Silence smacked him in the face.
There was nothing. No one. No Mattie. No Lizzy. No Matthew. Just himself and the deafening silence.
He hadn’t felt this alone in years. Even when Mattie was angry with him and no longer greeted him at the door when he returned home, there was still noise. Quiet humming, footsteps, the children playing, something. But never dead silence.
Richard walked through the living room, past the dining room and the kitchen. He paused only when he reached the entrance to his and Mattie’s bedroom. The door was open, just how he’d left it when he came home to search for his wife a couple days ago.
He didn’t want to go inside but he took a step anyway. Memories immediately assaulted him. Memories of shared love, shared arguments, shared tears. At the moment, he didn’t wish to relive any of them. But they came anyway, flitted through his mind and heart and then vanished, leaving him with only a hollow ache inside.
Richard sat on the bed, then slid down to the floor.
“Oh, God,” he moaned. “How have we fallen this far?”
Of course, he was answered with silence. But he already knew the answer to his question. Carson had voiced it for him not more than an hour ago.
“We found her, Richard.”
Richard sighed into the cell phone. “Where is she?”
“She went home.”
“To her parents’ place?”
“Yes. Elisabeth and I are going to visit her tomorrow.”
“Thanks for telling me, Carson.”
“What are you going to do?”
“What do you mean?”
“What do I mean? This is your wife, Richard! Remember? The one you vowed to love? The one you vowed to honor and cherish? What are you going to do to fix this mess you’ve made?” Frustration was clear in his friend’s voice.
It wouldn’t do any good to deny his friend’s cutting words. “I don’t know.”
“Well, you’d better figure it out fast, unless you plan on filing divorce papers.”
Frustration began to mount. “This really isn’t any of your business, Carson.”
“You’re right. It isn’t my business. But it is God’s. You and Mattie both stood at that altar and pledged your lives to each other in God’s holy name. And now you’re not giving Him the time of day.”
Richard didn’t know what to say. His excuses seemed so inadequate when faced with the truth of his circumstances.
A sigh came from the other end. Then silence. Finally, Carson said, “When was the last time you read your Bible, Richard?”
“I-”
“No. Don’t answer to me. I don’t have anything to do with it. It’s between you and God, Richard. You answer to Him.”
Carson hung up.
Richard knew his friend had been right in at least one regard. He had to do something. He just wasn’t sure what to do now.
<><><>
Mattie’s gaze focused on an approaching vehicle when she heard the crunch of snow under its tires. Carson and Elisabeth barreled up the lane with their children. Apparently, they’d discovered where she was.
She abruptly stopped the swing and turned to her daughter. “Do you want to play with Lincoln and Jacob?”
Lizzy squealed and rushed for the car, her answer apparent.
Mattie couldn’t help a grin tugging at the corner of her mouth at her daughter’s enthusiasm, and she allowed the expression to take over her face as she followed Lizzy.
The little ones rushed off to the swing with Lizzy in the lead just as Mattie reached the Volvo. Carson smiled and offered a side hug. “Good to see you, Mattie.” He pointed toward the children. “I’d better go make sure they don’t get into too much trouble.”
“Hello, Carson,” Mattie smiled as she watched her friend’s husband meander toward the playground. The comfort of seeing good familiar friends warmed her aching heart just a bit. Elisabeth squeezed Mattie into an embrace and she shut her eyes against the tears threatening to surface.
“It’s so wonderful to see you, Mattie.”
“You too, Lis,” she released the difficult words into her friend’s freshly shampooed tresses.
Elisabeth pulled away. “It seems like forever since we last talked.”
Mattie nodded and inclined her head toward the house. “Would you like to come inside?”
“Sure. I haven’t seen your parents in a while. It’ll be nice to see them again”
“Well, Dad isn’t home right now, but Mom is. She’ll be happy to see you.”
Her mother opened the door just as they reached it. “Oh, Elisabeth, I haven’t seen you in ages! How are you?”
“Good. It’s nice to see you, Maryanna,” Elisabeth replied with a hug. “Carson and I are doing wonderful and the kinner are growing like weeds,” she said, slipping back into her native tongue.
“They always do when they’re young. How many do you have now?”
“Just four.”
“Well, I’m sure that number won’t remain for very long.” Mattie’s mother laughed.
“I hope not.” Elisabeth grinned, her cheeks pinkened slightly.
“Well, I’ll leave you two alone so you can catch up. I’ll just be in the kitchen making hot cocoa for everyone. As soon as it’s ready, I’ll call you two down.” She turned to her daughter. “Oh, and Mattie, little Matthew is upstairs sleeping in his and Lizzy’s room. Just so you know.”
“Thanks, Mom.” Mattie gave her mother a kiss before starting for the upstairs. She gestured toward her bedroom, inviting her best friend inside.
“Wow, this is just how I remember it!” Elisabeth surveyed the room and turned to Mattie. “Is it difficult being back in this same room?”
Mattie shrugged. “Somewhat. Brings back memories. I was so foolish, ready to leave all of this behind and jump into the unknown Englisch world.”
Elisabeth laughed. “I remember. That was all you talked about at the time. New York City. And it wasn’t long until I was hot on your trail, so full of my own rebellious ways. I can’t say that was the wisest thing I’ve ever done.”
Mattie nodded.
“But I must admit, it sure did end up well. If I hadn’t jumped the fence, none of these amazing blessings would have been mine – Carson, the kinner. God had me in the palm of His hand all along.”
“I wish I could say the same,” Mattie murmured.
Elisabeth sighed and plopped down next to her friend on the bed. She squeezed her hand. “Your life still abounds with blessings, Mattie Greene. You have a roof over your head, a family to take care of you, a great friend to talk to,” she laughed, “two children who love you, and most importantly, a God Who will never leave you.” A twinkle lit her eye. “And once God whacks your husband upside the head so he comes to his senses, you’ll have him again too.”
Mattie couldn’t help a little chuckle. “Oh, Lis.”
“What? I’m serious.” She grinned.
They laughed for a moment, and then Mattie’s laughter turned to tears. Elisabeth’s arms wrapped around her friend as she sobbed.
If only things were different.
<><><>
Elisabeth felt like throttling Richard for wounding Mattie so. But she did her best to control her anger. It wasn’t going to help anything, and since Richard wasn’t here to offer himself up as a punching bag, she returned to the task at hand – comforting her best friend.
“Just let it all out,” she murmured into Mattie’s hair, rubbing circles on her back.
Finally, Mattie calmed herself and sat up, her eyes reddened and watery. Elisabeth offered a tissue and she blew long and hard.
“I don’t know what I’m gonna do, Lis.” Mattie wiped away another tear that trailed her cheek. “I can’t raise these children alone. They need their father.”
“You won’t be alone. You have a lot of people who will help you, Mattie.”
“Did you know that children of divorced parents live five years less on average than children from intact fami
lies?” More tears escaped her eyelashes. “I don’t want to give them an early death sentence!”
Mattie always had been overly dramatic, but Elisabeth certainly felt her concerns. “Their time is in Der Herr’s hands.”
“And I’m pregnant again,” she blurted out.
The thought brought a measure of comfort to Elisabeth. If Mattie and Richard still had intimate moments together, there was hope that their marriage wasn’t as bad off as she’d thought.
“Richard said he only wanted two.”
Elisabeth smiled slightly. “I think God’s plans supersede Richard’s, don’t you?”
Mattie shrugged.
“Do you think he’ll be upset?” Lis frowned.
“I don’t know.”
Elisabeth smiled and raised a brow. “Mattie, I thought you and Richard hadn’t had any…uh… contact lately.”
Mattie blushed slightly. “Well, we have had some off and on. I’m about eight weeks along, so…”
“How long have you known?”
“Three weeks.”
“And you haven’t said anything till now? Why didn’t you call me?”
“You’ve been busy.” Mattie frowned.
“Always. But never too busy for things that really matter. You know you can crash on me any time.”
A corner of Mattie’s mouth lifted a bit. “I know. You’ve always been there for me.”
“I wouldn’t say that. God’s the one Who’s always been there for you.”
Mattie looked away.
“What is it?”
Mattie scowled. “God could have prevented all this.”
Elisabeth sighed. She’d prayed Mattie wouldn’t turn away from God when she needed Him most. The root of bitterness was like an all-consuming disease. “Perhaps.”
“It’s true, Lis. He could have prevented all this, but He didn’t. Why?”
“People still make their own choices, Mattie. God won’t force people to do the right thing, or keep them from sinning. He gives each person a choice, their own free will.”
“Why hasn’t He answered my prayers? Instead of Richard and me making up, he moves in with his secretary! I honestly think that God doesn’t care about me or the children.”
“You know that’s not true.”
“No, I don’t. If God cares, why is He letting Richard ruin our family? Why is He ignoring my pleas?”
“I don’t know all the reasons, but I do know that God is good and He can be trusted. If you and Richard belong to Him, He will work this out for good.”
“It’s so hard to trust Him when all I see is darkness around me.”
“Take His hand and let Him lead you out, Mattie. Cast your cares upon him. Give Him your yoke, He will carry it for you.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“It’s the only way to find peace. The Bible says that the king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord. If God can change a king’s heart, I know He can change Richard’s too. You can’t give up.” Elisabeth rubbed Mattie’s shoulder. “Mattie, may I pray with you?”
Mattie shrugged. “Sure.”
Both bowed their heads and Elisabeth poured her heart out to God, asking Him to intercede on Mattie’s behalf. They embraced briefly before Maryanna called them down for hot cocoa.
“Thank you, Lis.” Mattie wiped away another tear. “I’m blessed to have you as a friend.”
“As am I.” Elisabeth smiled. “Come on. Let’s go join the children for some hot chocolate. Chocolate always makes everything better.” She winked.
Chapter 7
Pennsylvania? She had gone to Pennsylvania... back to her parents? Mattie said she’d never go back. Apparently, she changed her mind, Richard’s thoughts discouraged him. If she would rather face her parents than work this out, we’re definitely in trouble.
She suspects I’m having an affair? And told Elisabeth we’re considering getting a divorce?
He sighed. It didn’t make any sense. There had to be something he was missing.
Richard made his way to the bedroom – the one he hadn’t slept in in weeks – and searched for Mattie’s box of letters. Surely her parents’ address had to be nestled in the bountiful stack of floral stationary. Most of the letters were from Elisabeth or various relatives in Pennsylvania.
An unaddressed envelope caught his eye. Only one word was written on the outside. Mattie. The handwriting appeared to be derived from a masculine source, judging by the simplicity. It wasn’t her father’s handwriting. Curiosity got the best of him and he quickly pulled the letter out. Hey, Mattie. I miss the fun times we had together. If you ever return to visit your folks, be sure to come by my place so we can catch up. Johnny
Richard stared at the brief letter in his hand. Who was it from? Was this Johnny guy a former love interest? And when did Mattie receive this? Had she been corresponding with the note’s writer and, if so, for how long? Dread threatened to consume his thoughts. He quickly placed the letter aside and continued his original search.
There it was. He recognized this letter from years ago, when he’d encouraged Mattie to make amends with her father. She’d refused, and Richard now wondered if Mattie harbored bitterness in her heart. Perhaps that had been the root of their troubles. Had Mattie let her bitterness for her father turn into anger towards him?
He jotted the address down so he could enter it into his GPS later.
<><><>
Richard glanced to the backseat of his vehicle and briefly smiled. He thought he’d done a pretty good job this year picking out special gifts for Mattie and the children, although his giftwrapping skills definitely needed some work. A professional gift-wrapper he was not. He grimaced when he noticed that one of the crudely wrapped gifts had an open spot, revealing its contents. How did he miss that? He certainly didn’t possess the same domestic skills as his wife did, and probably never would. Oh, well. It was the thought that counted, right?
His eyes moved to the special card on top of the stack. Would Mattie accept his gift to her? It seemed like lately she wouldn’t even give him the time of day, let alone carry on a meaningful conversation with him. How on earth had their relationship come to such a broken state?
He realized he hadn’t done everything right. He could have listened to Mattie more and worked a little less. He should have provided more for her emotional needs. And her wants. Mattie seemed to have a lot of wants. Not that he blamed her.
She’d grown up in a small Mennonite/Amish community, and that meant she’d been sheltered. She’d been brave coming to the Big Apple all alone at the age of eighteen. She was so young and innocent and really had no clue about the real world. She’d discovered that pretty quickly upon her arrival. How would she have fared if they hadn’t met that fateful day, when she’d been drug into the alley by that ruthless attacker? If he hadn’t been there to rescue her, would she have stayed in the city or gone back home? Would she still be alive even? He cringed at the thought. Thank God He’d put him in the right place at the right time. Richard briefly closed his eyes and gave thanks for protecting Mattie that day. There was no doubt God had been guiding his steps.
But where was God now? It seemed their most forceful attack from the enemy had gone unnoticed. If God didn’t help them out of this potential catastrophe, there was no doubt in Richard’s mind that their ship would sink. And that was simply unacceptable. He refused to allow this marriage to fail.
Being away from his family had been excruciating. He had to find a way to get back into Mattie’s heart.
Hopefully, his gift to her would do the trick.
Chapter 8
Mattie turned to look at her phone when it rang.
Richard. Again.
She ignored it and sighed. She’d had enough of his lies and excuses. If he sincerely wanted to talk, he’d come find her. She seriously doubted he would, and she smothered the flicker of hope that he would come to her and plead for forgiveness. And even if he did, would she grant it? Mattie wasn’t sure anymore. She
would love to be back to how she and Richard were, young and in love without all the complications. But she didn’t see how they could ever return to that bliss, not with Richard’s unfaithfulness. How was she supposed to trust him now?
Mattie shoved down the lump that fought for possession of her throat. She’d cried enough lately to fill an Olympic-sized pool. She was tired of it.
Her phone rang again and she groaned. When would Richard get that she didn’t want to talk to him? She was almost tempted to answer it just so she could give him a piece of her mind.
She glanced at it and frowned. It was a number she didn’t recognize. She picked it up. “Hello?”
“Is... Is this Mattie Riehl?” It sounded like an Amish man. His voice niggled at her memory. No, surely it couldn’t be.
She didn’t correct him. “Yes, it is. Who is this?”
“‘Tis Johnny Fisher, your cousin.”
She gasped. “It is you! I thought it sounded like your voice. How are you doing, Johnny? It’s great to hear from you after all this time.”
“Jah, it has been a long time. I am doing gut. Dat told me you had come back and I was wonderin’ if you’d like to meet and talk.”
“Yes, of course. I would love to. When?”
“I was thinkin’ breakfast tomorrow at seven.”
“All right. And where do you want to meet?”
“I was thinkin’ we could go to the Cracker Barrel in Lancaster.”
“That sounds great. I can’t wait to see you, Johnny.”
“Jah, I’m certain sure there will be much for us to catch up on. I’ll see you then.”
“Okay, see you.”
“Goodbye.” Her cousin hung up.
“Wow,” Mattie said to herself. He sounded just like he did six years ago.
<><><>
Mattie smiled at her cousin across the table. “It’s really great to see you, Johnny. It’s been such a long time since we’ve talked.”
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