‘Em,’ he greeted me, sounding relieved. ‘I was worried you weren’t going to answer again. What are you doing?’
‘Making a cake for the church bake sale.’
He chuckled. ‘Of course you are,’ he said. ‘I’m just getting ready for work, I took some extra shifts. It’s so quiet here without you.’
I stopped stirring, affected by his words. ‘It’s so strange being away from you,’ I told him, honestly. I wasn’t sure if it was good or bad but it was definitely weird. I was so used to being around him. I looked at the mixture in the bowl and knew that if he had been with me, he would have been trying to steal a bit of it. He often said that my baking was one of the reasons he fell in love with me.
‘I really want you to miss me as much as I’m missing you,’ he said then. ‘You do miss me, don’t you, babe?’
I sighed. ‘Of course, I do. But that’s not really the point. I love you but I don’t know if that’s enough any more.’ It was almost a relief to say the words aloud, to finally tell him I was no longer sure we had a future together. The thought of him being with Steph still hurt like hell.
‘Don’t say that,’ he said, his voice trembling a little. ‘We belong together. We both knew it that first day we met, didn’t we?’
‘I did feel like that…’
‘Because you knew it was something special. And it is. We can’t just throw this all away, can we?’
‘We? I’m not the one—’ I began, anger shooting quickly through my veins as if he had injected me with it.
‘I know, I know!’ he said, quickly. ‘I’m sorry. I know this is all my fault. I just wish you’d tell me what I can do to fix it.’
‘Honestly, I don’t know. I wish I did.’
‘At least you wish you did.’ He sighed then. ‘I guess I have to go to work now. All I can do is swear I’ll never hurt you again. I hate the thought of losing you, of losing us. We can fix this. I know we can. Please just tell me that you hope we can fix it? Em?’
‘I hope so,’ I whispered, not sure if I was telling the truth or not. He said goodbye and I started to stir the cake mixture again, furiously. I felt torn. I loved him, I really did, but could I ever trust him again?
‘You’re up early,’ Beth said, shuffling into the kitchen. She was still in her pjs. ‘I need coffee and painkillers.’
‘Too much wine last night?’ I said, forcing a smile.
‘And the fact that I have really bad period pain today.’ She came over to put the coffee machine on and glanced at the bowl. ‘I’ve missed your cakes.’
I spooned the mixture into two cake tins as she poured out a coffee for herself and shook my head when she offered me one. ‘Right, that’s all done,’ I said, sliding the tins into the oven. ‘Shall I make us some breakfast?’
Beth grimaced. ‘I can’t face it. I’ll just go and have a shower, I think.’ She glanced at me. ‘You’re very bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning. Anything to do with seeing Brodie later?’
I threw the tea towel at her, and she giggled. I watched her leave and leaned against the counter. I did feel full of energy that morning. I felt bad for her suffering with her period, I was always grumpy on the first day of mine. But I hadn’t felt like that for a while. Izzy’s cat came in then, brushing against me as she went to her food bowl. I frowned as I watched her, wondering why I hadn’t felt period pain for a while. I shook my head. Probably my last one had been easier than usual, which was why I couldn’t remember.
‘Ready for a day in the shop?’ Aunt Sally asked then as she came in, dressed and ready. ‘How about some pancakes before we go?’
‘I heard that!’ Izzy cried from behind her, bouncing into the kitchen. ‘And I say yes to pancakes!’
Sally laughed. ‘Of course you do.’
‘Let’s see who can toss them the highest,’ I suggested, my worries fading with their enthusiasm. My stomach instantly rumbled on cue. I was definitely in the mood for pancakes.
* * *
The Glendale Hall shop was quiet until it was almost lunch time, and then suddenly the High Street seemed to wake up all at once.
‘Everyone leaving the church,’ Aunt Sally said when I made my observation. We had been watering the plants but had to abandon that to help the influx of customers. So, Brodie hadn’t been lying about his well-attended services then. We spent the next hour without being able to take a breath.
‘Ooh, we’d better get to the bake sale,’ a woman said to her friend as they queued up with their purchases.
I glanced at the clock behind me. ‘Me too,’ I said to them. ‘I baked a Victoria sponge. Someone said it was the one thing missing.’
‘It’s going to be the best turnout for a bake sale ever,’ her friend replied with a shake of her head. ‘Not that I can blame them. If I wasn’t married…’
The other woman rolled her eyes. ‘Everyone needs to get a grip. Seriously, if he’s that good-looking and single at thirty, there must be something wrong with him. See you there!’ she added to me as they hurried out.
I watched them go, wondering if they were right. It did annoy me how people assumed that single people were desperate for love but Brodie had seemed keen to make a commitment one day soon. And it was surprising he hadn’t found anyone special. Or perhaps he had, but his heart had been broken, like mine. I knew that I shouldn’t be so interested but there was something about Brodie that intrigued me. I turned to Aunt Sally. ‘Right, I’d better take my cake along then. Will you be okay on your own, though?’
‘I’ll be closing in a minute anyway,’ she replied. ‘And it sounds like everyone has gone to the bake sale.’
I went out the back and grabbed my bag and the cake and strolled towards the church. It was still cloudy outside and I was pleased I’d put on a cardigan. There were people milling around the back of the church so I followed the crowd and walked into the hall, which was a separate building behind the church. It was a long room with a wooden floor; tables were lined up along one wall, and people were arranging their cakes on them.
‘That looks delicious,’ a voice behind me said. ‘I might have to buy that myself.’
I turned and smiled at Brodie, who was behind the table. ‘Made with Glendale Hall jam too,’ I said, putting it down.
‘Well, then, how can I resist? Do you need to get off or do you want to stay and help us unload all of these on the village?’ He gestured to the cakes. There were a lot to sell. The whole village must have baked something.
‘I can help,’ I replied, slipping behind the table to join him.
‘I’m hoping we might raise enough to buy a new organ for the church, we’ve been fundraising all year and we’re almost there,’ he said, rolling up the sleeves of his long-sleeved shirt. I tried not to look at his muscular arms as he did so.
‘We can definitely sell all of these. We’ve got this,’ I replied. He held out his fist and I laughed as I bumped it with mine. People started to file in to look at the cakes. Brodie priced mine at five pounds, and then promptly hid it behind the table for himself. I couldn't help but feel good about that.
As I suspected, the hall quickly sold out of cakes. It felt as if most of the village had turned up to buy something. Even Heather and Harry dropped by and left with cupcakes. I hung back to help Brodie wipe down the tables, and soon the hall had completely emptied out.
‘Let me walk you home,’ he said, as he locked up the money in the cashbox.
‘Oh, no need,’ I said, quickly, shrugging my cardigan back on.
‘I need to stretch my legs after being here all day, and to be honest, all that’s waiting for me at the vicarage is a ready meal and a box set so I can put that off a little bit longer.’
I thought how that would have been the case for me too if we were in London, Greg almost certainly working, so I nodded. ‘Okay then, thank you.’
Chapter Fourteen
We stepped out of the hall and Brodie locked up behind us. There was a cool breeze in the air but I didn’t
mind. The village was beautiful even on a grey day. People passed us in the High Street, all either waving or stopping to say a quick hello. It was something that I still wasn’t used to, having lived for so long in London.
We strolled side-by-side as we turned towards Glendale Hall, the trees above us rustling in the breeze. The road to Glendale was empty. Sunday was drawing to a close and everyone was heading home for their evening meals. Growing up, Sunday had always been a family day – my parents and I sitting down for a roast dinner then curling up to watch a film, my dad always falling asleep in his armchair. I had always wanted that one day with my own family. I wondered now if that would ever be on the cards.
When we could see Glendale Hall ahead of us, I asked Brodie about what he had said before we left the church. ‘Are you all alone at the vicarage, then?’
He glanced across at me. ‘I have a housekeeper, Gloria, but she has Sundays off, and she doesn’t live with me – she lives in the village with her husband. What about you?’
I looked away, knowing that I had to ’fess up. ‘I live with my boyfriend, Greg. Well, I’m not sure if he’s still my…’ I paused in my babbling to take a breath. I met Brodie’s steady gaze. ‘I just found out he cheated on me. He slept with someone else. That’s why I came up here, really, without him,’ I added, alarmed at how easy it was to confess things to Brodie.
‘I’m sorry, Emily,’ he replied. ‘That happened to me. Before I came to Glendale. Part of the reason I moved here, I suppose you could say.’ He shrugged. ‘It’s not easy – all that broken trust.’
I nodded vigorously. ‘So, you couldn’t forgive her?’ It was becoming clearer why Brodie was single, and not in any hurry to change that fact.
‘I was ready to but she didn’t want me any more. She left me for the man she’d been seeing. My mother told me they’re married now.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I told him. That was heart-breaking. ‘But you thought you could forgive her? That you should, I mean?’
He thought for a moment before answering. ‘I would never say you should forgive someone. But forgiveness is something I do believe in. It’s far easier to say than do, though. And there are so many things it depends on, of course. I suppose you need to consider the future of the relationship. Is it something you still want? Do you think you’d be able to trust him if you do go back to him?’
‘That’s the million-dollar question. He has been full of regret and apologies. Says how much he misses me. It’s just so hard to get my head around. I love him but I can’t believe he put what we have at risk like that. Maybe it shows he doesn’t see the same future that I do? Well, did.’
‘Maybe. You’d need to ask him that. There are so many reasons why people look elsewhere. I blamed myself; too focused on work, not giving enough commitment to our relationship. But what happened next… I don’t know. She fell in love with someone else. How could I have done anything to have stopped that? Does that say more about her than me?’ He smiled then. ‘I still haven’t found the answers to all my questions. But I do know in my heart we weren’t meant to be. I believe that and it helps. Even when I get lonely or sad.’
‘You’re very honest, for a—’
‘Minister?’ He grinned.
I shook my head as we reached the gates of the Hall. ‘For a man, I was going to say.’
He chuckled. ‘Perhaps I am. I definitely do believe in honesty.’ He paused. ‘Well, we’re here. Thank you again for your help today.’
‘Any time. And thank you for your advice.’ I stopped too, and faced him. ‘Is it easier? Relationships, and well, life, I suppose, when you have faith like you do?’
‘Sometimes. Sometimes it’s harder. But I wouldn't be without it.’
I nodded. I shifted my feet. I knew I should turn away and go into the Hall but I wasn’t sure when I’d see him again, and that made me blurt out: ‘I need to go into Inverness tomorrow to find some things for the wedding cake. I don’t suppose you have any free time? I mean, I’d like the company…’ Why did my cheeks always have to turn red in his presence?
‘Sure. I have a prayer meeting but I’d be free around midday. I could drive us?’
‘That would be great. Right, then, I’ll see you tomorrow.’
‘Goodnight, Emily.’ He put his hands in his pockets as he started walking back to Glendale. I watched him go, unable to help smiling. There was something calming about his presence, something that made me want to spend time with him. And now he knew about Greg so there was no harm in doing just that.
Was there?
Walking through the gates, I let myself in to the Hall. It was quiet and I headed upstairs, wanting to sit alone for a few minutes. I knew there would be a family tea soon. I slipped into my room and closed the door, flopping down on the bed. The evening was becoming chillier so I thought I should change before I went down to the kitchen. Yawning, I realised how tired I felt suddenly. It had been a busy day but I was knackered. I laid down on the bed just to close my eyes for a few minutes.
When I opened my eyes, the light outside was fading. I sat up with a start. I’d been asleep for an hour. Why was I suddenly napping like an old woman? I had been sleeping so well since coming to Scotland but I was definitely lacking energy. Perhaps I was coming down with something?
Then my eyes snapped to my reflection in the full-length mirror. Not only had I been sleeping a lot, even napping a couple of times, and yet was still tired, I had also weirdly gone off coffee. I was hungry too, eating as much as I could get my hands on. And then Beth kept saying I was glowing. Plus, I hadn’t wanted the punch at the garden party either.
I shook my head at myself. There was no way, was there? Thinking hard, I tried to remember my last period but I hadn’t had one for six weeks. And usually I was never late. ‘Oh God,’ I said, aloud, as it all clicked into place.
But surely, it couldn’t be.
Could it?
My hand flew to my stomach as I told myself not to be silly.
But even as I tried to deny it, I knew it was possible.
I hadn’t been on the pill for years, after all. And Greg and I had slept together seven weeks ago. It was so rare now that I remembered it clearly. But the timing. The universe would really have a sick sense of humour if after all this time trying… had I finally fallen pregnant?
And if I was, what the hell was I was going to do?
Chapter Fifteen
‘So, all ready for school tomorrow?’ Caroline asked Izzy at dinner. I had hurried down after my impromptu nap to find it almost ready but everyone had assumed I’d only just come back from the bake sale, and I didn’t contradict them. I wasn’t sure if anyone had noticed that I was quiet, or just picking at Aunt Sally’s delicious pasta bake. I was trying to pay attention to the conversation but it wasn’t easy when all I could think about was the fact that there could be a baby growing inside me.
Izzy launched into an enthusiastic story about the book she was reading for English, but I found myself tuning out until I suddenly heard my name.
‘Huh?’ I asked, looking up in confusion.
‘I said – do you fancy lunch out tomorrow?’ Beth asked me from across the table, giving me a small smile. She had clearly noticed my preoccupation.
‘Actually, I can’t,’ I admitted. ‘I need to go into Inverness for some cake supplies… and Brodie offered to drive me.’ I found myself blushing a little as I told them, and I wasn’t quite sure why. I wondered if I should cancel as I very much doubted I would be good company for him, but then I realised that I could go into Boots there, and pick up a pregnancy test. There was no way I could do that in Glendale village without someone telling someone in the family, I was sure of that. I knew what the small town could be like.
Beth raised an eyebrow. ‘Ah, I see.’
I shook my head. ‘He’s just being nice…’ I said, a little flustered. Especially because I didn’t deserve the sly looks everyone was giving me. Even if I did find Brodie attractive, I could well be pregna
nt with another man’s child. Not that they all knew that, of course, and I wanted to keep it very quiet until I knew for sure.
‘Maybe Tuesday then,’ Beth said, taking a sip of her wine and exchanging a look with her mum.
I sighed into my glass of water.
Drew came in then from work. ‘What a day,’ he said, giving Beth a kiss and going over to hug Izzy. He looked exhausted, and slumped into the chair next to Izzy.
‘Here you go.’ Beth slid him a glass of wine and then spooned out some of the bake onto a plate for him. ‘Everything okay?’ she asked as she passed it to him. Their eyes met, and I knew that they were trying to keep Drew’s hard day from Izzy. Perhaps someone had died at the hospital; he looked quite shaken. He nodded and assured her that he was fine but I saw her bite her lip and watch him anxiously as he took a long gulp of wine.
I knew it was wrong to feel jealous in that moment but somehow Beth’s concern was more touching than the times I'd seen them kissing or hugging. There was real love and care for the other person between them.
And it reminded me that I was far away from Greg. Any other time, I would have told him that I was late, and we could have done the pregnancy test together. Our first test! And I was alone, miles from him, for it. It was so complicated. I really could have done with a hug from him and for him to tell me that everything was going to be okay. Because I really wasn’t at all sure that it would be.
When dinner was finally over, Caroline took Izzy upstairs and Beth and Drew retreated into the living room together, talking in hushed tones. It was clear they wanted to be alone, and I couldn’t blame them. I followed Aunt Sally into the kitchen to help her clear everything away.
As I passed her things for the dishwasher, she studied me through her steady brown eyes.
‘Are you sure you’re okay, Emily? You don’t seem your usual self. Is it Greg?’
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