by J. P. Comeau
She shrugged me off. “I’m fine, Clint. I’ve been fine in my life up until this point, and I’m fine now.”
“Why are you so insistent on doing this alone?”
She shook her head. “I’m not going to argue with you.”
Roxy went to open the door, but I closed it with my hand.
“Hey!” she exclaimed.
“Look at me.”
She sighed. “Clint, please.”
“I said, look at me, Roxy.”
She slowly turned around. “What?”
“In my eyes.”
Her eyes raised to meet my own. “What?”
I gazed deeply into her gorgeous stare. “You are not alone in this. You aren’t doing this alone.”
“I know.”
“No, I don’t think you do.”
“No, really. I know you’re here for me.”
I snickered. “Then, stop acting like I’m going to up and leave at any second. Because whether or not you realize it, that’s what you’re doing. That child is half of me. The responsibility for both of you falls onto my shoulders. And I don’t take that lightly.”
“I’m not some weak-willed woman here, Clint.”
“Did I ever say ‘weak’ in that entire statement?”
She blinked. “No. You didn’t.”
“Good. You’re reading into something that isn’t there. You’re reading into my actions and preparing for the worst, I get that. But you need to stop because I’m a man of my word, and when I tell you that you’re never going to be in this alone, I mean it.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”
“You’re coming off as generic and cold. What you’re doing doesn’t come off as preparation, but as if you’re pushing me away. Stop it.”
“All right, all right. I hear you, Clint.”
I nodded curtly. “Good. Now, after we pick up food and get settled into my place for the night, we can get on my laptop and do some baby furniture shopping. How does that sound?”
She sighed with relief. “My word, I need to do that so badly. I need furniture for my apartment that I can’t find anywhere at any of the thrift stores I’ve been to.”
I paused. “Since when did you start shopping for baby shit at thrift stores.”
“Do you really want to hash this out? Or, do you just want to keep pushing forward?”
I blinked. “You’re killing me slowly, you know that, woman?”
She giggled. “You know you love it.”
I love you. “Get in the car and quit being crazy.”
“I’m pregnant. Crazy comes with the territory.”
I opened her car door for her. “Don’t I know it.”
I offered her my hand and helped her down into the car, but that word kept rushing through my mind. Love. I loved Roxy. I loved everything about her, from her swollen ankles to her saucy demeanor to the way she bucked up to me instead of simply taking my shit. She was a hell of a woman, but she was also more than that. She was intelligent, classy, brass, and headstrong.
I couldn’t have dreamt up a better mother for my child.
But, something in the pit of my gut was still worried I had stepped in a massive pile of shit. Making things worse, instead of better.
21
_____
ROXY
“Good morning, Clint.”
He chuckled. “At least you finally picked up my phone call.”
I sighed. “I’m so sorry. This weekend has been so busy, and I haven’t had much time to do anything for myself.”
“I understand. Do you have a minute to talk?”
I chewed on my lower lip. “Uh, sure. What’s up?”
“I wanted to talk about the last time we saw one another.”
I snickered. “That’s going to take a bit more than a minute.”
“I know. But, I also know we need to talk. What are you doing this afternoon?”
I lied. “I’ve got some things I’m putting together for the baby.”
“I could come over and help. You shouldn’t be doing those things alone anyway. Especially if you're at risk for getting hurt.”
“I’m pregnant, I’m not sick. I’ll be fine.”
He sighed. “What about tonight, then? I could come over with your favorite dessert, and we could order something.”
“I’m not sure tonight’s a good night.”
“Roxy…”
“Look, Clint. I know we need to talk. But this weekend has been insanely busy. Can we talk over our lunch break Monday?”
“Are we still having those? I wasn’t sure we were.”
I furrowed my brow. “What the hell does that mean?”
He paused. “I’m sorry. That was--.”
“I’m not free today. I’ll see you tomorrow. All right?”
I hung up the phone before Clint could get another word in edgewise. Then, I tossed my phone to the couch. I propped my feet up and popped another caramel-covered popcorn kernel into my mouth, ignoring the state of absolute chaos around me. I’d gotten halfway through rearranging the apartment before I strained my back, so I knew I needed to take a rest. But, the last thing I wanted to do was admit that to Clint. He already thought I was some sort of needy invalid, and I didn’t want to give him any more fuel for that particular fire. Plus, I was still upset with him.
Very, very upset.
I had feelings for that man. Real, genuine feelings. Butterflies took flight in my stomach every time I laid eyes on him. My body sizzled with delight every time his lips touched my own. When he said my name, I wanted to shout ‘Amen!’ to the heavens. Because surely, it was a proclamation of holiness, the sound of my name in his voice.
He was only with me because I was pregnant, though.
That much he made incredibly clear the last time we talked.
“It’s fine. You knew this would happen. It’ll just take a few days apart to get over him. That’s all.”
I sighed as I threw another kernel of popcorn into my mouth. I stared at the blank television I had pulled too far out of its corner to plugin, and I imagined what might be on television. Some news stories about someone dying somewhere. Maybe a nice sitcom show with terrible comedy that made me laugh anyway. Possibly a rerun of one of my crime shows to which I’d been addicted.
No wonder he hasn’t brought up moving in together yet.
The comment about not leaving because this child was also his was only compounded by the furniture comment. I mean, if the man didn’t have feelings for me, no wonder he hadn’t brought up merging our living spaces yet! Lord knows that would be easier with a child in the mix. But, who the hell wanted to live with someone they didn’t love? Or, even like? It hurt like hell, knowing that Clint only tolerated me because we were pregnant.
But, at least I found out before I plunged any deeper into this madness.
It still hurt, though.
“I need a shower,” I murmured.
I sat my popcorn off to the side and resolved myself to a nice, hot shower. But, when I got out and wrapped an extra-large towel around my growing body, I heard my phone chime. I knew exactly who it was, and I resisted the urge to check it immediately. However, after slipping into maternity clothes he purchased for me that still, somehow, smelled a little bit like him, I made my way for my phone.
I found a text from Clint waiting for me.
Clint: Open the front door.
I blinked as I read the words again. And just for good measure, I read them one last time. Holy shit, that text message had been sitting on my phone for at least twenty minutes. Maybe he’d already left?
But, the knock that practically shook my door told me otherwise.
“I can hear you walking around,” Clint said from behind the door.
I swallowed my groan. “Sorry I was getting dressed.”
“I know. I heard the shower going.”
I blinked. “Coming.”
I set my phone down and worked up the urge to finally wa
lk over to the door. I mean, I couldn't just let the man stand there all night, as much as I hated him springing things on me. However, part of me was also comforted that he cared enough about my well-being to come over anyway. Just to check up on me.
He’s just checking up on the baby. You know that.
I pushed the thought away as I opened the door.
“Hey there, gorgeous.”
His cheeky little smile tugged one across my own face. But, the massive bouquet of flowers that took both of his big, strong hands to hold left me breathless. Orchids and roses, like the last bouquet he bought me. The scent alone was intoxicating.
“Where would you like it?” Clint asked.
I sniffed the air deeply. “Anywhere. They smell amazing, and they can go anywhere.”
He chuckled. “May I come in?”
Do I have a choice? “Of course. Yeah, yeah.”
I stepped off to the side and was thankful the flowers were there. Otherwise, I knew he would have tried to kiss me, and I wasn’t sure if I could resist such a temptation. I watched him walk into the kitchen with his strong legs and his chiseled arms undulating with mountains of muscle. I swallowed the drool gathering in my mouth. I shook my head free from the trance he laid over me every single time he walked into a room.
And when he set the flowers down, words I never expected to hear from him fell from his lips.
“I’m so sorry, Roxy.”
I blinked. “Come again?”
He turned to face me. “I’m sorry for what I said the last time we saw one another. You know, Friday afternoon.”
“Yeah, I know.”
He walked slowly toward me. “I know that what I said came out as uncaring. Like I only care about this child and not about you.”
I waved my hand in the air. “It’s fine. I mean, I understood your point and all.”
“That doesn’t mean I didn’t hurt you.”
“Clint, please. I just want to--.”
He stood in front of me. “I want to talk some things out. Some things I’ve been holding back for a few weeks now.”
I shook my head. “If anything, you gave me an idea of where we actually stand, and it was the type of reality check I needed. Trust me, you have nothing to be sorry for.”
He took my hand. “I didn’t give you an accurate portrayal of anything.”
I slipped my hand away. “You really don’t have to do this.”
He took my hand again. “Please, let me get this out.”
I pulled away, then took a step back. “Clint, stop it.”
“Whatever you’re thinking right now, it’s wrong.”
“And how the hell would you know what I’m thinking right now?”
“You think I don’t care about you. That I never did. That I’m only here because you’re pregnant.”
I blinked. “Lucky guess.”
He smirked. “Roxy, can we sit down somewhere?”
I shook my head. “I’m fine with standing. And you don’t need to pretend like you like me for my own sake. I know my disposition right now affects our child. I get that. But, I won’t let you pretend that something is going on for my sake when something isn’t. I’m a big girl, and I can handle this world all by myself. I was doing just fine before this little oopsie of ours, and I’ll be fine after he’s born.”
He blinked. “He?”
I shrugged. “Yeah. Why?”
“We’re--having a boy?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. But, it feels wrong to call it a girl, so…”
He smiled, and it lit up his entire face. “What an amazing thing to have a son with such a wonderful, incredible--.”
I held my hand up. “Stop.”
“What?”
I blinked back tears. “For the love of fuck, please just stop.”
“Roxy, I--.”
I pierced him with a look. “It’s not a requirement for us to be in a relationship to raise this child, okay? So, stop pulling me around and stop yanking my chain and stop making me feel things you don’t feel because it’s not fair, and I’m fucking sick and tired of it.”
“I don’t understand. What are you--?”
I turned my back to him. “I can’t do this right now. I’m sorry. Maybe over lunch tomorrow, when we’re in public and I can keep it together. But I can’t right now. I just can’t.”
“Don’t you walk away from me. I haven't even begun to tell you some of the things on my mind.”
I headed for my bedroom. “And you won’t. Not today, anyway. Thank you for the flowers, and you can see your way out.”
But, before I crossed through the threshold of my room--the only place that made me feel safe anymore--I felt a tight grip around my arm. I felt a tug that almost ripped me off my feet before I fell against something warm. Something safe. Something comforting. My world came to a careening halt as his cologne wafted up my nostrils. My eyes fluttered closed as his arms draped my body, his hands splaying over my growing belly. Tears rushed my eyes. My lower lip quivered. And as I sank against his muscles, allowing myself one more feel of him, I felt him press a kiss to the top of my head.
Which stopped me right in my tracks.
22
_____
CLINT
I knew I said the wrong thing, and I knew I had said it in the wrong tone on Friday. But this? Had it really all come to this? I felt frustrated beyond my wildest dreams. Roxy had so wildly misinterpreted everything that it made me sick to my own stomach. This had blossomed into something it never should have become in the first place, and I needed her to stay put long enough to let me talk.
“Would you stop being so stubborn for one damn second?” I murmured.
She sighed with a broken breath. “What do you want, Clint?”
I slowly spun her around. “You, Roxy. I want you.”
She shook her head. “That’s not what you said Friday.”
“I said a lot of things Friday I shouldn't have. And that’s why we’re in this position right now. I’ve never been good at communicating how I’m feeling or what I’m experiencing. But, I need you to give me some time right now to try it again instead of being stubborn and pushing me away because you think I’m about to break your heart.”
“Isn’t that what you’re about to do?”
I wrapped my arms around her waist. “It depends. Does me telling you I care about you break your heart?”
She blinked. “No.”
“Does me telling you that I’m not just here for the baby break your heart?”
Her eyes watered. “No.”
“Does me telling you I don’t feel bad for you at all in this situation break your heart?”
She snickered. “Oh, thanks.”
I brushed away a tear from her cheek. “Does me telling you that you’re strong and intelligent, and beautiful break your heart?”
She leaned softly against me. “Not at all.”
I cupped the back of her head. “Does me telling you that you’re not only going to make an amazing mother but that you already make an amazing girlfriend break your heart?”
She looked up at me. “Girlfriend?”
I gazed into her gorgeous eyes. “Does me telling you that I love you break your heart, Roxy?”
Silence fell between us before she licked her lips. “You--you love me?”
I nodded. “Yes, Roxy. I do. I love you more than I’ve loved anyone--any woman--in my life. You’re vibrant and smart. You’re witty and sarcastic. You don’t take anyone’s shit even though you dole out just as much shit as the rest of us, and damn it if you don’t carry yourself with pride that sometimes even makes me jealous.”
She smiled. “You’re not joking right now, are you?”
My forehead touched down against hers. “I’d never joke about something so serious. I’ve fallen madly in love with you, Roxy. And I can’t think of anything better than to--.”
Her lips captured my own, silencing my words. And when I felt her tongue pressing into m
y mouth, I gave myself over willingly to her. I held her tightly against me, feeling her protruding belly pressing against my abs. And it only made me smile as we slowly backed into her room. My tongue caressed the roof of her mouth. My fingertips fiddled with the bottom of her shirt. We fell to her mattress, our bodies bouncing together as I rolled over, feeling her straddle my pelvis.
And when she gazed down into my eyes, I finally heard those glorious words fall from the tip of her tongue.
“I love you too, Clint. I’ve loved you for weeks now.”
I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Come here, beautiful.”
She collapsed against me as I rose up, slowly inching myself to the edge of the bed. I slid her shirt over her head and wasted no time in getting those swollen breasts out of her bra just so I could play with them. I kissed down her neck. I felt the heat of her pussy radiating against my clothed cock. I lapped at her puckered peaks as moans fell from her lips, and I wanted nothing more than to make her cry out my name for all of her neighbors to hear.
“Oh, Clint,” she groaned.
I stood, carrying her with me as our eyes connected. She squealed with delight as I pressed her back against a wall, our eyes never leaving one another. She smiled beautifully at me, and my heart pounded. She rolled her hips against me, and my cock pulsed with need. I nuzzled my nose against hers, memorizing every morphing dip and peak of her body. And when I’d had my fill of soaking her in with my eyes, I dipped my hands between us.
Freeing my cock as my pants slid to the floor.
I stepped out of my pants and whipped her around, carrying her back to the bed. I splayed her hair out along the mattress as I hovered over her, feeling her pull my shirt over my head. Slowly, we stripped each other down until we were both clad in nothing but our skin. My lips explored her waistline. I let my tongue slide over the soft protrusion behind her belly button. I nibbled against the excess at her hip bones and her thighs, feeling her wiggle as she giggled with delight.
Then, I sank between her legs and let my tongue rush up the slit of her swollen lower lips.
“Fuck, Clint. Oooo, yeah.”