by Jessa York
“That fuckin’ jerk off is gonna mess with your fuckin’ head again. Can’t you see that? How many times has he done that now, huh? You get back together, he uses you, then he sends you packing. Do you not see a pattern developing here?” he said, his arms wide, his eyes wild, searching mine for any hint of clarity. Still, his beauty and his big heart surpassed his madness. I walked over and hugged him hard around the middle.
“I love him, honey,” I muttered into his chest and felt his big arms squeeze me tight, then tighter. His spicy cologne surrounded me while his soft black T-shirt caressed my face. “We both screwed up, but mostly me, and he’s forgiven me. It’s for us to figure out now,” I said and looked up into his face full of concern. “I’m pregnant.”
“What? Are you sure?” he said, barely audible.
“Yeah, we found out yesterday.”
“I’m ecstatic for you. Congratulations,” he said, hugging me harder. “You’re going to make a wonderful mom.”
His words choked me up, making me cry. “There’s no possible way for me to ever thank you for being here when I needed you most. You picked me up when I was down and I’m forever grateful.”
He looked into my eyes, holding my face in his big, calloused hands. “Did the same for me a while back.”
His thumbs wiped the tears falling from my eyes, as I flashed back to that dark time in Dean’s life when he’d lost his whole world in the blink of an eye. “I did, didn’t I? And I’ll always be here for you. No matter what, no matter when. You know that, right?”
He kissed my head, nodding. “Always.” Then he let me go and strode to the end of the counter.
After retrieving his keys, he called back over his shoulder, “But if he fucks with you again, we’re gonna have a problem.” Then he slammed the front door behind him, making the entire house shake.
“I just make friends everywhere I go,” Jason said, appearing out of nowhere.
“You scared the crap outta me,” I gasped, holding my hand to my mouth.
Depositing the tray with the remnants of the poorly abused baking onto the counter, he came to me. “You all right?” he asked, his warm hands rubbing my shoulders while his crisp blue eyes searched mine for regret.
I smiled up at him. “Never better.”
“That seemed...intense.” He nodded in the direction of Dean’s exit and watched me closely.
“We’re close, and he’s worried.” I shrugged.
“Can’t blame the guy, I guess,” he replied, then kissed me quickly. “I should try to get some work done today. You free for supper?”
“Yep. I’m cooking. Bring some clothes and don’t forget that cat and all of his accessories. You’re gonna be here a while and I’d hate for him to get lonely.”
“I’m going to be here a while?” He cocked his head to the side and grinned.
“That’s what I said. You have a problem with that?”
“Ah, no. We can stay at my place sometimes, though.”
“No, we can’t.”
“We can’t?”
“I’m still having nightmares about your apartment. My place is bigger, and it’s less...” I paused, searching for the right words. “Murdery.”
“Right, murdery is hard to deal with.”
My body shook as he chuckled, holding me tight.
“Well, glad that’s settled. Now off you go so I can shower and get my fanny to work.”
“I could stay and help you with that?”
“You could, but then neither of us would actually get to work today.”
“There’s that. Give me one more kiss and I’ll go. Make it good. I won’t see you for hours.”
On my tiptoes, I kissed him hard, raking my fingers through his hair. He seemed to appreciate the effort I put into it, too.
Jason
“Yo, Jason,” I heard before I could open my door. Dean sauntered toward me. Obviously he’d been waiting for me to leave Viv’s house. His sunglasses covered his eyes but not his intent. Like most powerful men, his aura of confidence and authority greeted me long before his physical presence did.
The rocks, dirt, and other road detritus slid out from under his feet until he skidded to a stop in front of me. “Dean,” I answered back, removing my sunglasses and hopefully my defenses.
“We have a problem,” he stated the obvious. Unintentional eavesdropping wasn’t my thing until this morning. Not much else you could do when you found yourself around the corner with a tray full of smashed baking, about to interrupt an intimate conversation.
“No problem from me, man. Everything’s good.” I held my hands up in surrender.
Ripping his aviators off, he unveiled possibly the most intimidating eyes I’d ever seen. “Everything’s not good, man.” He glared at me. Truth be told, it scared the fuck out of me.
I took a step toward him, the dirt under my shoe slipping a bit as I did. “Vivienne and I are back together. As far as I’m concerned, that’s good.”
“As far as I’m concerned, that’s trouble,” he grumbled, hands on his hips. “You keep fuckin’ around with her and I’ll have to find a way to make sure that stops.” He leaned in for full effect. “For good.”
“I’m not fucking around with her, Dean. I love her. She’s mine and I’m stepping up.” I bent forward, closer to him. “For good.”
He looked me up and down before replacing his mirrored glasses. The guy looked like a cross between a biker and a lumberjack. I was incredibly grateful he’d left his axe at home. “We’ll see,” was all he said before swaggering back to his truck that was almost as massive as he was. “One more thing, Jason?” He turned briefly, looking over his shoulder. “I’ll be watching.” And he climbed up into his truck like it was no small feat.
My eyes followed him as his vehicle roared to life and he tore out of his spot.
Yep. Makin’ friends wherever I go.
Dean
As he drove back to his ranch, the pounding behind his eyes wouldn’t stop. He rubbed his forehead and the bridge of his nose, trying to relieve the pressure in his head that told him he’d just lost his best friend. Like it often did, the loss of the last few years weighed heavily on his shoulders. It was a fucking wonder he could still walk upright.
The ache inside of him hadn’t dulled, like everyone said it would.
“Time heals all wounds.”
“It’ll take some time.”
“You’ll see, in time this will all pass.”
Fuck time. Time only fed his anguish.
He turned onto the deserted road, the stones crackling under his tires. Clouds of dirt and dust followed him. Rain was a distant memory as was the vague recollection of the joy he used to feel every time his house would come into view. The anticipation of seeing his wife…his beautiful, kind, loving wife. His dead wife. She left, taking their baby with her. Their hope. His last piece of her—of them.
He shook his head. This wasn’t fucking helping.
As his truck came to a grinding stop, he began mentally preparing himself for what was to greet him when he opened the door to his house. Silence. The only sound coming from echoes of the past.
No wife calling to him from the kitchen, no baby doing whatever babies do. He didn’t know. He wouldn’t ever know. That part of his life was over, and now he had this to look forward to for the next...million or so years.
Taking a deep breath, he somehow found the courage to once again open the door and greet the deafening silence.
Epilogue
Vivienne
“There’s another wave coming,” Jason said, watching the goddamn monitor again instead of me. No, don’t watch me. Watch the machine.
“It’s not a fucking wave,” I said, screaming as another contraction took hold. They were getting stronger and closer together. I didn’t know how much longer I could do this.
“We talked about what you wanted to visualize during labor. This was your plan, waves.”
“Fuck the fucking waves. Would you stop
already? Christ, I’ve never known anything more irritating,” I said, exasperated by his efforts. Twenty hours of contractions could do that to a person.
He opened his mouth to say something, but thought better of it. Smart man.
“How are we doing in here? Your nurses said you should be ready to push soon.” Dr. K. glided in. “Let’s check you out.” After the seventy-fourth vaginal check in twenty hours—give or take—I finally heard the words I’d been waiting for. “You’re complete. Let’s get down to business.”
“Oh my God, this was a really bad idea,” I said, feeling a ring of fire where there should be zero rings of fire.
“You’re doing great. Just a bit more,” Jason said, head watching my vajayjay in fascination.
“How do you know?”
“The head is right there,” he said, gesturing with his hands.
“He’s right. Not much longer now,” Dr. K. said, patting my leg for support. “You’re pushing like a machine, Vivienne. That’s exactly what we need you to do. Give me one more and you’ll be able to meet your baby.”
“Gahhhhh, ahhhhh, rrrrrrr,” I screamed as the ring of fire turned into a motherfucking blowtorch.
“We’ve got a head, Mommy. Take a look,” she said, excited yet in complete control.
“Vivienne, open your eyes,” Jason said in the calmest voice I’d ever heard from him. I did what he said. Suddenly, the pain seemed secondary. Dr. K. was suctioning as I glanced down to see our baby’s head. I sobbed at finally catching a glimpse of the tiny human we’d been waiting for. “One little push, and I won’t bother you again for a while.”
I followed her directions, screaming one last time.
“Sorry, shoulders are not fun, are they?” Dr. K. said, sounding chipper. That must be a good sign. All of a sudden, my thoughts were interrupted by a yell. A cry. Our baby was crying to beat the band. “It’s a girl. Congratulations.”
“She’s seriously the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen, right? I’m not just saying that because I’m her mother,” I asked Jason for the tenth time.
“You are completely right because she looks exactly like you,” he said, bending down to kiss me again.
Her warm, baby body wiggled inside of the pink blanket, two wee fists emerging. Instinctively, I put one finger by her fist as she clamped down on it with her sweet itty-bitty hand. “Thank you for giving me what I always wanted,” I said to Jason, my heart ready to burst with joy.
His finger reached down to touch both of ours. “Thank you for giving me what I never knew I always wanted.”
Sometime in the future…
Jason
“Hope, stop shoving so much at her,” I corrected my daughter for the tenth time in as many minutes.
“Sadie’s hungwy, Dad,” she replied with her bottom lip out in a pout.
“I know she is, honey, and I’m so glad you’re helping like a good big sister. But Sadie’s just a baby. We have to give her little bites, okay?” I helped correct, although there was probably no need. That baby was young, but the kid could pack it away like there was no tomorrow.
One, two…shit. Where’s three? Christ, it was anyone’s guess these days. Rarely did my head count ever equal the number of kids who were supposed to be present.
“Hope, where’s Leah?” I asked inconspicuously, not letting on how freaked out I was at not knowing where one of my kids was. Again.
“She’s chasin’ Jinxy.” Hope sighed, shaking her head like every eldest sibling when a younger sibling misbehaved. That poor cat. She’d be lucky to get out of Leah’s toddlerhood with her tail still intact.
“Anyone missing a two year old?” my beautiful wife said, walking around the corner carrying said two year old like a sack of potatoes. An extremely colorful sack of potatoes.
“Pfft, she was just chasin’ the cat,” I said, playing it off like I knew where Leah was the whole time.
“Daddy wost her again, but I kepted an eye on her just wike you toad me to.” Hope beamed. Little tattletale.
“Uh-huh,” Vivienne said, giving me the look. Shit.
“They outnumber me. What can I say? I would have cleaned up if I’d known you were coming home for lunch,” I said. We both knew that was a total lie. Nothing got cleaned—except diapers—when I was alone with the kids. I grabbed our problem middle child away from my wife.
“Riiiight, I bet.” Vivienne snickered as I bent down to kiss her.
“No way,” Leah yelled, pushing our faces away from each other. Her mother and I were never allowed to kiss or show affection to one another—just to her. She was an attention junkie. We chuckled, each taking a chubby cheek for a big kiss. Her short, little arms grabbed us both around the neck while we loved up on her.
“I see they delivered the bike,” my wife said, raising her eyebrows, shining her best smile at me.
“They did, about an hour ago. Thank you,” I said, giving her a quick kiss.
“Thirty is a big birthday. Besides, this one is way hotter than your old one.” Vivienne rated motorcycles based on a hotness scale. The one she’d bought me as a wedding present was still completely fine.
“I love it and I’ll demonstrate exactly how much later tonight.” I shot her a knowing sexy grin.
She pursed her lips, quickly glancing away. “Looks like you’ve had a busy morning,” Vivienne said, spying the big table with our supplies still on it.
“We finger-painted.” I smiled tentatively at the unholy mess on the formerly clean table.
“I see that. Did you manage to get any paint on the paper, little miss?” she asked Leah, tickling her belly in the process. Leah giggled, swinging from side to side in my arms.
“Can you take her for a second? Dr. Miller’s office called, but I couldn’t hear the assistant with all the noise the girls were making. I’ll call them back now,” I said, handing the well-painted kid back to her mother.
“Um, Jason, one thing before you…” She started, but got cut off.
“Anybody home? I’ve been knocking for five minutes straight,” Gerry said, waltzing around the corner in his best work coveralls.
“Hi, Gerry. Didn’t expect you,” I said, shoving my hand out immediately to the man who worked endless hours on our dream house. He’d put the finishing touches on it exactly one hour before Vivienne went into labor. The first time.
Over the years, we needed him back to do small fixes and other fun things like the hot tub enclosure and gazebo. It’d been a while since we’d needed him, though.
“Oh, Gerry, I didn’t think you’d be so quick.” Vivienne laughed nervously, looking a bit suspicious.
“Anything for my favorite clients. I’ll just run upstairs and start measuring.”
Hmm, what exactly was he here for? I opened my mouth to talk, but Vivienne beat me to the punch.
“So, your appointment? No rush, really,” she said in a quiet voice.
“If they can get me in sooner, I’ll go. You can stay home while I get the snip, snip,” I said, imitating a scissoring motion with my fingers. “I won’t be able to carry Leah or Sadie around for a few days, but then I should be okay.”
“Yeah, so, you remember that surfing vacation we took to the coast last month? When Harper and Jack babysat for us?”
Boy did I ever. In fact, I’d never forget some of the stuff we did. It was burned deep into my memory. “I do. You want to go again?” I asked, surprised she’d even mentioned it. It took me weeks to convince her to leave the Three Musketeers behind and give the two of us some much-needed alone time.
“Someday, yeah. Do you remember forgetting to pack the medical bag with my,” she lowered her voice, “pills in it?”
Yeah, so I forgot one bag out of the umpteen she wanted to take with us for a three day getaway.
“I said I was sorry. Yes, it was my mistake. Are you ever going to quit mentioning it?”
“Not for a while.”
“Seriously? It was one bag. I remembered all the other ones.”
/> “It was an important one to forget, Jason,” she said, her eyebrow hiked high. “The stomach thing that wouldn’t go away? Yeah, not a stomach thing after all. I just got back from the doctor’s office. And the signs of menopause I thought I had? Yeah, not so much.”
“Oh boy,” I said, backing up to rest on the couch before I fell right over. My heart beat so quickly, and my lungs burned from lack of oxygen.
“Or girl. Again.”
“Seriously? Honey, your ovaries love surfing way too much.”
Vivienne laughed so hard, tears started running down her face. Then I wasn’t sure if they were happy tears or not, so I strode over to her. “Look, we can handle this. How much crazier can this house get? We won’t even notice another kid around here,” I said, pulling her into my arms.
“Yeah, you won’t, but the rest of us will.”
“Ha-ha, very funny,” I said in a dry tone.
“I’m good, really,” she said, pushing away to wipe under her eyes. “It was just such a shock. I didn’t know where we’d put all these tiny people. That’s why I called Gerry right away.”
“The office upstairs?”
“Yeah, you don’t mind giving it up, do you?”
“Nah, I get my best work done in the back anyway.” Vivienne had converted the small garage in the back into a writing den for me. Sequestering myself in there was pretty much the only way I got anything done.
“Speaking of which, why are you not there right now, Mr. Bestseller? Doesn’t your editor need a first draft soon?”
Bestseller was generous. My last few books hadn’t quite made it that far, but they all did surprisingly well. The following I had increased every day.