“Where the fuck did you learn to play like that?” If I didn’t know better, I’d say there’s a hint of awe in Axel’s tone as he admits defeat, laying his pool cue down on the table.
“My twin brother taught me.” My smile falters a little as a multitude of memories surge to the forefront of my mind, threatening to drown me. My life is so intertwined with Ethan’s that no memory is safe. It hurts so much to think about the past, but I’m also terrified of the time when the past fades, because it’s all I have left of him now. My chest heaves painfully, and that’s my cue to leave. I want to be in the sanctity of my bedroom before I have my usual breakdown.
“Is that so? I’d like to play him sometime,” Axel continues, unaware of my imminent meltdown. “See if the teacher is as good as the student.”
My lower lip wobbles, and tears automatically prick my eyes. I don’t know if it’ll ever get any easier, but I might as well put it out there now, get this part over and done with. With any luck, they’ll share the news around school, saving me from having to repeat it again. “He’s … he’s … dead. He died.” A lone tear slips out of the corner of my eye, trekking down my face. I grab my hoodie. “I need to go.”
“Wait.” Axel takes my elbow, peering into my eyes. “I’m sorry.”
I nod, fighting tears the whole time. I thought it might be easier here, but I have a feeling it could be harder. At least here I can say my brother died and people will react the right way. I won’t have to face the snide comments and disgusted looks. Here, Ethan is humanized. He’s not the monster everyone in Amber Springs believes him to be.
And that’s why it’s going to be harder than I imagined.
Here, I might actually find a way to properly grieve.
And facing all those emotions terrifies me.
It was easier, in some ways, to just lock it all away in Amber Springs, to hide my feelings and pretend like I was an emotionless droid.
“It’s okay,” I whisper. “It just hasn’t been that long, and I’m still processing.”
Skeet appears in front of me, pulling me into his arms without hesitation. I surprise myself by letting him hug me. And God, does it feel good. After a couple silent minutes, he releases me but takes my hand instead. “Come on. Let’s get you home.”
Heath’s SUV looks brand-spanking-new if the clean interiors and new leather smell is any indication. Axel sits shotgun in front while Skeet sits beside me in the back, keeping a firm hold on my hand. His fingers entwine in mine, and it feels like the most natural thing in the world.
“Where to?” Heath asks, twisting around to look at me.
“Melville Place.”
His eyes instantly dart to Axel’s, but he says nothing, nodding as he starts the engine.
“Give me your cell,” Skeet says, holding out his other hand.
“Why?” I narrow my eyes suspiciously.
He chuckles. “So I can add our numbers and get yours.”
“My cell’s toast,” I admit, pulling the ruined phone out. “It was in my back pocket when I took a tumble in the park.”
Skeet frowns. “My dad’s good with repairs and shit. I can have him take a look. See if it’s fixable.”
I very much doubt it’s fixable, but there’s no harm in letting him look, and if, by some miracle, he can repair it, then it will, at least, save an awkward conversation with Dad. Money is really tight these days, and I don’t want to ask for funds for a replacement phone if I can help it. “Have at it.” I put the phone in his open palm and he slips it in the inside pocket of his jacket.
“Which house is yours?” Heath inquires as we turn onto my road a few minutes later.
“The last one on the end.”
Heath pulls the car up in front of the run-down two-story house, and I try to mask my embarrassment. The front yard is like a jungle with grass that looks like it hasn’t been cut in years, weeds galore, and overgrown, misshapen shrubbery along the edges. The realtor’s sign hasn’t been removed yet, and it’s faded, crooked, and about to fall down, adding to the general derelict vibe the house emits. Peeling paint and worrisome cracks decorate the front façade of the property like a neon sign that screams rental. At some point, someone gave a crap about this house, but it’s been poorly neglected since.
“Thanks for the ride.” I wind my hand around the door handle.
“No problem,” Heath replies with a small smile. “And I’m sorry again. I hope you’re feeling okay.”
“I’m fine. Honestly,” I say, before climbing out of the car. Skeet hops out his side, and I stall on the sidewalk. “What are you doing?” I whisper.
“Walking you to your door,” he whispers back.
“Not necessary, and if my parents see you or the others, they’ll probably freak.”
Skeet looks up at the pitch-dark house. “I don’t see any lights on. I think everyone’s in bed.”
I glance up, acknowledging his observation. There was a time when my parents would stay up until both their children were home safe and sound. That’s just another thing that’s changed around here. Some days, it feels like I’m invisible. Like I died with Ethan that day, for all my parents notice of me. My heart hurts all over again, but I force it aside, adept at disguising my true feelings. Skeet wraps his hand around mine, tugging me forward. “You don’t need to do this, you know,” I protest.
“I know, but I want to.”
“Why?” I ask when we’re on the porch, standing in front of the door.
“Because I like you, and you intrigue me, and I’d like to get to know you better.” I’m not sure what face I make, but it’s enough to have him backtrack a little. He extracts his hand from mine, holding up both palms. “As friends, Blaire. I swear you don’t have anything to worry about with me. Or Axel or Heath either.”
“I know.”
“And you’re new to town. It can’t hurt to have friends who can show you around and help you navigate the halls of Kentsville High. You’re a senior too, I’m guessing?” His smile is disarming, and I find myself relaxing.
“Yeah, and you’re right, it can’t hurt.” I slant him a grateful smile. “Thanks for tonight. I had a good time.”
“We did too.” He pulls my hand to his lips, planting a soft kiss on the back of my knuckles. “For the record, I’m glad you moved here, Blaire.”
I want to tell him me too.
But I’m reserving judgment.
Waiting to see if this move turns out to be the right decision.
Or another disaster waiting to happen.
Chapter Three
“Where’s Dad?” I ask the following morning as I pour myself a cup of coffee.
“He has an interview at Johns Hopkins so he left early,” Mom confirms, sitting down at the kitchen table.
“Oh. That’s good.”
“It’s only a temporary part-time position. But it’s a start.”
I nod, shooting her a tentative smile. “When do you start your new job?” Uncle Tom has given Mom an administrative position in his real estate firm. It’s quite a step down from her previous role managing the doctor’s office, and it’s more than an hour’s commute each way, but beggars can’t be choosers.
“Monday.” She sips her coffee, looking absently out the window.
“So soon? What about the unpacking?”
“The unpacking can wait. We need the money.” She levels me with an earnest look. Her hazel eyes lack their usual warmth, and the fine lines around her mouth seem more pronounced. We’ve all changed in the aftermath of Ethan’s death. My parents have literally aged overnight, and whatever remnants of my youth I was clinging to are long gone.
“I understand, and I wasn’t criticizing.” I hope she knows that.
She reaches across the small, chipped kitchen table, clasping my hand. “I know, sweetheart.” Her eyes probe mine. “How
are you feeling about everything? Do you think you could like living here?”
My heart surges with joy at her questions. It’s been so long since she’s shown any real interest in me, and I didn’t realize how badly I needed to know she still cares. I hear how that sounds—like I’m a selfish bitch, but my parents are all I have left in this world, and they’ve shut me out, a lot, these past four months, and it hurts. They aren’t alone in their pain and their grief, but it’s almost like they believe they are. Like I couldn’t possibly be going through the same things. Feeling the same emotions.
Ethan was my twin. We were as close as two siblings can be, but more than that, he was my best friend and my biggest advocate, and I miss his larger-than-life presence so Goddamned much.
“I’m doing okay,” I admit. “As well as can be expected.” I pause, wetting my dry lips, wondering if I should say this. “I miss him,” I whisper with tears swimming in my eyes. “I miss him so much.”
Tears trickle out of her eyes, and she tightens her grasp on my hand. “I know, sweetie. I miss him too, but I’m still so … angry with him. And confused. How could he do that? Why did he do that? I still can’t make sense of it.”
A wave of guilt jumps up and slaps me in the face, and I avert my eyes, staring at the tile floor as if it’s the most fascinating thing.
She releases my hand, slouching in her chair and audibly exhaling. “At least here we don’t have to deal with the public backlash, but it doesn’t stop the inner turmoil,” she murmurs, more to herself than me.
“Do you think they’ll find out?”
She eyeballs me. “Not if we stick to the plan.” I nod, and she reaches across the table to me, taking my hand again. “I know we haven’t been there for you, and I hate myself for that. We both love you so much, honey, and I’m sorry if we haven’t shown you lately. Everything has just been so hard, but things will be better here. I promise.”
A couple hours later, I’m wading through some of the boxes stacked against the wall in the small living room when the doorbell chimes. Mom looks over at me, panic evident in her gaze. “Who could that be?”
Wiping my dirty hands down the front of my jeans, I scramble to my feet. “It’s probably just a neighbor welcoming us to the area. You stay here. I’ll get it.”
The look of relief on her face is instantaneous, and my heart hurts. Mom has always prided herself on being an upstanding member of the community. Appearances matter to her—not in the obnoxious sense of the word, but holding the respect of her neighbors, coworkers, and the community at large was always important to Mom. Which is why she took it so hard when that respect was wiped out overnight.
I couldn’t have given two shits about that, but I did hate how Ethan’s character was decimated even if I understand exactly why people started spewing the shit they did.
I pull the door open, and my eyes pop wide.
“Hey.” Heath smiles, flashing me a perfect set of blinding white teeth, and I’m momentarily dazed. “Sorry to turn up without warning, but I wanted to give you this.” He thrusts a brand-new iPhone at me.
My brow furrows. “What’s this?”
“Chris couldn’t fix your cell, so I got you a new one.”
“Chris?” I arch a brow.
“He’s one of … he’s, ah, Skeet’s dad.”
“I can’t accept that.” I push his hand away. “It’s way too expensive.”
“I’m the reason your cell is broken, so that makes it my responsibility to replace it.” Taking my hand, he wraps my fingers around the phone. Delicious little tremors shoot up my arms at the contact, and I lean against the doorframe to steady myself.
“And I’ll happily accept a replacement once it’s a like-for-like replacement.” This is the latest version iPhone and a step up from my old iPhone. This time, I take his hand, placing the cell in it. “This is too much.”
A massive grin spreads across his mouth, and my forehead scrunches up in confusion. I’ve no idea what I said that so’s amusing. “Did I say something unintentionally funny?”
He shakes his head, running a hand through his blond hair. “It’s just refreshing to meet a genuine girl. One who isn’t out for what she can get.”
“Does that happen to you a lot?” I inquire as I sense the presence at my back.
“More than I’d care to admit,” he adds, glancing over my shoulder.
“Are you going to introduce me, honey?” Mom inquires, stepping alongside me with a fake smile plastered on her face.
Crap. I’ll be in for it now. “Mom, this is Heath. I met him and his friends last night. They go to the local high school, and they’re seniors too.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Adams.” Heath extends his hand, engulfing Mom’s much smaller one as they shake hands.
“Likewise. I’m glad my daughter is making some new friends.” Mom beams at him, a genuine smile this time, and I stare at her as if she’s grown ten heads. I thought the whole plan was to stick to ourselves and go about our business as quietly and invisibly as possible, which is why I assumed she’d rip me a new one for already breaking the rules. She shivers, pulling the sides of her cardigan more firmly around her body. “We’d invite you in, Heath, but we’re still unpacking, and the place is a mess.”
“Oh, that’s fine, Mrs. Adams. I just stopped by to give this to Blaire before heading to the gym.” He grins as he thrusts the cell at me again. This time, I take it, slipping it quickly into the front pocket of my jeans before Mom pays too much attention to it.
“Thanks,” I mutter as he steps back.
“No problem. Guess I’ll see you Monday at school.”
I nod. “Guess so. Um, bye.”
He walks to his car and gets in, waving as he drives off.
“Come in, Blaire. It’s freezing, and we’re letting all the heat escape.” Mom places a hand on my back, ushering me inside as she closes the door. I return to the living room, removing items from the box I was working on while silently praying she lets it drop.
“So, do you want to explain what that was all about?” she asks from the open doorway, planting her hands on her hips while piercing me with a stern look.
I silently curse in my head as I admit everything.
I arrive early to Kentsville High on Monday morning, and it’s probably the first time I’ve ever been early to school of my own devices. Ethan would be so proud of me. The usual pang hits me square in the chest, and it takes considerable effort to put one foot in front of the other and step inside the building. I slam to a halt when confronted with the security checkpoint just inside the main entrance door, a cold sweat instantly breaking out on my forehead as I walk through the metal detector.
Gulping over the wedge of emotion clogging my throat, I tug my black hoodie up higher on my head as I make my way to the school office.
Once I’ve gotten my schedule, locker combination, and signed some paperwork, I step back out into the much busier hallway, hoping I’m going in the right direction.
My cell pings in my pocket and I smile as I open my new message. All three guys had messaged me yesterday, helping make today a little bit less daunting.
SKEET: Where u at?
ME: Walking to locker.
SKEET: #
ME: 212
By the time I arrive at my locker, all three guys are already waiting. They are in a huddle, chatting quietly, oblivious to the interested looks they are picking up from all quarters. Or maybe they’re used to it and they don’t really notice anymore. The hallway is busy, and the loud hum of conversation tickles my eardrums. I bite down on my lower lip as I approach them wondering how I’m going to maintain a low profile if I start hanging with these guys. But if it’s a choice between this and being a complete loner, then I know which option I’m going for. “Hey.” I grip the straps of my backpack as I force out a shaky smile.
All three guys jerk their heads up, peering at me. Skeet and Heath are smiling, but Axel is wearing a neutral expression I’m guessing is his usual face. “Good morning, beautiful,” Skeet says, yanking the hood off my head and smoothing my hair back off my face. “Depriving the world of this gorgeous view is a sin,” he explains with a cheeky wink.
Axel tosses his gaze toward the ceiling, and Heath just laughs before whipping my schedule out of my hand. “Let me look.” He skims his eyes over it. “You’re taking a lot of advanced classes.” He nods appreciatively. “And most of the same ones as me.”
“Cool.” I shift from one foot to the other, unaccustomed to such concentrated attention. Sure, Cam was attentive and didn’t shy away from PDAs but having three guys focused on me at one time is a little overwhelming. While Heath is appraising my schedule, Skeet is toying with strands of my hair with a weird look on his face.
“Your hair is fascinating,” he muses, threading his fingers through my newly dyed now wavy hair. “Is this your natural color?”
“No,” I semi-lie. In my hasty attempt to change up my appearance before we left Amber Springs, I made a complete mess of dying my pure blonde hair dark, and now it’s a weird combination of brown and blonde that actually looks artfully stylish, as if I’d planned on it turning out like this. Because my hair is so long and thick, it obviously needed two packs of dye, but I didn’t know that before I set out to do it. I’ve never had cause to do anything other than cut my hair in the past.
My long, straight blonde hair was my defining feature in Amber Springs, so even though I’ve only just dyed my hair and I’m wearing it loosely curled now, it still alters my appearance considerably which I’m hoping will deflect anyone from guessing who I really am on the off-chance anyone saw one of the papers from that time or happened upon an online article and makes the connection.
“Well, I really like it.” Skeet’s smile is flirtatious in the extreme, but it’s strangely comforting.
“Could you be any more obvious?” Axel deadpans, leveling an intense look at his friend.
Surviving Amber Springs: A Stand-Alone Contemporary Romance Page 3