I watch in awe as Killian’s eyes wearily blink open only to see Alina straight away. I can see how bloodshot his eyes are, hazy from the tears gathered there.
“Alina? You’re…You’re okay? But I thought—” He looks past Alina to the ceiling and around the barn before his eyes fall on me where they widen. “Galen.” He goes to move when he realizes Alina’s hands are still on his cheeks. He places one of his over hers and moves to sit up, using his other arm for momentum. Leaning into her hand, he closes his eyes for a brief moment, then opens them again. What I see there is love and admiration, entirely focused on the amazing woman in front of him. I swear for a brief moment I see the same emotions flicker across Alina’s face. How I wish she would look at me like that.
I reach down to nudge my nose against Killian’s head and he turns to rubs his fingers against my muzzle. A slow exhale leaves his lips as he rests his forehead against my nose. “I thought I lost you mate.” He turns to Alina. “Both of you. It was so bloody real.” He reaches out and pulls Alina into his arms, wrapping them tightly around her. She looks frozen for a moment, confusion marring her features. She appears to relax and hugs Killian back. Alina is still on her knees beside him with me standing on the other side. I crouch down onto my knees so I’m more at their level. My gaze catches Alina’s over Killian’s shoulder, she offers me a tired smile.
Hesitantly she pulls back and they both turn to me. “I’m happy to see you both awake. You’re lucky I wasn’t infected by the curse, otherwise there would have been no hope in waking you both, I think it was Vemnos’ intention to have us all trapped within our nightmares. As I said you’re both lucky,” I reply forlornly.
“Why didn’t it affect you?” Killian pipes up, glancing between us all.
“I’m not sure. It may have something to do with the barrier Neris placed on me to prevent shifting. Maybe that same barrier protected me from the nightmare curse too.” It’s the only reasoning I can think of to explain any of this.
“What happens when we fall asleep again? Will we be trapped in the nightmares?” Alina asks. Her hand is on her lap and I watch with a hint of jealousy when Killian laces his fingers between hers. She looks down at their joined hands but says nothing. However, I do see a flash of hesitation in her features, which quickly disappears when she fully looks at me again waiting for her answer.
“I don’t think so. Unfortunately, I don’t know a lot about dream magic, but what I do know is once a spell or curse has been cast once and then subsequently broken then the caster should be unable to use it again. I think. To be honest, I don’t know. Sorry.” Hopefully what I’ve said is enough. I remember learning a little about dream magic from Neris decades ago in one of her lessons. She didn’t want to go too much into it, hesitant to discuss the dark magic needed to cast curses and such. I wonder what they dreamt? Usually those types of curses cause the dreamer to see one of their greatest fears. I have to ask, my curiosity getting the better of me. “What happened in your nightmares?”
Killian looks sheepish for a moment. “Umm, I saw my farm being burned down and—” He swallows gazing down at his hand wrapped around Alina’s. As he looks to me again, I can see clouded eyes from trying not to cry and my own gut clenches. “You were dead and—” he turns back to face Alina, “and you blamed me for his death and held onto him as the fire destroyed the surrounding barn. I didn’t know what to do, so I wrapped myself around you and Galen. The next thing I know I can hear your voice calling me. Both of you. It felt like I was being pulled away from the darkness. When I opened my eyes and saw both of you were okay, I was so relieved.”
Using her free hand, Alina cups Killian’s stubbled cheek and forces him to look at her. “It was a nightmare. I would never blame you for anything. Well, unless you were a complete dipshit, then of course I would blame you.” A small shy smile lines her lips when Killian visibly relaxes.
“I don’t know Sparky. I’m pretty sure that sounds like something you would do,” I chuckle, earning me a glare from the fiery redhead. “What about you, Sparky? What happened in your nightmare?” It’s not hard to miss the extreme sadness which fills Alina’s eyes.
“There was…” She closes her eyes and I can see how her breath has become shaky. “There was nothing. I…I was alone.” She snakes her fingers away from Killian and wraps her arms around herself.
“What do you mean there was nothing?” Killian asks, watching longingly as Alina pulls away from him.
“Just that. Nothing. Vemnos was there briefly, but then nothing but darkness. It felt like it was crushing in on me. Definitely not something I wish to relive if possible.” She offers a weary smile,
“Is that your greatest fear? To be alone with nothing around you?” I’m hoping if I can understand her fears, then hopefully I will be able to help so it never happens.
A small sad nod is her reply. “Yes. I mean why wouldn’t I fear it? I’m a phoenix. An immortal. I get to live forever while everyone and everything around me fades and decays. What if it gets to the point one day everything just fades away and I’m left behind? Left to be consumed in the black pit for eternity. How would you deal with it?” She looks to Killian then me, a slight hint of anger and despair lining her features, however I also sense an air of determination about her. One thing I love about this woman is her ability to keep fighting even when it seems hopeless. Crap, did I say… I have to shake my head quickly to scramble the thoughts away before they start overwhelming me. “I can live forever too Sparky. Except I can be killed. I suppose there is a small difference between us. However, I can sort of understand what you are feeling. If that helps.”
“I don’t know. I guess maybe a little. Doesn’t really stop me from worrying about something happening to either of you though. Is this what’s meant to happen after a nightmare curse?”
“Not usually, no. From what I know, the curse is meant to place you in an eternal nightmare and you’re not meant to be able to escape unless the curse gets revoked. I guess Vemnos expected it to affect all of us. I believe the only reason I didn't succumb to it was because of Neris’ magic.”
“I guess it’s quite logical for one god’s magic to react to another’s. However it happened, I’m grateful. If it wasn’t for you, we would’ve both been trapped. And I’m telling you right now it would’ve sucked.” Killian reaches out to me and I have to lean forward for him to stroke my muzzle. “I mean it. Thank you, Galen.” The emotion in his eyes is so earnest and sad. I feel a small tightening in my chest from the thoughts bombarding my mind with how close I had come again to almost losing them both. I wish I could understand Vemnos’ motives better. The reason why he is so obsessed with her still puzzles me.
Killian takes that moment to release a huge yawn. Alina mimics the same yawn, although she tries hiding it behind her hand.
“I think you both need to get some sleep. Before you say anything, I’m pretty sure Vemnos’ can’t try the same nightmare curse on you again. There is no reason to stay up if you don’t need to. Go on into the house, relax for a while, then head to bed. I’m sure you’ll feel better in the morning.” I know I’m probably pressuring them, although it is for their own good.
Alina lets out a yawn this time, her eyes growing heavy from the lack of sleep she has been having recently.
“Can’t we stay here with you for a bit longer?” Killian asks me with a small head tilt and I swear for a moment his brown eyes get wider. Fuck, I don’t know how Alina can resist him with those damn puppy eyes when I can barely resist him myself. I have to take a deep swallow to focus more and turn my head away from Killian to face Alina. Except the only thing that does is make it worse. I can see Alina’s eyes focused on me with a similar expression, although not as powerful. Damn it, I’m going to have to change the tension in here, otherwise I may just ask them to stay with me.
“Well, as tempting as the idea of you both sharing my bed is, I’m afraid I have to insist you head back up to the house. It’s not very warm out here
and with only one blanket I’m worried you’ll catch pneumonia or some shit. So please for my sanity could you go back up to the house and crawl into your nice warm bed.” I purposely leave out ‘beds’ hoping that on the off chance they will sleep in the same bed. I’m sure a good cuddle in a warm bed would be amazing for both of them. Such a shame I can’t join them. I’m pretty confident I would have them both warmed up in no time. Gulping down my wandering thoughts, I nudge my nose against Killian. “Go on you two. It’s not a request.”
Alina’s eyes are the first to lose their slight pleading appeal when she looks to Killian. “He’s right, you know. We should really think about heading into the house. I originally came out here to talk and lost track of time.”
I see by the way her eyes are drooping she should really get some sleep. Looking to Killian he seems more alert. “I think you better help Alina back to the house, Sweetcheeks. She looks like she’s about to collapse.” I say focusing on Killian’s mind so Alina can’t hear me.
“Do you really have to call me Sweetcheeks? Can’t you call me something else?” I can clearly see when he rolls his eyes. Alina however wouldn’t notice if a tornado blew in here. Her eyes are almost closed and she’s swaying side to side trying to stay upright. Killian’s head flips to the side when Alina falls against his shoulder.
“We’ll talk about this later.” Killian replies propping Alina upright again then standing. He reaches his arms down and carefully helps her up from the floor. She stirs just a little, murmuring Killian’s name as he drapes her arm over his shoulder. His mouth turns up into a contented smile as he steadies her enough so he can start walking out the barn. “See you later, mate. And don’t think I’m going to forget the discussion we need about your chosen nickname for me.” I know he’s trying to be stern but his eyes betray his playfulness. It never fails to amaze me how relaxed he is about everything that has happened to him recently. Whereas yesterday he was technically dead and weakened, today he seems to regain his strength by the second.
I watch them stumble out of the barn, toward the house, keeping my eyes on them until they are out of view. The same familiar feeling of jealousy threatens to creep over me. But this time it’s more. I just wish I was going back to the house with them rather than staying out here in the barn. With nothing left to do I settle myself down for what will probably be a restless sleep as I can’t seem to push aside the worry I feel for them both. Maybe if I was in the house with them I would feel happier, knowing that maybe I could help keep them safe.
Who am I kidding? I know exactly why I want to be in that house.
It’s not long before I drift off into a restless sleep full of whispers of a future I wish for, yet I know would be almost impossible to fulfill.
9
Galen
Waking up always used to be an effort when I lived with Neris. Time loses all meaning when you’re able to do nearly everything you want, especially when drunk. More often than not I would drown myself in the fine wines available in an effort to block out my crushing loneliness. I believed to some extent I would always feel that way. As though I needed a drink in order to numb the pain. Though since coming here and meeting Alina, then Killian, I haven’t even thought about touching a drop of the stuff. Not just because it hasn’t been available to me, but because I haven’t felt numb or lonely. It’s like these two people have woken something inside of me I never thought would be there. Every morning I wake up early, go for a run and then make sure I’m back before Alina is awake.
Before everything happened with Vemnos, Killian would be awake before Alina. I would watch him head out the house and start on the odd jobs around the farm. I’m not sure if he knew I was watching him. Every morning it was the same until that monster. Until Killian died. Not seeing him yesterday morning going about his normal routine was strange. Yet considering what he has been through recently, it’s understandable.
So, to see him this morning casually walking down the steps at first surprises me. What I find even more curious is the fact he’s heading this way.
I look around making sure everything is clean. Then I remember I’m a fucking horse. How exactly am I meant to clean anything up even if I tried?
“Morning mate. You’re up early.” My head pops up to see Killian leaning against the door frame. “Sorry if I startled you.” He offers a small grin I wish I could reciprocate.
“Of course not. And I’m always up early.” The double meaning unintentionally slips from my lips causing a flicker of amusement in Killian’s eyes when he walks in, but he says nothing. I keep my eyes on him as he moves closer, which is when I notice he’s still in his pajamas with no coat to keep out the cold. “How come you’re not dressed? You shouldn’t really come out here in only your pajamas and boots, you’ll catch a cold.”
He glances down for a moment then looks back up. “I didn’t think to be honest. I wanted to spend some time with you for a bit before Alina wakes up. You don’t mind, do you? I can go if you want me to.” He turns as if he’s going to leave, but I move forward to stand in front of him. “You don’t have to go. I don’t mind you staying, if you want to.”
I notice the subtle fidgeting in Killian’s fingers and his lowered head.
“Is everything alright?”
He reaches up to rub the back of his neck, gazing at me through his lowered lashes. He looks apprehensive for some reason. “I…Uh… I wanted to talk to you about…Umm. Well, Alina actually.” I was expecting this conversation at some point. I just find Killian’s shyness so amusing, if a little endearing.
“What did you want to know?” Perhaps I can ease him into this.
“Well, you knew Alina before I did, and I wanted to know if you two were close.” He lowers his hand and walks over the hay bale Alina usually sits on.
“I didn’t really know her long before she met you. I mean I have heard things about her from the goddess Neris, but other than that, the first time I met her was the same evening she met you. As for being close. I would like to think we are, however it’s her decision I guess.” I lower myself to the ground so I’m at a better height to gauge Killian’s facial expressions.
“Oh. I just thought because she talks to you so much, maybe you guys were close.”
“Yeah, we talk. Usually about her trying to understand her history and all the shit that has happened to her over time. I’m pretty sure she shares a lot of it with you as well.”
“Okay. It was just. Well, I want to get to know her better. And I dunno, I guess maybe you could help me with it.” I can sense and hear the nerves in his voice.
“You want my help? I think you’re doing pretty well on your own. I’m happy to lend assistance if you feel you need it though.”
“I honestly think I do. I don’t really have a good track record with women. I guess I was too focused on the farm and my father to really bother with them too much. So yeah, I think my social skills are a bit out of whack.”
“Ah, I see how it is. You want love advice.” I chuckle, spying an adorable blush spreading over his cheeks.
“Umm, yeah, I guess. I dunno mate. I’ve never been in this kind of situation. I mean, I’ve let Alina know I care for her. I’ve even kissed her a few times. But each time she pushes me away. I just wished I knew what I could do to change her mind. I think she cares for me too, yet I keep second guessing myself.” His shoulders slump as he rests his elbows on his knees, placing his head in them.
“I’m pretty sure she does care for you. You have to realize how it is for her though. Everything that has happened in her past and being an immortal. She’s going to be cautious and have fears about putting her heart on the line again. Wouldn’t you if you had experienced even a quarter of what she’s had to deal with?” I probably sound harsh, but I swear I need to knock these two’s heads together.
“I know. I remember everything she told me about her past and I often fear for her future. I wish I could do more to help. I honestly feel useless around a phoenix and a uni
corn.” He raises his hand up quickly before I can contradict him. “Before you say anything, I remember your talk about how I’m not useless, blah, blah, blah. It’s just deep down I feel I could do more.”
“You will always feel like there’s more you can do. We all feel that way, some of us every now and then and others all the fucking time. It’s what happens when you deeply care about someone. I’m quite confident you care for Alina, as do I. The only thing you can really do is to not let her push you away. She’s not doing it out of spite, I can assure you. She’s scared of history repeating itself. Which to be fair nearly happened the other night.” I don’t want to have to remind Killian of his run in with Vemnos, but the fact remains it did happen.
“Yes, I know what he did. How close I came to truly dying. If it wasn’t for Alina and you, I would still be dead. I was foolish. I so badly wanted to hurt him for what he’s put Alina through and my anger took over.” I can tell he’s disappointed in himself, not for attacking Vemnos, more likely because he didn’t stop him.
“You did what you thought was right at the time. It was definitely impulsive and didn’t end the way you hoped. And obviously it scared the shit out of me and Alina, and—”
“Alright. Alright. No need to rub it in. Do you want some salt and lemon for my wounds too? You know, to really make it burn?” He smiles crookedly with an arched brow. Damn this fucker can act sassy.
“I can hear you, you know. Fuck. Still seems surreal I can do that.” He runs a hand through his wavy hair and I’m almost mesmerized by the way his fingers move within the strands. I wonder what they would feel like underneath my fingers. Then my mind wanders to Alina’s fiery long, wavy hair. It would be interesting to have a fistful of each of their hair as they—.Fuck no, don’t think about it. Anything, just not that. A full body shudder runs through me as I try to calm my overactive imagination. What is usually a gift is a damn curse right now. Only after I manage to clear my head a little, do I realize Killian has been talking to me.
Whispers of Tomorrow (The Alina Chronicles Book 2) Page 7