by J. P. Comeau
“Another drink?” the bartender asked.
I looked up at Clint and saw him staring at the band as an idea occurred to me.
“Two, please,” I said.
“What’ll it be?”
I grinned. “Two fingers of whiskey on the rocks and the strongest mixed drink you’ve got for men on the menu.”
“Coming right up.”
I carried the first round of drinks up the stairs and handed the mixed cocktail to Clint. He stared down at it before his eyes moved back to me, and I held up my hands. The plan had to work. I had to get him as wasted as possible so he couldn't even move, much less be coordinated enough to sleep with Kelly.
And after sipping the drink, I watched him tip it up.
“See? I told you this place has excellent drink selections,” I said.
I kept feeding him drinks while Zane shook his head at me. Clint accepted them, one after another, until his speech began to slur, and the balcony railing became his only hope for standing up. Six drinks in and the man couldn't stand up straight. Zane had to drop his drink in order to catch Clint before he fell to the floor when he tried to move towards Kelly!
Mission accomplished.
“Uh, hi guys. Um, Clint?”
I heard Kelly’s voice behind me, and I turned around.
“Hey there,” I said.
She nodded without looking at me. “Hey, Brenden. Clint, are you all right?”
He cleared his throat. “Yeah, I just--.”
He hiccuped, and the moment couldn't have been more perfect. I felt Zane glaring at me, but I shrugged it off. I had postponed the ridiculous idea, which I hope turned into an indefinite thing. Surely, a good night’s sleep for all of us would bleed some common sense into these idiots.
“I take it tonight is off the table, then?” Kelly asked.
I hated how distraught she sounded.
Clint leaned against Zane. “I’ll get up with you later. You have my word.”
I leaned forward. “I’ll make sure he gets your number if that’s what you really want in the morning. Okay?”
Kelly gave me a funny look. “Yeah. Thanks. I think. Um, Clint? You need help getting home?”
I rushed over to his side. “Already on it. Come on, big brother. Looks like you can’t hold your alcohol anymore.”
Clint lowered his voice. “If you want her so badly, just fucking tell her.”
I ignored his comment. “Everyone! I have to get Clint back to his place. You guys have a wonderful rest of your evening, though. Okay?”
I looked back over at Kelly, and she had a look on her face I couldn't explain. It almost seemed as if she were bummed. But, there was a mixture of something else in there I couldn't put my finger on. I didn’t care how she felt, though. It couldn't happen. Everyone remembered their first. Hell, even I did, and I tore through women on a weekly basis. The first is always important. The first sets a standard. It sets precedence.
And she deserved better than Clint.
Zane pressed his lips to my ear. “If this is what she wants, you won’t be able to stop her. Don’t be that person.”
I put on my best smile. “Have a good evening, brother of mine.”
Clint and I stumbled down the stairs and out into the parking lot. It didn’t take much to get him home. But, getting him into his condo was a completely different story. He was half-asleep on me by the time I flopped him down onto his couch. And when I took a glance around his rented space, my heart sank into my chest.
The place was devoid of any character, or happiness, or passion, or delight.
“Oh, Clint,” I whispered.
His honking snores filled the room as I stood on the scuffed, unforgiving hardwood floors. The painted white brick of the walls would’ve been a nice touch if the wooden beams of the ceiling didn’t look so shoddy. I assumed I was standing in the living room, but I wasn’t sure. Because there was a half-way blown-up air mattress in the corner and some dirty dishes on top of the rickety coffee table. His couch had various rips and tears in it. I counted six cardboard boxes of stuff and five different suitcases.
That was it, though.
That was all Clint had to show for the life he had lived.
“You deserve better, too, brother,” I whispered.
I backed out of his place and closed the door behind me. While the automatic part of me wanted to lock the door, the realistic part of me knew I didn’t need to. If someone came trumpeting through that door that didn’t need to be there, Clint was trained to kill first and ask questions later. He could take care of himself. Whether or not that was a good thing, I didn’t know.
But, he could.
I made my way downstairs and flopped behind the wheel of my car. I sat there, staring at the white brick facade of the building my older brother lived in. His words from the club echoed off the corners of my mind. They rattled around as I cranked the engine of my Audi convertible and haunted me as I raced back to my own condo. They followed me up the elevator to the top floor and obscured the panoramic view I had of Vegas up on my hilltop. I raced into the kitchen and poured myself another drink. I chugged it back, hoping to erase the stern truth behind Clint’s words. The drunker I became, though, the louder those words screamed.
And I started screaming back.
If you want her so badly, just fucking tell her.
“I can’t just blurt it out!”
If you want her so badly, just fucking tell her.
“That’s not how it works, Clint!”
If you want her so badly, just fucking tell her.
“Damn it, Clint. Shut the hell up!”
If you want her so badly, just fucking tell her.
“I can’t just bang her and leave her like I do with other chicks I want. She’s different! And she’s better than you.”
I flopped down onto the floor as my empty glass rolled away from my outstretched hand.
“She’s better than all of us,” I murmured.
If you want her so badly, just fucking tell her.
“Maybe I will then,” I whispered.
I didn’t know if I would. As I leaned against the smooth wall of my kitchen, I stared at my open pantry. It was empty. Barren. Filled with dust and cobwebs. I clocked a half-empty bag of flour, a couple cans of green beans, and a sucker. A fucking red sucker.
Kelly’s favorite.
“If you want her so badly, just fucking tell her,” I breathed.
Then, I laid down on the cold, marble kitchen floor and passed out.
5
_____
KELLY
“No, not like that. Damn it,” I murmured.
I scratched out the proposed idea and started sketching what I had initially brainstormed.
“Quit changing things,” I hissed.
I started sketching out other ideas of cute little pajama shorts and pants in the middle of crunching numbers. The website design for my online boutique had eaten up so much more of my budget than I had realized. And because of that, my business partner--and my only other investor--was making changes to my clothing designs she thought were cost appropriate.
At the expense of the fashion itself.
“Damn it, I’ll just email her,” I whispered.
Horns honked outside, and people were already cursing at one another, and it was only ten on a Wednesday morning. I tried to bury myself in work to not think about last night, but it was hard. I typed away on my keyboard and sent the email off to my business partner, letting her know not to touch my designs ever again. Not unless she wanted her money back and to be forced out.
But, you know, in a kind way.
I closed my eyes and drew in a deep breath. Then I slid off my bed and walked over to my window, closing it as quickly as I could. I pulled the blinds before I went to sit back down. And as I picked up my sketches, my cell phone started lighting up.
Usually, whenever my phone was on silent, I didn’t pick it up for anyone. I mean, there was a reason it was on sil
ent in the first damn place. It was Roxy, though. Probably wanting to talk about last night.
And I really wanted to talk about last night.
“Hey there,” I said as I picked up the phone.
“Another working morning?” she asked.
I paused. “Where are you, by the way? I don’t hear you in the apartment.”
She snickered. “Girl, I’m gettin’ bagels and coffee. Where the hell do you think I am?”
I giggled. “Can you grab me a--.”
“Blueberry bagel with honey cream cheese and an everything bagel with ham and regular cream cheese? Yep. It’s already been done. I’m also heading back with an entire carafe of coffee from this place. Because I don’t know about you, but I need the pick-me-up after last night.”
“And I’m glad you brought that up because I really want to talk about that.”
“Girl, I knew you would. What’s up?”
I sighed. “Does Clint always get that drunk?”
I heard rustling on the other end of her phone before Roxy came back to the receiver.
“Sorry. Crossing the street. What was that?”
I groaned. “Never mind.”
“I’m just kidding. Damn. Kelly, I’m really sorry about Clint’s demeanor the last night. I don’t know his history or anything like that, but I promise you that’s not who he is.”
“How can you promise me that? Do you know him well or something?”
She paused. “I mean, no. But, I know Brenden and Zane always speak very highly of him. He’s just getting out of the Navy, so he’s got standards.”
“Because he was a military man, he’s got standards?”
“Don’t they all?”
I shrugged. “The last man I went on a date with was ex-military, and he had his shoes on the wrong feet.”
“Yikes.”
“Yep.”
“Look, I’m not letting last night deter us from the plan. We’re getting you laid. You have my word.”
I shook my head. “Roxy, it’s really not that big of a--.”
“It’s a very big deal, Kelly. This is holding you back in your dating life.”
“No, I’m holding to my own standard. It’s the men I’m dating that see it as a requirement.”
“Yeah. And that isn’t going to change. You aren’t in high school anymore. Men want to be emotionally and physically close to their women. You aren’t going to find a man in Vegas that wants to date you but is totally okay with never having sex, ever.”
I scoffed. “When in the world did I say--?”
“You get my point. Look, Kelly. I love you. I want what’s best for you. And right now, you’re not living life at your best.”
“Says who?”
“Says you, every time you come home from a date crying because you don’t know why things fell through. Or you don’t know why you got stood up, or you don’t know why guys always ‘expect something’ when they invite you back to their place for a nightcap.”
I sighed. “Okay, okay. I get your point.”
“I love you. And if Clint isn’t who you want to lose your virginity to, then we’ll find you, someone. But Clint is a good man. You know I’ve always been a great judge of character, and I know--deep in my soul--that he’s good. He’ll treat you with care, and he’ll be gentle. I know it.”
“You’ve always been good at reading people.”
“He just had a bit too much to drink. That’s all. He’s home, he’s got a new job with his brothers, and he was probably celebrating more than anything. We’ll make this happen. All right?”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Sounds good, yeah.”
“Great. Wonderful. Okay, I’m heading into the elevator now. I’m dropping this stuff off and heading right back out, though.”
“Wait, what? Why?”
She giggled. “Because I have plans, crazy! I’m going shopping, then I have a spa appointment this afternoon, then I’m having a late lunch with Mom at a last-minute charity event.”
“Ew.”
“Yep. So, don’t work too hard and don’t drink too much coffee. Your heart will explode, and I don’t feel like dealing with a dead sister right now.”
“Uh, thanks?”
“Mwah. Kisses. I’ll put everything in the kitchen, and you can come out whenever. Love ya, sweet cheeks!”
She hung up the phone, and I shook my head. I still wasn’t sure about the grand plan to get me to give up my V-card, but knowing Roxy held Clint in such high regard settled my gut a little bit. If there was anyone that was dead-on with reading people, it was her. In my entire life, I’d never known her to judge someone’s character wrong, even if she’d only spent a few minutes with them. So, for her to have such high praise for Clint started my gears turning.
Maybe that’s what I need for my first time.
I mean, first times were always clumsy, right? Probably a bit painful. Awkward, to say the least. The last thing I needed was some guy expecting me to know what I wanted and instead get, well, what I had to offer. Which was nothing. If Clint understood all of that about me already and was still willing to walk me through it, why not? What did I have to lose with a good-looking older man that wanted to treat me with care and walk me through one of the critical facets of adult relationships?
Brenden. You’ll lose Brenden.
I saw my phone light up again in the corner of my eye, and I sighed. That was the kicker. Clint was Brenden’s brother. And for as long as I had crushed on Brenden, I knew I didn’t stand a chance with him. But, the idea of throwing away any slim chance I might have with him in the future made me sick to my stomach.
Because surely, sleeping with his brother was a complete deal-breaker. Right?
My phone lit up again, and I figured it was Roxy. But, when I saw I had three missed text messages, I furrowed my brow. I swiped up on my phone screen and navigated to the messages, only for my heart to skip a few beats.
It was Brenden.
Brenden was messaging me.
Brenden: Hey, you up?
Brenden: Hungry for an early lunch?
Brenden: Food and drinks are on me. Meet me at Hard Rock.
“Well, thanks for asking,” I murmured.
Still, I kept staring at his messages. I looked over at my laptop that still had the mock-up of my website on it. I cocked my head and gave it a careful stare. It looked nice enough, but something was still missing.
I have to get at least some work done today.
I placed my phone down and quickly made some tweaks. I made the home page a bit brighter and moved the sales advertisements to the top middle of the second page. After saving it, I shot it back to the web designer with a few more notes at the bottom of how to tweak the site’s navigation system. Then, I clicked over to my emails.
I didn’t have a response back from my business partner. So, I took that as a win and slid off the bed.
It took me a lot longer than necessary to get ready to meet Brenden. I cycled through four different outfits before settling on one that was casual but sexy. With high-waisted black pants and peekaboo-toe black heels, I smiled at myself in the mirror. The thin yellow belt brought a pop of color to the entire outfit, especially since I paired everything with a sleeveless white blouse with ruffles streaking down the center of it. I pulled my hair back to the crown of my head and twisted it into a bun. Then, I found some dangling yellow earrings to match the belt and even dusted my cheekbones and nose with a bit of shimmering makeup to make me look sun-kissed.
Finally, after a spritz of my cotton blossom body spray, I was ready to head out the door.
Getting to Hard Rock Cafe wasn’t the issue, because I didn’t live far from it. The problem was getting the nerve to step inside the place. Why did Brenden want to see me? I mean, it wasn’t like we didn’t meet up or anything. But, Roxy was usually with us as well. Was Zane coming? Holy shit, was Clint going to be here?
“Just get in there, scaredy-cat,” I murmured.
And already, I knew what Roxy was talking about.
The fear I had--the lack of confidence--all stemmed from one place. My inability to get out of the car stemmed from a lack of confidence in being able to entertain Brenden by myself. I closed my eyes and dug deep. I tried to find the root of my fear. I delved into my soul as I evened out my breathing, trying desperately to prove her wrong.
But I couldn’t. Because when I sank into the pit of my soul, there it was. Sneering at me. Teasing me. Pointing its finger and laughing at me.
You’re just a child. You’ve got no business doing something like this. Grow up first, Kelly. Gotta grow up to be a grown-up.
My eyes snapped open, and my lips downturned. I hiked my purse up my shoulder and started up the steps toward the front doors. I wasn’t a girl. I was a woman. A thriving, intelligent, level-headed woman. Any man would be lucky to be with me. Any man should thank his stars if I turned my head in his direction.
“Just don’t lose your nerve,” I murmured.
“Welcome to Hard Rock! How many?” the hostess asked.
“Actually, my party is already he--.”
“Kelly!”
Brenden’s voice soared above the crowd, and I saw him flagging me down near the bar. I moved away from the hostess, entranced by the man’s beauty, as I moved closer to him. A smile crossed my cheek as he stood to greet me. He wrapped me up in a hug I almost melted into as I closed my eyes. He held me tight. Very tight. And he held me for a while. A long while. I settled my head against his shoulder, and I could’ve sworn I felt him sigh, and it made me wonder what he was thinking. It made me wonder what he was feeling.
Because Brenden had never hugged me with more than one arm. Nor had he ever hugged me for that long.
“It’s good to see you,” I murmured.
He finally stood up. “Good to see you, too. You look great, Kelly.”
I smiled. “Thanks. And you know you always clean up well.”
He winked. “Don’t I know it.”