by Smith, TL
Safely back at home, (and at my sister’s) I started sitting in with my friends and singing at the High-Hat Barn in Rudy, Arkansas. It was there that I met a boy who would become my first love. He was handsome, and ornery, and full of fun. And he liked me. His name was Danny Ray. And he was about to turn my world upside down.
Chapter 8
Danny Ray
Danny Ray and I started seeing each other pretty soon after meeting. He would come to town (he lived 8 miles out on a dirt road in the country), or my sister (or his mom) would pick me up and take me to his house. Sometimes I would stay the night there if it got too late. His momma made SURE we did not sleep together. Little did she know (or maybe she did) we had already crossed that line.
He bought me a beautiful little promise ring that I just loved, and I thought he hung the moon.
He was 6 days older than me, but a year behind me in school. I went to his first day of classes at his school his junior year. It was crazy, meeting all his friends, and fielding their questions. But it was fun. And typical high school fodder.
We dated all through my senior year (his junior year) and then that summer, Edwina, and I went to California with my mom and grandpa.
He and I were determined to make this work, even with me being gone. We promised each other we’d call as much as we could, and we’d write every day.
And the journey to California began. Edwina and I were in the backseat of my grandpa’s green Plymouth Fury. (Not dark green either, like pastel, mint, green). Mom and grandpa would take turns driving.
Before we left, grandpa had purchased some Wiederkehr wine in Altus, Arkansas because he loved it and you couldn’t get it in California. The cases were in the trunk. It’s a long trip from Arkansas to California. Part of through the hot desert. And it was June. Somewhere in Arizona, Edwina and I noticed the floorboards in the back seat were wet. And it just got worse as we drove on. And stinky. We must’ve stopped somewhere because mom and grandpa figured out the corks had popped out of most of the wine bottles (at least one case) and the floorboard was soaked with wine. Grandpa, in his always humorous mood, says, “That’s okay, just cut me a piece of the carpet and I’ll suck on it.”
That was just the first of many adventures that summer. Danny Ray and I talked several times a week. It drove my grandpa crazy. He rigged up fake bugs to leave on the phone to scare me when I was expecting a call from him. And I anxiously waited for the mail to run every day. It wasn’t ideal for our relationship, but it was something.
He started calling Edwina “little Sally” because his daughter’s name is also Edwina (I called her aunt Wina) and he always called her Sally.
We visited Knott’s Berry Farm, the beach, the drive-in movies, went to a luau at the Moose Lodge with my mom (Edwina kissed the fire eater!), oh and my mom’s best friend tried to kill an undercover police officer with a canned ham she won at the Moose Lodge. THAT was a crazy night.
The guy tried to get in mom’s friend’s car as they were dropping her off. Well, mom’s friend also had HER mom with her, and she was still in the car. My mom had gotten out and was coming into the house. So Tacky (mom’s nickname for her friend) started swinging the ham at him! What does he do? Runs into our house and grabs the bb gun from behind the door. He kept saying he was an undercover police officer and he was running from a gang. He had scaled the back fence and tried to clear the front one but knocked it down when mom, Tacky and her mom pulled up to drop off.
Edwina and I were not sure what to think. I think we were just stunned as we watched this unfold.
The next thing I know, my mom has a hand crotched pink puppet on her hand. I know this puppet holds her snub nose, nickel plated, 44. And she’s got it trained on him as he’s moving around the front room and kitchen, all while grandpa was trying to verify who this guy really was. Turns out he REALLY was an undercover police officer running from an angry gang that had made him. I told you it was a crazy summer.
And the best part of that summer….. JOURNEY! We got to see Journey at the Rose Bowl with my sister Debbie. Journey, Aldo Nova, and Blue Oyster Cult. It was EPIC. We all got shirts (Edwina just sent me a remake of mine from that summer!) and I got one for Danny Ray too. He wore it for his yearbook picture.
Then we rode on a big truck with Edwina’s stepdad back to Arkansas in time to get ready to start school.
I was so excited to see Danny Ray. Those last 20 miles to home were the longest of my life. (They are still the longest when I’m anxious to see my family).
Danny Ray was glad to see me, but for some reason, he just had it in his mind that I had cheated on him when we were gone. And that was not even close to being true. But it bothered him and ate at him for months. And that summer changed our relationship.
I recall when we broke up, I was at his house and we talked about it. I was devastated. He was taking me home in his VW bug and I seriously considered just opening the door while we were driving and falling out. I'm not sure if it was because I felt not good enough or if I really wanted to just crawl up and die. But I didn't and I managed to survive in spite of it.
Danny Ray and I did the on again/off again, never committed again relationship for years. And then it just didn’t work anymore. But we managed to stay friends until the day he died.
After high school, I moved in with Danny Ray’s sister and tried college for a while (Journalism and Music), but it really wasn't for me. It reminded me of that voice coach doing scales. So instead, I got a job and did what I really wanted when I wasn’t working. SING.
I sang with lots of great bands and amazing musicians, won a few contests and really continued working on my sound, what I wanted. What I learned during the course of this was how good I was at promoting things, getting bands heard, then singing with them when I could, lol. Those journalism skills served me well when writing the bios and putting promo packages together for various bands. I guess high school and some college paid off after all.
I didn’t date anyone after Danny Ray, instead I spent most of my time in the bar, with the band, learning and singing.
Chapter 9
Back to Cali
My mom and grandpa came to visit one summer. It had to be around 86??? For some reason, I just KNEW I had to go back with her. Like on a whim, I threw what I could in a suitcase and left. It was that same feeling I had when I just knew I had to give my heart to Jesus. That pull.
I enjoyed time with my mom, the quality time I didn't have with her when I was younger. But at this point, she had remarried, and her husband had died, so it was just her and I. She had a boyfriend and still spent time at the Moose Lodge but not like before. Now she was more interested in tending to her gorgeous flowerbeds and plants. And going to gamble in Bullhead City when she could. I went once with her right before I turned 21 and she told me, “if you win, you find me, so I can sit here since you’re not 21 yet.” I didn’t win anything big, but it was a fun trip. And I was so enjoying this kind of time with my mom. We had always been able to talk candidly, but this time, it was different. We were different. And I was happy being there with her.
I did some work promoting one the local bands from Arkansas I played with often, “Whatta Band”. I was able to secure them a couple weeks of gigs on the Southern California country club circuit AND an invitation to Star Search auditions (I did that when I was younger). So, they made the trek and stayed with mom and me. Playing the Palomino in Hollywood was the highlight of that first trip.
Then we found out they won the regionals of the Wrangler Country Star Search and they came back out for it. Once again, I was able to secure them gigs while they were there. And the people in California LOVED them. They didn’t win (Boy Howdy beat them), but it was still nice having them around.
I flew back for their annual formal Christmas party in Arkansas (mom had a dress made for me and it was stunning!) and I stayed with them for a few days. Getting all dressed up and helping prepare hors d’oeuvres was quite fancy, even for me. But I wasn’t sa
d to go back to California to my mom this time. I was actually looking forward to going back.
I had just won a big radio contest singing “Rockin’ Robin” and was out celebrating with friends (and singing there too) when I saw this guy. He didn't belong. He didn't fit in this California country club I was in. He looked like someone I’d see playing a bar in Arkansas, not here in California.
I walked up to him (a little alcohol had given me some courage) and said, "Where are you from?" When he said "Oklahoma" I about fell over. I was right, he WASN'T the California cowboy. No wonder he appealed to me so much. That, and thought he was really handsome in those wrangler jeans, polo shirt, straw hat, black boots, and belt.
His name was Jerry and I was instantly smitten with him.
He was attractive, fun, charming, and a great kisser. I was sure he would never call me after that night, but he did.
I knew by our second date that this was the guy I was supposed to be with, and it broke my cardinal rule, never date anyone you've met while singing or in the band. But I did.
Chapter 10
Jerry – Early Days
I should've listened to my gut, I should've listened to my brother, I should've listened to my friends. Instead I listened to my heart.
Things progressed with Jerry and I pretty quickly. He told me he was a truck driver (OTR) and had a green Peterbilt truck with orange interior. I thought to myself how hideous that combo was, but never said it out loud. This was how he explained not having a car.
He picked me up a few times in his roommate’s car, but most of the time I was picking him up. We spent many nights out dancing or playing card games at his place. Typical young people stuff. His roommates had a whole bar set up in their garage. Complete with craps table and poker table, jukebox, and stocked bar. It was impressive.
I hated it when he had to go out on the road because that meant days of not hearing from him. (This was pre cell phone days).
When his roommates realized things were getting serious, they pulled me aside one night and told me he was not a truck driver, he washed trucks at the truck lot one of the roommate’s dad's owned. I was so embarrassed.
I thanked them and confronted Jerry. I was livid, hurt, shamed. I mean, were they all laughing at how stupid I was to believe him?
I quit taking his calls for a week or so. He showed up at my house one night at 11pm. I could tell he'd been drinking and that upset me too that he was driving. He begged me to let him explain. I sent him home and told him to call me when he hadn't been drinking.
He called the next day and I agreed to hear him out. It was then that he told me he was embarrassed about his job. He also said he'd been married before and had a child. I had wondered how a 26-year-old man hadn't been in some kind of serious relationship, but he had told me previously that he hadn't. So, another lie.
But then he told me how a girl like me could never fall in love with a guy like him, divorced, no good job, no car, nothing to offer and my heart broke for him. I had no idea then that his mom had put him on a plane with $100 bill and sent him away before he wound up dead or in jail. And I wouldn’t find that out until YEARS later.
I told him then, "No more lies, EVER." "I will not forgive you again."
A few weeks later his roommates fired him and kicked him out of the house (supposedly for allowing me to stay over the one night I ever stayed there).
They threw all his belongings (which wasn't much) out by the dumpster. I helped him gather them and took them to my house (my mom's house). But I knew my mom, and there was NO way she was going to let him stay with us.
He slept on the park benches in our mobile home park (in California they aren't "trailer" parks, they are mobile homes and having seen both, that is an accurate statement.)
After about 5 days of doing this, I begged my mom to let him come live with us, he could sleep on the daybed in the front room. After some back and forth, tears, rules, she agreed.
He moved in and slept on the daybed in our living room for a couple weeks.
I'm sure my mom knew that he would sneak into my room at night, but if she did, she never let on. Within a month, we were sharing my bedroom and living together as a couple, with my mom.
Jerry got a job building cabinets and I got a job working for a national pizza chains national commissary. Thankfully our jobs were close to one another since he didn't have a car, we shared mine, that my mom helped me get. He would drop me off at work early, go to work himself since he had to be there earlier than me, then pick me up after I got off.
Things were good, we enjoyed each other's company and helping my mom at the same time. I made sure my mom had nothing to do at home as far as housework went and Jerry handled the lawn. (It wasn't that much lawn in a mobile home park, but we only had a manual push, blade, mower so it wasn't easy).
He never proposed to me, but there was always talk of marriage and we had started planning a wedding for the next year. Then I found out I was pregnant. That kind of pushed up the wedding.
I was 3 1/2 months pregnant when we got married in the clubhouse of the mobile home park. His family couldn’t be there, so my mom made sure to send his parents flowers. I remember him telling me that one of his buddies at work asked him why he was getting married when there were so many girls in California. That should have been a clue to me that that was his own insecurity about this marriage coming out. He was just using his friend as a scapegoat. I didn't realize this though until MUCH later in life, like just a few years ago.
My grandpa also got him feeling no pain BEFORE the actual ceremony and I was kind of upset about that, but figured this is just what guys do, so I let it go. And my brother was there, at the wedding, but told me I didn’t have to marry him. That I shouldn’t marry him. But I did.
During those pregnant days I can only recall one time that we had a minor disagreement and he left the house, in my car. This was LONG before cell phones, so I was frantic wondering where he was. By the time he returned I was nearly inconsolable crying. He told me he had gone to wash the car, but in my mind I just knew he had just left. I don't know why then, but every time he or my mom were late I was sick and frantic with worry. Like, in a crazy way, frantic. I would learn later this was a form of anxiety and ptsd.
I can't remember him going to any doctor's appointments with me, but by then, he had made supervisor at his job and I knew he really couldn't get away. At least, that's how I rationalized it in my brain.
My sister Diane had my baby shower for me and checked on me ALL the time. Making sure I was doing okay and feeling okay. My sister Dottie called often for the same reason. And my other sister Debbie had a little one about 2 when I was pregnant, so we got to share some really special time together.
And I finally got to meet Jerry’s family. His mom, dad, brother, brother’s wife, their two kids and Jerry’s son came to California to visit. I had so much fun learning about them and showing them the beach and Knott’s Berry Farm and Disneyland. Even though I couldn’t ride any rides, I thoroughly enjoyed watching the kids enjoy themselves. And Jerry’s mom was going to make me some maternity shirts!
During our trip to Knott’s Berry Farm, his son said something about his dad’s first wife.
“Wait? Isn’t that your mom?” he said, “No, it was before my mom.”
Wow, that was a shock. Turns out, Jerry had been married when he was a very young teenager. Young enough that his parents had to sign for him to allow him to get married. It didn’t last long, but I was still pretty upset that once again, I had caught him in a lie. By his son, at Knott’s Berry Farm. When confronted with this his argument was that I never asked. My response was, “I shouldn’t have to, it was a lie by omission”.
But I let that go just like I had all the other things he had lied about because I was now married to him, and PREGNANT with his child. I simply had to make this work.
My mom took such great care of me. When I was nearing the end of my pregnancy I couldn't shave my legs, so she did
it for me. My heels were cracked, and my feet swollen, so every night, she would soak my feet, rub them with corn huskers lotion, then put socks on me to sleep in, all while making sure I was eating and resting. I miss her so very much.
Paige was late and I was miserable. My doctor said I was healthy other than not dilating. He said we'd give it one more week (by this time, it's nearly 3 weeks AFTER her due date) then talk about inducing.
I was home, playing Yahtzee with my mom and her boyfriend Paul when I had one really bad cramp, then my water broke. I felt so bad because it was ALL over my mom's FABRIC chair. Of course, she reassured me that they could be cleaned, and it was fine, but I was mortified.
I was also scared, and Jerry was asleep. I didn't wake him right away. Instead, I took a shower (which I learned later I shouldn't do) and did my makeup (again, WHY?) THEN woke him up. He was livid and we headed out to the hospital with my mom and Paul close behind. The whole way there, I was thinking, “I am not ready to do this, I don’t want to do this, maybe it’ll stop, and we can wait”.
My sister Diane had gone on a cruise and before she left she told me I better not have this baby while she was gone but my other sister Dottie was in town (I can't recall why, but I sure am glad she was).
I was hell bent on doing this naturally, but since I was only a 3 and nothing was happening, they started me on a Pitocin drip. OHHHEMMMGEEEE!!!!
After about 16-18 hours I finally said, "I don't care what you give me, just give it to me NOW!" Once they gave me something to help with the pain, I was able to get an epidural and then my body did its' part and I finally was ready to have her.
I went in on a Friday night late, Paige came on SUNDAY, so a long labor to get that beautiful baby.
Anyway, there were complications at delivery. My doctor had left the hospital (his wife locked herself out of the house) he came strolling in the delivery room AFTER I had just delivered. The other doctor (no clue his name to this day) said, "You can clean up." And promptly walked out.