by Jessica Park
Celeste: Yes.
Justin: That when I see you, I will take my most fabulous girlfriend in my arms and pull her in close?
Celeste checked to make sure that Matthew was still asleep.
Celeste: Yes. That helps.
Celeste: Justin, I would very much prefer to be with you at this time. I have had a phobia of air travel that was based solely on fantasy, and now that fantasy is becoming reality.
Justin: There are much better fantasies, right? So listen to me. Celeste, listen to me, because I can’t stand that you’re scared. Push that fear aside. Focus on a fantasy of… whatever suspends from you from this.
Justin: Let’s talk fantasies. For me, there has been a fantasy about getting to kiss you again. Before, I was so rushed with you. Over the holidays. It was perfect and moving… but I want time. I want time to settle with you. Relax. I miss you. I miss the way you feel. And the way you make me feel. You sort of settle me, Celeste. If that makes any kind of sense. So my fantasy is to feel wholly me again. But me again with you.
Celeste: I miss you, Justin. So very much.
Justin: When I see you tomorrow, I am going to kiss you so deeply that you will forget about this horrible flight. I’ll make the memory go away.
The plane thumped sharply, and Celeste caught her breath and gripped the armrest. Her eyes rimmed with tears. She truly wanted off this plane.
Celeste: It will have to be the best kiss that has ever taken place, because I am most decidedly unhappy at the moment.
Celeste: I wish you were here in the seat next to me. Justin, I do not like this. I am quite scared.
There was a devastating quiet from him now. She should not spaz out. Dallas loved the word “spaz,” and it was mildly helpful to think of her friend. It was possible to manage this plane terror herself if she had to, so if Justin had been distracted by… well, any of the myriad of things that might distract him… she would get through this. She would not spaz out. But then her phone buzzed, and a wave of relief hit her. It was everything.
Justin: I’m leaving my dorm now.
Celeste: Justin, please… I do not want to be a bother. It is quite late.
Justin: I don’t care. It’s college. There is no “late.” I need to see you. To know you’re okay. And I swear to you that you are going to be okay. Turbulence is just air pockets. Bumps.
Celeste: Okay. Just air pockets.
Justin: Exactly. That’s all. I’m going to be there the minute that you land.
Celeste: I would very much like that. Thank you.
Justin: Hey, Celeste?
She smiled.
Celeste: Hey, Justin?
Justin: I want to tell you something.
Celeste: Yes?
Justin: I shouldn’t say this over text, but I don’t know that I can say it in person.
Justin: You’re scared now. I feel that. But I am more scared, and I want to tell you why anyway.
As the plane jostled sideways, the captain came over the speakers with another jarring warning about remaining seated. Celeste could feel her chest tighten with anxiety. Not just about the plane.
Celeste: If it is something that could be helpful for one under duress, I would advise you to speak up. Immediately, for instance.
Justin did not reply for a few minutes. She stared at her phone’s screen, silently begging him to say something. Anything. Anything at all would do. Even a diatribe on shrimp. Finally she saw the blinking dots that told her he was typing.
Justin: I am falling so in love with you.
Her body electrified. Celeste wiped her eyes and read his text again. The drone of the plane disappeared; the turbulence was no more. There was only Justin and his words.
Justin: I lose myself and find myself at the same time with you.
Justin: I need you, Celeste. I need you as part of my world, because for the first time, I am connected to someone in a way that has meaning. And truth. Maybe our distance has strengthened what I feel between us since we’re not grounded in habit or daily convenience. We have to fight for what we have.
Celeste didn’t bother to dry her eyes again because there was no point. It was so rare that one cried with happiness that she allowed it without shame.
Justin: I don’t know if I can equate what I feel for you with anything else. Except maybe one thing, if this makes any sense.
Justin: I go to this spot at Sunset Cliffs sometimes. It’s usually a place crowded with tourists, but certain times of year are quieter. I like it then. And there’s a high spot on the sandstone cliff, surrounded by this gorgeous ice plant, and it overlooks the most beautiful water view you’ve ever seen. I’m on top of the world there, it seems.
Justin: And everything fits, you know? Life feels right. As though I could take on anything, do anything. And sometimes, when I’m feeling overcome with gratitude for the view and for what I have, I jump so that I remember to continue to be courageous because not every piece of life will feel so in place.
Justin: It’s a twenty-foot drop, the water is only in the high fifties, and it’s a damn scary experience. But it’s a wonderful fear. One that I know I can get through and one that I want.
Justin: That’s what it’s like with you. I am scared because you are so beyond anything I could have imagined. I become so much more with you beside me. That’s terrifying, by the way. But I will be brave because my fear only comes from finally having something deeply powerful to lose. That’s my connection with you. It would be a massive loss.
Justin: And now I am in the car and about to see you, so don’t reply. I’m too flipping terrified to hear what you think of my rant. It’s hard not to pour my heart out once I start. If you think I’m out of mind, just wave your hands in horror when you spot the lovesick guy at the airport.
Ten minutes went by. He had said not to reply, so she hadn’t.
Justin: Let’s hope I don’t get pulled over for speeding… but I’m at a stoplight now.
Justin: God, I hope you aren’t… aren’t… something bad.
Celeste: Hey, Justin?
Justin: I TOLD YOU NOT TO REPLY!
Justin: I know, I know. But I’m happy you did because I lost it there for a minute.
Celeste: HEY, JUSTIN?
Justin: Sorry… Hey, Celeste?
Celeste: I am, unequivocally and wholly falling in love with you, too.
Justin: Now I’m definitely speeding. I will see you soon.
Celeste turned off her phone. Now she was able to shut her eyes without fear. The landing gear thudded as it lowered for their final descent, the vibrations ran through her, and she barely noticed. What she did notice was her intense desire to be held by Justin, to feel his mouth against hers and his hands in her hair as they kissed. He made her feel… feminine. Cherished. His touch and his tenderness created the first desire she’d had for more. A curiosity. Maybe one day, they would even—
“Oh my God, what the hell is going on?” Matt groaned from his seat next to her. “Why am I on an airplane?”
“Oh dear. Do you not remember?”
He touched a hand to his forehead and didn’t answer.
“We shared some cocktails during a very lovely brother-sister bonding afternoon, and then we decided to do some cross-country traveling.”
“I bought us first-class tickets?”
“You did. It was very generous of you.”
“You don’t fly,” he said weakly. “Are you okay?”
“I am quite well. Quite well indeed.”
“You sound perky. Why are you perky?”
“Look out the window! San Diego is stunning at night. The city lights push through the dark sky, creating a most spectacular scene before us. You should look, Matty.”
“I don’t think I feel well enough to look out of a window.”
“I see. Do you have a hangover? Why do they call it a hangover? What is one hanging over?”
“I feel a little sick,” he mumbled to himself.
“Oh, I see! One mig
ht possibly hang one’s upper body over a toilet! Ergo, a hangover. Quite clever. Are you going to vomit? Earlier, I located a vomit bag as I was exploring what was offered to us in this seat pocket.”
“Please don’t say vomit.”
“Should I say barf? That starts with the letter B and continues our earlier joke.”
“I do not want a bag of any sort.”
“‘Bag’ also starts with… Never mind. Could I then offer you an in-flight magazine?”
“No.”
“The airline offers a catalog that sells extremely unusual items.” She retrieved it. “Here, for instance, is a biker gnome statue. Or a bigfoot yeti carving that attaches to a tree trunk. Magic shower heads? These look interesting. They light up the water with various colors so you could bathe in green or purple. A multitude of colors are offered.”
“I don’t want a green shower.”
“Something else for the bathroom, perhaps? An Egyptian goddess toilet paper holder?”
“Please stop talking about toilets and bathrooms.”
“Sorry. Here’s something you might like. Star Trek pajamas for adults.”
“I’m going to kill you.”
“For the traveler, they sell a convenient clothesline. You could wash your underwear and hang them up in the hotel bathroom—Oops, I mentioned a bathroom again. Well, it’s not my fault that this catalog features many bathroom items. Aha, how about a gargoyle bottle opener?”
“Celeste…”
“No, sorry, that’s no good. It probably makes you think of beer or wine, and you are experiencing nausea and a headache, I suspect.”
“Why are you so chipper?”
“Because we are on an exciting adventure!”
Matt rubbed his eye and stretched. “That’s true. This was certainly unexpected. Where are we staying?”
“You made a hotel reservation.”
“I did?”
“Yes. You likely have a confirmation on your phone. Justin is meeting us at the airport in his car.”
“He is? That’s nice of him…”
“How long are we staying here, Matty?”
He laughed lightly. “I have no idea. I suppose we better be home before Mom and Dad get back. They wouldn’t like this. So whatever you do, don’t tell them we’re here. Just pretend we’re at home, okay?”
“Oooooh, we are being very mischievous and naughty! How unlike both of us!”
“Shhhh. My head is pounding. Let’s just focus on getting to the hotel so that I can pass out again.”
“Okay, that’s a wise plan. Good thinking, Matthew.” She leaned into him more and gave him a hug. “I am sorry that you don’t feel well, but this trip is terrifically exciting for me.”
He put an arm over her shoulder and pulled her in, kissing the top of her head. “I’m glad you’re happy. I feel like hell, but I’m glad you’re happy.”
The landing was smooth, and in fact, Celeste found that she liked the rush she felt from being pushed back against her seat as the plane braked to a stop. It was a build, the force picking up gradually until reaching a peak, then gently easing up. She almost wanted more. What she had feared so much was now what she craved.
Or, she thought with no small degree of embarrassment, braking in an airplane was not what she craved. Justin’s texts may have ignited something else.
When the lights came on and the seatbelt sign pinged off, she and Matt retrieved their bags from the overhead bins and stood to exit. The flight attendant nodded as they walked by. “Thank you for a most pleasant flying experience,” Celeste said. “My first flight was significantly less traumatizing than I imagined. A job well done! Please extend my thanks to the pilot.” Celeste beamed and stepped off of the plane.
“You really liked flying that much?” Matt asked, sounding more than a little surprised.
“Well, I confess that I was unnerved for most of the flight. But then, Matt?” She stopped them in a crowd. “Justin texted me.”
“Okay. And?”
“Matty, he said wonderfully kind things to me. He said… he said…” Celeste was now uncertain how, or if, she should tell him. “Well… that he… had feelings of a certain nature….”
Matt frowned. “What the hell do you mean of a certain nature? I don’t like the sound of that.”
“Matthew! Not that nature! The sweet sort.”
“Oh.” He relaxed his expression. “Oh. Then, I guess that’s okay. I mean, that’s good.”
“He is quite romantic.”
Matt nodded and started walking again. “Then let’s go see him.”
Celeste followed Matt, suddenly a bit nervous with anticipation. But then they passed by security and took the escalator downstairs. And he was there.
Justin stood looking up at them as they descended, his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket, a baseball hat pulling the hair from his face so that she could see every handsome feature of his face. When they reached the bottom, Matt had to nudge Celeste forward. She couldn’t stop staring, could barely remember how to walk. Justin didn’t move either, seemingly as transfixed on her as she was on him.
“Oh God, go. Go get him,” Matt said with a laugh. He shoved her forward until she walked slowly toward Justin.
Nearly crippled by the sight of him, she couldn’t get herself to move faster. But then she involuntarily let out a sound, a near cry of emotion, when his arms clutched her to his chest and held her body against his. She squeezed back, not able to get enough of him. The only reason she eventually pulled away was for one reason. His mouth. The urgency to kiss him.
So she eased her head back, letting her lips find his. How she had missed this. Missed him. Just as Celeste’s tongue started to touch his, he pulled back. “Boy, do you taste like bourbon.”
Celeste blushed. “Oh no…”
“And also gin. And you’re delicious, and I’m going to give you that proper kiss I promised, but right now your brother is glaring at me.”
“Oh! Indeed.” She got her breathing under control, and turned to Matt, slipping her hand into Justin’s. “Sorry.”
He rolled his eyes. “It’s okay. Hi, Justin.”
“Matt, good to see you!”
Celeste smiled when they shook hands. Matt genuinely did seem to approve of her boyfriend. That was important to her.
“Look, we need to rent a car, but the fact is I’m likely still hammered out of my mind, so you’ll need to drive. Justin, would you mind leading us to our hotel? I don’t think either of us should be responsible for locating anything right now.”
“Of course. Where are you staying?”
Matt shrugged and laughed at himself. “I have no idea.” He checked his phone. “Apparently someplace called The Grand Del Mar?”
“Really?”
“Yeah, why? Is it a dump?”
“Um… no. Quite the opposite. You’ll like it.”
Matt continued staring at his phone and shaking his head with a bemused look. “It also seems that I reserved a car already. It’s being delivered here.”
“Well, all right, man!” Justin patted him on the back. “Nice going?”
“What?” Celeste was confused. “What does this mean?”
“It means,” Justin said, “that your brother rented a luxury car that’s not available for rental from any old regular agency. I like how you think, Matt,” Justin said tapping his head with a finger. “I really do.”
Thirty minutes later, Celeste was behind the wheel and following Justin’s old two-door Ford. “I am flabbergasted at your choice of vehicles, Matty. This is quite unlike you.” She shifted the car into fourth gear and sped up. “If you ask me, a black Corvette convertible is a bit much for our needs. And perhaps on the cliché end, although not that I am complaining. The weather is magnificent. I gather this is unusually warm for this time of year, but the wind feels lovely. It turns out that I may very well have been a race car driver in another lifetime. If I believed in other lifetimes, that is. But this convertible?
Not what I would have expected from you. I don’t even remember you ordering this. I mean, Matt, you had to make special arrangements to have this car waiting for us.”
“Just let me have my mid-life crisis.” Matt had his eyes shut and his head tipped into the headrest while the wind blew his hair around.
Celeste had tossed hers into a bun on the top of her head so that she could see enough to drive. “You are too young for a mid-life crisis. But I will enjoy whatever episode you are having.” She took a corner hard, reveling in the control. “I quite like this vehicle.”
“Please don’t kill us before we get to the hotel.”
“I shall not kill us because based on the first-class airplane seats and now this car, I cannot wait to see the hotel. Oh, here it is!” She pulled up to the hotel behind Justin’s car, driving past a lit-up fountain and under illuminated palm trees, and let the valet help her from the car. “Matthew, the Grand Del Mar is indeed grand! I had no idea that you had such good taste. Given your wardrobe and general chintzy nature, I am entirely shocked, albeit delighted.”
Justin left his car for the valet and strode over to the Corvette.
Matt looked at the outside of the hotel and just shook his head in disbelief. “Justin?”
“Yeah, Matt?”
“Oh God. What have I done?”
“Look, you treated yourself to a nice hotel. So what?”
“Okay, yeah. You’re right. So what?”
So when they all stood at the desk and the clerk confirmed their two-bedroom suite, Matt simply nodded as though this was exactly how they traveled all the time. Celeste was awed by the massive arches, the wide wrought iron staircase, and the marble pillars and floors. But Matt didn’t so much as flinch when they walked into the living room of the luxurious suite, or when he looked out the window to see the stunning view and the glowing moon. He simply flung himself onto the striped couch and smiled sleepily. “This was an awesome idea. Do you know they have a pool? I’m never leaving this place.”
Celeste put her hands on her hips. “You are having some sort of severe psychiatric break, are you not? You could have changed our room to a more reasonable one, you know.”
“I don’t care. I like this room. It’s very distinguished and formal. Perfect for you. I want to keep it forever. Let’s move in here. Let’s never leave. Let’s have more of those crazy Old Fashioneds.”