Just Let Go

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Just Let Go Page 19

by Alessandra Thomas


  Ethan

  I woke up, slightly sticky and smelling a little like sweat. But that didn’t matter one bit, because the most perfect woman in the entire world was in my arms. She’d shifted in her sleep, so that her back faced to me and her ass nestled against my front, doing nothing to calm the incredible morning wood that was growing between us at a shocking rate. Natalia was dead asleep, though; I knew that when she woke up, she generally did so ready for action and that ‘action’ usually consisted of kickboxing. I was sure there would be plenty of mornings where we’d have sleepy, slow, delicious morning sex, but with her body weighing my arm down heavy as a boulder and her hair, which covered her face, puffing up in the air with each of her soft snores, I decided that all signs pointed to “not today.”

  Plus, I was really damn hungry.

  I’d known when I popped the mac and cheese into the oven last night that I was going to take Natalia to bed about two seconds afterward. The chances of me getting up to take a damn noodle casserole out of the oven in the middle of that were less than zero, so I’d turned off the oven and figured it would cook enough in there, while the temperature slowly dropped so it’d be edible after we were done. If we ever got done.

  Turned out, we hadn’t, which was the ideal outcome. Wasn’t the best for the mac and cheese, though. I ambled into the kitchen and took the cold, oily pan of noodles out and dumped it into the trash. It didn’t matter. We had plenty of chances ahead of us for eating mac and cheese.

  I rifled through my fridge and took out ingredients for a simple cheese omelet, then hummed quietly as I mixed up some eggs, making sure to remove a few yolks so that they were as pale as Natalia liked. My mind wandered while I manipulated and flipped the solidifying circle, then dropped cheese on it and stepped to the side to slice up some apples to go on the side.

  The sound of footsteps pulled me out of my daydream. “I hope there’s nothing green in there,” Natalia said, her voice raspy. My pillowcases weren’t satin like Natalia’s, which meant her hair fared far worse after a night spent in my bed. She hated it – I loved it. Loved that there was a tuft of slightly frizzy hair puffing out of the back side of her head, loved that I could already see a couple tangles she’d need my help pulling out. Loved that I was the only person who got to see her like this, for as long as I could manage to keep her in my life.

  I was going to take that more seriously than any challenge I’d undertaken in my entire life.

  “You love green things,” I teased. I knew what her response would be.

  “You know I do. And you also know how I feel about putting them together with cheese,” she grumbled. I laughed as I pulled her into my arms. She was soft and warm and pliant when she first woke up, her head lolling helplessly against my chest, her breath stale and familiar. I loved every single part of it.

  “Just cheese,” I chuckled. “I promise. And four eggs, two yolks.”

  “Just like I like it,” she hummed appreciatively. My heart swelled.

  I poured her a cup of coffee from the press and slid it over the surface of the kitchen island and she took the signal, settling herself down on what had quickly become her stool. She took a long, slow sip, blinked her eyes open, and took a deep appreciative breath when I plated the halves of the omelet, then carried them and the apple slices to the island.

  “You’re not going to sit?” she asked as she made a grabbing motion in the air.

  “Right. Forks,” I said. “See? No. I’m not going to sit, and that’s why. The second I put my butt on a chair, you’re going to need something else.”

  “I’m not a child,” she said, before looking around the table forlornly again.

  I laughed. “Salt, right?”

  “And hot sauce?” she asked sheepishly.

  I grabbed it out of the cabinet and slid it to her, imagining what it would taste like on my tongue when I took her back to bed after breakfast. “Plus,” I said, “My arms look better when I lean, as opposed to sit.”

  Natalia chewed a bite of apple and rolled her eyes at me, but couldn’t hide her small smile. She dumped a ton of hot sauce on her eggs, then moaned and slumped a little bit. “You don’t make eggs for me often enough,” she said.

  “What do you think? Should we change that?” I was already halfway done with mine. It was like last night had set this constantly burning fire inside me that made me starved, both literally and metaphorically. I was already planning how I could keep her with me for the duration of the day.

  She shoved a bite of omelet into her mouth and nodded slowly. When she swallowed, she said, “Yeah. I think so.”

  We ate together quietly for a couple more minutes as my heart grew ten sizes. That projection of the future I’d had waking up with her my arms just got more and more detailed. And we hadn’t even talked about anything past the dates we’d promised each other which had, admittedly, gotten greater in number than I’d expected.

  It had put me in a good enough mood that I was willing to ask the question that had scared me so much, until now. “So, when’s our next scary date?”

  Natalia’s eyebrows climbed up, and her look of surprise was quickly taken over by a grin of delight. “Oh, I’m so glad you asked that.”

  Uh oh. That meant she already had one planned. Probably was going to spring it on me at the last minute, so I wouldn’t have a chance to argue. For the first time ever, I didn’t feel worried. Not one bit. I trusted the feelings churning between us and the sparkle of excitement in her eyes more than I was willing to give in to my trepidation.

  “Your eggs are getting cold. Eat them so you have enough energy to jump out of a plane.”

  It was a miracle I managed to chew and swallow. “To do what?”

  “For once in your life, don’t overthink it. Just trust me.”

  I felt like someone had hit pause on the world around me. It was a miracle I managed to stammer and blink. “We’re going skydiving,” I said, trying to appear calm as I gathered our empty dishes and rinsed them in the sink.

  Natalia dipped her head in a confident nod. “I’m going to keep you safe, baby. And you’re going to love it.”

  Chapter 23

  Natalia

  I didn’t give Ethan a chance to refuse. I’d booked this trip weeks ago, when we’d first made our dating deal. It was with a friend of a girlfriend of mine from LA. She’d promised that Tom would explain things slowly and thoroughly for Ethan, and that he’d been in the business for years. If anything could make Ethan feel safe about skydiving, a trip out with Tom could.

  After we finished our eggs, I dragged him into his bedroom to get dressed, pulling some workout clothes, including a long-sleeved jacket, out of his drawers and tossing them at him. “They’ll have safety gear there?” he asked, and I just nodded.

  “Hurry up, slowpoke. We have to stop at my place for my clothes.”

  He didn’t talk much on the drive out to the flight field where we were going to meet Tom, which was just as well. I spent the time cranking up some salsa music on my car stereo and singing along. Ethan had never said it, but I could tell he loved it when I spoke Spanish. He may have been stressed about our impending date but he couldn’t resist watching my lips hungrily as I mouthed the lyrics, singing them softly under my breath.

  When we arrived at the small stretch of concrete and I turned off the ignition, Ethan’s whole body went stiff. I followed his line of sight to the small white prop plane waiting for us just a few hundred feet away.

  “Small planes are much more dangerous than large ones,” Ethan said as I pulled the handle to open my door.

  I stopped and turned to him. “But…” I prompted. I knew him well.

  He shut his eyes tight and conceded, “But driving in a car is still more dangerous.”

  “Especially down the Schuylkill Expressway,” I finished, squeezing his hand. “And we’ve done that lots.”

  “Right,” he said, blowing out a long breath. He opened his eyes then, and turned to me. “You’ve done
all the research, haven’t you? So that you could talk me into this?”

  I nodded. “There’s a 0.0007% chance of dying from a skydive, compared to a 0.0167% chance of dying in a car accident.”

  “Based on every 10,000 miles driven,” he said. “I think I drive less than that. I try to, anyway.”

  Right. Because of his mom’s accident, Ethan hated driving on winding roads or in bad weather more than he would admit even to me, I thought. But I pushed on. “No, you don’t. Or you won’t this year,” I amended. “We’ll be going to lots of dinners at Christian and Daniel’s.”

  Ethan took a long, slow breath. “We will?”

  “Yeah,” I said softly, putting as much emotion in my expression as I could. “You’re safe with me,” I promised. I meant more than the skydiving, today. Maybe it was silly, since I was far from certain about my own future. Something had changed, though. I didn’t know what I wanted to be doing a year from now, but I knew I wanted Ethan to be part of my life.

  Half an hour later, we’d signed the release forms and suited up. Ethan gripped my hand tightly. “Just focus on me, okay?” I said. He nodded, and even though I really loved watching the Pennsylvania mountains come into relief when we soared above them, I liked being Ethan’s safe place to look more.

  Ethan’s harness was hooked into Tom’s, and I was connected to Tom’s girlfriend, Laura. Tom said something next to Ethan’s ear, and he nodded in reply, then let go of my hand.

  “Are we gonna jump first?” Laura asked.

  I glanced at Ethan. His jaw was locked, like it was when he was determined to do something. I reached out for his hand, and when he grabbed it, I leaned forward to smack a kiss on his lips. “Come after me, okay?” I yelled against the roaring wind.

  He nodded, then said, “I promise.” There was more to that promise than just skydiving. I knew it, felt it in my bones.

  Laura and I turned and tipped out the open door sideways. I loved this moment of freefall, every damn time. I knew I looked ridiculous, with my face flapping in the wind, and my mouth stretched into an uncontrollable grin. I didn’t care.

  This feeling, of being on top of the world and completely vulnerable, was everything I’d always chased. Nothing matched getting the high of danger and adventure. Nothing, that is, until Ethan was right by my side for the whole experience.

  While Laura and I were in freefall, I managed to catch the moment Tom and Ethan leaned out of the plane and let themselves fall. Ethan was white as a sheet, his eyes wide, but his jaw still had that same determined set. I knew he didn’t want to skydive. I could only interpret this as his devotion to me. My stomach flipped when his eyes met mine, and his cheeks did the same silly flap in the powerful wind as mine did. I was a little lighter, so he reached freefall at my altitude for a few seconds. I didn’t realize it until that moment, but this was everything I wanted from skydiving with Ethan. All this time, I’d been thinking there was nothing that compared to soaring high over the rest of the world, completely untethered. As Ethan and I joined hands, I knew that this was the new feeling to beat – experiencing all that with him. Knowing that he was willing to confront his fear so he could share it with me.

  As we started to drop farther, we had to unclasp our hands. For the first time ever, instead of enjoying my time in the air, I was anxious to get back down to the ground so I could throw my arms around Ethan. He and Tom landed about fifty feet from us, and as soon as Laura unhooked my harness from hers, I took off running toward him. Tom unhooked himself from Ethan and then helped him to his feet just before I reached him and threw my arms around his neck. He chuckled breathlessly before his legs went out under him, and his ass hit the ground again. I followed him down, laughing, until I was laying on top of him, right there in the middle of the grassy, sun-lit field. I fumbled at the straps of both of our helmets and tossed them to the side before laying a long, hard kiss on his lips. I couldn’t bring myself to pull away. His shaking fingers threaded through my hair as he mumbled against my mouth, “Sorry. Still kind of shaky.”

  I laughed, feeling more intense, pure happiness than I’d ever felt in my life. I rested my head in the crook of his neck. This time, I didn’t turn the words over and over in my head, didn’t worry about their implications. I didn’t consider the safest course of action, didn’t fret over the conflicting circumstances of each of our lives, didn’t worry whether he felt the same way. Just said them. “I love you,” I said, loud and clear and unmistakable.

  Ethan halted – I could feel his chest stop for a moment, pausing against mine. Then he gripped my shoulders with his only slightly shaky hands, and tugged so that I lifted my head too look into his eyes. “I love you too,” he said in a gravely, stunned exhale. “So much.”

  We lay there in the field, still hooked into skydiving harnesses, laughing and kissing breathlessly until Tom and Laura approached us. “Hate to break up the party,” Laura said with a smile in her voice, “but we’ve got another pair of divers in an hour.”

  “Next time you go sky diving,” Tom said, “You can propose. If you’re gonna make out like that in a meadow, might as well have a good reason.”

  My stomach flipped over. Proposals? Marriage? I had never thought of that as part of my future. But as I helped Ethan to his feet and he slipped his hand in mine, a flash of what it would feel like to look down at him like this while he slipped a ring on my finger took over my thoughts. For the first time ever, the thought of spending my life with someone didn’t make me feel trapped. Thinking about a life with Ethan was like watching my world open up in front of me. He’d shown me he was willing to do what scared him most, as long as I was with him. What would a life full of sharing my adventures with someone feel like, as opposed to tackling them all on my own?

  I felt steady as ever on the drive back home. We didn’t talk very much, just held hands and smiled at each other like fools every few seconds. “I know you were shaky afterward,” I said, “and this may be a stupid question, but what did you think?”

  “Of the sky diving?”

  “Yeah,” I said with a laugh.

  “I just told myself I was going to focus on you, and then we’d only fall for a couple minutes. I’m not afraid of planes…”

  “Did my statistics help?” I interrupted.

  “Yes, smartass. They did,” Ethan said with a squeeze to my hand. I beamed. “Anyway,” he continued, “Going up in the air wasn’t bad. I thought the going down part would be terrifying, but honestly, it never felt scary. The air underneath me on the freefall felt almost solid, you know? And then after that, the parachute was there.” He shrugged. “So, I guess it was no big deal.”

  I was struck absolutely speechless. I pulled off the highway and the clicking of the turn signal was the only sound in the car for a few seconds.

  “Tali?” Ethan asked. “You okay?”

  There was a small lump in my throat. “I never thought that I would be taken by surprise by you, Ethan,” I said. “But you’ve done it. I’m shocked. And glad.”

  We turned twice, and then we were in front of The Knockout. Once we were out of the car, I pulled Ethan into my arms, holding him tight to me. For some reason, I wanted to hold him fast, as long and hard as I could.

  Eventually, Ethan led me upstairs. I followed him into the shower, where we stood, embracing and indulging in long, leisurely kisses, until the hot water ran out. Then we fell into bed, where we crawled under the covers and pulled the sheets over our heads, laughing softly. I rolled on top of Ethan and guided him inside me like I had done it a million times before and would do it a million times again. Our bodies moved in tandem like waves lapping on a shore, and we came together with declarations of love softly moaned into each other’s skin.

  Minutes after, in the quiet dark, after our breaths had slowed, Ethan whispered into my hair, “I didn’t mind skydiving that much, you know.”

  “I don’t mind boring movie nights that much, either,” I admitted. With a measure of sleepy, contented surpris
ed, I realized I meant every word.

  Ethan didn’t reply, but the way he held me tight to him told me all I needed to know. He may not be winning the bet, but I’d told him everything he needed to hear today. In that moment, it felt like the quiet, happy compromise of it all would last forever.

  Chapter 24

  Natalia

  Ethan had come to oversee the installation of the new wood-look floor in one of The Knockout’s back rooms. With some persuasion from a few of our female members and a lot of market research, we’d decided to include a yoga studio space in the gym. Sarah had volunteered to do some scouting for yoga instructors who would rent the space for regularly scheduled classes.

  I had to admit, part of the reason I agreed to the renovation so quickly was that it would keep Ethan around for at least another few weeks. He couldn’t write a comprehensive insurance policy until our changes to the gym were done.

  We stood together on the brand-new floor, admiring the look of it. “So,” he asked, “when are you taking me out to that salsa club?

  “Tonight,” I said decidedly with a smack to his lips. He beamed at me. The flicker of desire in his eyes only made me more excited for him to see me in the dress I planned to wear to the club.

  Maybe it was because I'd grown up with five brothers, or because my mother never gave much thought to fashion. More likely, it was my career choice that kept me in sweats, that had my closet stocked with rows of sneakers and only two pairs of passable dancing heels. One little black dress, and one red, were the only two non-pants articles of clothing I'd taken with me on my travels.

  My little black dress was a treasure of contemporary technology - it was clingy, soft, forgiving of the washer and the dryer, as well as being sweat-slicking like my best workout tops. The neckline plunged low, but not as low as the 'V' at the back, topped only by a single tie at the nape of my neck. And the skirt...well, let's just say that it put the hard work I'd done on my quads fully on display.

 

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