I circle my arm around his waist, and we walk off wrapped around one another. “Sounds great. Lead the way.”
Ax wasn’t kidding. This place is a little gem of a find. It’s tucked away on a side road a few miles north of the park and only about fifteen miles from campus. The restaurant is small with cozy tables lined up on both sides of the room. Homemade cloths and little vases of fresh flowers cover the tables. The lighting is dim, and opera music is on low in the background. There are only two other couples in the place, so the service is fast. Ax scoots his chair in closer to mine as the waitress places steaming bowls of delicious-smelling pasta in front of us. We thank her as she refills our glasses before discreetly disappearing.
“Wow. The food is to die for here,” I say after a few mouthfuls.
“I know. Skeet and I have come here so often I think they think we’re gay.” He winks.
“Tonight helps address the balance,” I joke. “Thank you for sharing this with me,” I add in a more solemn tone.
“We didn’t get much opportunity to go out on dates last time, and I’m determined to make it up to you. I want us to agree to a weekly date night, just the two of us.”
“I have no objection to that.”
He puts his knife and fork down and peers deep into my eyes. “I worried about you so much, Blaire. I mean, we all did, but I got it.” His eyes delve into mine. “I understand the darkness and the rage, and it terrified me that you were dealing with that alone.”
A shuddering breath leaves my lips. “I’m sorry I did that to you. I’m sorry you worried for so long, but I wasn’t alone. The facility I was in really helped me face up to everything. I had to meet with my therapist every day, and I had weekly group sessions. It helped to know I wasn’t the only one dealing with heavy shit. Most everyone in there was dealing with serious issues, and it helped talking about it. Before I went in, I never would’ve thought I could sit in a room full of strangers and tell them about what happened to me at that party, but I did it, and I talked about how it made me feel and gradually I learned to let go of that darkness.”
I pause to gather my thoughts for a sec, taking a drink from my water to wet my dry lips. Ax doesn’t interrupt or question. He just patiently waits for me to continue. “I used to think I was powerless. That I was weak. That I’d handed over everything to my abusers that night. But I was wrong. I alone have the power to change my life. No one else can do it for me. What happened in my past only defines me if I let it.”
I jerk my chin up. “I’m not going to be a victim for the rest of my life. I’ve taken back control. I’m going to find out what happened to cause Ethan to snap, and then I’m closing the lid on that part of my past. I’m going to graduate college with an honors degree and work with other victims to help them move on with their lives. I have more focus and more determination than I’ve had in years.”
I stop again, smiling at him. “The things that happen to us help shape the kind of people we become. I’m not going to let one night ruin the rest of my life. I’ve risen above it, just like you have. We are taking something horrid and turning it into something positive, something life-changing. And there is no space for darkness in any of that.”
He swivels around on his chair, taking both my hands in his. “I have never been prouder of you or loved you any more than I do in this moment.”
Tears prick my eyes, but they’re the happy kind. “Sometimes we have to reach rock bottom to learn how to climb to the top.”
“Are you nervous?” Skeet asks as we sit in the taxi en route to Cam’s off-campus residence.
“Yeah. I’ve no idea how he’s going to react. He could slam the door shut in my face or welcome me with open arms.” I nestle into the crook of his arm, letting him soothe the frayed edges of my nerves.
“He’ll find my fist in his face if he even breathes wrong on you,” Ax growls, flexing his knuckles.
“He’ll have to deal with all three of us if he doesn’t treat you right,” Heath agrees.
“It’s bound to be a shock. We haven’t spoken since that day. Maybe I should’ve forewarned him. Do you think I should call him now?”
“Nah.” Skeet massages my hand with his thumb. “Let’s just arrive and take it from there.”
“Wow, nice crib,” Ax whistles twenty minutes later as we stand on the sidewalk outside the impressive brownstone Cam calls home.
“Makes our place look like a shed,” Heath adds.
“His family is loaded,” I explain. “Cam’s never been short of cash.” Butterflies run riot inside my chest, and I wipe my sweaty palms down the front of my dress as I move toward the steps leading to his home.
It’s a weird one—trying to decide what to wear when you’re visiting your ex with your current boyfriends present. I don’t want Cam to think I dressed up for him, but it’s important to me that he sees I’m doing good. I don’t want to look like a hot mess, so I dressed in a plain, fitted knee-length black dress and ballet flats. I’m wearing a lightweight pink jacket, and I have an umbrella in my purse in case it rains although it’s partly sunny today and the sky is almost cloudless, so I think we’re in luck.
I wet my dry lips, trying to ignore the pounding of blood in my ears as I press my finger to the bell. I run my hand anxiously through my hair before Skeet takes my hand in his, squeezing. “Relax, babe. We’ve got your back.”
Ax places his hand on my lower spine in a show of support, and on the other side of him, Heath straightens his shoulders, wearing an “I mean business” expression on his face.
“I know. I want to uncover the truth, but I’m frightened of what he might tell me too,” I honestly admit.
“Whatever it is, we’ll face it together,” Ax confirms just as the door opens.
A tall good-looking guy with neat sandy-blond hair stares at us. “Can I help you?”
“I’m looking for Cam,” I say. “Is he here?”
“Yeah. He’s here. What’s your name?”
“Blaire.”
His eyes pop wide as soon as I mention my name. “Give me a minute, I’ll be right back.” He doesn’t ask us to step inside, but he doesn’t shut the door in our faces either, closing it while he races off.
“Interesting reaction,” Heath says.
“Cam’s told him about you,” Ax deduces.
“I wonder what version of the story he’s heard,” Skeet muses.
“The truth.” I jerk my head up, recognizing Cam’s voice instantly. He’s leaning against the doorframe with a shocked yet resigned expression on his face. No one moves or says a word as we stare at one another.
In some ways, he hasn’t changed at all. He’s still wearing his hair in the same way—cropped close at the sides and slightly longer on top. And he’s still dressed like the offspring of wealthy parents. His white designer polo is tucked neatly into crisply pressed pants, and signature loafers adorn his feet.
But in other ways he’s different.
His face has filled out, and there’s a thin layer of stubble on his cheeks and chin that was never there before. He looks more bulked up than I remember, too, his shoulders broader and more muscular. His polo is unbuttoned at the top, and the edge of a tattoo peeks out. That’s new as well.
Cam was still a boy when I had last seen him. Now he’s most definitely all man.
“Blaire.” He takes a step toward me, and Ax flinches at my side. Cam shoots him a quick glance before refocusing on me. “It’s … you look good. Happy.” His eyes penetrate mine as if he can see inside me. “I’m glad to see you looking so well.”
“No thanks to you,” Heath snaps, and I shoot him a cautionary glance. I warned all of them before coming here that they were to leave the talking to me.
Cam’s Adam’s apple jumps in his throat. “I’ve no way of defending that.” He eyeballs Heath. “I wasn’t there for Blaire when she needed, me
and it’s the second-biggest regret of my life.”
“What’s the first?” I blurt, already suspecting his reply.
“Not stopping Ethan.”
I swallow over the lump in my throat.
“You knew he was going to do that, and you let him?” Ax’s tone is laced with disbelief.
“It’s more complicated than that.” Cam steps to one side. “Look, come in, and let’s discuss this inside. I don’t need you to explain why you’ve just appeared on my doorstep. I’ve been expecting you. Expecting to have this conversation for years. I’m just surprised it took you this long.”
“Well, maybe if—”
“Don’t.” I place my hand on Ax’s arm. “You promised.” I don’t want Cam to know I attempted suicide. I don’t want anyone else crippled with guilt and regrets. Wallowing in past mistakes helps no one.
Cam sends me an inquisitive gaze, and I know him well enough to guess where his mind is gone. He’s noticed Skeet holding my hand. Me touching Ax. And Heath jumping to my defense. He’s trying to work out which one of them is my boyfriend. But I didn’t come here to discuss my love life.
I slip my hand out of Skeet’s and step into the hallway. All three guys follow me, and then Cam closes the door. He leads us up one flight of stairs into a large, wide, open room with a huge bay window that offers a great view over the small but beautifully landscaped yard outside.
“Can I get you anything to drink or eat?” he asks.
“No thank you,” I reply. “We ate at the airport.”
“How’s UF?” he asks, while gesturing for us to take seats. Heath drops into a recliner chair while Ax and Skeet sit either side of me on the couch. Cam sinks into the couch opposite, looking stiff and uncomfortable.
“How did you know I was at UF?”
He sits forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I’ve tried to keep an eye on you although you disappeared for a while, and I …” Pain contorts his face as all the blood drains from mine.
He knows. He knows I attempted suicide.
“I don’t want to talk about that. I came here to talk about Ethan. That’s all.” Skeet slings his arm around my shoulders, holding me tight.
Cam follows the movement of his arm before clearing his throat. “I’m really sorry, Blaire. I was so upset when I heard. I almost went to you then, but I knew my presence would probably only make things worse. And I’ve almost booked a flight to Florida so many times, but I didn’t know if you’d want to see me. If you’d want to hear after all this time.”
“Of course, I’d want to hear!” I snap. “He was my brother!” Tears prick my eyes. “He was the other half of my heart and soul, and I miss him every single day. I have so many questions, and I need to know. I can’t fully move on with my life until I do.”
“I’ll tell you, Blaire, I promise. I’ll tell you what I know, but you have to understand I did what I did because I thought I was protecting you.” Heath harrumphs, and Cam shoots him a warning look. “I never wanted to break up with you. I wanted to be there for you, but one look at your face and I would’ve spilled everything. I didn’t want to hurt you all over again. Not when you were in so much pain.”
“You didn’t even have the decency to break up with me to my face.”
He clasps his hands out in front of him, looking tortured. “I couldn’t face you, Blaire. You’d have been able to see the lies written all over my face.”
“Did you know?” I whisper. “Did you know he was going in there that morning to shoot them?”
He shakes his head. “Not at first. I mean, I was worried about him, but I thought everything he’d said the night before was just anger speaking. I never believed he was serious, or I would’ve stopped him. I swear.”
I nod, because I’ve always felt that if Cam knew he would’ve talked him out of it. “But you knew once we spoke that morning. That’s why you ended our call so abruptly.”
“I had a bad feeling when my truck wouldn’t start. It was basically brand-new, and there was no reason for it to break down. It’d been fine driving home from the gym the night before. But then Ethan had shown up, and it didn’t take much to join the dots. I hoped I was wrong, but when I called you and you told me he’d gone to school already and that he was acting weird, I knew. I couldn’t believe it, but I knew he was planning on doing it.” Cam casts a wary glance at the three guys.
“They know everything,” I confirm. “And you can speak freely in front of them.”
Cam gets up, heading to a mahogany cabinet. He pulls out a bottle of whiskey. “I need a drink for this.” He glances over his shoulder. “Any of you want one?”
My nerves are stretched tight, and every part of me is on edge. I might look composed on the outside, but my insides are twisted into knots. I know Cam’s about to deliver a bombshell. I feel it in my bones. Maybe a whiskey would help, but I’m not about to break my sobriety now. “Actually, could I have a water?” I ask.
“Of course.” He bends down, opening a door fronting a mini refrigerator.
My guys all decline drinks, so Cam walks back over with his whiskey and my bottle of water. His fingers brush against mine when he hands me the drink, and I feel nothing. No tingle. No flare of recognition. No hint of desire. Whatever we were to each other also died that day. We both take sips of our drinks, and tension filters in the air as I wait for him to continue.
Cam sits back on the couch, swirling the amber liquid in his glass and sighing. “I never wanted to tell you this, Blaire. I thought I was doing the right thing. Ethan wrote me a letter, and he told me not to tell you, but I’d already figured that out for myself.”
“I got a letter too,” I admit. “Two days later. He must’ve mailed it on his way to school that morning. I kept it hidden. Didn’t tell anyone about it until recently.” I lean into Skeet’s side, and he presses a kiss to my temple, helping to settle me. “He told me not to tell my parents what’d happened to me, and I thought I was protecting him by keeping quiet, but I was wrong too.”
“It’s easy to look back and see things that weren’t so clear in the moment,” Cam says, looking sad. He takes another swig of his whiskey before continuing. “Ethan showed up at my house that night in a terrible state, Blaire. Someone had sent him an email.”
My eyes dart to Skeet’s, and Ax and Heath sit bolt upright.
“What?” Panic flares in Cam’s eyes as he fixes me with a questioning look.
“I was getting threatening emails for a while after we moved away from Amber Springs.”
His hand shakes and the glass drops, liquid splashing the front of his pants and dripping over the carpeted floor. Ax reacts instantly, leaning forward and grabbing the empty glass. He walks to the cupboard. Silently, he refills Cam’s drink while Cam’s horrified expression grows more terrifying by the second. “They sent you the video too?”
Every bone in my body locks up, and I stop breathing for a second. “What video?” My voice cracks.
He slumps in the couch, relief washing over his features, accepting the glass from Ax with an appreciative nod. He knocks it back in one go, and my guys trade worrisome expressions. “Thank fuck. I don’t ever want you to see that.”
“Cam, please. Tell me. Why was Ethan so upset?”
“Someone anonymously sent him a video of that night.”
The way he enunciates the words leaves me in no doubt of the night he’s referring to. Nausea swims up my throat, and I clutch onto Ax with my free hand. “What?” Tears flood my eyes even though I promised myself I was going to do this without crying.
“He watched it before he knew what it was. He … he …” Cam squeezes his eyes closed, and when he reopens them, tears fall free. “He showed it to me,” he whispers, “and it’s haunted me ever since.” He sets his empty glass down on the couch beside him, burying his head in his hands.
I’ve a fairly g
ood idea what was on that video, but I need to hear him say it. “What exactly was on that video, Cam?”
Slowly, he lifts his head, uncaring that he’s full-on crying now. “Someone was taping what happened in that room, Blaire. And someone sent that tape to your brother the night before the shooting. We saw what they did to you, Blaire. We saw them raping you.”
Chapter Forty-Two
I throw up all over the floor. Shock races through my veins, and my body convulses uncontrollably. My surroundings fade away. I’m vaguely aware of voices and movement, but I’m not present. A dense pressure presses down on my chest, making breathing difficult. I’m lifted and I close my eyes, focusing on the jarring motion as I’m carried someplace else.
“Blaire, babe. Breathe, beautiful. I need you to breathe.” Fingers stroke my face as I’m carefully placed down on the ground. Something cold is draped over my face, and the unexpected sting snaps me out of it. I gasp, grappling for air, bending my knees and hugging them to my chest.
“Baby.” Skeet’s anxious face fills my vision. “I need you to inhale and exhale, nice and slow, big, deep breaths.” He joins me, and gradually, the panic subsides. A warm cloth brushes over my lower legs and feet, and I look over Skeet’s shoulder.
“I’m just cleaning you up,” Ax explains, his eyes flooded with compassion. “And Heath is washing your shoes.” I look up, and Heath is bent over the sink, his arms working overtime as he scrubs.
“I’m sorry,” I mumble, pressing my face into Skeet’s chest, ingesting his scent and letting it ground me.
“Are you okay, Blaire?” Cam’s concerned voice comes from behind, and I look over my shoulder. He’s leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom with a troubled expression on his face.
“I’m okay.” I eyeball Skeet. “Help me up?” He helps me to my feet, wrapping his arms around me from behind. Heath quietly hands my clean shoes to Ax, and he slips them on my feet. “Thanks.” I smile at both guys before refocusing on Cam. “I don’t know what I expected you to tell me today, but that never crossed my mind. I have no recollection of anyone taping things.” Not that it’s inconceivable. My memory of that night has always been sketchy.
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