by Katie Ashley
She kissed me one last time, and then she turned and got into the car. Greg gave me a thumbs up sigh. I smiled. Then I waved and watched their taillights fade in the distance.
With a determined step, I walked into the airport. I made it through check-in and security fine. It was only when I started to the concourse that my heart started racing uncontrollably. By the time I reached the gate, I had broken out in a nervous sweat. I scanned the crowd for Maddie. They were already boarding, so she must have already gotten on the plane. As I waited in line, I tapped my foot anxiously. What if Maddie still hated me for what I’d done and said? What if she refused to even hear me out? I mean, this whole plan was batshit crazy, but part of it hinged on her forgiveness and acceptance. It would blow being stuck in a foreign land with my tail firmly between my legs.
Pushing those thoughts from my mind, I took a deep breath and started towards the plane. Once I boarded, I walked down the aisle, searching for my seat. My heart skidded to a stop and restarted when I got to it.
There was Maddie.
I would’ve loved to have said it was fate, but in truth, Pastor Dan had given me her flight details the night before along with promising not to say a word.
Maddie glanced up from her iPad. Our eyes met, and she gasped so loud her entire body shuddered. With a wide-eyed expression, she jerked the buds from her ears and shot up from her seat, narrowly missing hitting her head. “Noah? What are you doing here?”
“I’m going to Costa Rica to do missionary work. What does it look like,” I replied, hoisting my carry-on into the compartment above us.
Maddie’s dark brows furrowed with confusion. “But I thought you were going to Rio with Alex and the other guys.”
“Can’t a guy change his mind?”
“But I don’t understand,” she murmured.
I sighed. It was now or never time to explain my feelings. “Well, I’m not going to be as eloquent as you, Miss Valedictorian, but to put it bluntly and to quote Kelly Clarkson, my life would suck without you!”
A hesitant smile crept on her lips. “Did you seriously just say that?”
I laughed. “Sadly, I think I did. Don’t you know you bring out the hopeless romantic in me—give me a chance and I might be quoting from bad 80’s songs in a few minutes.”
She rolled her eyes. “Cut to the chase, Noah. What are you really trying to say?”
I brushed an errant strand of dark hair out of her face. “Maddie, there aren’t words that can fully express how sorry I am for the absolute ass I was yesterday. I don’t know what kind of ridiculousness came over me, but I’m very, very sorry. I know Jake loved you and you loved him, and I’m okay with that. I’m okay with the fact you’re a natural born caregiver, and you’re always going to have this annoyingly sweet need to take care of others.” When she started to protest, I put my finger over her lips. “But babe, I just need you to let go sometimes and give others a chance to care of you. Most of all, I need you to let me take care of you.”
“Um, okay,” she murmured.
“I’m not finished.”
“You aren’t?”
I grinned. “No, I’m not.”
“All right.”
“There’s something else I need to say—something I should have said to you yesterday an even weeks before that.” Gently, I traced my thumb over her cheekbone. “Madelyn Elizabeth Parker, I am truly, madly, and deeply in love with you.”
Tears sparkled in Maddie’s dark eyes. “Noah—”
I held up a hand to silence her. “Let me finish. I’ve been in love with you since the day I saw you after Jake died. You appeared to me like an angel, and in a way, you have been my angel. You are so beautiful sometimes that it stuns me, and it leaves me speechless. When you smile that smile that spreads across your face and brings out your dimples, it makes my heart melt.” I leaned in closer to where my breath brushed against her cheek. “You’ve been my beacon of light in my storm of grief, and I don’t know if I could live without you.”
Maddie blinked a few times in disbelief. “Oh Noah, did you really just say all that?”
“Yep.”
“And you really mean it?”
“Every single word.”
Closing her eyes, she rubbed her cheek against my hand. “Do you know what it means to me to hear you say that? I’ve hoped and dreamed that you would, but to actually hear it off your lips…” She popped open her eyes and stared up at me. “It’s amazing.”
“I’m glad to hear you say that, too, because I want everything with you. But if you can’t forgive me for being such a monumental asshole, I’ll accept that, and we can just be friends. All I care about is being with you.”
Before I could say anything else, her mouth was on mine. The warmth of her tongue slid my lips open, and neither one of us could enough of each other. The sound of someone clearing his throat broke our moment. Maddie pulled away and blushed.
A balding man gave us an impatient look. “Now that you two have had your moment, do you think I might get by?”
Maddie’s face flushed crimson all the way down her neck and onto her shoulders. “I’m so sorry, sir,” she said as apologetically as she could. She then flopped down in her seat and buried her face in her hands.
“Hey,” I murmured, nudging her leg with mine. When she didn’t look up, I eased down beside her. “Come on, Mads. Don’t be embarrassed by a little PDA.”
She tentatively raised her head and gave me a weak smile. “Sorry. Getting embarrassed is just one of my little quirks.”
I laughed. “And I love all your quirks.”
She took my hand in hers. “I love you so much, Noah.”
“I love you, too.”
Shaking her head, she said, “No, I need you to understand that regardless of whatever feelings or infatuation I thought I had for Jake, it’s the real thing with you.”
Her words caused my heartbeat to accelerate to a full gallop in my chest. The way she was looking at me also told me how much she meant her words, and I couldn’t stop myself. As the seatbelt sign came on, I leaned over and kissed her. It was quite a different experience from earlier, but it was wonderful all the same. She pulled away just as the plane started taxing down the runway and gave me a disapproving look.
“What’s that look for?” I asked.
She nibbled on her bottom lip for a moment, which did nothing for my raging hormones. “While we’re being honest, I feel I need to tell you that just because I love you nothing else has really changed yet.”
“It hasn’t?”
“I mean, what I believe is still the same. Just because I love you doesn’t mean I’m going to automatically…”
I shifted in my seat as my sex drive went down in flames. “Yeah, yeah, I know. You’re virginity is safe, I swear,” I said, making a Scout’s Honor pledge across my chest.
“That and other things too.” She glanced around the cabin before lowering her voice. “It might be a while before I’m ready to…you know, polish your knob or things like that.”
I snorted and rolled my eyes. “We’ve seriously got to work on your sexual lingo!”
“Is that not what it’s called?”
“Yeah, it is, but it just sounds so ridiculous coming out of your mouth. In fact, I think you might owe a quarter to the cuss can.”
Her finger drew lazy lines along the back of my hand. “So you’re really going to be able to wait until I’m ready?”
“Yep.”
“Even when I’m so beautiful it leaves you speechless?” she teased.
“Don’t worry, I know I’m strong enough to refuse you. I did the other night.”
Her eyes widened. “When I was drunk?”
“Yes, ma’am.” I leaned over and whispered into her ear, “You were so incredibly sexy when you propositioned me in your sexy white cami and blue panties.”
Maddie’s hand flew to cover her mouth in horror. “I did?”
I shot her a wicked grin. “Oh yeah. But I was a tru
e gentleman and said no to your advances.”
Once again, a red flush crept over her cheeks. When she finally met my gaze, she gave me a hesitant smile. “Well, just don’t look for it happening again anytime soon!”
I shook my head. “One can only dream.”
Maddie giggled before smacking my arm playfully. “So you’re really willing to wait until I’m ready?”
I stared into her dark eyes. “Although it probably means I’m completely and totally whipped, I’ll do anything you ask me to as long as it means I get to be close to you.”
“Oh Noah,” Maddie murmured. She cupped my cheeks in her hands and bestowed a long, lingering kiss on me.
I knew in that moment I’d found the perfect love, acceptance and happiness I’d been searching for. And I had Jake to thank for it.
***
“Mom, we’re gonna be late!” I called, as I smoothed down my hair.
“Give me a minute!” came her muffled reply from down the hallway.
Glancing in the mirror, I surveyed my appearance. Outfitted in a blue polo shirt and khaki pants, I guess I looked appropriate enough for Jake’s Life Celebration. I mean, I don’t know what the hell you’re supposed to wear to these kinda things. I’d never even heard of one until Mrs. Nelson had called me two weeks ago to invite me. It was hard to believe a whole year had passed since Jake had died. I still thought of him each and every day, and I still missed him like crazy.
Mom swept into my room. “Would you mind getting Emma Grace downstairs for me while I finish packing her diaper bag?”
I bobbed my head. “No problem. Happy to help.”
“Thanks sweetheart,” she murmured.
“Mom?”
She whipped around to glance questioningly at me. “Take a deep breath, okay?” I instructed with a grin.
With a laugh, she rose up on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek. “Being a mom in your mid 30’s is so different than in your teens. I don’t know whether I’m coming or going.”
“You’re doing great,” I reassured her.
She blew an errant strand of dark hair out of her eyes. “Even with Greg, it’s not as easy as it was with you.”
“That’s because I was a super special baby.”
Mom laughed. “True. Very true.” She then hurried out of my room, and I heard her pounding down the stairs. I crossed the hall into the nursery and once again was bombarded by a pink overload. In response to Mom’s choice for the nursery, Greg often mused the line from Steel Magnolias that the room looked like it had been hosed down with Pepto Bismol.
My sister played happily in her Pack N Play. “Hey Baby Girl,” I said. She jerked her head up to peer at me. As always, Mom had her decked out to the nines with a frilly dress, tights, and a headband with a giant flower on it. Why she needed a headband since she barely had any hair was beyond me.
Emma Grace grunted and held her arms out to me. “Okay, okay, don’t be so pushy, Miss Spoiled,” I teased.
When she rewarded me with one of her beaming smiles, my heart instantly melted. “Emma Grace, give your favorite brother a kiss.” She leaned over to bestow a slobbery smooch on my cheek. “That’s my pretty girl.”
It was hard to believe she was almost seven months old. Time had flown since her birth at the beginning of October. I’d managed to leave my dorm at Georgia Tech to head over to Wellstar-Kennestone to be there for her arrival. Mom had offered to let me stay in and watch, but I’d said, “Oh hell no!” without hesitation.
In the end, I stayed in the waiting room with Grammy and my aunts and uncles while Greg stayed in with Mom. Once Emma Grace made her grand entrance, I went in to see Mom. Emma Grace was barely half an hour old when I held her in my arms as tears streaked down Mom’s cheeks, and Greg boohooed like a total pansy. Well, I guess I shouldn’t make too much fun of him—someday I guess I’ll know what it’s like to have a kid of my own.
Hoisting her onto my shoulder, I headed down the hall to the stairs. When the doorbell rang, I got a little more bounce in my step. Throwing it open, a smile stretched across my face. In a way too sexy sundress for her own good, Maddie stood on the front step.
“Hey beautiful,” I said.
She grinned. “Hey yourself. And thanks.”
Emma Grace squealed happily and waved her tiny hand at Maddie. With a giggle, Maddie said in a sing-song voice, “Aw, does my precious angel think I’m ignoring her?” She then took Emma Grace from me. As Maddie smothered her in kisses, I cleared my throat. “Um, hello? Where’s my compliments and lovin’?”
Maddie’s dark eyes took on an amused glint. With a slightly sexier lilt to her voice, she said, “Aw, does my precious, but jealous, boyfriend think he’s getting slighted for his beautiful baby sister?”
I poked my bottom lip out teasingly. “Yes, I do.”
“Then let me remedy that.” Leaning over, Maddie brought her lips to mine. I shivered with need when she thrust her tongue into my mouth. She’d come a long way in the almost year we’d been dating. We’d been an official couple since that day on the airplane. Although it was a grueling, eye-opening experience, I wouldn’t have taken anything for our time in Costa Rica. Thankfully, when it came time to leave for college, things weren’t too hard considering I was in downtown Atlanta at Georgia Tech, and she was at Georgia State.
Just as we were getting hot and heavy, another squeal of protest from Emma Grace caused us to pull away. “You are such an attention whore,” I teased.
“Noah, don’t say that word in front of Emma Grace!” Maddie admonished.
I grinned at her outrage. “She doesn’t know the difference.”
“It’s still not right.”
With a smirk, I questioned, “Don’t tell me I’m going to owe the Cuss Can?”
Maddie giggled. “You just might.”
I groaned as Mom’s heels clicked down the hall. “I’m finally ready,” she said with a smile.
Mom leaned over and kissed Maddie’s cheek. I was happy that two of my most favorite women in the world got along so well. Well, I guess I should say my three most favorite women since Emma Grace adored Maddie as well. Maddie loved spending at least one night of our weekends home baby-sitting for Mom and Greg to give them a date night. With Emma Grace in bed by seven, we had the evenings to ourselves to watch movies and make-out a little.
Of course, we hadn’t gone there yet. Third base was as far as Maddie would let me, and it was seriously killing me. I mean, yeah, she was keeping me satisfied with that, but I wanted to really be with her. But I loved her too much to pressure her, and I knew when the time was right, we would go there.
Once we got Emma Grace loaded into the SUV, we headed over to Jake’s. At first I thought the Life Celebration might include all his old buddies, but Mrs. Nelson told me she wanted to keep it very small—just the immediate family, which included me and Maddie. As we neared his house, the familiar pangs of grief tightened in my chest. It was true that time healed all wounds, but it didn’t quite mend a broken heart.
When we arrived at Jake’s house, Jason greeted us at the door. “Hey guys!” he said with a beaming smile. As Mom and Maddie stood talking with Jason and the Asshole, I headed on down the hall to the kitchen.
Mrs. Nelson bustled around, putting the final touches on the food. I couldn’t help smiling when I saw who she was balancing in her arms.
Two months after Emma Grace was born, Presley gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl—Evelyn Hope Nelson. Evie, pronounced Ev-e, was Mrs. Nelson’s namesake, and I had to give Presley props for doing something so thoughtful. Of course, Presley was practically a member of the Nelson family now—Jake’s old room had been given to her and Evie so she could divide her time between her house and Jake’s. Even the Asshole had warmed to her, and as for his granddaughter, Evie had him wrapped around her tiny finger. It was good for Presley having the support considering she was in college and working part-time. Of course, the Nelson’s took care of most of the financial obligations for Evie. And
I had to hand it to Presley. She’d really done a 180 and was a good, caring mother.
It was hard imaging Jake with a baby period, but the thoughts of him with a daughter was too surreal. Deep down, I knew he would have been fiercely protective of Evie and would have loved her with all his heart and soul. I would have given anything if he had been able to be there to hold her and rock her to sleep—especially to change her dirty diapers, which he would have loathed.
“Hi Mrs. Nelson,” I said.
She whirled around and gave me a genuine smile—one I hadn’t seen on her face for such a long time. “Well hello.” She reached over to give me a hug. As I pulled away, I stared down at Evie. Her blue eyes—Jake’s deep shade of blue—peered up at me.
“How’s my goddaughter doing?” I asked, tenderly touching Evie’s dark head. Like Emma Grace, she was outfitted in a fluffy and frilly dress along with a hairbow.
Mrs. Nelson beamed. “Absolutely wonderful. Wanna hold her?”
I smiled. “Sure.” As Evie was passed over to me, I kissed her cheek. If anyone had doubts about her being Jake’s baby, all they had to do was look at her. It wasn’t just her eyes—she was an exact replica of Jake from her nose to the shape of her mouth. It was like Presley hadn’t even had a part in the baby—Evie and Jake’s baby pictures were identical as well. It was bittersweet looking into her tiny face and seeing him staring out at you.
“Where’s Presley?” I asked.
“She and Jonathan went to get some ice.” A knowing smile played on her lips before she turned back to stir the green beans.
“They’ve been spending a lot of time together lately,” I mused. Jonathan and I had ended up rooming together at Tech, rather than Jake. It hadn’t escaped me that he was often talking to Presley on the phone or going places with her. He tried to play it off that he enjoyed spending time with Evie, but I knew better. They were falling for each other, but neither one of them knew how to do it because of Jake. And I knew all too well what having the specter of Jake hanging over you felt like.
Maddie entered the kitchen then. At the sight of Evie in my arms, she grinned. “How’s Miss Mini-Me?” she asked.