later he brought it back, a violet orchid in his hand.
I gasped and stared at the flower. “How…?”
It floated into the air and came to me.