by K. Webster
“I had fun too. See you Monday.”
“Call me, Roux. I’m serious. Don’t suffer in silence.”
I give him a nod of appreciation before I grab my stuff. He reaches over me again to grab the door handle, leaning in so close I can smell him. Coffee and cologne. His nearness makes me feel awkward. Like I’m doing something bad that I shouldn’t. He gives me a crooked grin before pulling away.
“Bye,” I murmur before rushing out of the Jeep.
He peels out of the driveway—typical guy—leaving me shaking my head and grinning. I stop dead in my tracks to see the dark, shadowed figure standing beside the stairs.
“Do you want to tell me why in the fuck you just came home late with Wesley fucking Ewing?” Roan’s voice drips with fury.
Oh, shit.
“Not really,” I snap, storming toward the stairs.
“So help me, Roux. Stop and talk to me or I’m going to lose my goddamn mind.”
“It’s none of your business!” I shout. “I’m almost eighteen. My life is my life.”
“The hell it is,” Roan yells back. “And when you’re fucking around with a teacher, I have every right to stick my nose in your damn business.”
My face heats. “I’m not fucking around with my teacher! He’s my friend!”
“Yeah, real fucking friendly, Roux. Teachers aren’t supposed to buy you flowers and take you on dates.”
“These are from Kayden,” I shriek. “And it wasn’t a date. It was coffee. He’s the only person around here who doesn’t treat me like a child.”
“I bet,” Roan snarls. “Listen to yourself. He doesn’t treat you like a child because he wants to fuck you. Wake the hell up.”
“I hate you,” I hiss, storming up the stairs.
“And I hate that you’re sneaking around,” Roan bellows, stomping behind me. “I won’t let you do this shit. Not with him.”
“What shit?” I demand, spinning around to face him. “It. Was. Coffee.”
“Just get inside,” he growls.
“Why? So you and Jordy both can team up against me? Like old times? Remind me that I’m just the kid and you two know everything?”
“Jordy’s not here.”
“Where is he?”
“With Samantha at her hotel.”
A sharp pain stabs me right in the heart, sucking the breath from my lungs.
“W-What?”
“You can listen to his lecture later. Right now, you have to put up with mine.”
I stumble away from him and into the apartment. Hollis is in the kitchen cooking something that smells healthy and boring. I dump my backpack and flowers onto the kitchen table, rushing toward my room with my purse in hand.
“Roux,” Roan snaps. “We’re not done.”
“I can’t deal with you right now,” I utter, hating that tears are flooding down my cheeks. All I can think about is Samantha. Beautiful Samantha. With Jordy. My Jordy. In a hotel room.
“Roux.” His voice is softer. “Listen…”
I shut the door behind me and lock myself in my room. With a sob, I fall face first onto my bed. Before the tears have fully dried, I text Jordy.
Me: It must be nice to turn your feelings off whenever you feel like it. Apparently I’m incapable.
Thirty minutes pass and he never responds.
I find Wes’s number and text him.
Me: Do you have any poems about hating everyone?
He responds immediately.
Wes: Want to talk about it?
I hit dial on his number and spend the rest of the night unloading every heavy emotion that’s weighing down on me. Maybe it’ll inspire him to write more poems. Regardless, it’s nice to talk to someone about what I’m feeling. He listens without judgment. Doesn’t treat me like I’m too young to feel all that I feel. Just listens.
Jordy
The stove sizzles as I toss the meat and vegetables around for the order I’m working on. My head is elsewhere. To last night. My meeting with Samantha. Roux’s text that came out of nowhere. By the time I got home last night, everyone was in bed, and I swear to fuck I heard Hollis and Roan going at it.
I’m not gay, but I also haven’t been laid in fucking forever.
I had to take a shower and beat off to relieve some tension. I’ll never admit that two people having sex—even if they’re guys—was hot enough that I got a boner. But I don’t want a fucking guy. I want Roux. The unattainable. And with every stroke over my hard dick, I thought about her. Kissing her. Touching her. Pushing inside her.
I’m half hard in the kitchen of this damn restaurant because I can’t stop thinking about her. Her text bothered me, yet I couldn’t find it in me to respond. She thinks I can just turn off my feelings? She’s wrong. I feel too much. All I’m doing is channeling them in the right direction. If I let my feelings direct me, I’ll be back in jail before I know it.
“Yo, Jordy, you have a visitor,” Bob barks out.
I plate the meat and scoop some rice and beans on the side before tossing it in the window for the waitress to grab. When I turn around, Bob is frowning at me.
“Who is it?”
“Renaldo Ramirez,” Bob grits out. “And he’s bad news. You gotta stay away from him. Can’t get involved with that asshole, Jordy. Trust me.”
I crack my neck and shrug at him. “Don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He opens his mouth to speak, but the kitchen door gets flung open. Ramirez, the fucking thug, saunters in, his dark eyes assessing the kitchen with disdain.
“Bob tell you I was here to see you?” Renaldo asks, running his tongue over his top teeth and staring at me with narrowed eyes.
“Yeah. I was about to head out to see you.”
Renaldo nods and walks over to the register. He mashes a button, sending it popping open. I watch in shock as he raids the machine, stuffing the larger bills into his pocket, and Bob says nothing.
What the fuck?
I dart my eyes to Bob, who won’t look anywhere but at his feet. My hands fist, eager to beat the shit out of Renaldo, but I refrain. Barely.
“Tonight, Kayden is meeting with more Rockfords. I want you there. To be his backup,” Ramirez says, coming to stand in front of me. “Here. Some gas money.” He hands me a wad of twenties. “I said take the fucking money, kid.”
I’m not some damn kid he can push around.
Yet, I take the fucking money, shoving it into my pocket.
“You done terrorizing the shit out of everyone?” I ask, smirking at Renaldo.
Not wise to taunt this bastard, but sometimes I can’t help myself.
He laughs. “Smartass. Walk me out.”
Bob nods at me to obey, which really fucking irritates me. I follow behind Renaldo into the dining room of the restaurant. As I pass some tables, I notice Sidney, Sebban, and the nerd. The nerd husband of hers stares me down, hatred burning in his eyes.
What the fuck did I do to this guy?
Renaldo opens the front door and a guy walks in. Fitzgerald. He doesn’t acknowledge me, just tips his head at Renaldo and thanks him for holding the door open. Once Renaldo makes it to his car, he turns to face me.
“You understand this arrangement, right?”
I clench my jaw. “Right.”
“In case you need reminding…” He lifts his shirt, revealing a gun tucked into his waistband. “Kayden is my brother. I have shit to do and can’t keep an eye on him. Your brother is one of my most trusted guys, which means you’re one of my most trusted guys. I don’t want anyone thinking they can get to me through Kayden. While this job is easy, it’s fucking important.”
“I get it. I’ll keep an eye on baby Ramirez. Don’t need a fucking reminder.”
He shrugs. “I think you do.”
This party is on Rockford turf. A bunch of fucking losers—mostly teenage bitch boys—waltzing around like their shit doesn’t stink. It’s annoying and I’d rather be anywhere than here. Anywhere than watching Kayden act
like he’s the toughest sonofabitch in the room. My thoughts turn to Roux. Always Roux. Since I’m bored to fucking tears watching him work the room, I decide to answer Roux’s text from last night.
Me: I don’t turn the feelings off. I just turn them off where everyone else can see them. The feelings never go away. Never.
It shows that she’s read the message, but she doesn’t reply. I let out a heavy, resigned sigh and pocket my phone.
Babysitting this dickhead is so damn boring. There are a thousand things I’d rather do, all of them with Roux. When the dickhead in question catches my eye over the crowd, he saunters my way, a smug grin on his face.
“I really thought you’d try and hook up with her,” he says, his face twisting into a cruel smirk. “Guess you have morals or some shit.”
“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say coolly.
“Right.” He takes a long pull of his beer, eyeing me up and down. “Doesn’t matter. I’ve been trying to get her back. I know she’ll give in soon. She missed my dick.”
His taunts boil my blood, but I don’t let him have the satisfaction of pissing me off.
“You almost done here?” I ask. “This shitty party bites.”
“Naw, man,” Kayden bites out. “I’d rather fuck with you about wanting my girl and not getting to have her. Must be a huge fucking blow to your ego. I bet you’re used to bitches falling at your feet. You know better with Roux. She’s not like most girls. Has a brain in that head of hers. Did you put a move on her and get turned down? She’s not some whore.”
“Shut the fuck up,” I snarl, losing patience and quickly.
Knowing he’s hitting all the right nerves, he grins in triumph. “I’ll wear her down and be fucking her by the end of the month.”
I shove him hard away from me, sending his beer bottle flying into the crowd. Murderous hatred gleams in his eyes as he gets to his feet and shoves me back. Unlike his scrawny ass, I don’t move when he shoves me. I fist my hand, ready to level his ass, when another fight breaks out. Baby Ramirez’s crew and several Rockfords. Kayden, without hesitation, charges toward the fight, ready to help his guys. Because it’s my fucking job, I follow after him. Kayden holds his own at first, flinging punches left and right. But when three guys crowd him at once, all of them packing heat, I know I have to intervene before he gets his ass shot.
I grab the guy on the left, sucker punching him in the kidney. He groans when I shove him hard to the floor. His buddy swings at me, but I’m quicker, aiming right for the gut. As he gasps for air, I tackle the third guy, wrestling his gun from his grip. It fires, making people scream and rush from the brawl. I manage to rain punches down on his punk-ass face. Ramirez’s guys get the upper hand as we kick these Rockfords’ asses.
“Party at Renaldo’s!” Kayden yells out. “Everyone except these bitches are invited!”
People cheer as Kayden struts around like he’s a goddamn king. I can’t stand this idiot. It takes forever to round his ass up, but once he’s in his car safely headed to his brother’s, I bail and head home myself. He’s Renaldo’s problem now.
It’s well after two in the morning when I get home. Everyone is asleep, including Roux. I peek in to check on her. She never responded to my text which I hate, but probably deserve.
“Everything okay?”
I pull my head out of Roux’s doorway to look at Roan. “Yeah. Just taking care of the usual shit.”
“It’s only temporary. Then you’ll be free,” he reminds me.
“I hope you’re right.”
He heads back to his room and closes the door. I take a quick shower, throwing on a pair of sweats after. When I exit the bathroom, Roux stands in the hall, her arms crossed over her chest in front of her.
I want to talk to her, but not in front of her brother’s door. Silently, I take her hand and guide her to the living room sofa. It’s pitch-dark in the room, but I don’t need to see Roux. I have her pretty face memorized. As soon as I sit down, I find her hips, pulling her to me. She doesn’t protest me, instead straddling my lap and placing her palms on my shoulders. Greedily, I grab her ass, pulling her closer to me. Her breath hitches when her pussy drags over my dick. Her shorts are thin and I’m just wearing sweats. I know she feels every groove of my cock.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“You say that a lot.”
“You’re right, Roux. I do shut you out. I’m an asshole for it. I don’t know how to turn that part of me off. The part that would give up everything—my own happiness included—to keep you safe.”
“What about my happiness? Sure, I’ll be safe from these unknown monsters, but I’m not happy. Not all alone without you.”
The thought of her being alone kills me.
I slide my palms beneath her hoodie, touching the warm, bare skin on her back. She leans closer, her lips brushing against mine.
“Renaldo showed up today. Threatening me,” I murmur, pecking her lips. “Showed me his gun like I’d fucking forget. That’s reason number one, baby.”
She rewards my confession with a soft kiss. I caress her back with my fingertips, tracing words I wish I could say out loud into her skin. Her hips move, taunting me with the teasing way her pussy rubs over my dick. It feels so good, I’m afraid I’ll nut in my pants within seconds, which would be fucking embarrassing as hell.
“Roux,” I murmur, gripping her ribs to stop her from moving.
Her tongue dives into my mouth. It’s an explosion of sweet forbidden fruit. Like the cherry snow cones we love, but sweeter. I groan, quickly taking over the kiss and the way she moves over me. My fingers now bite into her hips, dragging her back and forth over me as I slightly thrust up. Our breathing grows heavy as we kiss like it’ll be the only time we’ll get to. I’m dizzied by the need to have her and yank off her hoodie before I can think through the action. She gasps, but then her lips are back on mine, nipping and sucking and biting. Her naked tits brush against my bare chest, making us both quietly moan.
“Fuck, baby, fuck.”
She smiles against my mouth and then pulls away, giving me access to her jaw. I kiss along the bone until I find her ear. I nip the lobe and then run my tongue down her neck that tastes salty from sweat. She whimpers when I suck on the flesh there, eager to mark her again. With her dry fucking me on the couch, I can’t think straight. My dick is leading the way one greedy thrust at a time. I’m about to come in my sweats when we hear the bathroom door close.
Roux flies off my lap, leaving me aching with need and panting heavily. Wordlessly, she grabs her hoodie and starts to bail. I grab her hand blindly and pull her to me for a chaste kiss before letting go. Seconds later, her door closes with a click. I lean back on the sofa, my heart racing and my mind trying desperately to catch up to my actions.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
The toilet flushes and whoever was in there leaves. I wait for about three seconds before rushing into the bathroom. As much as I’d love to go into Roux’s room and finish what we started, I know better. I root around in the closet until I find the hidden bottle of lube Hollis and Roan keep in there. After shoving my sweats down, I squirt some lube on my throbbing dick. A groan of relief tumbles past my lips as I stroke my aching length. I can’t look at myself in the mirror. Instead, I close my eyes while thinking of Roux. How her small nipples rubbed against me, hard and pointy. The way she would grind herself over my dick. Each lash of her tongue against mine. Within seconds, I climax. My release shoots out, hitting the bowl of the sink. I jerk at my dick until I’m wrung dry. As soon as I finish and the lust fades, guilt takes over.
I can’t do this shit with Roux.
My brain reminds me pushing her away for now is necessary. Not only is she jailbait, but she’s also someone Renaldo could use against me if he wanted to. I’m not about to give that asshole any ammunition.
I quickly clean myself up and then the sink bowl. By the time I exit the bathroom and head to the couch, the sun is rising. I locate my pho
ne and shoot Roux a text.
Me: I confided in you. You promised you’d wait for me. Is that still true?
I figure she’s asleep, but she responds immediately.
Roux: You know it is.
Me: Don’t hate me for keeping you at arms’ length. I hate myself enough for both of us.
Roux: I’ve only ever loved you, Jordy. Even when you’re the dumbest asshole on the planet and I don’t understand anything that goes on in that prison of a mind of yours. You piss me off but hate never crosses my mind. Not ever.
Me: Promise me you’ll wait for me. Even if everything feels messy and confusing and like I don’t care. I care, Roux. So fucking much. Just trust me.
Roux: I don’t have a choice.
Me: You always have a choice.
Roux: Not when it comes to you. My heart decided for me.
Me: Our hearts are on the same team. They always have been.
Roux: Then let’s win.
Me: It’s my plan.
Roux
Another party, another week.
I’m not interested in going to Zac’s party, but I know Charlotte will most likely be there. The fact she’s been declining further tells me it’s imperative I show up for her own safety. I mentioned to Hollis she’s getting worse and he assured me he’s working on it with his parents. Not fast enough. I’ll have to see if I can talk some sense into her on my own.
I shoot off a text to Jordy.
Me: You going to that party tonight to watch over Kayden?
Jordy: Unfortunately.
I smile because I can imagine his pouty frown. A frown I’ve kissed away in the dark. Things haven’t gotten hot and heavy like they did Saturday night, but he’s managed to sneak in to give me a good night kiss each night. No heavy petting, but lots of tongue.
“Are you smiling because we’re having a pop quiz?” Wes asks as he drops a paper onto my desk.
I roll my eyes as I put my phone away. “Can we not and say we did?”
His laughter echoes behind me as he finishes distributing the quizzes. Charlotte’s at her desk, her cheek on the wood, staring past me as if she’s zoned out. My heart aches seeing her this way. When she catches me staring, she scowls and closes her eyes, effectively shutting me out.