by Zoe Knights
“Will you tell me what you’re thinking?” he asked abruptly, taking her by surprise. “It’s driving me crazy, wondering.”
Eddie almost choked on a disbelieving laugh. She shook her head, looking away as they turned the last corner, their English classroom just down the hall. “You want to know what I’m thinking?” she repeated. “Well, I’m thinking that I want to know what you’re thinking.”
Sam smiled slowly. “I see…” he mused. “Hmm. Well, that puts us both in a pinch, then.”
Eddie gave him a look. “Unless you’d like to enlighten me?” she said dryly.
Sam shrugged, “Hm. Perhaps, but it’s too late now as we’re about to be bombarded by your-”
“Eddie!” Millie skipped over, her eyes nervously flickering from Sam to her, but she smiled sweetly. “And Sam, hello,” she said quickly.
“Hey Millie,” smiled Eddie. “Is it alright if Sam sits over with us today?”
Millie’s eyes widened in surprise, and she seemed to barely suppress a giggle. “Oh, um… of course!” she glanced at Sam again before giving Eddie another probing look.
Eddie rolled her eyes at her. “Great, let’s get inside…” she muttered, leading the way into the classroom.
Sam sat at the end of the desk, Eddie beside him, and Millie on her other side.
The first part of the lesson passed without issue, though Sam felt the need to whisper his commentary of how pointless the class was into her ear every few minutes.
Eddie was certain every eye in the class behind her was glued to her back when he did this. There came a point where she couldn’t hold back a snort of laughter from what he said and her cheeks filled with blood as Millie glanced at her with a raised eyebrow.
She cleared her throat slightly, turning to give Sam a derisive look, but he was smiling with satisfaction; evidently proud of himself.
“Okay – you might be right,” she whispered to him, a smile winning out over the fight for her lips. “Regardless – I want to graduate. Therefore, I need to concentrate. So,” she lifted her pen to cover his lips, her smile growing at the look on his face from this action. “Shut up,” she finished sweetly, turning back to her work.
She heard Sam shift beside her before his lips were at her ear again. “Your smile is perfect,” he whispered.
Eddie’s heart jumped to her throat, blood rushing up her neck once more. She turned her gaze to meet his, but he’d already pulled back and was taking out his notebook.
She breathed in quickly, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear before hurriedly returning to her work, trying to settle this flustered feeling down in her chest.
Sam drew for a while, shutting up, as requested, but not letting the cover fall so that Eddie couldn’t see it. She didn’t try to look, and so was very surprised when,
“Is that Eddie?!” Millie gushed quietly from beside her, her eyes focused on Sam’s sketchpad that for a moment he had relaxed in hiding as Eddie had seemed well distracted by school work.
Sam slammed the cover shut over the picture.
Eddie looked at him in surprise.
The back of Sam’s neck was very red, but he forced a smile at Millie. “It’s just a drawing.”
Millie’s smile grew excitedly. “It looked just like her. You have a real talent for drawing! Och, you should show her. I’m certain she’d love it!” she whispered, elbowing Eddie in the side.
Eddie glanced at Miss Reed who was writing at her desk as they were all supposed to be answering questions on Wuthering Heights. She had not noticed their chatter.
“It’s not… finished,” Sam said a little stiffly through the teeth of his smile.
Eddie released a small sigh, but this revelation of the drawing had strange sensations tugging in her chest again. “If Sam doesn’t want to show me, I can’t make him,” she stated quietly, turning her eyes back to her work.
“Well I thought it was beautiful, just like her,” Millie whispered again. “You should show her,” she insisted before turning back to her work with a satisfied smile.
Eddie peered at Sam from the corner of her eye, and her heart jolted when their gazes caught as he was doing the same thing. They both looked away quickly, Eddie’s heart missing a beat.
Sam didn’t reopen his sketchpad for the rest of the lesson.
When the bell finally rang, Georgia, a girl who had never spoken to Eddie, approached their table. She was very pretty with wavy brown hair and blue eyes. She smiled briefly at Eddie and Millie before turning her attention to Sam.
“I thought you might like this,” she said sweetly, slipping Sam a small scrap of paper before smiling charmingly one last time and turning away.
Sam glanced at the paper, opening it enough for Eddie to see the girl’s number scribbled on the piece.
Sam chuckled slightly before slipping the small scrap into his pencil case.
An unpleasant feeling of jealousy began to bubble and boil at the pit of Eddie’s stomach.
She looked purposely away, packing up her things with more vigour than usual, but she was determined not to react.
“Do you want to skip the next class with me?” Sam whispered in her ear when she stood, oblivious to her state of envious irritation.
Eddie grit her teeth. “No, Sam,” she said stiffly. “I actually care about school, remember?” she snapped irritably.
Sam looked surprised. “Why do you seem annoyed?” he asked ignorantly.
Eddie looked at him flatly. “I’m not,” she said as normally as she could, swallowing down these unpleasant feelings. “I just don’t want to fall behind. Alright? I’d appreciate it if you could understand that and stop trying to make me forget about school.”
Sam blinked, his eyebrows raised. “Alright…” he said slowly. “I’m sorry for… upsetting you.”
Eddie bit her lip in frustration. But when she didn’t say anything, Sam reached out to run a hand gently down her arm, instantly sending tingling sensations over her skin. “You’d tell me if there’s another reason you’re annoyed… wouldn’t you?”
Eddie stepped back away from his touch. “Sure,” she muttered, though her tone was not sincere and her eyes could not hold his gaze. “I’ll see you later…” she added, before hurriedly turning away and nearly running out of the classroom, Millie close on her heels with questions in her eyes.
But Eddie did not give her anything, splitting off quite soon so she could head to Science. She desperately needed a distraction from her ugly mess of feelings. She couldn’t believe he had kept that girls number right in front of her. Did he have no regard for her feelings? Or was he just that oblivious? And in the meantime, why must he continue to flirt with her like nothing had changed?
She made sure she got in the seat beside Elliot and not Devna. She was not ready to be interrogated about Sam in her current state.
Thankfully, her science teacher had set them an interesting assignment for their first week, and so her prayer for distraction was answered – and she’d been paired with Elliot, while Devna was made to go sit with Linh.
“Solar panels,” Mr Hibert said to the class. “I want to see which pair can construct the most efficient panel. See if two teenagers can’t put to shame the adults that get paid for such a feat… in fact – I will pay you. Fifty quid for whoever succeeds.”
Eddie exchanged a glance with Elliot, her competitive edge instantly flaring.
“One week – school supplied materials. Now-” he paused surveying them all quizzically. “Tomorrow is forecast to shed that rare gem we call sunshine. I would advise you to make your material selection before tomorrow so that you can test them before you begin to build. Building C has a flat roof with access approved for this assignment.”
Eddie nodded to herself, her mind already racing over what she might like to choose.
“But – as much as we do trust our upper sixth form students,” Mr Hibbard continued with a sigh. “There is a limit to that trust. Two pairs on the roof at a time. No
exceptions. I have a roster on my desk – you can sign up for a time either during lunch or our lesson period tomorrow. The roof key can be signed out from me during class – or the office during lunch. It must be returned when you have finished or you risk detention. Are we on the same page?”
A murmur of assent rippled through the class.
“Excellent. Then get to work.”
Eddie instantly turned to Elliot. “I think we should go at lunch. I know it sucks, but I’d like to get as much of the strongest heat as we can.”
Elliot laughed and nodded in agreement. “Glad to see you’re so keen. And yeah, I’m fine with that.”
Eddie grinned in relief before jumping up and darting to Mr Hibert’s desk to sign their names for the following day.
Linh had also jumped up the moment she did.
The two exchanged a look when the religious girl signed on for the same time.
Eddie rolled her eyes – well if she did such a thing because she thought she’d be able to cheat off her she would be sorely disappointed.
When they left the class she and Elliot were discussing theories and methods in hushed voices, their heads bowed together.
“If we can find a suitable and inexpensive way to catch the waste heat we’d have far more efficient panels…” Elliot was saying quietly.
“Mm,” agreed Eddie. “I’m thinking we could use gallium arsenide. He didn’t have that among the materials, but I might be able to scrap some from that broken kettle in the common room – could be our secret weapon.”
“Great idea. Oh! I know a really good website for this, actually,” Elliot said excitedly, pulling out his phone. “Here, I’ll text it to you.”
“Agh…” Eddie blushed slightly. “My phone is er… totally bunged at the moment,” she admitted bashfully. This time no amount of smashing it against something hard was making it work. “Here,” she held out her hand. “Old fashioned way.”
Elliot chuckled, grabbing her hand and pulling out a pen instead before scribbling the website across her palm. “Awesome,” he finished, dropping her hand again. “Well, I’m really glad we got paired together. Devna is such a sore winner – it will be so nice to rub our victory in her face!”
Eddie laughed, but before she could say anything, both of them were interrupted by the sudden arrival of Sam.
“Hello,” he said, his voice cold while his dark eyes were narrowed at Elliot and Eddie had never seen his glare so… deadly. It made her heart still, cold, in her chest.
“Uh… hey…” Elliot said uncertainly, and he seemed unable to look away from him. Sam did not relent in his stare, and if Eddie wasn’t mistaken, his dark brown irises were burning with burgundy deep within.
Elliot stumbled back as if compelled to. He glanced quickly at Eddie, his eyes wide and unsure. “Uh… I’ll see you later, Eddie,” he muttered before he all but ran off.
Eddie stared at Sam with an open mouth and furrowed brow. “What the hell was that?!” she demanded furiously. “Why did you just scare the shit out of him?!”
Sam huffed, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking away from her. “Since when have you and he been so close?” he demanded petulantly.
“What?” Eddie snapped, completely thrown. “We’re not, he’s a friend, and you need to apologise to him for being such a… a… prat!”
Sam swung back to look at her. “I’m the prat?!” he repeated in disbelief. “I’m looking out for you. Human teenaged boys only want one thing. And the way he was looking at you-”
“Excuse me?!” Eddie spluttered in furious disbelief. “Elliot is a good guy. A good friend! And besides, you have no business saying such a thing when you are the most infamous playboy of the entire school!”
“Well, I’m the devil’s son, aren’t I?” Sam growled in response. “It’s different for me.”
Eddie scoffed in disgust. “Oh, stop using that as an excuse!”
“An excuse? You think I want to be who I am?!”
“Who your dad is makes no difference to who you are! That’s your choice, and it’s about time you realised it!” Eddie hissed lowly. “You are the one who embraces everyone fawning over you! And you’re the one with Georgia’s stupid number sitting in your pencil case!”
Sam stared at her, looking genuinely confused for a moment. “What?” he demanded, then it clicked. “That- you mean from this morning? I threw that in the bin! You’re the one with guys writing their numbers on your hand!”
Eddie felt as though she’d been slapped. She glared at Sam, anger boiling in her blood. “This,” she shoved her palm in his face. “Is a website about solar panels!” she growled. “How fricken romantic!” she snatched her hand back. “And…and why should you care if it was?!” she added demandingly.
“I…” Sam broke off, staring at her with furrowed eyes. He bit angrily at his lip and looked away. He exhaled roughly but remained silent.
Eddie shook her head in disbelief. “You need to figure that out,” she muttered angrily. “Because I’m done being confused by you.”
With that, she gave him one last glare before storming off down the hall.
She did not want to see anyone over the lunch period, so instead, she hid herself away in the library attempting to pour her energy into her science assignment. She’d discovered several more materials she wanted to test for their efficiency the following day.
Her last period of the day was math with Quinn, and she was trying her best to hide her bubbling internal anger.
But, Quinn was as astute as ever.
“Millie told me things were a little tense this morning with you and Sam…” she murmured quietly at their desk.
Eddie looked at her before sighing roughly. “He was a massive jerk today,” she admitted in a hiss, turning her eyes back to her books so as not to draw the attention of their teacher.
Quinn looked sympathetic, but there was definitely an ‘I told you so’ sort of look in her eye. “You wanna talk about it?” she whispered.
Eddie tapped her pencil against her notebook. “Okay well first off,” she began in a hushed, but irked voice. “He walks me to class, wants to sit next to me, is flirting with me like everything is back to normal and just as it was before he kissed me,” she continued, not realising that she was pressing her pencil quite heavily against her page, indenting it with lead. “Then Georgia drops him her number, and he takes it, chuckling like he’s proud of himself,” she growled furiously, fist clenching. “I mean he says he threw it in the bin, but I don’t know. And then he has the nerve to be an arse to Elliot just because he thought he was hitting on me!”
She finished with a huff, throwing her pencil down against her page and pushing her fist against her forehead as she leant on her desk.
Quinn exhaled quietly. “Wow… Eddie-”
“Don’t say the whole stay away from him thing,” Eddie cut in before she could start. “That’s not what I want to hear. I just… I’m angry and… confused. And I just want… I just want to know what I am to him…” she finished, with a low huff.
“Well…” Quinn said bracingly in her quiet, sensible voice. “If you want my advice that isn’t kick him to the curb… then I’d say you need to tell him how it is. He needs to know he can’t treat you like this. That what he’s doing is confusing and honestly… it’s hurting you,” she said in a much gentler tone than Eddie was used to. “Obviously he’s seriously confused too. But, that doesn’t mean he gets to act like this.”
Eddie breathed slowly for a minute before turning to face her friend. “Yeah…I’m trying…” she murmured. “Thanks, Quinn… I know it must be hard to say that knowing how much you despise him.”
Quinn rolled her eyes. “I don’t despise him,” she muttered dryly. “I just know you deserve better.”
Eddie sighed lowly, a hand coming to her chest where her necklace lay beneath. “There’s more to him than you know…” she murmured quietly.
Confessions
23
Edd
ie’s talk with Quinn had done her wonders. She was beyond glad to have a friend with whom she could share these things. She thought she might have gone mad with it all bottled up inside her own head.
That night at dinner she remained quiet, internally plotting the conversation she was going to attempt to have with Sam. Even the thought of it had butterflies flying in a panic through her stomach. But, she knew Quinn was right, and it had to be done.
They needed boundaries. Rules – and some sort of definition of their relationship. Were they friends? Were they more? Did he even know how to do ‘more’? Did… she?
“So, Eddie,” Devna interrupted her thought process. “About that catch-up… what’s the deal with you and Mc-Steamy?”
Eddie quirked an eyebrow. “There is no deal,” she said flatly. “He’s just a friend.”
“Oh, come on,” snapped Tash. “We all know something’s going on. We’ve been here years, and he’s never ever been ‘friends’ with someone.”
Eddie sighed, looking back to her food. “Well stranger things have happened…”
“Hmm, it’s true,” Devna crooned. “But, you’ve got to dish something. The boy seems smitten with you.”
“Well he isn’t,” Eddie said as nonchalantly as she could manage.
“Do you normally have a thing for bad boys?” Devna continued to probe, her eyes glinting.
Eddie set down her fork in irritation. “No. I don’t. And for the record – he isn’t a ‘bad boy’, people just don’t know him.”
Devna raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Don’t get me wrong, Eddie. I completely understand why you would. He’s gorgeous of course, and every girl likes a streak of danger-”
“Not true,” Millie piped in lightly, her eyes briefly flickering to Quinn. “Don’t generalise, Dev.”
Devna rolled her eyes. “I just want to know what you see in him, Eddie…” she queried innocently. “Past the good looks and smouldering gaze?”
Eddie gave Devna a long look. “I see someone who was brought up in a rough world and who, despite all that, is trying to be good even though no one else believes in him, or seems willing to give him the chance,” she said evenly and without pause.