The Boy Who Has No Redemption
Soulless #8
Victoria Quinn
Hartwick Publishing
Hartwick Publishing
The Boy Who Has No Redemption
Copyright © 2021 by Victoria Quinn
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
1
Derek
I sat at the dining table.
I sat in silence.
I couldn’t hear the city through the double-paned glass.
I couldn’t hear the wind as it swept between the high-rises.
I couldn’t even hear my own breathing.
I wanted to go to sleep and just forget this night, forget my mistakes, feel nothing at all, and not care about a damn thing. But I couldn’t do that. I texted Ryan. I’m sorry about what happened. I understand if you don’t want me there tomorrow. I didn’t want to go anyway. I dreaded showing my face when people still remembered my wedding, and now I dreaded it for a whole new reason. Kevin would have a black eye and a swollen face, and the pictures would commemorate that night forever.
You’re my best friend. Of course I want you there.
I gave a loud and frustrated sigh, wishing I’d been excused from the commitment. I wanted to throw my phone against the wall and break it.
Kevin woke up a few minutes later, so he’s fine.
I didn’t care if he was fine or not. I’m not sorry I hit Kevin, but I’m sorry I behaved that way at your rehearsal dinner.
We asked both of them not to talk to you, but they did it anyway. It’s not your fault.
Why were they both obsessed with talking to me? My hostility wasn’t clear?
You okay?
I wasn’t the one just knocked out cold, so I’m fine.
You know what I mean.
Was I okay? I felt like I was in a constant state of dread, constantly overwhelmed, constantly feeling like shit. My life had fallen apart right in front of my eyes, and now I had nothing left. I didn’t believe in anything anymore. I shouldn’t have believed in anything in the first place. But I gave the diplomatic answer. Yeah…I’m okay.
I drove myself to the wedding. I was in my slacks and vest, driving my Bugatti down the quiet highway since there wasn’t a lot of traffic to the Hamptons at this time of year. It was a sunny day. Freezing, but bright.
The passenger seat beside me was empty.
Emerson didn’t text me, and I was relieved.
I wouldn’t change my mind.
I located the house and parked far down the street; that way, the guests could park closer when they arrived for the wedding. It was a small ceremony, only fifty people in attendance. I wasn’t sure why we’d even needed a rehearsal when the wedding was so casual. If we hadn’t, none of that shit would have happened last night.
I walked to the house and let myself inside.
The place was empty because everyone was in the backyard. The wooden chairs were set up and faced a wooden arch with white flowers hanging down. The wedding was earlier in the day, at three, so they could get some warmth from the sunshine. It hadn’t snowed in over a week, so that was also a benefit to them.
Ryan and the guys were finishing up the last-minute decorations, doing it themselves to save money.
Kevin was there, with half of his face so swollen he almost didn’t look like himself.
I didn’t feel bad about it.
Some of the bridesmaids were helping out too, in green dresses with their hair pulled back. Tabitha was there, wearing a slight frown as she focused on a vase of flowers. Every time I looked at her, I hated her more than I did before.
I went back into the house and followed the trail of voices until I found Camille in the guest bedroom, standing in front of a mirror in her dress, looking as beautiful as Ryan promised she would.
Her mother and sister were in there, and they both looked at me like they’d heard all the details from the night before.
Camille turned around to look at me, and instead of looking angry with me, she gave me a slight expression of pity. “Can we have a minute?”
I stepped out of the way so her family could file out.
I shut the door behind me and walked up to her, looking her up and down. “You look…beautiful.”
She smiled. “Thank you, Derek.”
“But Ryan already told me you would look beautiful, so I’m not surprised.”
She rolled her eyes. “I could wear a burlap sack, and he would say that.”
“And he would mean it.” Camille and Ryan were the only constants in my life, the only people who stayed the same while everything else changed. I didn’t believe that love was a real thing, that people could be committed and honest with each other, but if anyone could actually do it…it was the two of them. Maybe other people could too, like my parents, but that just wasn’t in the cards for me. “I’m sorry about last night—”
“Don’t worry about it, Derek. I told Tabitha to leave you alone, and she just decided to ignore that request.”
“I don’t know why they won’t let me be. My feelings are pretty clear.”
“I know. I just know that they’re genuinely sorry about what happened, and they miss you…even all these years later.”
I felt nothing. Like a metal plate was over my chest, those words bounced right off.
When she saw my lack of reaction, she let it go. “I’m really happy you’re here, Derek. You can punch all my guests in the face, and we’d still want you here.”
I gave a slight smile. “Well, I promise I won’t do that.”
She smiled.
I reached into my pocket and withdrew a card. “I wanted to give this to you in person to make sure it doesn’t get lost.”
She took it, ripped it open, and then opened the card. “Mr. and Mrs. Campbell, have fun on your honeymoon…” Her eyebrows scrunched together before she unfolded the check and saw the amount written. Then her eyes popped open wide, and she dropped the card. “Derek!”
“I know you guys have always wanted to go to Italy—”
“This is too fucking much!” She hugged the check to her chest.
“It’s never too much for you guys. Have fun.”
“Oh my god, Derek.” She moved into me and hugged me hard. “You shouldn’t have…”
I rubbed her bare back. “You can always consider it as an apology for last night.”
“You don’t need to apologize.” She pulled away. “But I’ll take the check anyway. We didn’t even think we were going to have a honeymoon.”
“Everyone should have one. You can go in the summer. It’s beautiful.”
“I’m so excited to tell Ryan.”
“I don’t think he’s going to care until tomorrow morning…” I looked down at her dress.
Her cheeks blushed. “Yeah…probably not.”
We had the ceremony, and I handed Ryan his ring to present to Camille. The rest of the guys were lined up behind me, Kevin at the very edge, which was a different position than he’d been in last night.
Maybe now he took my beef seriously.
Both of my previous warnings had fallen on deaf ears.
Now, he had a purple face.
The ceremony ended, and dinner was served. Kevin and Tabitha were at different tables, and I sat with some of the guys, watching Ryan and Camille have their first dance together, cut their cake, and get lost in each other and forget about the rest of us sitting there.
I kept looking at my watch, wanting this
shit to end, wanting this nightmare to be over for good.
Then came the speeches.
I didn’t prepare anything because the idea of talking about two people spending their lives together seemed asinine to me now. I was a writer, so people probably expected me to speak some amazing prose, but I really had nothing to say at all.
I stood up, grabbed the mic, and surveyed the people staring at me.
Kevin sat with his fiancée, and he looked at me with one eye.
Tabitha had her eyes glued to my face.
The speech I’d made at my rehearsal dinner was disastrous, and I didn’t want to repeat that. I wanted to at least get this right. “Loving someone is the most painful and vulnerable experience you’ll ever have. It’s about trust, about finding the right person to keep your heart safe. Most of us don’t have success with that, and those that do are the luckiest people in the world. You guys are two of those people.” I raised my glass. “To Ryan and Camille.” Then I sat down and released the air from my lungs, relieved the final part of the night was over and I could finally duck out and leave and never have to worry about seeing Kevin and Tabitha again.
At the first opportunity, I made my exit.
I walked up to Ryan and said goodbye first. “Congrats, man. You married up.”
“Hell yeah, I did.” He smiled. “I’m having a great time, but I’m excited to go home and really make her my wife.” He waggled his eyebrows.
“Good plan. I’ll talk to you later.” I turned away.
“Whoa, you’re leaving?”
I came back to him, wearing an apologetic look.
His disappointment slowly faded when he understood my feelings. “Drive safe, alright? And thanks for what you said in your speech. But…I think you’re going to be one of those lucky people too. Where is Emerson, by the way?”
I didn’t want to tell him the truth and start a whole conversation about that. “She had an emergency with her daughter, but she sends her regards.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, her daughter just has an ear infection, and they had to go to the ER.” I made up a lie, remembering when I’d had to go to the ER because that had happened to me one time. “And I gave my wedding present to Camille. Ask her about it.”
“Oh, I will.” He pulled me in for a hug. “I love you, man.”
I clapped him on the back. “I love you too.”
I left through the house then made it to the road. My car was parked far away so I had a bit of a walk to get there, and the cold air was the perfect touch against my warm skin, in my heavy lungs. My hands slid into my pockets.
Then I heard the clap of heels on the road behind me.
“You’ve got to be kidding me…” I turned around to see Tabitha walking quickly to catch up to me. “Fuck…” I quickened my steps so I could get to the car and take off before she could reach me.
“Derek, wait.”
I spun back around and stared her down. “Jesus fucking Christ, what do you want from me?” I threw my arms up because I didn’t know how to shake these two idiots. I couldn’t punch her in the face like Kevin, so I didn’t know how to get rid of her. “Ryan and Camille told you to leave me the fuck alone. You can’t just respect their wishes for one night? For their wedding?”
“The wedding is back there. It’s just you and me.” She slowed down and stopped in front of me, looking into my face with a wide range of emotions.
“What the fuck do you want from me? If I write you a check for a hundred thousand dollars right now, will you fucking disappear?”
Her eyes fell in offense. “I don’t want money from you—”
“Then what?” I gripped my skull because my head was about to explode. I was sick of this circus act, of the two of them coming at me with no sign of deterrence. “You said what you wanted to say last night. So, what new information could you possibly bestow on me right now?”
She was quiet.
“Exactly.” I turned around and kept walking.
She grabbed me by the arm. “Derek.”
I quickly spun around and pulled my arm free. “Don’t fucking touch me. Because I’m a man, I don’t get the same respect that you get as a woman? You’re fucking harassing me, following me to my car, bothering me when I want absolutely nothing to do with you. How the fuck is this fair? You want me to call the police?”
“Look…” She raised her hand to silence me. “I just… Please listen to me.”
I slid my hands into my pockets. “I don’t seem to have a choice in the matter, so…”
She was quiet for a while, like she was thinking of exactly what she wanted to say. “We were all such a close group of friends, and we lost that the night…that everything happened. I understand that you would never give me a chance again romantically. I don’t blame you for that—”
“Never fucking ever.” I didn’t even find her attractive. I was disgusted by the idea that I’d ever fucked her and actually enjoyed it.
“But I would hope you could give me another chance as a friend… Kevin too.”
“You’re fucking crazy—”
“We were all such good friends, and we both still miss you all the time. It doesn’t feel right not having you there. You’ve ostracized yourself, with the exception of Camille and Ryan, but that’s not right. And you…seem unhappy.”
“Right now? Yeah, I wonder why.”
“In general. From what we see on TV and in the news. You aren’t the buoyant and upbeat person you used to be. And Kevin and I think it’s because of us.”
“Well, it was pretty traumatizing, Tabitha. To lose your fiancée and your best friend on the same night, to be humiliated like that in front of literally every person you know. I’m not the happy boy I used to be because I got a reality check that night. People are evil. You and Kevin are evil. I trusted you implicitly, and you stabbed me in the back.”
“I know…and I’m so sorry for that.”
“I don’t want your apology,” I said quietly. “I’m over it.”
Her eyes shifted back and forth as she looked into my eyes. “It doesn’t seem like it…”
“You don’t know me, Tabitha.”
“No, I don’t know this version of you. But I know the boy I grew up with. You’re not the person you used to be.”
I was getting really irritated with that psychological evaluation. “What do you want? I’m tired, and I want to go home.”
“I want you to forgive us. And I want to be friends again. We’ve never forgotten you, and you’ve clearly never forgotten us—”
“I’ve got enough friends, alright—”
“The guys you go out and party with?” she asked. “That’s not the same, and you know it. We just want you back, Derek. I know it’s a lot to ask for you to forgive us—”
“Why would I forgive you? I have no interest in forgiving you—”
“Let. It. Go.”
“Fuck you.” I turned around and continued to walk off.
“Derek.” She walked after me. “Please…we want us to be friends again.”
I turned back around. “You want us to go fishing at the cabin and make s’mores over the campfire? You want us to go to the museums then get ice cream afterward? You want us to be kids again? That’s the past. We’re living in the present now. We aren’t kids anymore.”
“But we still take a summer trip to a beach house every year. We still do stuff together on the weekends. We still celebrate birthdays and have game nights. We’re still friends…and it’s never been right without you. I’m not asking you to forget. I’m not asking you to trust us. I’m not asking for us to be exactly what we used to be. I’m just asking for you to try. Because we love you, Derek.” Her eyes watered. “We miss you. We don’t want a lifetime to pass and then we get old and die and have to live with this weight on our hearts. Please…”
I shook my head. “For the last ten years, you know how many times I’ve thought about either one of you?”
T
he lower lid of her eyes started to fill with more water than she could hold.
“Zero.” I turned around and continued to walk to my car. “And after tonight, I’ll think about you zero times until I die.”
“I don’t believe you.”
I made it to the car and opened the door. I gave her one final look before I got inside. “And I really don’t care, Tabitha.”
2
Emerson
The weekend passed, and I didn’t hear from Derek.
I hoped he would text me and apologize. I hoped he would call and apologize. I hoped he would end up at my doorstep and apologize.
It didn’t happen.
The wedding came and went…and I had no idea what happened with that.
I still had no clue what happened at the rehearsal dinner. Why was he so angry at Kevin that he would punch him in the middle of a party? And was Tabitha the woman who was standing there? What did she do? How were the three of them related?
Derek never told me, so I didn’t know.
Instead of giving in to the turmoil, I told myself that Derek just needed space, that he would come around on his own, that this separation wasn’t permanent. He was just under a lot of stress, and he snapped.
He would come back to me.
I would be angry with him.
He would apologize.
I’d forgive him.
And then it would be over. I’d get him back.
That was what I continued to tell myself.
Lizzie asked me if there was something wrong, and I told her I wasn’t feeling well because I ate something bad. My mom was supposed to watch Lizzie on Saturday night, but I told her I wasn’t going to the wedding because of the food poisoning. So, I pretended to throw up in the bathroom so they would believe me.
But I didn’t want them to know the truth, especially if Derek came back.
On Monday morning, I was so sick that I thought I actually might have food poisoning.
The Boy Who Has No Redemption Page 1