by Lynne Graham
Jai had looked at her and found her wanting, Willow registered sickly. Her own father had always looked at her in that light, as his disappointing daughter, who had failed to live up to his fond hopes for her. Being a disappointment was nothing new to Willow but, when the judge was Jai, her failure to reach his standards cut through every layer of skin and hurt as fiercely as an acid burn. Distressed, she left the table to go and find Jai again and attempt to explain the motivation behind her interference.
He wasn’t in his office and she wandered through the beautiful rooms until she found him in the relatively small room that his father had used as a study. Above the desk hung a handsome portrait of his late father, Rehan, in a traditional Rajput warrior pose. Jai was in an armchair, his lean, lithe body sleek and taut in an innately graceful sprawl. He had a whiskey glass in his hand and a reckless glitter lit up his bright gaze. Willow’s eyes zoomed straight to the file that lay open on the desktop.
‘I need to explain things,’ she murmured tautly. ‘You have to understand why I did what I did…’
‘What’s to explain?’ Jai asked flatly, his wide sensual mouth settling into a grim line. ‘There is no arguing with what’s contained in that file. Obviously, the father I idolised lied to me all my life and behind those lies there must be even worse revelations. People with nothing to hide don’t lie.’
‘Jai… I—’
‘The someone who tipped you off could only have been my aunt, Jivika,’ Jai guessed, rising abruptly from his seat. ‘Jivika will know everything and that’s who I need to speak to now and finish this.’
Willow froze on the threshold of the room, recognising the pain darkening his eyes and shrinking from it in the knowledge that she had inflicted it on him by forcing him to deal with painful truths. ‘Let the dust settle first. Mull it over. And don’t forget,’ she muttered ruefully, ‘we all have a good side and a bad side. No matter what you find out one fact doesn’t change—you still had a wonderful father who loved you.’
‘Who told me that my mother was the love of his life…and yet, according to those documents, he abused her,’ Jai breathed with a shudder of revulsion, his shame at such a revelation palpable. ‘He lied on so many different levels that are unpardonable. Jivika, however, will know everything and she’s family. It will be confidential. I have to know it all now.’
For the first time, Willow understood why Jai’s aunt had resisted the temptation to interfere, because the ugly truth about his parents’ marriage had devastated Jai, rolling a wrecking ball through his every conviction and fond memory. ‘I was so naive about this situation,’ she confided with heartfelt regret. ‘I thought I could fix things but all I’ve done is cause more damage.’
‘No,’ Jai contradicted squarely, springing upright and towering over her. ‘Even the toughest truths shouldn’t be concealed from those concerned.’
‘Even when you consider what it’s done to our relationship?’ she pressed unhappily.
‘You were trying to right an injustice. I can respect that,’ Jai told her tightly. ‘But I don’t know if I can accept it and still live with you.’
His savage honesty crushed her. It contained none of the emotion she had longed to see coming in her direction. As Jai left the palace to visit his aunt, her tummy gave a nauseous flip and she turned away again, reckoning that whatever he learned would only cause him more distress. Ultimately, Jai could forgive her because she had exposed a truth that should never have been hidden from him, but it didn’t mean he would like her for it or that he would want to continue their marriage with a woman he didn’t feel he could trust. Nor was he likely to love her for shining a bright light over his father’s deceit and his mother’s victimhood. And love was what she was always seeking from Jai and least likely to receive, because love had much more humble beginnings.
Sometimes she thought that she had fallen in love with Jai the first time he smiled at her. Or had it happened when he wrapped an arm round her and offered her comfort, showing her a level of tenderness and understanding that she had never experienced before? Yet, it had been his raw, uninhibited passion that had exploded her out of the almost dreamlike state in which she had then lived her life, humbly accepting her limitations while doggedly following her own path and striving to rise above her father’s dissatisfaction with her. In matters of the heart, however, she had been naive until Jai came back into her life. Back then she had kept safe within narrow guidelines, never taking a risk, never allowing herself to want anything that seemed as if it might be out of reach. Jai, however, had been a huge risk, and marrying a man so far removed from her in terms of looks, status and wealth had been a challenge because right from the start she had felt out of her depth.
And now she was drowning in a deep sense of loss because she knew that Jai would never look at her in the same way again. Whatever she had achieved, whatever wrong she had tried to put right, she had been disloyal to him and once again she had acted behind his back, employing the secrecy that he abhorred. A prey to her tumultuous emotions, Willow found it impossible to settle to any task while Jai was still out.
Mid-afternoon, she heard the musicians strike up and watched Ranjit make a beeline for the entrance before forcing herself to walk upstairs and take refuge in their bedroom. If he wanted to discuss anything with her, he could come and find her. In the short-term it would be tactless of her to intrude when he probably still needed time and space to absorb what he had learned. Fed up with the warring thoughts assailing her and the almost overwhelming desire to run to his side and offer comfort, she kicked off her shoes and lay down on the bed, fighting her own inclinations to leave him alone rather than crowd him. After all, if she crowded him, she might only encourage him to dwell on the negative feelings he had been having about their marriage before his departure.
When Jai strode through the bedroom door and gave her a brilliant shimmering smile, it utterly disconcerted her. In consternation, Willow sat up and stared at him.
‘After what I said to you in my state of shock, I’m surprised that you’re still here,’ Jai admitted tautly, ‘and not on the first flight back to London.’
‘Some of what you said was fair. I did keep secrets, but only because I didn’t want to upset you. I honestly believed that telling you I was pregnant would be the worst news you’d ever heard,’ Willow confided ruefully. ‘And I couldn’t face it.’
‘After you, Hari’s the best thing that ever happened to me,’ Jai murmured in confident rebuttal. ‘I didn’t appreciate that when I first found out about him. But he gave us the chance to be together in a way that I could cope with.’
Her smooth brow furrowed because she didn’t understand. She had expected Jai to return angry or despondent, but he was demonstrating neither reaction. ‘Cope with?’ she queried.
‘I’ve never been into relationships. I’ve avoided normal relationships as if they were toxic,’ he reminded her uncomfortably. ‘My father never recovered from losing my mother and I was always very aware of that. It made me very reluctant to get in too deep with a woman and, when I did break that rule, I ended up with Cecilia and that was a hard lesson too. I didn’t have another relationship until I met you and that’s why it’s been rocky between us and I’ve been…’ his shrug was uneasy ‘…all over the place with you.’
‘All over the place?’ she repeated uncertainly.
‘When I married you I assumed we would have a detached marriage where after a while we each operated separately, but it didn’t turn out like that and I found the closeness that seemed so natural between us…well, for me it was primarily unnerving. I hadn’t bargained on feeling that way and I backed off fast,’ he extended ruefully.
Recalling the second week of their marriage, Willow released a sigh. ‘That hurt me.’
A wry smile slashed the tension from Jai’s beautifully modelled mouth. ‘And you called me on it, which was typical of you. I wasn’t used to th
at either. Women have always treated me as though everything I do is right and amazing…and then you came along.’
Willow winced. ‘Yes, and then I came along,’ she echoed unhappily.
‘And you challenged me every step of the way. You insisted that I treated you with respect. You had your opinions and your own way of looking at things and, while you were happy to listen to my viewpoint, you were independent, and I’ve never met with that before in a woman. You disagree with me. You were different and I liked that,’ he admitted tautly. ‘It’s a remarkably attractive talent, frustrating too, but I’ve discovered that I find it much more stimulating than having my ego stroked.’
Willow breathed in deep, wondering where the conversation was heading. ‘Really? Well, that’s fortunate because I think you have a very healthy ego as it is. You’d become unbearable if I agreed with everything you said.’
Jai laughed softly. ‘Probably, but not while you’re around,’ he acknowledged. ‘I haven’t been a mega success at being a husband, have I?’ He shifted an expressive brown hand and groaned. ‘You get to me on levels I never expected to visit with a woman. It throws me off balance and then I get all worked up and I overreact like I did last night when I accused you of flirting with Sher…and as I did today.’
Willow nodded slowly. ‘I hope you now realise that’s there’s nothing—’
‘I was jealous,’ Jai framed with grim finality. ‘Jealous for the first time ever, so that meant the fault had to be yours, not mine. I didn’t want to talk about it last night. I wanted to slide into bed with you and whisper, “I’m a jealous toad,” and drown my hurt pride in sex, but you had Hari with you and I didn’t want to disturb the two of you. I bet Hari would have started crying if you tried to return him to his lonely cot.’
Her natural smile drove what remained of her tension from her heart-shaped face. ‘Oh, dear…’ she whispered, and she extended a forgiving hand to him. ‘You should’ve woken me. I wouldn’t have minded. I didn’t mean to fall asleep with Hari. I was sort of using him like a teddy bear for comfort.’
‘I’d much rather you used me for comfort,’ Jai confided, closing his hand over hers and using that connection to tug her off the side of the bed and into his arms. He covered her mouth slowly and urgently with his and kissed her breathless. She leant against him for support, letting the remainder of her tension drain away.
‘I went to see your mother because—’ she began awkwardly.
‘No, not now,’ Jai interrupted, pressing a fingertip against her parted lips. ‘Let tonight be for us. Anyway, I’m reasonably intelligent. I’ve already worked out why you did it.’
‘Have you really?’ she asked.
‘Yes,’ Jai assured her with satisfaction. ‘I’m getting better at understanding how your mind works. Jivika dropped you in it. Her knowledge has been burning a hole in her brain for years and she jumped at the chance to share. And, you being you, you couldn’t resist the urge to try and create a happy ending for everyone involved.’
‘Principally you,’ Willow whispered. ‘It was arrogant of me to think I knew best.’
‘And even more arrogant of me to start ranting about disloyalty and deception because the woman I know and love isn’t capable of that kind of betrayal,’ he concluded.
Willow froze. ‘Know…and love?’
‘Passionately love,’ Jai qualified levelly. ‘I love you in a way I have never loved any woman and I didn’t even realise it was love. I told myself all sorts of face-saving lies when I stopped having sex with other women after that night I spent with you.’
Her gaze flew up to his in shock. ‘Are you saying that you weren’t with anyone else after me…all those months?’ she prompted in disbelief.
‘Yes. I persuaded myself that my celibacy was down to guilt at having taken advantage of you. I even assumed that I’d somehow gone off sex. When I tried repeatedly to check up on you afterwards, I told myself it was because I felt responsible for your well-being. In fact, what I was feeling was really quite simple, I just wanted to see you again, but I wasn’t ready to admit that to myself.’
Willow, however, was still in shock and concentrating on only one startling fact at a time. ‘You mean all that time while I was pregnant and raising Hari you didn’t—’
‘I haven’t been with anyone else since our first night,’ Jai confirmed. ‘I didn’t want anyone else. What I found with you was so good that every other experience paled in comparison. So, yes, I was in love with you from way back then and, no, I didn’t understand that.’
Willow’s eyes rounded in wonder and she looked up into those gorgeous arctic-blue eyes and suddenly she was smiling. ‘I love you too,’ she told him quietly and without fanfare.
‘I was hoping so,’ Jai admitted, smiling down at her with love and tenderness gleaming in his intent gaze. ‘I mean, you had the bravery to confront me with something everyone else ran scared from, and I very much hoped that love gave you the strength to go against my wishes in the belief that what you found out might make me happier.’
‘You understand,’ she breathed in relief.
‘Of course I do. In the equivalent position I would have done the same thing for you. I very much regret that I wasn’t around when your father was doing a number on your self-confidence,’ he confessed. ‘It also made me appreciate that he had a side to his character that I never saw, a less presentable side.’
‘I’m sorry about what you’ve had to hear about your father.’
‘Later, not now,’ he insisted again, brushing her hair back from her cheeks and reaching behind her to run the zip down on her dress. ‘Tonight is all about us and I’m determined that nothing will come between us.’
‘Literally!’ She gasped as her dress pooled round her feet and he dispensed with her bra even faster.
Jai skimmed off her panties and lifted her back onto the bed, standing back from her to strip off his clothes with near indecent haste. ‘I’m burning for you,’ he groaned.
He came down to her, his skin on hers feverishly hot and his sensual mouth hungry and urgent, both hands holding hers to the mattress until they fought free to sink into his luxuriant hair. In the space of minutes her life had been transformed by the simple truth that the man she loved not only understood her, but also loved her back with all the fierce emotion she had long craved. Happiness flooded her like a rejuvenating force, every insecurity forced out and forgotten because what she had most wanted in the world had suddenly become hers.
‘I’m crazy about you,’ Jai husked in the aftermath of their unashamed passion. ‘I couldn’t wait to get back here to be with you because I so much regretted what I’d said to you and nothing else mattered. The past is the past and I don’t want to revisit it, now that the truth is out.’
‘Meaning?’ she prompted.
‘There will be no recriminations. Not on my part. We all get a clean sheet. My father’s behaviour almost destroyed my mother and the guilt of knowing that and remaining silent tormented Jivika for years. We’ll leave all that behind us now and my mother will be part of our lives,’ he outlined.
‘You’ve seen your mother? You’ve spoken to her?’
‘Yes, but only very briefly,’ Jai told her with a rueful smile as he looked down at her, his lean, darkly handsome face pensive. ‘Unfortunately, she’s flying back to London tomorrow and it’s her stepdaughter’s wedding in a couple of days, so she couldn’t delay her flight. But she’s planning to come back for a visit in a few weeks and spend time with us.’
‘She must’ve been shocked when you showed up at the hotel,’ Willow remarked.
‘Shocked, delighted, tearful. We have a lot to catch up on, but we’ll take our time,’ Jai murmured, curving an arm round Willow to press her closer. ‘And if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t even have had the opportunity to meet her and give her that chance. For that I owe you a debt I can never repay.
’
‘Oh, I’ll take it out of your hide somehow,’ Willow teased, running an appreciative hand down over a long, lean, hair-dusted thigh. ‘Don’t you worry about that. You’ll be paying it off for a very long time and, I promise you now, it’s likely to use up every ounce of your surplus energy.’
Jai burst out laughing and crushed her lips under his. ‘I love you so much, balmaa.’
Willow succumbed to a shameless little wriggle of encouragement and pressed her mouth tenderly to a bare brown shoulder. ‘I love you too and I’m going to have to learn Hindi to know what you’re calling me.’
‘Beloved,’ Jai translated, a little breathless as her wandering hands stroked across the taut expanse of his flat stomach.
‘I like that,’ she told him happily. ‘I like that very much indeed.’
EPILOGUE
IN AN ELEGANT shift dress the shade of polished copper, Willow studied her reflection in the mirror. The dress was very flattering, the ultimate in maternity wear, and very nearly concealed the bump of her second pregnancy.
A pair of lean bronzed hands settled gently on her hips from behind and she grinned as Jai’s hands slowly slid round to caress her swollen stomach. She adored the fact that he was so ridiculously excited about the daughter she carried. They hadn’t shared the gender news with anyone else, but Willow could hardly wait to make use of the pretty clothes she had begun to collect.
Even as a toddler, Hari was very much a little boy, stomping through mud and puddles and shouting with excitement as he climbed and jumped and toppled. Of course, their daughter might well be a little tomboy, just as energetic, but Willow knew that she would at least be able to enjoy dressing her daughter in pretty clothes until she became more mobile.