by Jamie Knight
“Should I be expecting you to bring a boy along, maybe a boyfriend or someone that you've been seeing?” her father asked between bites of food.
The room fell so silent you could hear a pin drop. I stared intently at Natalia, waiting to see how she would answer. I didn't want to make it so obvious that I was curious about the answer, too, but after seeing her with that guy outside of her apartment, I couldn't help it. If there was a guy that she was seeing, she had every right to bring him home to meet her father. She deserved to be happy with someone that was more appropriate for her age.
But, deep down, there was a part of me that felt sad. I wished that I could have been the one that she was bringing home to meet her father. But, I also knew that that would have been impossible. In fact, my sitting there at the dinner table was probably crossing all kinds of lines that shouldn't have been crossed and yet, there I sat.
I stared down at the table and tried to control my breathing as I waited for her answer.
“No, there's no boyfriend,” she said matter-of-factly.
“Because if there is, it's alright,” said James eagerly. “I don't want you to think that just because you're seeing someone that they wouldn't be welcomed in our home.”
Natalia's eyes locked onto mine. I looked back at her and couldn't look away.
“No, dad, there's no guy,” she said. “But, if there was a guy worth mentioning, you would be the first to know.”
She smiled smugly in my direction. I looked away, somewhat startled that she had been so forward with her last statement. I hoped that her father hadn't picked up on it.
“Good,” he said, blissfully unaware of what was happening at the dinner table right in front of him.
I hoped that it stayed that way.
Chapter 43 - Natalia
I was so disappointed in myself for not telling my dad about the babies at Thanksgiving. I had walked in, ready to spill the beans. But, as soon as I saw Bradley, I clammed up. I knew that it wasn't the right time to tell my dad with Bradley there, especially since he didn't know that he was the father. But, I wished that I had at least been able to tell my dad.
I looked down at my round belly and sighed. I felt one of the babies kick and, instead of feeling joy, I felt a twinge of sadness. I was twenty weeks pregnant and it was becoming harder to hide the fact that I had two growing twins inside of me. I had already agreed to go home for Christmas break, but I had already gotten a lot bigger in just the few weeks that had passed since Thanksgiving. Seeing how big I had gotten made me think that going home for Christmas probably wasn't such a good idea.
Just as I was trying to figure out how to get out of going home, my phone rang. It was my dad.
“Hey, sweetheart, how are you?” he asked, excitedly.
“I'm doing really well,” I said. “How's everything with you?”
“Great,” he said. “I'm really excited about seeing you for Christmas break.”
“About that...” I began. I could hear him groan on the other end of the phone.
“Don't tell me that you've changed your mind,” he said, sounding a little irritated.
I didn't want to upset him, but I wasn't sure that I was ready to talk to him about the babies just yet. Honestly, it wasn't facing my dad that I was all that concerned about. It was the idea of having to face both him and Bradley at the same time, especially since I hadn't even thought about how things would work long term. My mind worked fast to come up with a lie to get me out of going home.
“Grace and I were talking about heading to Mexico for the break,” I said quickly. “A bunch of our friends are going. I know that you wanted me to come home, but I figured that going to Mexico for a vacation would be amazing. I haven't been since I was little. It would be a great way to unwind and relax.”
I held my breath and waited for him to respond.
“Well, it's your life and you can do whatever you want. It's just... I was supposed to go away for a while, but I fought really hard to make sure that I didn't have to. And after several weeks of going back and forth with my commanding officer, he finally agreed to give me a few days to spend with you. I was really excited about spending that time with you. But, I guess I can just find something to do around here...”
My dad's voice sounded so sad, it nearly broke my heart. I didn't want my dad to be disappointed. And I really didn't want him to be sitting home, all alone, on a holiday that was meant to be shared with people you loved. I was the only family that my dad had nearby, so I quickly realized I owed it to him to come home for Christmas.
“You know what? That's okay. I'm coming home.”
“Are you sure? I mean, if you really want to go to Mexico, I would understand.”
I knew that my dad would understand and would probably be okay, but I wasn’t going to let him down. I had already given my word and he had made the arrangements. I started trying to think back on a time when he had fought so hard. He loved his job in the Air Force and whenever they would say that he had an assignment, it never mattered. He would be there, always very apologetic to my mother and I.
I remember a time that he missed my birthday party after planning it with me. I asked my mother where he had gone and she just patted my hand and apologized for him.
“I’m sorry, he had to work, honey. We hope you understand.”
I hadn't understood. I was so devastated, I cancelled my party and spent the night crying over mint chocolate chip ice cream.
So, I knew how big of a deal it was that he had fought to have the time off.
“I'm coming home, dad,” I said. “Will it be just you and I or will Bradley be joining us?”
I winced, hoping that he didn't notice the eager curiosity in my voice that I hadn't done a very good job of hiding.
“No, he says that he's going to be going home to visit his family in Tennessee for the holiday,” he said. “I told him that if he has the chance to visit his family, he should do it. Life is too short.”
“You're so right,” I said, fully agreeing with him.
Hearing that he wasn't going to pop up at our family dinner was a huge relief. This way, I could comfortably tell my dad about the babies without having to deal with Bradley right then and there. I was sure that my dad would tell him, anyway, but it would buy me some time to at least figure out a plan and let my dad adjust to the idea that he was about to become a grandfather.
I had given a little more thought on how I would handle Bradley in the weeks since Thanksgiving. If he did put two and two together and realize that he was the father of my babies, I would just put his mind at ease and let him know that I didn't expect anything from him. I had already decided that I would raise the babies on my own.
I would also tell him that I wasn't going to come between his and my father's friendship. I knew that it meant a lot to both him and my father. I would never want to be the reason why they were no longer close, even if that meant that things would be harder for me.
Part of me wished that, once he knew he was having his children, he would stand up and fight to be with me, that he would admit he really loved me and ask me to be his wife. That would make me so happy, like I could truly have my happy ending. But, I would only want that to happen if he loved me, not out of some sense of doing the right thing.
I didn't want him to feel trapped in any way. That was why I wanted to make it clear that he could walk away without any type of guilt or shame, if that's what he chose to do. But, in my mind, I knew that it was all wishful thinking on my part.
On the last day of the semester, I said my goodbyes to everyone and headed home to start packing. It didn't take me long to throw a few things into two suitcase, load it up in my car, and head toward my old house. I had a few gifts that I found for my dad and brought them along, too. I wrapped them in hopes that they would help me to feel more festive than I had been feeling.
I felt like I should have been happy to be going home because I definitely mis
sed being there and waking up, seeing my dad almost every day. But I couldn't shake this strong feeling that I was heading into a disaster. Instead of feeling like I was going home for the most wonderful time of the year, I had this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach like I was going to a funeral. I chalked it up to hormones.
As soon I pulled into the driveway, my dad appeared at the door. His smile was so bright, I could see it clearly from my car.
“Here, let me help you with those bags,” he said, jumping down from the porch and running to the car before I could pull out the suitcase. He grabbed both bags and the gifts in his arms and headed toward the house.
“Thanks, Dad,” I said, following him into the house. He had barely even looked at me, so he hadn't noticed that I looked different at all. I could feel my body relax as I realized that I wasn't going to have to address things right away.
No, I thought, correcting myself. It's better to get it out of the way and deal with it.
I stood in front of him, making sure that my belly was clearly in view of him. He put the gifts under the tree and turned around, almost running right into me. He stopped and looked me over from head to toe. He didn't say anything. He shifted uncomfortably, trying to keep his eyes away from my protruding belly.
“Hey, are you hungry?” he said, moving toward the kitchen. “Why don't I fix us some lunch?”
I was a little surprised that he didn't even bother making a comment about the obvious change that my body had undergone, but I decided to just go along with it.
“I'm famished,” I admitted. “My appetite has definitely gotten a lot bigger these days.”
He blinked a few times, like he was trying to process what I was saying, but he still didn't say anything. I hoped that my comment would be pointed enough for him to respond, so that we could start the conversation about my belly, but he didn't take the bait.
“What's for lunch?” I ventured.
He smiled, opening the refrigerator and pulling out a bag of lettuce and fresh salmon.
“I was thinking some pan seared salmon and salad,” he said. My dad was very muscular and lean, but it wasn't because of his eating habits. We often joked that my dad could keep his amazing physique even if he ate cake all day. He was one of those people who had been blessed with an incredible metabolism. So, I was surprised that he was eating something that was actually good for him.
“Wow, you? Eating healthy?” I said, putting my hand to his forehead in fake shock. “What happened to bring on this change?”
He playfully pushed my hand away and chuckled.
“I just realized that I need to take better care of myself and eat better,” he said, shrugging. “Eating healthy is really important at any age, though.”
He looked at me uncomfortably, like he was trying to hint at something that I should have picked up on. It was then that it dawned on me: he thought that I had gotten fat from overeating and this was his way of trying to tell me that.
Laughter spilled from my mouth as the realization set in. It grew into loud, uncontrollable laughter with tears pouring from my eyes. I couldn't remember the last time that I had laughed so loudly. My poor father was sitting there, worried that I was going to eat myself out of house and home, not even realizing that I was growing large and round from the babies that were developing inside of me.
“Can you let me in on the joke?” asked my dad, looking at me with comical confusion on his face.
I struggled to stop laughing for a few minutes, watching my dad grow more and more confused.
“I'll tell you over lunch,” I said, clutching my belly. I felt little flutters inside of my belly. I guess my laughing got the babies attention, too.
My dad peeled the plastic wrap off the fish, put some olive oil in a pan, and put the salmon in. It sizzled as it cooked, filling the kitchen with a delightful aroma.
“That smells yummy, Dad,” I said, walking over to the stove and sniffing the air.
“Thanks,” he said, pride on his face as he flipped the salmon. “I've been working on my cooking skills lately.”
“Oh? What brought that on?” I asked.
“Well, I figured maybe if I cooked a little bit more, you might want to come home more often.”
My heart sank.
I looked on at my father as he cooked and for the first time in my whole life, I saw him, needing me. My absence here had really gotten to my dad. I had always seen my dad as so strong. With him always gone, I thought that he would be used to being on his own. But I guess that wasn't the case. I could tell that he really wanted to have me around.
He served the salmon on our plates and brought them over to the table. I grabbed a bowl from under the counter and opened a bag of lettuce, tossing it inside. I put the bowl on the table and sat down across from my dad.
This is as good of a moment as I'll ever get, I thought. I took a deep breath and looked him in the eyes.
“Dad, I’m pregnant,” I blurted out.
There, that was it, I’d done it. No matter what happened now, at least the truth was out.
Chapter 44 - Natalia
My father froze, a forkful of salmon suspended in mid-air in front of his mouth. He stared blankly at the table. His eyes slipped up to look into mine.
“What?” he said faintly.
“I, uh, I'm pregnant,” I said, clearing my throat. I could feel my confidence beginning to wane as a look covered my dad's face that I had never seen before. It was almost scary to watch his face morph into something that I didn't recognize.
He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“How long have you known?” he asked.
My heart started racing. I hadn't expected that question, of all the possible ones he could ask.
“Well, for a few months now...”
“Why didn't you tell me sooner?” he asked, his voice almost pleading with me.
“I didn't know how to tell you,” I admitted.
My dad was quiet and stared at the table. He looked like he was trying to put a puzzle together.
“What about the father?”
That question I had expected. And I knew that there was no way that I could be honest about that. So, I told him the lie that I had rehearsed in my head.
“It's just some boy from school,” I said, waving my hand. “I haven't even told him that I was pregnant. He's not important, though. I've already decided that I'm going to keep the babies and raise them whether the father wants to be involved or not.”
“I...I just...I can't believe that this is happening,” he said, covering his face with one hand and staring at my belly in shock. “What's his name?”
I knew that there was no way that I could tell him any name because he would probably hunt down any person with that name and kill them for all I knew.
“That's not important... ” I began, shifting uncomfortably in my chair.
“What do you mean that's not important?” boomed my dad, pounding his fist on the table. “It is damn well important! I want to know the name of the guy who put you in the situation so that I can give him a piece of my mind. Now, what's his name?”
I raised my head, looking my father square in the eyes.
“Dad, I'm not going to tell you that,” I said.
He stood up and started pacing back and forth, fuming with rage.
“Are you kidding me? Why are you protecting this creep? Now that I am looking back on how everything went, you being heartsick and then moving out the house, it all makes sense. You have been enduring so much on your own. Give me a chance to at least have a conversation with this guy. I can't make any promises, but I can try to control myself. Don't you think that this guy should be held responsible for the baby?”
“Babies,” I said, lifting my hands in a peace sign to signal there were two babies in my belly.
“Babies? You're having twins?” he asked incredulously.
I nodded and smiled, rubbin
g my belly protectively.
“Wow!” he exclaimed, sitting back down in his chair and staring across the room at the wall. He rubbed his forehead, as if to help his brain comprehend it better. “Two babies. I'm going to be a grandfather to two babies?”
He lifted his other hand and started fanning his face. I was tickled watching him, but I held back my laughter. He seemed to have calmed down from being so angry, but I wasn't sure if we were out of the woods quite yet. I had to be careful how I handled things.
“I just don't understand why you wouldn't want the father to help if he's half responsible for... this,” he said, motioning toward my belly and sighing. “But, I'm going to be here for you however I can be. Just let me know what you need.”
There he was, the supportive dad that I knew that he could be.
“Thanks, Dad,” I said, reaching over and grasping his hands in mine.
“You're welcome,” he grumbled, his voice riddled with disappointment. “You’re sure that you don't want to tell me who this guy is and drag him, even if by force, to the altar? I can be pretty persuasive, you know.”
He cracked his knuckles and made a motion like he was punching someone. I shuddered at the thought of him bludgeoning his friend, Bradley, if he were to find out the truth.
“No way,” I said, shaking my head. “I would never want to force anyone to do anything that they didn't want to when it came to my baby. This is a decision that I made. And I certainly wouldn't want to get married to someone just because I was pregnant. More lives have been ruined that way. If I were to get married, I would want it to be because that person sincerely loved me, not just in the name of being responsible.”
“So, the father's not involved?” he asked.
“No—” I began.
“—Fuck!” he yelled, cutting me off.
“But, to be fair, he doesn't even know,” I said, words tumbling out of my mouth so fast that I could barely keep them straight. “And, trust me, there are very good reasons why he doesn't know. I can't really get into all of it now, but all of this is very purposeful. He really is a great guy, though.”