by Katy Kaylee
“Hey,” I said, trying to sound normal.
I dampened a paper towel and dabbed my mouth before tossing it in the trash. I looked pale. I hoped no one noticed, but judging by the way Carolina was looking at me, she had definitely noticed. We were edging closer to the big campaign launch, and I couldn’t afford to have anyone lose confidence in me.
“So, how far along are you?” she asked.
“What? The campaign? I’m working on some of the final touches,” I answered.
“Not the campaign. That?” she said, looking down at my stomach.
I put my hands over my belly. “Oh, it’s just the leftovers of bad pizza I ate the other night.”
She smirked. “Bad pizza? Are you sure it isn’t morning sickness?”
I nearly puked on her shoes. “What?”
Her words were playing in slow motion through my mind. It felt like I was underwater, and the words were garbled, but I understood them. I gave myself a mental shake. Pregnant? No way. I started doing the math, mentally calculating what the day was and how many days I was late for my period. I put a hand over my mouth, realizing Carolina could be right.
“Are you okay?” she asked softly, putting an arm around my shoulders.
“I’m fine, but I can’t,” I said, stopping myself from saying anything more.
“You can’t because you haven’t had sex?” she asked in a way that said she knew that wasn’t the case.
“I mean, I can’t be, not now,” I mumbled.
“Hey, before you start to freak out, let’s go to the drugstore and grab a test. You can know for sure. Then you can start thinking about what to do,” she assured me.
I thought about it and realized I wouldn’t be able to focus on work until I knew for sure. “Thank you. I would appreciate that.”
We walked out of the bathroom, Carolina letting her brother know we were going to run out for a coffee and would be back shortly. There was a drugstore on the corner. We went inside and found the tests. I stared at them, completely overwhelmed.
“How do I know which one to use?” I asked.
She giggled, shrugging a shoulder. “I have no idea. They range in price. I think you should get a few different ones just to be extra sure.”
I nodded, completely agreeing with her assessment. I quickly paid for the tests, shoving the paper bag into my purse, and headed back to the office. No one questioned why the two of us went into the bathroom together.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I muttered from inside the stall.
I peed on three sticks, slid the caps back on, and put them all down on the counter. I couldn’t look at them. I turned my back and waited.
“You gonna look?” she asked.
“No. I can’t. Tell me.”
“This is something you have to do for yourself,” she said gently.
I grimaced, dreading what I would find when I turned around. I closed my eyes, not sure exactly what it was I wanted as I slowly turned around. I couldn’t look down. “Tell me,” I pleaded.
“Penny, look,” Carolina urged.
I opened my eyes and found her smiling at me. I took the smile to mean they were all negative and I had panicked over nothing. I returned her smile, feeling relieved until I saw the plus sign on one of the tests. Another had two lines, and another had a line in the yes box. My eyes bulged as I slowly shook my head.
“It can’t be. No way. This isn’t happening,” I gasped.
“Oh sweetie, it’s going to be okay,” Carolina assured me, wrapping her long, slender arms around me.
I sobbed, the tears sliding down my cheeks as the reality of my situation sank in. “I can’t believe this,” I murmured.
“Hey, why don’t you go home for the rest of the day. I’ll tell Jax you were sick.”
“Thank you,” I said with a hiccup.
I was glad to have Carolina. I didn’t have any friends in the city. Heck, I didn’t really have any friends at all. I had distanced myself from everyone when I realized I had no real friends after the Jax incident. I couldn’t very well talk to Chance about my situation.
“Come on, it’s going to be fine.”
I grabbed a few paper towels and dabbed at my cheeks before snatching the pregnancy tests and shoving them into my purse. Carolina was kind enough to get my purse from my desk before meeting me at the elevators. I went straight home, barely remembering the way with my mind focused on the whole pregnancy thing.
I changed into a pair of comfortable yoga pants and a loose shirt. I grabbed a ginger ale from the fridge and settled in on the couch. I didn’t bother turning on the TV. I wanted the silence. I needed the silence to think about my situation. One decision was already made. I knew it the very second I saw the second line. I was keeping the baby. I already felt an attachment to the little him or her.
My problem, or concern rather, was the baby’s daddy. I couldn’t imagine raising a child with Jax. We hadn’t spent almost any time together in the last two weeks. When we’d returned home from our little romantic getaway, it had been all about the campaign. Jax had been out of the office a lot with various meetings. I had kept my head down, staying busy with my side of the campaign launch. The entire office had been in sprint mode.
A fun weekend with really great sex didn’t exactly equate to relationship material. Sure, we had great sex and we had gotten along for the brief time we were together, but we’d also been playacting a bit. Neither of us had mentioned the past. We didn’t talk about Chance or the fact he would hate the idea of me and Jax being friends or lovers. He would probably throw an absolute fit when he found out Jax was the father of my baby.
Part of me wanted to believe Jax would be okay with the idea of me having his child. Another part of me knew there was a real possibility he would never want to see me or the child. He hadn’t exactly professed his love for me. We weren’t arguing and I didn’t feel like we hated each other. At work, it was casual and easy. If we were alone in his office, we focused on work. There was some occasional flirting, but for the most part, it had been friendly.
How could I tell him I was pregnant? He would flip out. There was a very good chance he would think I did it on purpose. I played out a few scenarios in my head, and none of them turned out with a happily ever after. He’d accuse me of setting him up as some elaborate revenge scenario. As if having his baby had been my goal, I inwardly scoffed before I remembered the argument was all in my head. I had to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he’d grown and matured and would be thrilled with the idea of being a daddy.
“You’re fooling yourself,” I groaned into my quiet living room.
There was still the matter of Lydia. Even if he wasn’t officially with Lydia, the press certainly thought he was. How would it look if I showed up pregnant on his arm? They would crucify me in the papers. They would blame me for breaking up the modeling world’s “it” couple. It wasn’t just me and Jax that would personally be attacked. If it got out that he’d been cheating on his girlfriend, it could thwart all the work we’d been doing the past several weeks. People would boycott the cheating louse’s line. That kind of bad press wasn’t good. Women tended to stick together when it came to things like cheating. The accused cheater and his partner were ostracized. It turned into a mob mentality.
Not only would Jax’s line crash and burn, I would likely never find work in the industry again. I would be blacklisted. No woman would hire me out of solidarity for the cause—the no-cheating clause that all women had. No man would hire me because if his wife or girlfriend found out I was working with him, they’d make him fire me.
“Just keep your mouth shut, Penny,” I whispered, sipping the ginger ale and thinking about my future.
I would keep it a secret for now. I would ask Carolina not to say anything. I trusted that she would keep my secret until it wasn’t possible. I estimated I had a good two to three months before the pregnancy made itself known. By then, I would know what to do. I just had to keep my pregnanc
y a secret until after the launch. I had to give Jax’s line the best shot at being successful without any dark clouds hanging overhead.
If Hollywood celebrities could hide their baby bumps until the last trimester, I could do it as well. It would be winter and cold when I really started to show. I could wear lots of bulky sweaters and coats. I took a deep breath, committing myself to what could be a very scary, uncertain future. Despite the fear and the worry I was going to be on my own raising a child, there was a small part of me that was excited. A baby couldn’t be a bad thing. I closed my eyes, imagining my child with my dark hair, Jax’s green eyes, and his dark skin tone. If it was a boy, he would look just like his daddy. If it was a girl, she’d inherit his height and athletic build and be absolutely beautiful.
“I bet we’ll make beautiful babies,” I whispered.
23
JAX
I flipped through the pages on the tablet, my head bobbing up and down with approval as I reviewed the proofs for the ads Penny had put together. The woman was incredibly talented. Carolina had made a good choice in hiring her. I felt like we had a secret weapon. No one knew about Penny Logan because no one had given her a chance to prove her marketing chops. My team had, and we were going to reap the rewards for taking that chance.
Unfortunately, the ads and marketing campaign had consumed Penny. I barely saw her. When I did see her, it was at work. We’d had no time for anything else. I’d managed to steal a kiss here and there and copped a feel now and again, but it had been too long since I’d gotten to bury myself inside her. The blue balls I had developed after the first few weeks had progressed into what I imagined were deep purple balls. I ached for her. I craved her touch and her taste.
Penny was busy with her side of things, and I felt like I had been working for the last thirty-something days straight from sunup to sundown. I hadn’t taken a break either and knew I was running right up against my breaking point. I had to take a step back or I was going to burn out. The same situation had happened plenty of time during the height of my modeling career. I’d shoot campaigns all day and then hop on a plane and find myself in a different time zone. It had been Lydia who’d helped keep me sane. It had been Lydia who demanded I take a break now and then.
It was like the woman knew when I was at the end of my rope. She claimed it was her sixth sense. I thought it was just plain creepy. She’d called last night and asked me to lunch today. I had tried to tell her I had a lot on my plate, but she insisted. It was time for a new photo op for the press anyway. We had to keep our romance alive in the media for the sake of both our careers.
I grabbed my keys and left the office. As expected, Lydia had arrived before me and created a bit of a stir. There were already several paparazzi in front of the restaurant where I handed the valet my keys. I waved to the photographers and headed inside, ignoring the questions about the proposal I had supposedly done.
“Hi,” I greeted Lydia with a kiss on the lips.
Several bright flashes told me the press had gotten their shot. It would keep them satisfied for a couple of weeks. I liked to think of it as feeding and watering a plant to make sure it continued to flourish. Lydia and I arranged the public dates to keep the story alive and well.
“You haven’t been sleeping,” she said, taking her seat and sipping on the glass of water she had in front of her.
“It’s been busy at work.”
“That’s a good thing.”
“How about you? Any new jobs?” I asked.
She shrugged a shoulder. “A few small ones. I’m coming to terms with the idea my career is over.”
“Stop. It isn’t over.”
“It’s not so bad. I actually like having a little more free time. I spent two weeks in Paris and actually got to see some of the sights,” she said with a bright smile.
“Good. Look for that silver lining,” I told her.
“How’s it going with Penny from college?” she asked.
I chuckled at the name. “Penny from college is doing very well.”
Lydia’s thick, sculpted brow arched. “Oh really? Well as in you two are sleeping together?” she said in a low voice to keep anyone from overhearing.
“Yes and no.”
She burst into laughter. “That’s an odd answer.”
“We were and now we aren’t, but I don’t think it’s because we don’t want to, it’s more about logistics,” I explained.
“What do you mean?”
“I was wooing her, and then things got really busy at work and neither of us has had much free time, and when we do, we’re both too exhausted to think about doing much of anything,” I told her.
“Wooing her? That is a very un-Jax word.”
“You know what I mean. I want to show her I’m changed. I’m not that stupid kid I was a few years ago. I was making real progress, and I felt like there was something happening between us. We had a nice little weekend getaway. We were close to being a real thing,” I said, thinking back to the hours we had spent in the room and how good it had been.
She was smiling at me as I talked. “You like her.”
“You know I do.”
“I have an idea. There is a big fund-raising gala at the Chicago Field Museum. It’s going to be a lot of big names, the red carpet, and the whole nine yards. Come with me and bring Penny. It will be a great way for you to make some connections and talk up your line, and it gives you an excuse to wine and dine Penny in a safe setting. She won’t feel pressured, but she will get to see you in a tux, and that’s enough to woo any woman,” she winked.
The idea sounded good, but I wasn’t sure Penny would go for it. “What about me and you? The press is going to expect us to be together.”
She shrugged a shoulder. “We’ll start setting up our amicable breakup. We’ll be at the same party but apart. That will start rumors, and eventually we can say we’ve remained friends but our busy schedules have led us apart.”
“Are you sure?” I asked her, knowing how important our fake relationship was.
“I am. Fly down on a private jet. Get a fancy hotel room and finish the wooing. Every girl wants to feel like a princess. This is your chance. I’ll let her rummage through my closet to find a dress. God knows I have enough of them,” she mumbled.
“Thank you. That is a great idea. I’ll talk to her when I get back to the office.”
“You’re going to do fine. Let your heart lead the way, and check your ego at the door. I know it’s scary to feel vulnerable, but this woman has been a part of you for a long time. Don’t let her get away a second time,” she advised.
I nodded, completely agreeing with her. “I’m going to do better.”
We ordered our meals, stopping to sign autographs on occasion before it was time to get back to the office. I walked her to her car, several photographers snapping our picture as we said our goodbyes.
“To think this will be over soon,” she said with a sigh.
“We can make it messy if you want. I’ll be the jackass boyfriend who dumps his poor, loyal girlfriend. People will love you and it will inflate your star status again and you’ll be at the top, turning down work because you’re so popular,” I offered.
She giggled. “We’ll see. Thank you. I’ll talk to you soon.”
I walked away, getting the keys from the valet and heading back to the office. I was anxious to talk with Penny. I didn’t bother going to my office first and headed directly to her office in what she lovingly referred to as her fishbowl. At least I liked to think it was lovingly. I had a feeling it wasn’t her meaning at all.
“Hey there. Long time no see,” I said, walking into her office.
She looked up from her tablet and offered me a small, nervous smile. “Sorry. I’ve been crazy busy.”
“It’s okay. I get it. That’s why I’m here,” I started.
“You have something else you need me to work on?”
I shook my head. “Nope. I want to reward you for all of your hard work.
I want you to come with me on an all-expense paid trip to Chicago for a fancy black-tie fund-raiser.”
She wrinkled her nose. “Me?”
“Yes, you.”
“I don’t know.” She paused.
“It’ll be fun. It will be a nice break for both of us. We’ll get to rub elbows with all the who’s who in the city and the fashion industry. It will give me a chance to talk about my upcoming line and get some free press just for showing up,” I explained. “Let’s see who has the pointiest elbows,” I joked.
“Jax, that’s your scene. I’m not a who. I’m a nobody.”
“You’re my head of marketing. You’re the woman who is going to launch the best marketing campaign the industry has ever seen. You need to get your face out there. We need to schmooze,” I said, slightly begging her to go with me.
She groaned. “I’m not good at that kind of thing.”
“You don’t have to be good at it. You just have to show up and be you. You’ll meet people and make some connections with radio and television executives and all the other people in the business that can be used for favors. That’s how this thing goes. You scratch their back, they scratch yours, but there won’t be any scratching if you’ve never met the potential scratchers,” I explained, realizing just how ridiculous I sounded.
Penny looked completely confused. “Did that make sense in your head?”
I laughed. “No. It didn’t, but I know you know what I mean. I need you there. You’re going to be the one I lean on and turn to with questions about our upcoming marketing strategy. I want you to start getting familiar with the people we will be bumping into as this thing really gets rolling.”
I sensed her hesitation and hoped it wasn’t because she didn’t want to be alone with me. She’d been a little standoffish, but I had chalked it up to the workload. Maybe it was something else. I was not going to give up the progress we had made at the rustic hotel.
“I guess if I need to,” she said hesitantly.