I felt a tear roll down my cheek. ‘I know. It’s crazy.’
‘It’s what we always wanted. How far along are you?’
‘It was the night we drank all that wine. So about seven weeks I think,’ I said, remembering the last time we had slept together, and that I’d been in Glendale for a week.
‘Wow.’ He frowned. ‘Are you okay? You don’t seem excited.’
‘I think I’m still in shock. And it’s so strange me being up here, and you down there…’
‘Well, we can change that. Let me come up to see you.’
‘What about work?’
‘I have this weekend off anyway so I can get the train up on Saturday, and we’ll take it from there. I need to see you.’ He paused and looked at me. ‘You do want me to come and see you, don’t you?’
I hesitated but I knew that I couldn’t deal with this on my own. This was our baby, no matter what else had happened, and that had to come first now. ‘Yes, please,’ I said, at which a big grin spread across his face.
After we had hung up, with Greg saying he’d book a train ticket for first thing on Saturday morning, I started to cry again. I stared at the test until my eyes were too blurry to see it, then I wrapped it in tissue and stored it in the bathroom to wait until Greg could see it himself. I knew I’d done the right thing in telling him to come. This was our baby. The one we had wanted for so long. Yes, we weren’t in the place I would have wanted us to be but it had happened. Finally.
I looked up at my reflection again. ‘I’m going to be a mother,’ I said, and I smiled at myself through my tears.
Chapter Eighteen
In their spirit of being firmly a non-traditional bride and groom, Beth and Drew hadn’t wanted big stag and hen dos. Instead, they had decided to hold a joint one, that Izzy and Harry could be part of as well. With all my life drama, I had completely forgotten that they had booked for everyone to go to Loch Ness for a couple of days.
Originally, Greg and I had said we couldn’t make it as it was too much time to have off work for that and the wedding too, which was a week away. But now I could be part of it. Beth and Drew had booked three log cabins in woodlands close to the Loch and arranged a host of activities for the group. Beth told me I could stay at the Hall if I wasn’t up to it, although I wasn’t sure how we’d explain that to everyone, but I decided it would be better to go and take my mind off everything. I hadn’t been to Loch Ness since I was a little girl and I was excited to see it again.
We set off early on Wednesday morning, a minibus arriving at the Hall to pick us up. We then made a stop in the village to collect the others joining us. The group consisted of Drew and Beth, Izzy, who was excited to have been allowed the time off school, Caroline and John, Heather and Rory with baby Harry, Brodie, Aunt Sally, Drew’s friend Mike who I vaguely remembered from school, Beth and Heather’s friend Kate from their college, and me. It was a gorgeous summer’s morning and everyone was in good spirits ready for the trip.
I was feeling much better. The news was starting to slowly sink in and despite the nagging issue of Greg and what our future was going to be, I had wanted a baby for so long so I was determined to be happy about it. And there were three days before Greg would arrive at the Hall and I needed to make any sort of decisions about our future. Plus, I had excellent company and sunny weather to further boost my good mood. I was keeping it quiet from everyone else, and I knew Beth wouldn’t tell a soul, as it was still early days. I wondered though if they could see how much I was smiling.
‘Aren’t you missing evening prayers tonight to be here?’ I asked Brodie who sat in front of me on the bus next to Drew.
He twisted around in his seat to look at me. I had already noticed he was wearing knee-length shorts, and tried not to notice his legs under them but it wasn’t easy. ‘Let me guess, you don’t believe that ministers deserve any time off? I thought I’d already shaken your long-held views…’
‘Just making sure you aren’t leaving your congregation in desperate need or anything.’
Drew turned around then. ‘I bet the ladies of the congregation won’t be happy.’ He winked at me.
Brodie shook his head. ‘I think they will cope just fine.’ Drew snorted, and I hid a smile. I was sure Brodie’s absence would be very much noticed but it was nice that he had come. I felt like I was with a bus full of friends.
‘Shall we sing something?’ Izzy suggested next to me to a chorus of groans but she started a song anyway and soon we were all joining in. It was a lively journey to Loch Ness and the bus began to wind higher and higher as we left behind civilisation and entered the woods. The scenery took my breath away. I had become so used to city living that I had forgotten how alive you could feel in such a stunning place.
The bus soon pulled up outside the cabins and I looked out of the window in awe. Perched high above the Loch, we had a spectacular view of the crystal water below, stretching out for what seemed like forever. We all jumped out of the van, grabbing our bags, and looked around.
‘How fab is this place?’ Heather said from beside me. She was carrying Harry as Rory unpacked the pram from the van. ‘Where did you find it, Beth?’
‘John recommended it,’ she said, over her shoulder, as she held Izzy’s hand and walked towards one of the cabins.
John shrugged in his usual casual way. ‘Guy I know owns it. Gave us a good deal.’
‘Well, it definitely beats camping, which was Beth’s original idea,’ Caroline said, handing him her large bag. She looked horrified at the thought, and I hid a smile. Not that I could blame her – I wasn’t really the camping type either. Beth was much more outdoorsy than I had ever been. This seemed like a perfect compromise though, thankfully.
‘Right, cabin one is Drew, Rory, Brodie and Mike. Cabin two is me, Kate, Heather, Izzy and Emily. And not forgetting baby Harry. And because they are old, Sally, John and my mother get cabin three to themselves,’ Beth called out with a wicked grin at her mother. She came over to me. ‘I asked my dad but, you know, it would have been a bit awkward so he’s taking us out for dinner next week instead.’ She leaned in closer. ‘Are you doing okay today?’
‘I’m fine, thanks. I’m glad I’m here.’
She smiled. ‘Me too.’ She turned back to the others. ‘Right, race each other for the best beds!’ she shouted, and then there was laughter, and scrambling to get inside the cabins. I followed slowly, not caring which bed I ended up with, letting Izzy pick the one she wanted first. She chose the largest room which she would share with Beth and Heather. She was thrilled she could sleep in a bunk bed. There were two small single rooms left for me and Kate.
I dumped my bag on the bed and looked out of the window of my room, which faced the forest. It was so peaceful I could already feel some of the tension of the past few days sliding out of me. Picking up my phone, I snapped a photo of the view and messaged Greg to say I had arrived. He had already begged me not to overdo things and look after myself, which was sweet. He was as excited about the baby as I had always hoped he would be, and it was infectious.
Beth knocked on the door and poked her head around it. ‘We’ve booked canoeing in half an hour but you can just hang around the cabin until we come back for the picnic lunch we’re having?’
‘I’m pregnant, not ill,’ I replied. ‘I’m coming!’
‘Okay but just don’t capsize the boat with your extra weight,’ she replied, leaving with a wicked grin on her face before I had time to throw the pillow I had grabbed from the bed at her. I wondered how much my figure would change. Looking at the mirror, I couldn’t see much difference yet although I felt fuller from all the good food I’d been eating up here. I changed out of the maxi-dress I was wearing into denim shorts and a t-shirt, applied suncream, popped on my sunglasses and slipped into my Converse before heading out of the cabin to join the others minus Caroline, Aunt Sally, and Heather who were sat at one of the picnic benches with Harry. He was obviously too young to join in, Aunt Sally declared sh
e was too old, and Caroline would clearly not be seen dead in a canoe so we waved to them and walked down the long, winding track to the Loch.
‘What if the monster knocks us out of our canoes?’ Izzy asked her dad in front of me. ‘My friend Daisy said that can happen.’
Drew wrapped an arm around her. ‘Daisy is wrong. Nessie likes canoes, she’d never knock us out. I promise. I can’t guarantee your mother won’t do it though, she’s not the best driver.’
‘I heard that!’ Beth shouted from ahead.
I smiled at their family banter, it was cute. And I felt better about witnessing it now I knew about what I had growing inside me.
‘I’d never heard of a joint hen and stag until they invited me,’ Brodie said, hanging back to fall into step with me. I was at the back of the group, walking a little slower than I would usually, just making sure I didn’t slip or anything.
‘It’s getting more popular, especially in London. I’ve been to a couple there already,’ I told him, thinking back to how I’d had to grin and bear all those days out and weekends away, Greg not seeming to care that we’d never have one of our own.
‘It’s a nice idea. Means they could make it a family thing. Plus us, of course.’
‘I definitely like the idea of doing this if I ever get married,’ I said, thinking that I wouldn’t be sure whether I could trust Greg and his firefighting mates alone on a stag night, which was an awful thing to admit to myself, but understandable based on what happened between him and Steph. I couldn’t help but wonder if this baby might be the thing that could finally change his feelings on weddings, although I warned myself not to get my hopes up too much. He had already disappointed me more than I had ever thought possible.
Brodie smiled across at me. ‘Me too.’
‘Well, as a minister, you definitely couldn’t have a stripper, could you?’
Brodie let out a bark of laughter. Loud enough that Beth glanced back at us curiously. ‘What would my bishop say, huh?’
I smiled along with him. ‘Exactly.’
‘And would your boss approve of you having a stripper?’
‘Molly would definitely approve of making naughty cakes for it; I’ve seen what she can create with her icing skills, and dirty mind,’ I said, remembering a batch of hen-themed cupcakes we’d made together once. I blushed the whole time, whereas Molly couldn’t stop laughing. She had a wicked sense of humour, which I loved, and seemed to only get worse as she got older. She had sent me a couple of messages to check on how I was and I owed her a phone call. I missed seeing her every day.
‘I’m not sure whether to be impressed or worried about that,’ Brodie replied. ‘It does make me look forward to seeing your wedding cake though.’
‘I just hope I can do a good job,’ I said, knowing I needed to get baking it next week, and hoping Greg would be able to amuse himself at the Hall while I did just that.
‘Of course you will.’ Brodie gave me a confident smile. I liked that he seemed to think I could do anything, it made me think that maybe I could. He leaned in closer. ‘Can I admit that I’m nervous about this? I do not have good balance, which feels like something you need to have in a canoe.’
‘Just make sure you wear a life jacket,’ I told him with a laugh. He looked at me in mild terror. ‘Where’s your faith, minister?’
‘It only works on dry land,’ he replied.
Chapter Nineteen
We reached the Loch itself and were greeted by two guides and a stack of canoes ready and waiting for us. The sun danced on top of the clear water, creating sparkles of light. It was easy to let all my worries slide away as I gazed out to the water. I suspected that at places like the Loch, Brodie’s faith was in easy reach; even I wondered if there was something higher than ourselves creating such beauty.
We had to stop looking at it though as the guides explained where we would be going and went through some safety advice. Then we had to pull on life jackets and helmets despite the rapidly warming day before following the guides to the water where they helped us, one by one, into canoes, holding them still on the water as we climbed into them. I stepped gingerly into mine, remembering my promise to Greg to take care.
Once in the water, the canoe bobbed a little as I took the oar handed to me by one of the guides. He gave me a little push so he could help Beth into hers and I drifted out into the water a little. It was so peaceful on the Loch. I watched the others getting into their canoes and then the guides got into theirs, one at the start of our group, and one at the rear.
‘Use your oars to propel you forwards!’ The guide at the front, a strapping teenage boy yelled back to us as if it was the easiest thing in the world. I did as he said and was surprised that I got my canoe moving pretty easily. I looked over at Brodie and stifled a laugh to see him twirling in a circle, not going anywhere.
‘Here,’ I said, floating alongside him. I reached out and gave his canoe a little push, holding up an oar to show him how to dip it into the water and use it to make the boat move. He copied me and followed a little bit slower behind me but was now going in the right direction. I smiled when he gave me a thumbs-up.
Once everyone was canoeing in the same direction we moved along the edge of the Loch. The sun was beating down on my shoulders and I was glad I had put suncream on. The day was proof that Scotland did sometimes get very hot. I hoped my baby could feel what a lovely day it was tucked up inside me but I knew that was silly; it was probably only the size of a nut. Still, it was comforting to know it was in there with me. Perhaps one day I would even tell it about the time I sailed pregnant on Loch Ness.
‘Any sign of Nessie?’ Drew called from beside me, twisting around to see Izzy. She was doing brilliantly, speeding alongside her mum who was adding canoeing to the long list of outdoor activities she already excelled at. I was just happy to be keeping myself upright and out of the water.
‘She keeps to the bottom on a hot day like this,’ the guide from the back, a slightly older man, called out with no hint of any sarcasm.
I found myself looking over the edge of the canoe. The water went so far down you couldn’t even begin to fathom where it ended. All I could see was my reflection and the deep, dark water below. I shivered and sat back up quickly. Perhaps there could really be something at the bottom that we didn’t know was there. I quite liked the idea of us not knowing everything that existed in the world besides us.
‘You doing okay?’ Beth asked in a low voice as she appeared beside me.
‘It’s lovely out here,’ I said back.
‘Oh, look out!’ she cried. As I had been looking at her, I’d missed the fact that I was heading straight for Brodie’s canoe. Mine crashed right into his. He managed to steady himself but the surprise meant I dropped my oar, and I couldn’t get my balance before my canoe turned right over and I was plunged into the cold water. Kicking out my legs, I rose to the surface with a loud splutter as I tried and failed to grab hold of my upside-down canoe.
‘Here,’ Brodie called, managing to hold on to the end and pull it over towards me. I flopped on it gratefully, trying to catch my breath, coughing up some water. ‘Are you all right?’
‘Take hold of mine and I’ll pull you back to the edge,’ the teenage guide said, suddenly with us. I did as he said and we moved quickly through the water towards dry land. I climbed out of the Loch and wobbled unsteadily. I sat down as he got out of his canoe and came over. He put a hand on my back to ask how I was and suddenly I leaned over and was sick.
‘Jesus,’ the guide said, jumping back away from me.
‘Emily, are you okay?’ Drew was climbing out of his canoe and rushing over to me. ‘Did you hit your head?’ he asked, kneeling down beside me, worried. I could hear the others saying things, everyone abandoning the Loch to rush to my side. ‘She’s been sick, she might have concussion,’ Drew was saying as Beth joined us.
I shook my head. ‘I didn’t hit my head.’
‘Maybe it was just swallowing the water,’
the older guide suggested, reaching us then.
I sat up on my knees weakly, embarrassment washing over me.
‘I think we should take her to hospital,’ Drew said.
Oh, God. ‘No, seriously,’ I said, firmly. ‘I’m fine. It’s just…’ My eyes met Beth’s. She was biting her lip. I really didn’t want to go to hospital so, despite the fact it was far earlier than I planned to tell people, I found myself blurting out the words, ‘I’m pregnant’. My eyes found Brodie’s and although he looked away quickly, I didn’t mistake the disappointed look on his face.
* * *
‘Drew, I’m fine,’ I repeated for the hundredth time. We were back at the cabin site and I had been planted on one of the picnic benches with a glass of cold water as Drew checked my blood pressure and pulse next to me. The others were either changing or getting the picnic ready, bustling about around us, trying not to keep checking on me but failing.
Aunt Sally sat opposite me, nursing a cup of tea and an anxious expression. ‘Let him check you over, Emily. It’s better to be safe than sorry.’
Drew leaned back. ‘Everything looks normal but I still think you should take it easy for the rest of the weekend – no more outdoor sports unless it’s gentle walking. Okay?’
‘Yes, doctor,’ I said. He gave me a stern look at my sarcasm. ‘I promise,’ I added quickly. He got up to carry his bag back into his cabin and I relaxed on the seat, glad he had stopped fussing. To be honest I wasn’t used to it at all, and it made me feel uncomfortable. ‘See, all okay?’
Aunt Sally smiled. ‘When did you find out?’
‘Only on Sunday when I did a test. That’s why Greg is coming up at the weekend.’ When I had told everyone Greg would be joining me, I hadn't missed the looks shared between them. Only Beth was supportive but that’s because she knew the reason why. Now Sally nodded as if it all made sense. ‘He’s so happy. I mean, I am too, of course. It’s just things are so weird right now.’
New Beginnings At Glendale Hall Page 10