Eva nodded, and April wondered again what had her friend so scared. She would do anything to hightail it home right now, if it weren’t for all the patients who needed her, and Eva was acting like home was worse than here.
‘Our men need you, Eva. From what I’ve heard, you’re a brilliant, capable nurse, and you held it together and saved so many lives the day of the bombings.’ April took her hand and pulled it onto her own leg, searching Eva’s eyes. ‘When you’re ready, you can always talk to us, but for now, we need to help you heal and then find a way to get you nursing again. If you don’t want to go home, then I’ll do anything I can to stop that from happening. Okay?’
Eva nodded but didn’t say anything, squeezing her hand instead.
‘Girls! Have you heard the news?’
Another nurse burst into their sleeping quarters, still in her uniform. She must have just finished her shift.
‘We’re being sent away.’
Fear sliced through April. ‘Where are they sending us?’ she asked, trying to stop the choke in her voice.
‘Somewhere far away, from the sounds of it. They’re figuring out who to send in the new year; most will be going to the Pacific, but they said some nurses will be put on boats to Europe and God only knows where else.’
Grace looked like she was about to have a panic attack and Eva was starting to tremble, so April took a big deep breath and squared her shoulders. She wasn’t allowed to be afraid or hysterical; she needed to hold it together for the other two.
‘I suppose we’re to be sent wherever we’re most needed,’ she said, trying to sound pragmatic. ‘Wherever we go, we’ll be saving lives. And that’s why we chose to become nurses, isn’t it?’
Grace snorted with laughter, and April spun around at her sister’s inappropriate reaction.
‘Grace!’ she scolded.
‘I’m sorry, but if Poppy was here, she’d have laughed and told you that she only ever signed up for nursing to get a free island vacation!’
April went to reply but couldn’t as she burst out laughing herself. They laughed until they cried, sitting on the bed three in a row, until April looked over at Poppy’s empty bed and wondered what on earth their friend was thinking if she was looking down on them.
She was as terrified as the next nurse about being sent abroad. Hawaii had seemed exotic yet still close enough to home to be safe, but then look how wrong they’d been about that. She wondered if Dr. Grey would be sent away, too, and then pinched herself for even thinking about him.
‘I just about got shot out there coming back from work,’ Cassie, a young nurse, said as she stripped down and changed into her nightclothes. ‘The soldiers are all so jumpy, and the one on guard told me to put out my cigarette because I was in breach of the curfew and the blackout!’
‘Did you put it out?’ April asked.
‘I don’t even smoke! It was the moonlight reflecting off my wristwatch! Imagine if he’d shot me for that.’
Grace got up then, and April watched as she went over to Poppy’s bed and pulled something out from underneath it.
‘I think someone would be happy to see us all have a little drink tonight,’ Grace said, grinning as she unscrewed the lid of the whiskey bottle and took a swig. ‘Merry Christmas, Poppy.’
April watched as Eva took the contraband bottle next and took a long, steady sip before passing it to her.
‘Merry Christmas, Poppy,’ they both said at the same time.
‘And to Teddy,’ Grace added.
They all chimed in, repeating Grace’s words, and April couldn’t help but notice the glimmer of fresh tears in her sister’s eyes at the mention of Teddy’s name. He’d been gone a week now, and she worried that he hadn’t had time to come to terms with losing Poppy before being sent straight into the thick of it. But she’d kept her worries to herself, not wanting to worry Grace.
She took her own sip from the bottle before passing it along. Last Christmas they’d been safely tucked up in their family home in Oregon, tonight they were huddled in their barracks in Hawaii, and next year, well, next year they might be on the other side of the world for all she knew.
She reached for Eva’s hand again and sat listening to the other girls talk and catching Grace’s eye every now and again. The whiskey had warmed a fiery path inside of her, and she shut her eyes as exhaustion hit her like a brick.
So much for having the vacation of their lives.
Life as they knew it was over. And she knew it would never, ever be the same again.
PART TWO
CHAPTER ELEVEN
MID-1942
GRACE
‘Well, this certainly isn’t for the fainthearted, is it?’ Grace looked over at her sister and burst out laughing. It was either that or cry, but April didn’t look impressed.
‘So let me get this straight,’ April said, her hands on her hips as she glared at the soldier relaying news to them. ‘We have actual submarines chasing us?’ When April’s voice ended in a much higher pitch than her usual tone, Grace knew that her sister wasn’t coping well with being at sea.
‘Yes, ma’am. We’re at war, so they are actual submarines.’ He cleared his throat. ‘We actually saw the dark-gray snout of the emerging sub poking out of the water, but they seemed as surprised to see an enemy vessel as we were, because they quickly submerged, and we managed to outrun them.’
April positively glowered at him, but Grace turned away when she heard Eva come up behind her.
‘What’s going on? What was that big lurch to the side?’
‘Oh, that was just an enemy submarine chasing us!’ April declared as the soldier stared at the ground, no doubt regretting ever relaying the news in the first place.
‘Oh.’ Eva didn’t look as concerned as Grace had expected, yawning and wrapping her arms around herself. ‘But we’ve gotten away from it?’
Grace nodded. ‘Yes, we’re safe for now, but it means we’re going to be sailing to Algeria instead of Morocco.’
‘Huh-hmm, ah, ladies,’ the soldier said, clearing his throat and looking uncomfortable as he shifted from foot to foot. ‘We’ve actually been avoiding submarine activity for much of the journey. It’s why we’ve zigzagged so often, like a drunken sailor’s in charge. But she’s a quick ship—that’s why we didn’t need a convoy—and she’s known to have the best luck on the water.’
Grace wished he hadn’t told them that. April looked as if she were about to explode, and Eva was sporting the same blank expression she’d worn ever since the day Charlie had died, which was so different from the vibrant, forthright woman she’d been the first night they’d met. Eva just didn’t seem to feel anything anymore; her expression rarely changed, and she got on with everything and completed every task, but it was like no one was there when Grace looked into her eyes. Grace knew she was different now, too—after everything they’d all gone through, they all were—but it was as if Eva had numbed herself to everything somehow.
‘I’ll leave you to it,’ the soldier said, backing away. ‘We’ve had a game of craps going for hours, Grace, if you, ah, want to join us?’
Grace shot him a smile as April started pacing, and Eva just stood there as if waiting to be told what to do. A small lurch made her wonder if they were about to get blown apart, but nothing happened, and she let out a breath she hadn’t even known she was holding. The attention was nice, though, and she knew they wouldn’t even have been notified about the sub if she hadn’t known so many of the soldiers so well. She only wished April were enjoying the voyage more.
‘Thanks. Maybe we’ll see you soon,’ she said.
He stepped away, and she smiled back at him, knowing how embarrassed he’d be if he could see how pink his cheeks were.
They’d departed America for Morocco in the converted luxury liner days ago, although at the time they’d been told no details about where they might be going. They’d all speculated about staying in the Pacific with most of the other Pearl Harbor nurses, but with so few
nurses with surgical experience, they’d volunteered to go farther abroad. It had been pleasant enough sailing, other than the fact that it had rained for the past two days and they’d been forced to stay cooped up. Nurses weren’t allowed on the decks after sundown, which meant they were stuck inside until morning now unless they managed to sneak out.
The ship they were sailing on was enormous, and it was filled to the rafters, with more nurses and soldiers on board than she could ever have imagined. They’d had a number of drills, rain or shine, but Grace wasn’t one of the nurses complaining. She was excited about where they might be going and what they might be doing; her father had hugged her goodbye and told her to make the most of everything, to soak up every part of her experience and commit it to memory to share with him, and that’s exactly what she was going to do. Not a day went by that she didn’t think about Poppy, wishing her friend could have been by her side, but her daddy had been right: she needed to find joy in whatever it was they were doing, and she was determined to find it in Africa. And Poppy’s mother had told her the same, writing a short letter to her that Grace had committed to memory, she’d read it so many times.
Live life for her, Grace. Go to all the parties, smile at everyone, find happiness in whatever it is you do and wherever you’re sent. And every time you smile, remember that a little bit of Poppy will always be with you. Stay safe and come home to me. You and April are all I have now.
She brushed away a tear and looked skyward, smiling as she wondered if Poppy might be looking down on them. She took a big lungful of air before turning to face the other two, fixing her smile in place.
‘Why don’t we see if there’s something to do?’ she said. ‘Maybe we could join in with the craps game or start something else or . . .’
April still looked like she was about to start hyperventilating, and Grace stifled a laugh. It wasn’t that she was finding her sister’s suffering funny, but she’d never had to calm her down before or be the levelheaded one. It was as if the tables had turned as April’s fear of sailing took hold, and she wanted to help her.
Grace took April’s hand. ‘You know, it could be fun to play. Take our minds off what could be going on beneath the water,’ she said gently. ‘They sound like a fun group of guys, but I’m happy to do whatever you feel like doing.’
‘Aren’t you worried at all?’ April asked.
Grace held firm to April’s hand on one side and Eva’s on the other. ‘No. Because when our time is up, our time is up. Right now I’m choosing to trust our captain, so if he says we’re safe, then we’re safe. He wouldn’t have let that soldier tell us if he wasn’t confident in our safety, now would he?’
‘Fine, let’s go for a walk. I need to do something; otherwise I’m going to drive myself crazy with worry,’ April said.
‘My thoughts exactly,’ Grace replied.
Maybe it was losing Poppy and surviving Pearl Harbor, but whatever it was, she wasn’t going to waste time crying or hiding from whatever life was throwing at her. She shuddered as she remembered how everything, every nook and cranny and patient, had been covered in blood that day. That would make her want to cry and hide, if she had to see that all over again, but everything else she felt that she could face. All she could do now was pull herself up by her bootstraps and get on with life.
‘Come on, Eva,’ Grace said as she dragged them both toward the mess room, which had once been a no-doubt glorious library. ‘How are you feeling today?’
‘Um, I’m fine,’ she replied. ‘There’s nothing wrong with me.’
‘Well, let’s see if a hot cup of coffee and a game of craps perks you up, then.’
She wasn’t sure who was rolling their eyes more at her lately, her sister or Eva, but whatever Eva said, there was definitely something wrong with her. They’d all grieved for their losses in their own ways, every single nurse and soldier who’d lived and lost that day, but not Eva. Eva had just seemed to steel herself and keep going, never talking about Charlie, never mentioning what they’d lost. And Grace knew that one day she’d crack; she just wanted to make sure she was there for her when she did.
Two days later, Grace stood at the railings and looked back at the boat, rather than out to sea as she usually did. She couldn’t stop thinking how strange it was that their ship had once been a luxury liner reserved only for the very wealthy, because despite the grandeur of her bones, she was very much a workhorse now. The staircases were built from timber that had once upon a time been polished within an inch of its life on a daily basis, and the size of the swimming pool alone, which was now filled with beds, showed how extravagant everything must have been, and Grace wished she could have traveled on her before she was converted. Now, the once two-person rooms were crammed with fourteen nurses each, packed into bunk beds like sardines, with barely space to stretch without connecting with the sagging mattress above, and it was often stifling from so many women breathing the same confined space. But it was almost over now, and suddenly the ship felt safer than the unknown.
She couldn’t help but wonder if conditions might be worse wherever it was they were going. She knew nothing about Africa, other than the fact that some of the people there had skin as dark as midnight, and all types of wild, exotic animals lived freely there. But now they were within hours of arrival, and she couldn’t ignore the tremors of excitement running through her body as she turned back to face the water and the land they’d been told they would see soon.
‘How are you feeling?’ April asked, placing a hand on her shoulder as she stood beside her.
Grace looked over at her, smiling at her sister. April looked so young and fresh faced standing there. And she also looked a whole lot more relaxed than she had in days.
‘Nervous,’ she admitted. ‘I’m excited, but my stomach is twisted into knots.’
‘I know the feeling. Something about being stuck on this boat has rattled me. I just want to get my feet firmly on the ground again and get back to feeling in control.’
They stood staring out to sea together as the boat moved slowly toward their final destination.
‘I think I’ve felt more comfortable on this boat than I usually feel on land,’ Grace admitted, stroking her fingers back and forth across the wooden handrail. ‘It sounds stupid, but I feel like, I don’t know, the unknown doesn’t scare me. I’ve liked being on here and being part of the anticipation, having so many people around us. It’s kind of like when we first arrived in Hawaii, before . . .’
April nodded. ‘I know. But I can’t stand the unknown, I can’t plan for it, so I’ve been a hot mess! All I want is to see a hospital and set it up and get on with our job.’
Grace shuddered at the idea of having to set up the hospital and deal with bloody and dying patients again; she and April were definitely on different sides of the table there. Why was it that her sister was so capable when it came to things like that, and yet they put the fear of God into her? If they hadn’t looked so similar, she would have wondered if they were actually related sometimes.
‘Do you think Eva’s coping?’ April asked, her voice low.
Grace glanced over her shoulder to make sure Eva wasn’t nearby. ‘I don’t know what’s going on with her. It’s almost like she’s, I don’t know, going through the motions of everyday things without actually being there.’
‘I know,’ April said. ‘But she lost her fiancé, and we know what it’s like to lose someone. Everyone grieves differently, and how long is too long? She’s been through a lot.’
Grace watched a ripple in the water, and as her stomach lurched at the thought it was another submarine, a fish slipped through the water and broke the surface.
‘I think she’s more complex than we realize,’ April said. ‘There’s something going on with her family, or maybe it’s just her father, but I think she’s genuinely scared. The way she looked at me when we talked about her going home, it was strange. I just can’t stop thinking about it.’
‘You think he might, I do
n’t know, physically hurt her?’ Grace asked. Their father was so kind—aloof and frustrating as anything sometimes, but he’d never raise his voice at them, let alone hurt them.
‘I’m not sure. All I know is that she seemed so strong and confident when we first met her, and now I just can’t put my finger on it. It was almost like the fear of going home was worse for her than actually losing Charlie, but maybe I have it wrong. I don’t know.’
Grace sighed. Her sister was usually right; she always seemed to have the right intuition about what was going on with people and how to help. ‘I hope you’re wrong.’
April smiled sadly. ‘Me too.’
They stood side by side, basking in the warm sun and enjoying the ocean breeze, for almost another hour before they were all called to gather their things and prepare for arrival.
Three hours later, the ship was finally still, and Grace waited patiently with the other nurses to disembark, bumping shoulders with April on one side and Eva on the other.
‘I thought Hawaii was hot,’ Grace grumbled, blowing damp tendrils of hair from her face. It was impossibly hot, the kind of hot that left skin sticky and foreheads dripping, and it was even worse because they were carrying so much. ‘No wonder the people here have such dark skin. Our white skin would probably melt off us if we lived here!’
April laughed, but she didn’t get a rise out of Eva. But when she glanced over at the soldiers who’d already disembarked, she gave Eva a little kick to get her attention.
‘Would you look at them?’ she said. ‘I think we’re carrying more than they are!’
She watched as Eva followed her gaze. ‘Hmm, I think you’re right.’
Grace shuffled beneath the weight of her two packs, one on the front, one on the back, filled with her bedroll, uniforms, gas protection suit, cosmetics, and other bits and pieces. That combined with the two army blankets rolled tightly and slung over her shoulder was causing her to buckle beneath the weight and the stifling heat of it all.
The Girls of Pearl Harbor Page 14