‘Pish posh,’ Molly said, cutting through my words. ‘If I leave it to you in my will, you’d have to take it but what’s the point in that? I want to see you do it. I want to come and have a cup of tea and a slice of cake in your bakery.’
‘But it would have to be an investment, I couldn’t just let you give it to me.’
She waved her hand. ‘Well, we can worry about all that when you have decided to say yes. Which I very much hope you will.’
‘Oh, Molly.’ I couldn’t stop the tears then and wiped at my cheek as they rolled down. ‘I honestly don’t know what to say.’
‘Come here.’ Molly pulled me into her arms. ‘I know how scared you are. I was terrified when I was having my son and I had my husband and this house and the bakery, so I understand how confused and lost you must be feeling but you’ll come out of all this. You have no idea how special you are. Or how capable. I promise that it will all be okay.’
Her words echoed Aunt Sally’s. My parents’. Those of everyone around me, really. How could they be so sure? I let out a sob on her shoulder. ‘I don’t know if I can do it,’ I admitted out loud for the first time. I had swept into action and tried to sort everything out but deep down inside, I was lost, and the future felt so uncertain.
‘Well, of course you can.’ She leaned back to look at me. ‘I remember when you walked into my bakery. You were young and full of energy. You told me you wanted to own a chain of bakeries one day. I told you to start with making me a cupcake and we’d see.’
I smiled as I thought back to that day.
‘You made me quite possibly the best cupcake I’d ever had, and I knew I couldn’t let you get away. That girl is still right here.’ She touched my chest. ‘Don’t ever forget that.’
I nodded and sniffed. ‘I wanted to do so much.’
‘You’re still so young; you have all the time in the world to do it.’
‘But what about this one?’ I touched my stomach.
‘What about them? Do it for him or her. Make your child proud.’
I sniffed hard, worried I’d dissolve into tears all over again. ‘You really think I can do it?’ I asked, the first stirrings of excitement mixing with the fear inside me.
‘I really do,’ she promised. ‘Now, why don’t we start coming up with a plan, but only when you’ve eaten some more food.’ She passed me the stack of pancakes.
‘If that’s the rule…’ I managed a smile as I stuck my fork in and picked up a couple.
* * *
Greg and I sat side-by-side on the train, watching London roll past the window, slowly being replaced by countryside.
We were on the way to the treatment centre in Surrey as a drizzle of rain blotted out the view. Greg had two cases with him and sat with his hands in his lap, rubbing his fingers together. His parents had wanted to come but he had told them that he wanted me to drop him off. ‘How are you feeling?’ I asked him, softly, finding our strained silence excruciating after a while.
He turned to me. ‘Nervous as hell. I never thought I’d end up here.’
I nodded. Neither had I.
‘I was thinking earlier about the day we met. How I saw you standing there in the bakery with all that blonde hair and those curves,’ he said in a low voice. ‘And I thought that it must be Christmas Day or something.’
I smiled. ‘I remember thinking how much I liked a man in uniform,’ I said.
‘Would you have said yes to a date if I hadn’t been in my uniform?’
‘Probably not.’ I laughed a little. God, that seemed so long ago. ‘We were different people then, weren’t we?’
Greg thought for a moment. ‘I don’t think we’re all that different. We’ve had to deal with different things but we’re the same people. I’ve always been impulsive and passionate. I was addicted to you when we first met. I didn’t want to leave your side. I think, maybe, I’ve always drunk just a little bit too much, not known my limits… even choosing to be a fireman, diving into fires even when I was told to hold back, I’ve always just done things then thought about them later.’
It was so interesting to hear him analyse himself. He was right. ‘One of the reasons I fell in love with you was how fearless you were.’
‘Maybe sometimes it’s okay to let yourself have a little fear. It helps you not take too many risks.’
‘I don’t want you to change,’ I said then, wrapping my arm through his.
‘I have to, Em,’ he said. ‘I have to grow up.’ He placed a hand on our baby inside me. ‘Then I can help this one to grow up.’
‘You’re right, I know. I just mean, the things that I love about you, they are what make you special. I wouldn’t want you to lose them.’
‘I won’t, just like you’ll never lose how kind and compassionate you are. But if I need to be less fearless then you need to be more fearless,’ he added. I’d told him what Molly had offered me. ‘This is your chance now. Maybe I held you back.’
I shook my head. ‘I don’t regret falling for you. Even after the past few weeks,’ I said, honestly. I couldn’t regret it. He’d made me happy. We had been happy. And now he’d given me a baby. I’d never want to change that.
‘I’ll always love you,’ he promised then, pulling me closer.
‘Me too,’ I whispered back.
The train pulled into our station then and we pulled apart, getting up and heading out to the waiting taxi. The centre wasn’t far from the station, set back from the road behind large gates. It was a long, low building surrounded by trees, all new and white and shiny.
‘I think I should go in alone,’ Greg said when the taxi stopped outside and a woman in a suit came out, waiting to greet him.
I turned to him in surprise. ‘But don’t you want me—’
‘It’ll be harder to say goodbye if you come in. I’ll want to run out of the door with you. Please.’ He leaned in and kissed me softly on the cheek. ‘Thank you, Em. For everything.’
‘Why does this feel like the end?’ I asked then, feeling myself clinging to him.
‘It is the end of something,’ he replied with a small smile. ‘But hopefully it’s the beginning of something too. Right?’
I nodded. ‘Right. I’m so proud of you.’
‘Save that for when I get out of here. Okay, then.’ He opened the door. ‘Wish me luck. Is that what you say to someone going into rehab?’
‘Good luck,’ I replied shaking my head at his attempt at a joke. The taxi driver had brought his bags down and held the door open for him. I watched Greg climb out of the taxi and shake the hand of the woman from the centre. The driver closed the door and went around to get back in. I hastily slid across the seat and pushed the sliding window down. ‘I’ll see you,’ I called out to him.
Greg paused and turned back. He grinned at me, and looked just like the man I fell in love with again for a moment. ‘I’ll see you, babe,’ he called back. And then he followed the woman up the steps and through the door.
‘Shall we go?’ the taxi driver asked as I sat, frozen, watching the closed door.
I took a deep breath. ‘Okay.’ I kept my eyes on the centre as we drove away, looking out through the back window as we passed back through the gates, and it got smaller and smaller. Finally, I faced the front again, and what awaited me next, alone.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
I sneezed as I disrupted a pile of dust coating the box I had just opened up in the loft. I really couldn’t remember what we’d put up in there apart from the Christmas tree, the only thing we’d ever brought down again since we moved in. On my knees, I leaned over to look inside it. ‘Oh,’ I said aloud to the empty loft. It was a box of things from my days at catering college. I pulled out a faded pink notebook. It was where I’d written all my recipes. I’d since put my favourite ones on my laptop and mostly worked from memory anyway.
Opening it up, I saw my handwriting all across the pages, recipes written down and crossed-out, notes in the margin with tips like how much to sieve
the flour, or to add in more vanilla essence. Turning the page, I stopped at the recipe for red velvet cupcakes. This was the recipe I’d made for Molly when I’d bounced into her bakery and practically demanded that she give me a job.
I jumped up, clutching it to my chest, deciding that I’d done enough sorting for one day. Climbing carefully down the ladder, I walked downstairs to the kitchen, itching to make the cupcakes again. As I re-read the recipe, I realised that I now made them slightly differently, having reworked it through the years and just baking them the way I felt on the day really, but this time I thought I’d make them to the recipe. The one that made Molly give me my job.
Turning on my laptop, I selected my baking playlist and turned it up loud. Rolling up the sleeves of my floral shirt, I wrapped an apron around myself and got to work. The world fell away as it always did and I hummed along to the music as I weighed the ingredients, wanting to make it exactly as I had back at college.
My phone rang as I slid the tray of raw cakes into the oven. ‘Hi,’ I answered breathlessly, trying not to smear cake mixture all over my phone.
‘Hey,’ Beth answered, cheerfully. ‘Just checking in. How are you?’
I smiled. ‘I’m okay. I’m just baking.’
‘Ooh, something you’re bringing up here?’
‘Might do,’ I replied, shaking my head. Beth was always thinking about food.
‘Well, I just wanted to make sure you’re okay with Greg gone. You’re not going to spend the night in alone wallowing, are you?’
‘I’m having dinner at Mum and Dad’s,’ I said, sitting down for a much-needed cuppa. ‘Are you sure I shouldn’t get Caroline and John a wedding gift?’ I had taken the plunge and accepted the invitation to their wedding. Greg had been right – I wanted to get back to the fresh air and friendly faces of Glendale. Beth had told me I was welcome to stay for as long as I liked but I knew I couldn’t hide in Scotland forever so I had just planned to stay a week. I was hoping it would be the perfect place to come up with a plan about what I was going to do next. I was still getting my head around Molly’s offer. I was still very unsure about it but I had faithfully promised to think it over.
‘No way. They don’t need anything, trust me. They just want the people they love there to celebrate. We’re all really excited to have you back.’
I hadn’t told Beth about what Molly had said but I wanted to when I got up there – I needed all the advice I could get. ‘Me too,’ I said. ‘And how is it all up there? Is everyone okay?’ I couldn’t stop myself from wondering if Brodie knew I’d be there again soon.
Beth hesitated for a moment as if she was thinking of him too. ‘We’re all fine. I just can’t wait to give you a big hug. You’ll take the journey easy, won’t you? I’ll be at the station to meet you and Sally is already planning dinner for you.’
I laughed. I liked how nothing seemed to change up there. ‘I’ll be there soon. Safe and sound, I promise.’ We said goodbye and I hung up, letting myself be excited about going back to Glendale. Even if I would soon be coming face-to-face with Brodie again.
When the oven timer went off, I got up and pulled out the tray, smiling at the delicious smell coming from the cupcakes. I put them on a tray to cool and made the buttercream icing. A new song started to play, and I paused. It was a song by a band that I loved, one that Greg had taken me to see on one of our early dates. The song took me right back to that night, dancing and singing along with him in the crowd until my throat was hoarse and my back sweaty. We’d rushed home to his tiny flat, throwing our clothes off, and spending the whole night up talking and kissing, curled up in his single bed. It was so sad that all that was over. But I’d never forget those times.
‘I wonder if you’ll like this song one day,’ I said to my tummy, feeling a little silly doing it. Once the cupcakes were cool enough, I iced them and put one on a plate, the others in an airtight tin for Glendale Hall. Taking a big bite, I let out a moan. ‘Oh my God,’ I said. They really were so good.
Sitting back down, I pulled out the notebook and spent the rest of the afternoon reading through my recipes and writing down the ones that I loved the most. Slowly, a menu of sorts was forming, and I couldn’t ignore the thrum of enthusiasm that ran through my veins as I wrote. ‘This is the kind of place I’d love to eat at,’ I murmured as I looked down at it.
Maybe, just maybe, one day I might.
* * *
‘There you are, love.’ Dad opened the door to me that evening, pulling me in for one of his bear hugs immediately. Dad had grey hair and big, bushy eyebrows that my mum was always trying to get him to let her shape. ‘Let’s go on through – dinner is almost ready.’ Once I left home, Dad became the cook in the family, and my stomach rumbled on cue as I smelt something delicious coming from the kitchen. My mum was sitting at the table, lighting candles, and in the background soft music was playing.
‘You look tired,’ Mum said as I leaned down to kiss her on the cheek.
‘Thanks,’ I said with a wry smile as I sat down opposite her.
‘I just meant – are you getting enough rest?’
I shrugged. ‘I haven’t been sleeping all that great. Don’t worry,’ I added, quickly, when I saw the look of concern on her face, ‘I’ll be in Glendale tomorrow and there will be plenty of resting there. Although I’m still worried about going when there’s so much to do here.’
Mum waved away my worry. ‘We’re here, and it’s the summer holidays so we can do anything that needs doing, I already told you that. Until the house sells there’s not much else you can do anyway. Just go and have a nice break.’
‘I haven't been back long.’
‘But so much has happened and you need the rest. The most important thing is that you and that baby in there take care of yourselves. Everything else will sort itself out.’
‘I wish I had your confidence.’ I smiled at my dad who handed me a homemade lemonade and gave my mum a glass of wine. ‘I’ll be happier once we sell the house and get all the debts sorted. It’s hard to stop stressing about all of that until it’s settled, you know?’
‘Of course it is,’ Dad said, carrying over a big pot. ‘But I’m sure it will happen quickly. Right, here we are.’ Mum and I leaned forward as he uncovered the pot and we breathed in the smell of his cottage pie. ‘I thought we could all do with a comfort meal even though it’s a bit warm really.’
‘It’s never too warm for your pie,’ I replied. He spooned out a plateful for each of us – no small portions on his watch – and passed over a bowl of green veg dripping in butter.
‘There’s more too… adding to my stress,’ I said, passing the veg over to my mum after I’d taken some. I told them about what Molly had offered me. ‘So, it feels like everything is changing, like it's all up in the air, and there’s so many decisions for me to make.’ I took a big bite of pie to help the situation, and moaned appreciatively.
‘Well, I think this is great news,’ Mum said, clapping her hands together. I raised my eyebrows in surprise. ‘Why are you looking at me like that? I remember when you were young and you used to play bakeries with your dolls, feeding them cupcakes and making a mess everywhere, by the way. This has always been your dream, why are you so worried about it?’
‘But the timing is completely wrong. I need stability right now, not losing my job – as well as my house, by the way. It’s so hard to run your own business anyway, let alone while you’re pregnant, and then what happens when the baby comes? I’ll be doing it all on my own!’
‘No, you won’t. You have so many people in your life, Emily. Nothing ever happens at the perfect time. But without a mortgage to pay, and with Molly’s money, you can easily do it financially, I’m sure. This is something you’ve always wanted and someone is willing to give you a massive foot on the ladder, why would you turn that down, for goodness’ sake?’
I stared at my mum, impatient and cross that I wasn’t excited, then I looked at my dad who shrugged as if to say she was right.
I leaned back in my chair. ‘I have been writing down recipes that I could make…’ I started to say.
‘There you go,’ Mum said, smugly. ‘You know this is the right thing for you.’
‘I’m scared though,’ I admitted in a small voice. My mother never seemed scared of anything but I just wasn’t her.
‘The best things in life are scary,’ my dad surprised me by answering instead.
I took another bite of pie, their words rolling around in my head. They were right about one thing – Molly was offering me something that most people could only dream of. I had, in fact, dreamed of it. Whether I could make that dream come true was still up for debate though.
‘You’ll have plenty of time to think about it up in Scotland. Sally will definitely help,’ Mum said then. ‘It’s her fault you got the baking bug in the first place.’
I smiled. ‘She will be excited,’ I agreed, knowing she’d be so proud if I opened my own bakery. ‘I’ll talk to her,’ I promised.
‘I think it’ll do you good to go back up there,’ Dad said then. ‘The Scottish air is excellent for decision-making.’
‘I don’t know about that – it made me want to marry you,’ Mum replied, making us all chuckle.
I watched them smile at one another and my heart ached for what they had.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
When Inverness train station came into view, I felt a weight lifting from me. The countryside and brisk Scottish breeze made me smile as I stepped off the train and onto the platform, clutching my case.
‘Emily!’
I turned to see Beth waving madly at me from outside her car down the steps off the platform. I walked over to her, feeling like I had come home.
‘Thanks so much for meeting me,’ I said as she pulled me in for a long, tight hug. ‘You look glowing,’ I told her, when we pulled back. She really did. Her hair was loose and wavy over her shoulders, her skin was tanned, her figure as slim as ever. She wore cropped jeans and a white t-shirt and looked as if she hadn’t got a care in the world. Whatever it was, I wished I could bottle it up, and drink it.
New Beginnings At Glendale Hall Page 19