by L P Peace
The smell of strong dark chocolate with a spicy citrus note hovered in the air, leaving no doubt as to what was causing the depression. She opened her eyes to find Daris fast asleep by her side.
Taking him in, Zoe couldn’t help but notice how handsome he was. He was an odd contrast between boyish charm, vulnerable, honest emotion, and deadly predator. It left her feeling disarmed and afraid.
Right now, his eyes closed, his breathing slow and steady, so slow it almost worried her. His face was without the mask of arrogance and conceit she’d come to know. A mask he only seemed to consciously let slip around her. But couldn’t that be just another mask? What did she know about him that he wasn’t telling her? Only now was it confirmed he was actually friends with the Desares family.
Zoe closed her eyes and let out a silent sigh. She was looking for faults with Daris. Looking for lies. It was what she was used to from the kind of guys she tended to attract. Guys like Whittaker. Users and liars who were more concerned with getting their cocks wet than the people they were using along the way.
Daris was nothing like that. She knew he wasn’t. Zoe’s concern was what Daris did to her. How she was beginning to feel for him. How attracted she was to him, on a raw, visceral, almost instinctive level. It felt like a growing need and that frightened her more than anything else.
Need was weak; her parents had drilled that into her from an early age. Need for affection was particularly weak, and Zoe was pushed away, humiliated both privately, within the family, and publicly. If she was injured, no matter how young she’d been, she was expected to suck it up and move on.
People didn’t seem to understand the harm, and even Zoe herself was only now, slowly, beginning to unravel it. It had started at the launch party for Endurance. After the captain’s speech, the crew had mingled with the guests on Sentinel 5, one of the 8,000 sentinel stations dotted around the Sol system. There, Zoe had seen the difference between the way her family treated her and the way Sophia and Tara’s family treated them.
Sophia came from a huge family that lived on Earth. They lived between England, Spain, Africa and America. The family was constantly moving from one continent to the other to spend time with each other. Birthdays, Christmases, every holiday were huge family affairs. Sophia was surrounded by family who loved her, and it showed in her confidence. Sophia’s one set back in life was her sister, and whatever had happened to her while out here, that had changed her forever.
Tara, meanwhile, grew up on Sentinel 4. Her father was the commander, and she had lived there her whole life. The whole station’s crew were her family, and they acted like it. Laughing, hugging, arguing, and laughing again as though it were nothing.
Zoe had watched both groups with envy as they fluttered around the two women, getting last minute hugs in. Zoe had even seen the consultant engineer, Olivia Trent, come running out of a cupboard, only to be followed a short time later by the Todaali engineer. Not that she’d told anyone.
In contrast, her own family stood around with cold eyes and stormy faces. Zoe hadn’t even invited them, the captain had. As captain’s in ISAF they were high profile guests, it was an honour to have them there as well as an honour to be seen at the event.
‘If you get captured by those filthy aliens, it’ll be your own fucking fault!’
Those were the last words her brother Carl spoke to her before he left. He’d be laughing now—she didn’t doubt it for a minute. He’d resented her from her earliest memories.
Why do I want to go home again?
She looked at Daris. He had long lashes that rested against his cheek. His dusky purple skin barely reflected the light, yet it perfectly showed every muscle in his body. His long violet-black hair lay across the pillow. His pupils danced under his closed lids. If his people were anything like humans, that would mean he was dreaming. She wondered what he dreamed of. His lips crooked into a small smile for the briefest moment before it was gone. Was he dreaming of her? It felt egotistical to wonder, but at the same time, there was something familiar about that smile. In the time she’d been with him, she’d found he had several, and there were one or two of them that he seemed to reserve just for her.
Watching him, the boyish, charming side of him was more apparent, but in a vulnerable, sweet way that made her yearn for him to open his eyes.
His dark, dusky purple skin didn’t have the texture of skin; instead, it was almost like velvet, but without the fabric texture of velvet. More, it was like his skin was designed to absorb light. It was rough but in a soft way. Like an animal’s pelt without the fur.
Zoe realised she had no idea how to explain what it was she meant. The only thing she knew, looking at him, was that in the dark purple forests of his homeworld, his people must have made formidable predators.
That was the other side of him.
She glanced down at his fingers. His nails were clawed like cat’s, and they retracted into a sheath. That part of him was so unfamiliar, so alien she struggled with it. When his fingers slid through her sex, there was always the fear he might nick her. She felt a throb of excitement between her legs and that desperate, achy feeling for him began once more.
Unwilling to go on, Zoe got up and crossed the room to the bathroom. When she came out, Daris was sitting up. The boyish vulnerability and the deadly predator were both gone. Now, instead, she was faced with a neutral mask. She shuffled to a stop.
‘Err, morning. How are you?’
There was a flicker of something in his eye, gone before she could identify it.
‘I’m well.’ He was out of bed a moment later, the movement so quick she could barely register it. ‘I will make some food. How are you?’
This time, there was a definite hint of humour, but also awkwardness. Daris didn’t know what to say to her, Zoe realised. Worse, she had no idea how to talk to him. As he crossed to the food preparation area, a cowl of hair fell over his eyes. He brushed it away with a careless gesture that did something foolish to her heart. He looked cute! Sexy of course, it seemed to be a natural state of being for him. But there was something so heart-achingly cute about that gesture.
Zoe followed him across the room, almost like he was a magnetic force and sat at the settee, which was the only space where they’d be able to eat.
‘Makios called last night. They’re staging an attack on The Crucible this rote. Hopefully, we should be able to plot a course for Tessa after.’ He looked at her. ‘You’ll be safe and able to go where you want.’
There was a question in those words, and the vulnerable look was back. A moment later, Daris’s attention refocused and he began to cook. He moved in the small space with a grace and confidence Zoe could only envy. She’d never been much of a cook, preferring the mess halls of whatever school, academy, or ship on which she was currently stationed. In fact, Zoe realised she’d never actually looked after herself. She was career military, and ISAF and OSAF took care of everything.
As he cooked, Daris’s tail moved behind him, seemingly independent. One moment, it was waving behind him, countering his movements, and the next, it was scratching his calf. Occasionally it would seem to strain towards her before Daris would turn around, as though to make sure she was still there.
A warm feeling grew in Zoe’s chest. For a moment, she was confused, completely unfamiliar with it. When she realised what it was, she stood.
‘How do I use the shower?’
Daris turned to her.
‘I won’t be long. I just couldn’t use it yesterday, and I still feel like I have The Crucible stink on me!’
Daris popped the pan he was using to cook something that seemed entirely meat-based on the side and walked towards the door. Zoe followed. Quickly, he showed her how to use the cubicle.
‘Wait there,’ he said, before disappearing. He returned with her uniform. ‘I cleaned it.’
When he’d left, Zoe stood leaning against the sink.
She had to get away from him. He confused her. He threw her off balan
ce, derailing her life and her plans. She was caught between wanting her career and wanting him. But mostly, that feeling was still there. It frightened her and she yearned for it in equal measure. For the first time in her life, Zoe felt wanted.
‘How do you clean the pots?’ Zoe asked, looking at the dishes with the remnants of the lunch Daris had cooked for them. Zoe had tried to take the task from him, but he insisted on doing it. She wondered if this was his instinct. Was he feeding her because she was his mate?
Before he said a thing, Daris wiped up everything, crossed to the cleanser, and deposited it inside.
‘Daris, you have to let me help! I’m not used to just sitting around.’
The smile he sent her way as he set the washer was devastating to her senses. ‘Of course. In a few rotes, when you’ve had time to come to terms with your ordeal.’
Zoe opened her mouth to argue. It wasn’t really an ordeal, but wasn’t it? Her mouth closed. Having her ship boarded by aliens, being put in cages and watching her friends, superiors, subordinates and peers sold as slaves. The idea of being ‘trained’ for a cruel slaver to breed. Wasn’t that an ordeal? Wasn’t that a trauma? Why the hell was she trying to minimise what she’d been through?
Having asked the question, the answer was obvious. Zoe had been through several traumas in her life, mostly at the hands of her family, and then listened to them minimise them. Minimise the bullying at military school. Minimise the suicide of her friend. Minimise Carl breaking her arm. Not just that, but then they laid the blame on her. It was her fault Carl broke her arm, her fault she had to be sent to military school because she wasn’t good enough for a military family, her fault that she was bullied. If she’d only ‘tried’ to fit in, the girls wouldn’t have had a reason to bully her. It was even her fault that her friend had killed herself, her father told her. By dwelling on issues like a ‘victim,’ she’d made her friend kill herself.
Zoe took in a deep breath. What had they done to her? What had she allowed them to do to her? Here she was undergoing an event that would see her in military subscribed therapy when she returned home, and she was still trying to pretend it was no big deal!
Still, the idea of sitting around and ‘dwelling’ raised her hackles. She wasn’t the kind of person to sit around and revisit every knock, every pain. She had to keep going. Under therapy, she’d deal with it, but not before then.
‘I get what you're saying, Daris, I do, and I appreciate your concern. But now isn’t the time to deal with that. I still have people out there who are in danger, and right now, as far as I’m aware, I’m the only person in a position to do anything about it. I can’t sit around feeling sorry for myself. Sophia’s missing, Tara is in the hands of that green monster, Pyri and Elaine are probably in some alien noble’s harem having god knows what done to them.’ Zoe closed her mouth and gritted her teeth. She took in a long breath through her nose, filling her lungs and trying to ease the nerves in her stomach. ‘I can’t just sit here. It’ll drive me crazy!’
Daris had sat across from her as she spoke. He reached across the table and took her hands in both of his. ‘I understand, but there’s not a lot to do in this ship. Not a lot you can do unless you’re an engineer or a pilot?’
Zoe released a breath. ‘No. But I can learn, especially to fly this ship. I’m not a conn officer, but I can fly shuttles. Please, Daris. Don’t side-line me. I can’t be alone with my thoughts right now.’
‘Side-line?’
‘It means relegate, shelve me like I’m no use. I need to be of use.’ Zoe slipped her hands out from his grasp and placed them over his. He stared into her eyes, his flint grey moving back and forth as he examined her. She let every feeling show. The frustration, the fear, the need. He grimaced but nodded.
‘Okay. Next meal, I’ll show you how to use the kitchen. In the meantime, I can show you how to pilot Nevalis.’
‘Nevalis? Does it mean something?’
Daris smiled at her. ‘Every word means something. In this case, destiny.’
Zoe smiled. ‘Why destiny?’
His face changed, becoming utterly serious. ‘It refers to my mate. To the destiny that brings us together. To the destiny that ties us.’
Zoe sat motionless, watching him, uncertain what to say. She’d forgotten the weight of things between them. She took in a deep breath and let it out before letting go of his hands and sitting back in her seat. There was a look of devastation on Daris’s face that was masked a moment later. Zoe’s nerves screeched at her to reach across to him and take that look away, and the feelings underlying it, but she stopped herself before she could.
Daris got up. ‘Let’s start with piloting.’
Zoe watched him go. She let out another deep breath, then followed. The feeling of self-contempt was all too familiar.
Daris watched Zoe wander over to the co-pilot's seat. He let out a heavy breath, still trying to dislodge the feeling of rejection that held his heart like a vice.
‘Zoe.’ She looked over at him and saw him pointing at the pilot's seat. The self-deprecating smile she offered him made his heart skip a beat; she offered crumbs, and his heart took it with gratitude. At the same time, it was a reminder of what stood between them. Zoe had deep emotional issues and one of them was her sense of self-worth. She wasn’t smiling at him because she’d made a simple mistake. She was smiling at him because she felt like she’d done something stupid.
It would probably be better if Daris stayed away from Earth. He wasn’t sure what he’d do to her family if he ever met them.
‘I’m going to talk you through the controls,’ he said to her as she sat down. ‘Anything look familiar?’
Zoe looked down at the conn, her eyes scanning across it. She looked back up at him with a grimace.
‘Okay, we’ll start with basic flight controls—’
The screen in front of them flickered. Daris hit a button, and Makios Desares sat there with a grim look on his face.
‘What happened?’ Daris’s throat was tight with immediate anxiety.
‘That doesn’t look like the face of victory,’ Zoe said.
Daris looked down at her, seeing Makios do the same with a wry grin on his face. ‘You humans say such strange things. But no, this is not the face of victory.’
‘What happened?’ Daris asked.
‘Nothing. Tolomus didn’t show up.’
Frustration tore through Daris. He couldn’t stay out here with Zoe. He had to take her somewhere safe, and there was literally nowhere safer in the galaxy than Tessa.
Vrokking Tolomus must have worried I’d set the Protectorate on him! Why did I have to be so obvious when I asked where we were going? I could have asked one of the vrokking crew!
‘Thanesh has a deal for you.’
‘Tolomus’s next location?’ Daris asked.
‘I know who you can ask, but you’ll have to go there personally. He won’t talk over the com about this.’ From the look on Makios’s face, he knew Daris wasn’t going to be pleased, and he was right.
‘Vrok! VROK!’ Daris turned and walked across the compartment, to the opposite wall. To his bed. He turned and walked back over. ‘Kallidan?’
‘If anyone knows, then Kallidan knows it as well.’
‘Okay. But you arrange for him to come to the dock. Arrange for him to be ready. As soon as my ship sets down on Caras, the syndicate will know and they’ll come for me. I need to get the information and get out, and I’m not risking my mate.’ Daris cringed a little, realising he’d called Zoe his mate again. He glanced at her, but her expression was neutral.
‘I’ll get a message to him now. Get him to arrange the dock so he knows where to be. How long ‘til you get there?’
‘We can be there tomorrow, midway through the rote, Caras time.’ Even he could hear the defeat in his voice. He could only hope that none of the syndicate would notice him arriving or get notified by the port authority once he had.
‘What is he offering in return?’ Daris
asked, realising he’d forgotten.
‘Whatever you want. As long as your information leads to the capture of Tolomus and the release of his slaves.’
Now that was a deal!
Caras was an asteroid of lights and metal floating in a field of millions of asteroids. It was like a roughly hewn rock, the surface of which was dark grey.
Daris had explained that this belt was once one of the prime sources of amot, the metal that Endurance, and all other FTL ships, were built from. Its unique properties meant that the metal got stronger, the more power was applied to it. So when cruising faster than the speed of light, it became the shield that protected the ship from the strains. When going through jump gates, which Endurance had avoided in their secret journey, the ship would take the massive forces from the wormhole and form an even more substantial barrier, protecting those inside from annihilation.
The asteroid had once been spherical, according to the history she could find about it, but the mining for amot had created a craggy, battered appearance.
Zoe sat in the co-pilot’s seat as they arrived at the gaping maw that would take them into the airlock and through that, into the station itself.
Addison was here. She desperately wanted to find her, but Daris had forbidden her from leaving the ship. Because of his issues with the Calidon syndicate, they would have to be in and out. But Makios had assured them that a team would be arriving shortly to find her. Addison would trust Tessans; that had been drilled into them in training. If they got separated from the ship, from their crew, from everyone, find a Tessan and they will protect you until they can return you. Hopefully, Addison wouldn’t be caught in the meantime.
The outer airlock closed behind them, and a few moments later, the inner airlock opened. The nose of the ship was pointing up. From this angle, Zoe could see there were thirty-odd floors of balconies in front of them. Then Daris changed the orientation of the ship.
They passed the balconies. Most of them seemed to be legitimate businesses. There were levels of prostitutes showing their ‘wares’ for the passing ship. Zoe was horrified that Addison would be forced to stand out on one of these if she were ever caught. She couldn’t imagine how she would deal with that.