by Lane Hart
“Yeah, but don’t you eventually want more?” I ask.
“Well, yeah,” she says. “That’s why I sleep with them. Hopefully one will keep me in his bed and never let me go.”
Poor girl. I don’t want to bust her bubble, but I don’t think it works like that with these guys.
“What if none of them ever want to settle down with you?” I ask.
“Then I’ll have had enough great sex to last me the rest of my life.”
Can’t disagree with that since Chase is a much better lover than the other men I’ve been with. But that’s not the only reason I love him. He’s sweet and hard headed and loyal. Chase looks at me like I’m the only woman in the world and like he would do anything under the sun for me. What woman doesn’t want that?
…
Chase
As soon as I pull my bike into Torin’s driveway, War comes out the side door and down the stairs, probably having heard my muffler a mile back.
“I love your brother, but he’s all yours now,” War says as he passes me and climbs on his ride.
“Thanks, man,” I say before he cranks it up.
The fact that War, my brother’s best friend, was so ready to leave means it must be bad.
Holden and Maddox both look pitiful as they each sit on different steps out front, leaning their heads against the rails. “You guys can go home and get some rest,” I tell them. “We’ll take Torin’s SUV when we leave, and I’ll call you tonight when I need you back on him.”
“Yes, sir,” they both murmur before they trudge down the steps and ride off in the MC’s van.
Walking into Torin and Kennedy’s home, knowing how happy it was a few days ago and that it’ll never be that way again is agonizing. Even though I was a miserable sack of shit without Sasha these last few years, it was nice to know that my brother had someone he loved and who loved him back just as much. Now, he’s lost everything that mattered to him, other than the MC, which he’s trying to pull away from.
I don’t hear anything as I step into the house, so I call out, “Torin?”
He doesn’t answer. I walk past each room until I finally find him. He’s sitting on the floor in the nursery. His back is resting against the crib, and he’s holding one of the black and white sonograms of the baby that Kennedy framed.
Looking up at me through glassy, red-rimmed eyes with bags underneath that are as big as carry-on luggage, Torin says, “I didn’t want to be a father. The day Kennedy told me she was pregnant, I was shocked and scared. I was a complete asshole.”
“That’s probably the same thing every man experiences when he’s told that news,” I assure him.
“I should’ve been excited. I was married to the most incredible woman in the world, and my first reaction was to want to bail.”
“You didn’t, though,” I point out.
“I know why. The first time I went to the doctor with Kennedy and saw the baby on the screen, I fell in love with it. Didn’t know if it was a boy or girl, and I didn’t care. It was ours.”
“Yeah, I know,” I agree. “I’m sorry, Torin.”
“I was a horrible husband. If Kennedy knew…”
“You weren’t a horrible husband. And Kennedy knew you loved her. She loved you too, more than anything.”
“And look how that ended for her,” he grumbles before he throws the picture against the wall, making me wince when it shatters. There’s something horrible about the sound of glass breaking; maybe it’s because you know, once it’s broken, you can never put the shards back together. They’ll cut you and make you bleed, but they won’t glue back into one piece again.
It reminds me of the night I broke into Sasha’s house and scared her. I cringed the same way when I heard the wine bottle break, because I was worried she would hurt herself and it would be my fault. It is always my fault when she gets hurt.
“The, um, the funeral home said that you could come by any time today,” I tell Torin, who nods from his seat. “We can go now, or you can try to get some sleep and we can go later.”
“I don’t want to go,” he replies.
“You wanna wait until tomorrow?” I ask. “I know it sucks, but we need to make all the arrangements. The other charters are calling, wanting to know…”
“No, I mean I don’t want to make the arrangements.”
Fuck.
“Don’t check out on me, man,” I tell him. “I can help you, but I can’t do it all myself.”
Torin doesn’t respond for a while before he says, “If I could go back in time, I’d call off our wedding…”
“No, you wouldn’t,” I tell him on a heavy exhale.
“Yes, I would’ve. I almost did. That morning, there was this gnawing in my gut telling me to bail, to leave because I didn’t deserve her after what I did. I should’ve listened. I just couldn’t stand the thought of her hating me for not showing up at the altar, you know? And she would have. God, she would’ve killed me if I had bailed.”
“If you had bailed, you wouldn’t have had the time you did with her,” I point out.
“I’d rather have nothing with her than this,” he says. “This empty fucking house that I didn’t spend enough time with her in. And this empty fucking hole inside of me that hurts with every fucking breath I try and take.”
Going over, I grab his arm and try to pull him to his feet. “Come on,” I say, unable to listen to anything else. It’s too raw and too painful to hear.
“Leave me the fuck alone,” he growls.
“No. Get the fuck up. We’re going to make arrangements, and then you’re gonna get some sleep, even if I have to knock you out to make it happen.”
Finally, he stops fighting against me and lets me pull him to his feet.
“I wish everyone would leave me the hell alone,” he says.
“Come with me to the funeral home, and then I’ll take you to the farmhouse. No one will be able to find you or talk to you, and you won’t be surrounded by all of this,” I say as I gesture around the room with my arms.
This house isn’t good for Torin. There are too many memories. He’s suffocating in them here. So tonight, once the tough part is over, I’ll take him to the empty house we grew up in before he ever met Kennedy.
And when he’s not looking, I’ll crush some sleeping pills up and put them in his drink. If he doesn’t get some sleep soon, I’m afraid he’s gonna lose his goddamn mind.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Sasha
“Sorry to interrupt, but have you seen Chase?” I ask Abe after I look all over the bar and downstairs for him. That’s why I hated to do it, but I knocked on Abe’s door and interrupted him getting ‘consoled’ by Cynthia.
“He slipped out on me earlier,” Abe tells me, holding a towel around his waist.
“Well, where did he go?” I ask.
“Dunno. I sent him a text, but he didn’t respond,” he says. “Figured he didn’t want me tagging along.”
“He didn’t answer my texts either,” I say in concern. “What about his dad? Do you have his number?”
“Ah, yeah. Hang on.” He shuts the door and then returns a minute later with his phone in his hand and calls out Mr. Fury’s number.
“Thanks, and sorry again for bothering you,” I tell Abe as I walk off, trying to call Chase’s dad.
“Hello?” he answers.
“Mr. Fury, hi, it’s Sasha,” I say.
“Oh, hi, Sasha.”
“Sorry to call you, but I was wondering if you’ve seen Chase.”
“Oh, yeah,” he replies. “We just left him and Torin at the funeral home. They were finishing up the paperwork.”
“Oh,” I mutter, glad to know where he is but wondering why he didn’t tell me he was leaving, or ask me to go with him. Maybe he thought it would be best to go alone with Torin and his dad.
“Do you know if they’re coming back here to the clubhouse?” I ask.
“Nah, I think Chase was gonna take Torin to our old house and stay th
ere with him so he can rest. Torin asked that everyone give him a little time alone.”
“Right, of course,” I say in understanding. “Then I’ll just stay here and wait for Chase to call.”
“Sounds good, doll. Take care of yourself,” Mr. Fury tells me.
“You too,” I say before I end the call.
Earlier I was worried that Chase was keeping things from me, and now he up and left without telling me. I don’t mind that he’s with Torin; I just would’ve liked to know so I wouldn’t worry about him. Hector is obviously crazy, and Chase could be in danger.
I just hope that everything is okay with us and that I’m overreacting.
The problem is that I can’t help but think that Chase is pulling away from me because he’s still worried about me getting hurt. Does he think that what happened to Kennedy could happen to me? Of course, it could, but that doesn’t mean it will.
I love Chase enough to stay with him even knowing all the risks associated with him being in the MC.
The question is, does he love me enough to handle me being a part of his outlaw life?
…
Chase
When we got to the farmhouse, Torin finally asked for something to drink. That’s when I found some Benadryl, chopped it up and put it in his beer bottle.
I feel bad for drugging my brother, but he needs to take a few hours off from destroying shit and finally get some rest.
At least he didn’t break anything at the funeral home before I got him out of there.
Now he’s passed out on the sofa, snoring, and I feel like I’ve been run over by a goddamn bulldozer.
When I pull out my phone, I notice several texts from Sasha and Abe. Since my battery is low, I message Abe back that I’m crashing at the farmhouse and I’ll see him tomorrow. Then, I step out on the front porch to call Sasha.
“Chase?” she answers.
“Hey, sweetheart,” I say as I lean my forearms on the railing.
“How’s everything going?” she asks.
“I finally got Torin to sleep after we took care of all the arrangements. Hopefully, he’ll sleep a few hours and I can too.”
“Yeah, good,” she says, followed by silence.
“I wish you were here,” I tell her.
“Do you want me to see if someone can give me a ride over?” she asks.
Thinking about her on the back of any of my brothers’ bikes is a big fucking hell no.
“No, sweetheart, just get some rest, and I’ll see you tomorrow. Torin just needed someplace to get away from it all, you know?”
“Yeah, sure,” Sasha agrees.
“Sleep in tomorrow,” I tell her. “I’ll get the prospects over here early in the morning after they get some rest, then I’ll come curl up in bed with you.”
“Can’t wait,” she says. “I love you.”
“Love you too,” I reply before ending the call.
And fuck, I do love her so goddamn much it scares me.
For ten years I thought that being with Sasha again was what I wanted more than anything, but now I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. She was safe without me in her life and doing pretty damn good. Now, she’s worried that she could lose her job in television if she’s with me. But more importantly, if we’re together, she could lose a lot more than her career.
I worried myself to death about her when we weren’t together; but now that she’s back in my life, I worry even more.
Sasha loves me, and I know she loves danger, but neither of those things are good for her.
When we hit Hector back, we’ll be in a bloody feud that could last weeks or longer. I don’t want Sasha to get caught up in the middle of that shit.
So maybe the best thing I can do for her is to give her up, even if just the thought of losing her is agonizing.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Sasha
Early this morning Chase snuck into bed without a word. After he wrapped his arms around me, he fell fast asleep. Even though he’s here, in the same room with me, I can’t help but feel that he’s actually miles away.
Unable to lie in bed any longer, I get up and head upstairs to start helping with breakfast. The guys have been hanging around the bar more. Last night it was a full house, yet the crowd was still quiet as if they were afraid that talking or laughing would be disrespectful to their president.
Throughout the day, I hear the roar of bikes as more and more Savage Kings come into town from up and down the east coast. I welcome each one and ask if they’re hungry or need me to find them someplace to stay. The hotel is booked out completely, but some of the guys have offered to share their rooms with double beds, if needed. I put members wherever I can, squeeze them in, except for the farmhouse.
I read online that the funeral is at eleven, graveside only to accommodate all of the guests. The fact that Chase didn’t even tell me that much information makes me a little sad.
By the time Chase wakes up around noon, we have a full house at the Savage Asylum. The place is growing rowdier too, which you would expect when you cram about two hundred Kings into one bar.
“Hey, sweetheart,” Chase says when he comes up to me at the bar. I’ve been chatting with a few members, hearing their crazy road and clubhouse stories.
“Hi, baby,” I say when he gives me a quick kiss on the lips. Before I can say anything else, Chase is swamped with well-wishers coming to pay their respects. Torin is still hiding out at the farmhouse, as far as I know; and the bar isn’t exactly the type of place for their parents to hang out for long periods of time.
If I remember correctly, Chase’s dad never really approved of the MC. His brother, Chase and Torin’s uncle, Deacon Fury, was the president when the boys were growing up. The guys looked up to him and wanted to be like their cool, Harley-riding uncle. Despite their dad’s attempts to sway them in any other direction, Chase wouldn’t have it. As soon as he turned eighteen, he started prospecting with Deacon as his mentor. Then, when Torin returned from the military, I guess he fell into the club pretty hard if he was able to be elected president within a few years.
When I get Chase alone for a minute, I ask him, hoping he’ll open up to me.
“How did Torin become president before you?” I ask.
“What? Why do you want to know about that?”
“Just curious. You patched in first.”
“I never wanted the gavel,” he replies with a shrug. “And Torin had been running things for Deacon when he started getting sick. By the time the lung cancer took him, Torin was handling the entire business side of things, so he was the better choice. And he wanted to be in charge.”
“Are you in charge now?” I ask, since he hasn’t talked to me about it.
“Just filling in for Torin until he’s ready,” he says.
“So you are?”
“Technically, I guess. Why all the questions?” he says as he pulls back.
“You haven’t said much over the last few days. Is everything okay? Are we okay?”
“Yeah, baby, we’re great,” Chase answers, using a different term of endearment. He’s always called me sweetheart since our first date.
There’s no time to question him further, because the door opens and in walks a beautiful brunette in a bright yellow sundress, looking almost as out of place as I did the first time I came into the bar. And if she didn’t draw everyone’s eyes and attention, the two tall men who come in behind her would.
“Hi,” the girl says to the silent room over the rock song playing softly on the jukebox. And for some reason, not only does she look oddly familiar, even though I don’t think I’ve ever seen her before, the men are definitely recognizable. They’re professional football players from the Wilmington Wildcats. “I’m, ah, looking for Torin Fury,” she says.
“He’s not here,” Chase speaks up and says as he steps toward her. “Is there something I can help you with?”
“I got a call from him yesterday morning about my, ah, my sister…”
Her eyes tear up; and as if on cue, both men reach forward to comfort her.
“You’re Kelsey, Kennedy’s sister?” Chase asks in understanding.
She nods as her chin trembles.
“Let’s go outside to talk,” Chase suggests to her, and I get up to follow them.
…
Chase
Wow. Kennedy’s sister looks so much like her that it’s eerie. And the two big guys escorting her I frequently see on Sundays, catching touchdowns for the Wildcats.
Once we’re outside where there aren’t hundreds of eyes on us, I hold out my hand and say, “I’m Chase, Torin’s brother.”
“Nice to meet you,” Kelsey replies. “I wish we all could’ve met sooner; but once Kennedy ran off with your MC, she stopped answering my calls. I got one message from her about three years ago saying she was safe and wasn’t coming home. That was it until…until Torin called from her phone yesterday morning.”
“I’m so damn sorry you had to find out that way,” I tell her.
“What happened?” she asks, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Drive-by shooting,” I explain. “We’re looking into it and will find who did this.”
“How was she, before…before this happened?” Kelsey asks, her voice trembling with emotion. One of the football players pulls her to his side, and the other takes her hand, making me think the three of them are all together. To each their own.
“Kennedy was great,” I tell her honestly. “She was happy, excited to become a mother…”
“I, um, I read about that this morning and couldn’t believe it. There was so much of her life that I missed, and now I’ll never know why because she’s gone.” The blond man I recognize now as Cameron Hines wraps Kelsey in a hug while she cries against him.
“She was just trying to keep you safe,” Sasha speaks up and says from just behind me. I didn’t even know that she came outside with us. She reaches for my hand, weaving her fingers through mine as she gives me a small smile. “The MC is dangerous to associate with. Kennedy knew that from the beginning, but it was the life she chose when she married Torin.”