by Zoe Knights
Eddie couldn’t have been more grateful. Absently she touched the necklace hidden warmly pressed against her chest. The last thing she needed was another lecture regarding the Devil’s son. Particularly not when he was all that occupied her mind. The end of her holiday couldn’t come sooner for all she wanted now was to return to school.
***
Eventually, her holiday with her brother came to an end. He took her to the station to bid her farewell onto the train.
Sam had been right about the necklace helping. Somehow she felt impeccably calm about everything God related.
“You’re going to kick ass this term, Eds,” Alex said to her proudly. “And don’t forget… you can talk to me about anything, ok?” he added earnestly. “Stuff about Sam, just… keep me in the loop.”
Eddie nodded quickly. “Course, Alex,” she forced a smile. “But, you really don’t need to keep worrying about that.”
Alex inclined his head. “Well I can’t help it, Eds…” he sighed. “It’s tough trying to be both your brother and your… parent.”
Eddie gave him a look. “Well stop trying to be both,” she said.
Alex smiled wryly, before pulling Eddie in for a tight hug. “Love you, Eds,” he said warmly. “Be good. Be smart. Email me tonight, so I know you’re there safe.”
Eddie laughed slightly. “Yes, Mum,” she teased shaking her head. “I will. Have a safe flight back home. Try and… stop Mum and Dad from killing each other.”
Alex snorted, waving her off as she headed toward the train. “Goodbye, Eds!”
“Bye, Alex!” she called back before finally disappearing into the carriage.
She found a seat, tucking her bag away and settled in. As they neared the countryside, the green became speckled with flecks of white. A light mist of snow blew past the windows outside as a beautiful sheen like powdered sugar began to hide the grass. It was magical.
She saw a few other students on the train but felt oddly disconnected to them. Her necklace a constant reminder of Sam’s true origins. Knowing that she held an angel feather against her chest was strangely comforting. And that it was her secret made it oddly exciting.
Just then, amid the wanderings of her mind, she felt someone slide into the seat beside her, and she looked up quickly, her eyes locking with Sam’s dark brown gaze which instantly sent a jolt through her heart.
She blinked quickly. “Hi,” she said a little lamely.
Sam smiled at her, “Hello,” he replied sweetly.
There was a moment of silence where Eddie merely listened to her own heart pounding in her chest.
“I… didn’t expect to see you,” she said, the words tumbling from her lips. “Until… school that is.”
Sam looked away for a moment, his finger tapping on his knee. “Well I…” he sounded rather nervous. “Wanted to make sure you were… still doing okay.”
Eddie leant forward, trying to catch his gaze again. “I’m fine…” she said quietly. “The necklace… seems to help keep me… calm about it all,” she added with the hint of question behind her tone. “Are you ok?” she asked him earnestly.
A small smile curled the corner of Sam’s lips, but he remained gazing at his hands. “I’m glad it’s helping…” he murmured. “You know there once was a time when you wouldn’t even accept the offer of my jumper… how things have changed.”
Eddie felt a smile turning her own lips, but her eyes flickered away. A strange sensation flooded through her as she thought of her parents, who she’d left to fight amongst themselves back home while her world was being thrown upside down.
Sam leant a little closer. “Are you… okay, Eddie?”
Eddie glanced at him quickly, trying to smile again. “Yeah,” she muttered. “I just… well, it’s like you said, a lot has changed. And yet hasn’t…”
A small frown touched Sam’s brow. “What do you mean?” he asked gently.
Eddie sighed lowly, breathing out a strange, forced laugh. “I just… have never felt so out of control. I’m worried about my parents. Mum says she’s doing great, but she’s said that before. Then the very next day flushes her pills down the toilet,” she said, her voice beginning to waver. “But there’s nothing I can do because I… I’m here. And I’m not even focusing on work which is the whole reason I came here… the whole reason I left them to fend for themselves. So I feel guilty and… and partly responsible and…”
Eddie hadn’t noticed the tear that had slipped past her lid, but Sam had. He shifted in his chair, his hand reaching out as he took his finger to her cheek, gently wiping away the escaped droplet.
Eddie stilled, her eyes flickering up to meet his and Sam’s movements froze, his finger still grazing her skin. They looked at each other for a moment before Sam hurriedly snatched his hand back, glancing down to his lap.
“I’m sorry for… what you’re going through, Eddie,” he murmured. “And… I’m not the best person to talk about parents…” he added in a lower tone. “But,” he looked back up, meeting her eyes. “You’re the most selfless person I know. You shouldn’t feel guilty or responsible for anything they do. That’s something I do know about.”
Eddie’s brow furrowed, her heart tugging in her chest. “To be honest…” she murmured softly. “I don’t really think about them all that much anymore,” she admitted shamefully. “Which makes me feel worse. I’m… too focused on thinking about…” she paused, her tongue ready to form the word ‘you’. “Everything that’s happened,” she said instead. “The other things that are totally out of my control. Things I can’t comprehend. God and the Devil…”
Sam exhaled slowly. “I’m sorry,” he said softly, with a tone of regret to his tone. “I know it’s entirely my fault.”
“No, Sam – I didn’t mean it like that,” Eddie said hurriedly. “I like my life so much better now. Despite all the… crazy,” she added with a half-hearted smile. “But, that doesn’t stop me feeling bad. And I just…” she frowned slightly, his touch still lingering on her cheek, alone with the wet tear stain. “I’m finding everything a bit confusing at the moment…” she finished quietly.
Sam’s eyes flickered between hers before he exhaled shortly, glancing down to his hands. “Tell me about it…” he muttered.
Eddie watched him, chewing on her lip nervously. Then, out of nowhere, “Are you immortal?” she blurted.
Sam looked up in surprise, but merely inclined his head, his eyes guarded. “No, I’m not,” he said slowly. “Not yet, at least.”
“You will be?”
“Apparently.”
Eddie frowned. “When… will you-”
“I’ve been told… it should happen when my wings have fully matured,” Sam answered carefully, still eyeing Eddie with a look she could not decipher. “They’re… still young though, don’t worry,” he added in an abruptly lighter tone. “Full of downy feathers and I’m constantly moulting.”
Eddie was struck with a strange urge to laugh, and she stared at Sam. “The weirdest part about what you just said, is that it seems totally normal for you to say such a thing…” she mused.
“You don’t mind that I have wings?” he smiled back.
“Well, I’d like to know how you make them disappear…”
“Hmm…” Sam mused. “That’s complicated.”
Eddie frowned slightly. “And… I’ll never be able to see them?”
Sam inclined his head. “Not unless the rules about revealing the divine change…” he murmured.
Eddie nodded, feeling more than a little disappointed by this. “How big are they?” she asked, once again the words falling out of her mouth before she’d thought about it. Her cheeks flushed when Sam quirked an amused eyebrow at her. “I mean just because… well, this seems too small,” she gestured to her necklace that lay beneath her jumper.
Sam gave a small laugh. “The feather in there is one of the smaller ones, but it was pretty squashed to get it in. My wings are… nearly the length of my entire body.”
>
Eddie’s blush darkened, and she saw Sam’s eyes linger on this which did not help. But, the image of the angel sculpture embracing a woman invaded her head and only made her heart beat faster. She cleared her throat slightly. “Right… well that’s um… that’s quite big.”
The corner of Sam’s lips continued to lift into a larger smirk now. “Is this… some strange sort of euphemism?” he teased quietly.
Eddie’s blush took over her face. “No!” she gasped in mortification and Sam laughed. She glared at him, feeling utterly flustered.
“Well, it was a curious question, that’s all,” Sam shrugged innocently.
Eddie shook her head at him. “Well, I have more questions. None of them euphemisms.”
Sam raised his eyebrows. “Oh? Go on, then. Grill me. And you have my permission to make as many euphemisms as you like.”
Eddie rolled her eyes, but her expression sobered quickly. “Well…” she began carefully. “The other day… when I realised… you know, everything,” she paused, and Sam merely watched her. “You took me to that park… away from all the shadows. Was that… because of Neeshka?”
“Yes,” Sam said simply. “She can only exist within shadow on this plane.”
“Oh,” Eddie hesitated, her head turning that over slowly. “Well then… you talked to me later… at night. Why did it not matter then? Or… or now?”
Sam sighed slightly. “Well… firstly you have to understand that sometimes… I’m not sure what she will do. She… has to be loyal to my father. But… see we’ve been friends a long time. So… she, I think, is on my side…”
Eddie nodded when Sam paused to eye her carefully.
“I didn’t know exactly what you thought and… I just thought it would be easier to find out away from prying ears…”
“I see,” Eddie said. “So then… later?”
“Well, you already know Neeshka likes you…” Sam shrugged, averting his gaze. “Turns out she thinks I’m far more pleasant to be around after I’ve been with you… I know, ridiculous, but that’s hellhounds for you…”
Eddie laughed in surprise, especially when Sam wouldn’t look at her. “You know, I really like her too.”
Sam rolled his eyes. “Anyway, she… is a little uneasy at the moment. But, seeing as nothing has happened with you knowing… she’s keeping her silence. She’d rather it remained that way.”
Eddie nodded slowly, a small smile on her lips but it was fading as she thought over more things. “You know that day of the excursion…” she murmured quietly. “In the alley. Those things… what they did. Aren’t you… worried about that?”
Sam shrugged. “I’ve had far worse. No point dwelling on it, I assume it will come up at some stage, and I’ll deal with it then.”
Eddie frowned at him, feeling concern enter her heart as she thought about what ‘far worse’ could mean, and what he had been through. Then she remembered he told her he’d spent most his childhood in Hell.
She shivered at the thought.
“Then… the other day. With… with Rae,” she continued hesitantly. “She was… an angel?”
Sam met her gaze slowly before inclining his head. “Yes… though I… didn’t feel her presence until we were inside.”
Eddie stared. “You can… normally feel if an angel is around?”
Sam nodded, his eyes flickering over her as he seemed to be trying to read what she was thinking. “I can’t trust her,” he said suddenly. “I can’t… trust any of them. So her offer of ‘help’ is meaningless.”
Eddie’s brow pinched. “But, if she was… there to make sure your mum’s sister was safe, then couldn’t she-”
“No,” Sam cut in a little sharply. “I don’t buy that either. It doesn’t make any sense.”
Eddie sighed lowly. “So what are you going to do then?” she murmured lowly.
“Live in the present, Eddie,” Sam smiled rather abruptly. “This is today, not tomorrow. You should try doing the same.”
Eddie smiled wryly, but inside a cold feeling settled in her stomach. For she couldn’t help but worry that one day he was just going to disappear and be gone from her life forever. And of everything she knew now… that is what she feared most.
They looked at each other for a long moment before Eddie decided to speak again. “So your dad is the Devil…” she said quietly. “Is that… as scary as it sounds? Is… is he the ‘big bad guy’?”
Sam frowned, hesitating over his words as he surveyed her. “Don’t believe what you read it the bible,” he said lowly. “In any of them. They are littered with half-truths and misconceptions.”
Eddie nodded, brow furrowed, her stomach turning.
“I don’t know… if my dad is… actually evil,” Sam then continued so quietly Eddie had to lean closer to hear his words. “And I don’t know if… if my grandfather is actually ‘pure and holy’.”
He looked at her, his brown eyes swimming.
“All I know is they all scare the shit out of me,” he said, trying to force a slight light, but his eyes gave him away. “And…” he continued uncertainly. “I’ve never been able to tell anyone that.”
Eddie exhaled slowly. “So God isn’t the… all-knowing, all-powerful being that we think he is?”
Sam tilted his head, shrugging slightly. “I really don’t know that much about him,” he said quietly. “I’ve… only met a few of his… other ‘children’. They all seem frightened of my dad more than anything, so… I don’t know.”
Eddie nodded slowly, though all of this was too surreal to begin to comprehend.
“What… are angels?” she asked quietly. “Why do you look just like a human?”
“I’m no angel,” Sam reminded her, his brow furrowed. “And I don’t know. I know that my father has… a different form. His… cursed form – it’s what Hell did to him. It’s what it would do to me if I stayed there for long enough.”
Eddie stared, her heart pounding. “What?” she whispered.
Sam breathed in slowly. “At his core… my father is an angel, I suppose,” he murmured lowly. “And so… I began to show those… traits. But nothing divine can exist in Hell, and so my father tucked me away here,” he paused, glancing at Eddie hesitantly. “He said it’s what my… mother wanted. That’s one of the only thing he’s ever said to me about her. Except for when he calls my weakness the fault of her humanity. Anything he does not like about me is… because of her.”
Eddie’s brow puckered, and she was hit with the urge to touch Sam again, to comfort him. But the nerves twisting in her stomach held her back.
“Are souls real, Sam?” she found herself asking, the words tumbling from her mouth.
Sam stared at her. “Yes…” he said after a moment. “They are.”
Eddie breathed out slowly, trying to accept this with ease. “Then where… I mean, what… happened to your mum’s soul?”
Sam’s expression sobered suddenly, his dark eyes unreadable. “I don’t know,” he said lowly, with sudden sharpness that took Eddie aback.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered quickly.
“It’s fine,” Sam said back in that same low tone. “I’ve asked the same question. To receive no answer.”
Eddie remained silent, feeling unsure and uneasy.
Sam looked at her, capturing her in one of his intense, dark gazes. “You won’t go to Hell, Eddie…” he told her quietly.
Eddie’s breath caught and her brown pinched. “How could you know-”
“Because there is no world where I would let that happen,” Sam cut in strongly. “Besides you… your heart is too pure…” he added in a gentler tone, his eyes taking on a soft endearing shape that tugged at things in Eddie’s chest.
Just then, the train came rolling to a stop as they’d arrived at the small station a taxi drive away from the school.
They both stared at each other for a long moment before quickly looking away and moving to stand up.
Sam instantly picked Eddie’s duffle
bag up for her while she swung her backpack over her shoulders.
She gave him a small wry smile. “Being chivalrous again?”
Sam merely offered her a charming smile. But then, Eddie’s eyes caught something behind him, and she stared with a frown.
“What is it?” Sam turned to look in the direction of her gaze.
Eddie shook her head, “Just… Simon,” she said slowly, watching the sandy-haired boy sidle off the train through the doors just along from them with several bags. “He was looking at us weirdly… you don’t think… he heard what we were talking about?”
Sam scoffed dismissively. “Who cares if he did? It wouldn’t have made any sense.”
“Well… he already thinks you’re the Antichrist,” Eddie frowned.
Sam shrugged. “What’s he going to do? Out of all the things I could be concerned about… McLaren is not one of them,” he brushed off, now leading the way from the train to the taxis.
Eddie followed, she supposed he was right. With demons, angels, god and the devil… some human kid wouldn’t be much to worry about.
The taxi ride did not take long, and Sam insisted on paying. They got out to the familiar sight of the old boarding school that Eddie felt like she had not seen for an age, not a week.
“Ready?” Sam murmured in her ear when she hadn’t moved, sending a thrill down her spine.
Eddie looked at him quickly. “Yeah,” she muttered absently. “It just… feels sort of weird to be back.”
“Hm…” Sam agreed vaguely, walking very closely to her side as they headed up the gravel.
“Your mother wanted you to go here…” Eddie found herself murmuring vaguely, and she felt Sam stiffen slightly. “And your father heeded her wishes…”
Sam exhaled roughly. “Yes, that doesn’t mean that he cared,” he said sharply.
Eddie bit her lip nervously. “But he… Sam, surely-”
“He doesn’t have the capacity for love, Eddie,” Sam cut in, averting his gaze back to the school. “I don’t believe any divine or… infernal being does. They… operate differently to humans…” he muttered lowly.