by Holly Rayner
I’d really hoped a zoo trip would be special.
Kal seems to read my mind. “Don’t worry. This is a perfect day, and we haven’t been since last summer. She’s been asking to come back for months.” He pauses. “It was sweet of you to pick an activity we can all enjoy. Not everyone wishes to spend time with a seven-year-old.”
“Maya’s an amazing kid.”
“Yes.” Pride emanates from him. “She is.”
In a rare break from her usual state, Maya’s slowed down. She’s in front of the monkeys, clutching the railing and watching them with sparkling eyes.
“Julia, look! A baby monkey!”
The fact that she could have called for her dad but she chose me instead warms my heart like I can’t believe.
Bending over next to her, I look to where she’s gesturing. Sure enough, one of the monkeys hanging out in a nearby tree has an infant clutched to her chest.
“Aww,” I coo.
“Isn’t he the cutest?”
“Totally the cutest,” I agree.
“Hey,” Kal says from behind us. “What about me?”
Maya rolls her eyes. “Oh my gosh, Dad.”
There’s a plaque between us and the fence, and Maya does her best to read it.
“All of the monkeys seen here, except… expect…”
I go over to help her. “All of the monkeys seen here,” I read, “excepting the two youngest, Coconut and Tibby, who were born in this zoo, were rescued from a touring circus.”
“A circus?” Maya asks. “Why would they need to be rescued?”
“They were probably having the monkeys do tricks and maybe weren’t so nice to them.”
“That’s sad. I’m glad they got rescued, and Coconut and Tibby got to be born here. Why would the circus people do that?”
Maya’s not talking to me anymore. She’s turned around and is facing her dad.
Kal’s brow is knitted. “They probably believed it to be an acceptable thing.”
“It’s not,” Maya presses.
“We know that.” I put a hand on her shoulder. “And lots of other people do, too. That’s why the monkeys ended up here, because even though there are a few people who think it’s okay, there are tons more people who know it’s not.”
“What would have happened if they didn’t get rescued?” Maya’s big blue eyes search for an answer first from me then from Kal.
I open my mouth, wanting to respond, but unsure what to say. How much about the cruel realities of the world does Kal share with his daughter?
Kal’s jaw has hardened. “Do not worry about that. The monkeys found sanctuary, and they survived.” He looks down, his voice deepening. “As is often the only way.”
Something tightens in my gut.
Kal’s not only talking about animals.
I clear my throat in as delicate a manner as possible. “Hey, Kal, is everything okay?”
He won’t look at me. “Yes. Of course.”
Right. So reassuring.
“Hey, monkey, monkey,” Maya calls to the baby. She’s forgotten all about the conversation of a moment before, it seems.
“Can I look at those?” she gestures to the sloths, neighbors to the monkeys.
“Yes.” Kal reaches out to touch her head, but she’s gone.
We follow at a slower pace, Kal’s hands in his pockets and his face dark.
The tightness inside of me has only increased. Something is definitely wrong, Kal’s mind somewhere else.
“That baby monkey sure was cute,” I say, desperate to say something, anything, to break the awkward silence.
“Hm?” He didn’t even hear what I said.
“Kal, are you sure…”
“I’m fine.”
Everyone knows saying you’re “fine” means you’re really not. Kal told me that. Maya’s coming back, though. I’m out of time to say anything else.
“There’s a sloth talk,” Maya says. “Where they tell us all about the sloths! It’s starting now. I wanna listen.”
“Let’s go, then.” Kal nods ahead, and Maya bounces to a spot near the sloth enclosure.
Kal’s still not looking directly at me, and I know something has changed. I’m not a dummy.
Or maybe I am.
I opened myself up to Kal. Sure, the number of hours we’ve spent together I could probably count, but during that time I’ve been honest about my past. I’ve shared what happened with Mom and how I came to Ohio seeking healing.
And him? He’s given me next to nothing, other than letting me know he came from some “small island near Greece.”
It’s not like I’m asking him to reveal the deepest parts of his heart and soul. It’s basic facts I’m after, and I haven’t even been given those.
Something’s not right.
The logical part of me knows this is the stage where I should walk away, but the feeling side of me won’t let go that easily.
I’m stuck in the middle, not knowing what to do about the situation. I could confront Kal, but if my worry turns out to be for nothing then I’ll look like a jerk and possibly ruin a relationship that could have turned into something special.
Eventually, something will give. I don’t like secrets, and I don’t play games. I’m the kind of person who puts it all out there. If Kal can do the same, excellent.
If not…
I don’t want to think about that.
Chapter 9
Julia
The ride home from the zoo is similar to the ride there in that it’s quiet. At the same time, it’s completely different.
Maya dozes in the back seat, a stuffed otter Kal bought her at the gift shop clutched in one hand. Kal stares at the road ahead, lost in thought.
And me? I go through everything that’s happened since I arrived in Sterling, trying to look for evidence that I’m being irrational and it’s the shock of Mom’s passing and moving for the summer that has my mind all jumbled up.
Turns out, in my humble opinion, I’m being pretty darn sane.
It’s late in the afternoon when we pull into Kal and Maya’s driveway, the shadows long and the roasting heat slipping away. The tightness in my core has given way to a sinking feeling.
Stepping from the car, I force a smile onto my face. “That was fun. Thanks for going with me, guys.”
Maya’s nap has revived her. She’s flipping through a coloring book she also got at the gift shop. “You wanna color this with me, Julia?”
“Maybe some other time. Thank you.”
The three of us have spent the whole day together. Judging from Kal’s mood, he’s wanting some space. It’s best I beat it.
The thought of going back to Shay’s house, which up to now has been cozy but now seems incredibly lonely, has me feeling sick.
“I’m going to color,” Maya says. “In my bedroom.”
Kal unlocks the front door for her, and she goes right inside.
I’m at the bottom step, hands in my back pockets, feeling awkward.
“See you later,” I say.
“You’re leaving so soon?”
My mouth falls open. “Um, yeah. I mean, I thought you would be tired and want some time alone. I don’t, uh, I don’t have to go.”
Heat sears my cheeks. As off-putting as Kal’s opaqueness is, I’m only human. He’s a handsome and fun guy, and I want to be around him.
“May I show you something first?”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “Sure.”
He leads me through the front door, across the living room, down the hallway, and out the back. At the edge of the yard, right past an inflatable pool, is a work shed.
Getting the door, Kal gestures for me to go ahead.
It’s different than his studio inside the house. That room is for painting, and this shed boasts all the signs of a carpenter at work. Tools hang on the walls, a chair that’s in the process of being given legs sits on a work desk, and the smell of wood shavings is thick.
“I thought you had
a studio in town,” I say.
“I do. This one is for my own enjoyment… or for nights when I cannot sleep.”
That makes me cock my head in question. “You have insomnia much?”
“It comes and goes.” Kal turns away from me. “Nothing too troubling.”
From the far corner of the shed, he drags a canvas draped in white cloth. “I wish to show you some paintings you haven’t seen yet.”
“Okay. Awesome.” I take a seat on his work bench, ready for the show.
Kal pulls the cloth away with a flourish, revealing a painting of a beach. White sand stretches into the horizon, and there’s not a human to be seen. It’s all waves and shoreside plants. The work has more light in it than any other painting of his I’ve seen, including the one of the sunflower field.
What’s it doing hidden away back here?
“That’s beautiful,” I breathe, and Kal glows.
“I’m glad you think so.”
“There’s more, right?” I nod at the covered paintings behind him, two that aren’t on easels but lean against the wall instead.
“Yes.”
Kal hesitates, like he’s not sure whether or not he wants to show me the last two. I wait, holding my breath. It’s odd that he brought me out here. Is he trying to make up for today’s distanced attitude?
Eventually, he does bring them forward, unveiling the both of them at the same time.
They’re similar, both paintings of lush, colorful gardens. One has a fountain in it, though, and is at the edge of a cliff. In the background, the same sea from the first painting sparkles under the sun.
In the last painting, what looks to be a castle that’s at least a few hundred years old dominates the backdrop. Leaving the work bench, I step closer.
Under the workshop’s overhead lights, I study the brushstrokes. Kal is talented; that I already knew. There’s a feeling to this painting I haven’t picked up in the others, though. Even though it’s sunny, with optimistic colors, there’s a sadness. A longing.
I shake my head. That’s not right. It’s such a happy scene. I must be imagining the pain.
“It’s beautiful,” I whisper. Did I already say that? I can’t remember.
“Thank you,” he says, his voice also hushed, his attention on the castle.
“This is a real place, isn’t it?”
Kal’s lashes flutter, his jaw tightens. One nod confirms my suspicions.
“Is this your idea of sanctuary?”
I can’t help it. The conversation we had at the zoo will haunt me until there’s some kind of resolution.
The corner of his lips twitch. He could be either about to frown or smile.
“It used to be,” he says. “I’m starting to have different ideas about what sanctuary means.”
His gaze is heavy on my face, drinking up my lips, my eyes, my cheeks. Everywhere he zooms in on me, I feel it.
“Yeah?” I croak. “What is your idea of sanctuary now?”
Kal doesn’t answer, not that he needs to. His palm slides over my shoulder and down my back, to where it nestles into the dip behind my waist.
Stepping closer, he cups my face. The sweep of his thumb over my lips makes me weak. Looking into his dark eyes, I’m lost to the world. I can’t remember anything that’s happened up to this point. I don’t know what I’ve done or where I’m going.
All I understand is that I’m here, now, and it’s magnificent.
He lowers his face, those perfect, full lips taking mine. The kiss is sweet, slow, and tender. I lean into it, pressing my palms against Kal’s chest.
The kiss deepens, and with it his hold on me. His fingers dig into my T-shirt, little electric shocks hitting my skin wherever he touches me.
Kal’s tongue sweeps across mine, eliciting a soft moan from my throat.
“Dad!”
I jerk at the sound of Maya’s voice, but Kal continues to hold me tight.
Looking over my shoulder, I study the shed’s cracked door.
“I’m hungry!” Maya calls from what sounds like the house’s back steps. “I want a snack!”
“I’ll be there in a moment!” Kal calls back.
His hands run circles up my back, coming to rest on my shoulders. “Sorry we were interrupted.”
“Me, too,” I mumble. “You have no idea.”
He grins wryly. “It’s time for me to make dinner. If I’m late on it, the consequences could be dire.”
“I believe that,” I laugh.
In the hardest action I’ve made since arriving in Sterling, I step out of his hold. But Kal’s not that willing to let me go. His hand slips down my arm, his fingers lacing with mine.
“Will you stay for dinner?” he asks.
“I would love that.”
“Good.” He presses a light kiss to my lips. “I think I promised Maya pasta tonight, but that can be changed.”
“You will never need to go easy on the pasta with me around. Or tacos, for that matter. Hm.” I tap my fingers against my lips. “I guess my taste is similar to that of a seven-year-old’s.”
Kal’s laugh booms as he wraps his arm around my shoulders and walks me into the yard.
“Your paintings,” I remind him.
“Oh! Yes. Thank you.”
I wait in the grass while he covers them up and puts them away. Again, I wonder what his intention was in bringing me out here to see them.
“Thank you,” I tell Kal as he joins me in the early twilight. I nod at the work shed behind him.
He nods. “I wanted you to see… me.”
Emotion fills my chest. It’s a heavy mix of sympathy, appreciation, and longing. All he has to do for me to “see” him is to be honest with me, to tell me about his past and who he is. Seeing paintings that are dear to his heart is a cherry on top of dessert. It ain’t the main course.
“I do see you,” I tell him. “Anything you want to tell me, go for it.”
Kal nods, but he’s walking to the house.
For the time being, this conversation is over.
Chapter 10
Julia
It turns out that Kal has everything he needs for his special pasta sauce save for enough garlic, so I head to the store to pick some up.
There’s a chain grocery store half a mile away, and it only takes a minute to zip over to it. I’ve grabbed the garlic and am standing in line when someone takes hold of my shoulders from behind.
I shriek, making everyone in the store look at me, and nearly drop the garlic.
“Sorry,” Magnolia laughs. “It’s only me. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“That’s okay.” My own laugh is shaky from the shock. “What’s going on?”
“Just picking up some usual stuff.” She lifts up the basket set at her feet. “What are you doing? Making a protection circle around the house to ward off vampires?”
I grin. “I wish I were cool enough to have vampire problems. I’m having dinner at Kal’s, and he needed some garlic.”
“Ooh, Kal.” She says it like we’re in fifth grade, and I don’t entirely hate it. If any boy is worth swooning over, it’s him.
“Yeah, we went to the zoo today with Maya.”
“Things are going well, then?”
The lady at the front of the line finishes, and we move up a few steps.
“Yeah.”
“You’re hiding something,” Magnolia says.
“What? No, I’m not. We had a great day.”
“You looked down when you said it. You’re keeping something secret.”
My stomach twists. “Okay.”
I drop my voice. This is a small town. For all I know, every person in this store is friendly with Kal.
“We were looking at the monkeys,” I say, “and Kal said something weird about seeking sanctuary.”
Magnolia blinks.
“He said it in a weird way,” I add. “A dark way.”
Still, she only looks at me.
“I just…” I switch m
y weight to my other foot, then back to the first. What’s the right way to explain that there’s something suspicious about my hot, kind neighbor? It sounds like the premise to a thriller.
“He’s a mysterious guy.” Magnolia smiles. “That’s part of the appeal, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, until you start dating him.”
It’s my turn to check out. Digging coins from my purse, I pay for the garlic and then wait for Magnolia so we can walk out together.
“It’s sweet that he’s cooking you dinner,” she says as we cross the parking lot. “Whatever he’s hiding, it can’t be that bad. I mean, if a man cooked for me, I’d forgive almost anything.”
“I’ve yet to try his cooking, though,” I say on a laugh. “It could be awful.”
“Who cares, as long as he’s cooking in an apron.”
“Hm, that’s a good point. I need to get back there, pronto.”
We wave goodbye, and I climb into my car and get the engine going. At Kal’s night has fully set in, the bright, welcoming windows at his house a sharp contrast to the dark, dismal ones next door.
The smell of cooking tomatoes fills his house, and there’s the soft murmur of talk radio coming from the kitchen.
“Hello!” I call, walking through the house.
“Hey!” he calls back.
Kal’s not in an apron, but he is dicing onions, and the sexiness of a man cooking can’t be denied.
Stopping in the doorway, I lean on the frame and take a moment to appreciate the sight before me.
Kal turns the radio down. “What?”
“Nothing. Just watching.”
He winks. “Watch away. I don’t mind.”
“Got your garlic.” I wave the head of it around and join him at the counter.
“Perfect,” Kal purrs. “You like garlic, right?”
“I like it a little too much, honestly.”
“Just what I hoped to hear.”
Finished with the onion, he cracks off some cloves of garlic, peeling and slicing them with impressive speed.
“Can I help you with anything?” I ask.
“How about you pick out a bottle of wine?” He uses the knife to point at the wine rack along the wall.
“Sounds like a plan.”