In the back of my mind, I knew—I fuckin’ knew—I shouldn’t have been stepping closer to her and stopping only inches away. I knew I shouldn’t have lifted my hand and placed my palm on the side of her neck. I knew trailing my thumb into the dip of her collarbone and feeling her soft skin wasn’t a thought I should have entertained. And yet, I was here, my skin connected with hers, and my gaze focused on the lips she trailed her tongue over as she stared up at me.
She wanted it just as much as I did, and part of me wondered if she’d been thinking about the kiss in the club. Maybe I was imagining the signs. Maybe I was overthinking the way her body was talking to me. Fuck. I’d known Belle her entire life, and now I was practically drooling over her like she was my next meal.
What the fuck was I thinking?
I yanked myself away from her, putting three giant steps between us and feeling her bed at the back of my knees. My hands clenched by my sides as I tried to gain control of myself and not think about the way her smooth skin felt against my palms.
“What…” She paused, and I kept my gaze fixed to a spot on the wall behind her. “What the hell was that?”
“I need you to move, Belle,” I growled out. I couldn’t overstep the mark with her. I refused to destroy an entire lifetime of memories to the one girl in this world I cared about most. Girlfriends came and went, but Belle was always there with a smile on her face and an attitude to rival anyone who got in her way.
“Why?” I glanced at her as she slammed her hands down onto her hips. “Why, Ford? Why do you need me to move? You want to leave this room, then walk around me.” She heaved in a breath. “I’m not your goddamn toy to do with what you please. You can’t boss me around all the time and think it’s okay.”
“That’s not—”
“Yeah, it is.” She threw her hands up in the air. “Jesus Christ, Ford. You’re here to make sure I’m safe, but I’m not sure I’m safe with you.” My stomach dropped at her words, and I felt like my entire life was crumbling in front of me. Was that how she saw me? Did she really think she was in danger because of me? “You’re driving me freakin’ insane!”
I frowned at her, not sure what she was talking about, but fuck, I couldn’t keep looking at her when she was barely wearing anything. “I don’t understand—”
She laughed, the kind of laugh that was condescending. “As if you don’t fuckin’ know. You may be oblivious, but I see the way you look at me.”
My nostrils flared. “I don’t know what you’re—”
“Jesus, Ford.” She raised her brow. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the way you touched me at the club. I’ve gone over and over it in my head so many times, imagining you getting into that cab with me.” Her cheeks blushed.
Had she been anyone else, I would have gotten into that cab with her, but she was Belle. Belle Easton.
“But then you go so cold,” she continued. “And I think to myself, ‘did he not like it?’ And then I realize it’s because I’m just Baby Belle to you. I’m still that little girl you can tell what to do and she’ll follow your rules without much of a fight.”
“Belle—”
She shook her head. “It’s fine. I get it. Just—”
“Will you let me talk?”
“—leave, and we can pretend you weren’t in here and we’ll forget about everything I’ve said. We can start fresh tomorrow, and put the stupid kiss behind us and—”
I couldn’t listen to her go on any longer, not when she had that sad look in her eyes. She was so much more than she realized. So much more.
I lunged forward, letting my primal instincts take over, and wrapped my arms around her waist. I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t let my brain kick in. I didn’t let my body take over. I listened to my heart and pulled her flush to my body.
“What the…”
I bent my knees, not needing to say anything else. Time for talking was gone, and it didn’t matter what I said to her. She was right. I was blowing hot and cold. My body was saying one thing, and my words were saying another. So I pushed them both aside, and did what my heart and soul demanded me to.
“I’m going to kiss you now,” I told her, my words gruff but low. I wasn’t asking for her permission. I was telling her what was going to happen, and for once in her life, she was speechless. This wasn’t like the kiss in the club. This wasn’t out of desperation. This was because the thought of our lips never touching again broke something inside me.
I held her as tight as I could. Our gazes met, and there was so much said with one single look. I felt the world tilt, and it only righted itself when I pressed my lips to hers in a whisper-soft kiss. It was gentle, loving, and so much more than I ever thought I was capable of. My body screamed at me to go harder and faster, but I knew I couldn’t. I had to show Belle that she wasn’t the only one still thinking about that night at the club. I had to show her she wasn’t going insane, because if she was, then so was I.
I pulled my lips away and then pressed them lightly again. Several times I repeated the action, and each time they connected, I felt part of my heart crack and then mend again. It was Belle’s name being stamped into it, and I wasn’t sure there would be a way for me to erase it, but right then, I didn’t care.
All that mattered was Belle and me, and this moment no one could ever take away from us.
* * *
BELLE
I’d woken up this morning with a smile on my face and my lips tingling at the memory of Ford. My mood was the best it had been since the last time he’d kissed me in the club, and I couldn’t help wondering if this was the start of something.
A part of me expected him to kiss me as soon as I walked into the living room, but he was silent. It wasn’t unusual for Ford to be so focused on the task at hand that he didn’t talk much, so I didn’t pay much attention to it.
I went to each of my classes, Ford standing at the back, and got on with my work, all with a grin plastered on my face. My shift at the coffee shop flew by, and I was sure it was because I knew as soon as this day was over, Ford would turn back into the person who had pressed my back against my bedroom door and told me he was going to kiss me.
His gruff voice from last night kept repeating in my brain. But it was as we were walking back to his car to go home that I finally realized he’d not said more than a couple of words to me today, and even those had been only to tell me which way to walk and when I’d asked him what time it was.
I hadn’t imagined last night, but maybe I was creating a fantasy in my head that wasn’t reality. Maybe it was because of what I’d said in my literature class? Maybe it was because I hadn’t given him an answer about the frat boys. But…
No. Ford wasn’t like that, was he?
The fact of the matter was, I knew only one side of Ford. I knew the side that had acted like an uncle to me, and not the Ford everyone else saw. Maybe I was being stupid and immature?
“Ford?”
He grunted in response and unlocked his car, but I halted on the sidewalk. There was no way I was going to get into his car while he was acting like this. “Ford,” I repeated, and he finally turned to look at me. His face was a careful mask, and I knew right then that I’d lost the Ford from last night. He’d pushed him down and replaced him with this version, the version I was starting to hate. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” he replied, but it was way too fast. He was ready for my questions because he knew I’d have them.
“Last night, Ford—”
“Was a mistake,” he interrupted. “You’re my boss’s daughter. It was a mistake that won’t be repeated.” His voice was so sure, but also dismissive as if he was telling me he didn’t like the color pink.
I stood there, my stomach dropping and my heart beating wildly in my chest, and although part of me wanted to scream and shout and tell him he was an asshole, I just didn’t have the energy. I couldn’t argue with him, not when he was this closed off. I knew better than to try to talk to him whe
n he’d put on his mask. There was no getting through to him, no making him see sense.
Not only that, but I refused to beg him to open up to me. It didn’t matter how safe he made me feel. It didn’t matter that he was the one man in this world who made me feel whole. Because if he didn’t want it, then I wouldn’t push it. We were on the edge of something, and I’d never been good at knowing my limits, but what I did know about myself was that I wasn’t going to chase. I wasn’t going to try and persuade him to touch me, to kiss me. No matter how much I wanted it.
If he thought it was a mistake, then that was his viewpoint, whether I believed him or not. I opened my mouth, not sure what was going to come out, and he pushed his shoulders back, almost as if he was bracing himself for a fight. Did he think that was what he was going to get from me? I’d fought almost everything growing up, but I was different now. And this situation wasn’t me being told I couldn’t have cookies before dinner. This was Ford telling me that him touching me was a mistake, and I couldn’t help but feel part of my heart crack. I’d imagined this for so long, and now I was just tired. Tired of being the person people could push aside. Tired of being the little girl in everyone’s eyes.
No more. I wasn’t going to let people put me into their own little boxes. “Right.” I nodded and pushed my shoulders back, determined not to let it look like he’d affected me. He wasn’t the only one who could school his expression. “If that’s how you feel…” I trailed off, giving him the chance to tell me otherwise, but all he did was stare at me with his uncrackable hazel-eyed gaze. “Okay.” I swallowed, then repeated, “Okay.”
I didn’t know how to react to his steely stare because I’d never been confronted with anything like it before. Maybe I was too close? Or maybe I was afraid if I pushed too much that I’d lose him altogether, and the thought of losing him wasn’t one I could entertain. So I did what I always did. I accepted what he had to say and moved to the passenger side of the car, then slipped inside.
He didn’t get in for several seconds, but when he did, I looked out of my window, intent on not giving him my stare. I couldn’t let him see how much his couple of words had shattered me. I hated how much I felt for him while he didn’t feel a thing. I was off-balance, sure to be the only loser here, and I needed to do something to put me back on track.
Which was the reason I messaged Curtis, telling him to bring a bottle of tequila to my apartment.
If Ford was only going to be here to make sure I was safe, then I may as well let loose. I’d never let myself go fully, so I was going to take advantage. Plus, trying to forget about the last twenty-four hours by drinking it away was alluring.
It only took us a couple of minutes to get to my apartment block, and as soon as we were inside, I headed for my bedroom to get changed into my pj’s. Tequila, pj’s, and a shitty movie on TV would fix the mood I was now in, or at least help a little.
Knocking sounded throughout the apartment about fifteen minutes later, and I stepped out of my bedroom just in time to see Ford answer it.
“Who are you?” I heard Curtis ask.
I danced down the hallway and pushed up onto my tiptoes so my face could be seen over Ford’s shoulder and grinned at him. “He’s a family friend staying with us. Did you bring it?”
Curtis flicked his gaze to Ford and then back to me. “Hell yeah, I did.” He held the tequila in the air. “You gonna invite me in or what?”
“No,” Ford growled. He crossed his arms over his chest and stared Curtis down, but I was so over him right now. I didn’t have the patience for his demands. He didn’t get a say in what I did or how I acted, especially after what he’d said.
“Come in, Curtis.” I pushed past Ford and grabbed the bottle of tequila.
“Belle,” Ford grunted, wrapping his hand around my wrist to stop me. I raised a brow at it and then stared up at him, silently warning him to let me go. “What are you doing?”
“Being a college girl and letting loose.” I waited for a beat, knowing that secretly I was baiting him, but he didn’t bite. He just let me go, huffed out a breath, and then took a step back to allow Curtis to come in.
“I got limes too,” Curtis said.
“I’ll get the salt!” I sauntered into the kitchen and grabbed shot glasses and salt with Ford on my tail. I could tell he wanted to say something, but he was keeping his mouth shut. Maybe it was because he regretted crossing the line by kissing me in my room, or maybe it was because he knew it didn’t matter what he said to me right then. Nothing would change my mind and my decision to forget in the only way I knew how.
I moved back into the living room and sat next to Curtis on the sofa, but Ford had stayed in the kitchen. I could feel his eyes burning a path over my skin, but I wasn’t going to look at him. So many things had happened in the three weeks since I’d seen Ford at the club, and I just needed a night where I could drink tequila and not think about why there was now an alarm system in my apartment, or why I was being followed everywhere.
Curtis poured us each a shot, and I downed it without a second thought. But it was as I was about to take my second shot that Ford’s cell rang. I turned my head to look at him and spotted him staring down at it. He glanced at me, his hazel eyes no longer protected by the way that he felt. I could see in his swirling eyes that he wasn’t happy with what I was doing, but I couldn’t bring myself to care.
I licked the salt off my hand, downed my shot, and pushed the lime between my teeth, all the while staring at him. He shook his head and lifted his cell to his ear, but I didn’t hear what he said as he walked down the hallway and toward my bedroom.
“So,” Curtis said. “You gonna tell me what’s going on?”
I shrugged. “Nothing really. Just needed some tequila and some Curtis time.” I grinned up at him. “I haven’t seen you for a couple of weeks, so how about you tell me what’s going on.”
Curtis scraped his hand over the scruff of his jaw. “Just been dealing with family shit. You know how it goes.” I nodded because I did know how it went. I really knew how it went. “It’s all sorted now though, so I’m back.” He poured us each another shot and handed me my glass. “Cheers to that?”
“Cheers.” I clicked my glass against his and downed the shot. “Let’s watch a movie.” I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, heading straight for Netflix and pressing on the first movie I could find. I wasn’t even sure what it was about, but it was just background noise to drown out my thoughts at this stage. I poured myself another shot and leaned back on the sofa, drinking it up and wincing at the burn.
“Jeez, Belle. You’re going hard tonight.” I chuckled at Curtis’ words but didn’t look over at him as he stretched his arm behind me on the back of the sofa. “You sure everything is okay?”
“Yep.” I heard footsteps but didn’t turn to look. “I’m good. Better than I’ve ever been.” I kept my gaze focused on the TV, knowing that I was lying through my teeth. I wasn’t good. I was so far from good it wasn’t even funny, but it wasn’t like I could talk about it. It wasn’t like I could spill my guts to Curtis and tell him that the man I’d had a crush on since before I could even remember had kissed me and then told me it was a mistake.
In the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t anything life-altering, but right then, my heart denied that truth. I was licking my wounds, and alcohol always made them heal faster.
Chapter Eight
FORD
I growled and pounded my fist on her bedroom door for the sixth time, wondering if she was ignoring me on purpose, or was still asleep after her session with Curtis last night. I’d sat and watched Belle drink herself into a stupor with Curtis next to her and got angrier and angrier the more time went by. Had I not been here, I had no idea how Curtis would have behaved with her.
It wasn’t the first time I’d heard his name, but it was the first time I’d met him. And the fact that he was supplying Belle with the alcohol she wanted meant he had a black mark against his name in my book. Who th
e hell supplied an underage girl with alcohol? And okay, I was aware she was only underage by six months, but the law was the law for a reason, and this fucker had broken it. But I hadn’t been able to do anything about it, not after what I’d said to her.
“Belle?” I called again. I huffed out a breath and looked down at the time on my watch. “You’re gonna be late for your shift at the shelter.”
I heard a bang come from inside her room and then a groan. “I’m awake,” her rough voice said, and I couldn’t help the quirk of my lips. Yesterday was a day that I wanted to forget. I didn’t want to remember the way her eyes dimmed as I told her it was a mistake when we’d kissed. I didn’t want to think about the sagging of her shoulders, and I really didn’t want to think about the way she’d shut down her emotions in the blink of an eye and got into my car.
She didn’t understand I was saving her from me. She didn’t need someone like me in her life in that way. I may have been on the right side of the law now, but that didn’t mean I didn’t do bad things. Even the law crossed boundaries and made it okay to hurt other people. I wasn’t the kind of man she should latch on to. I wasn’t the kind of man who deserved someone so good in his life—at least, not in that way.
She was better off without me. All I’d do was bring her pain, and I wasn’t willing to let that happen. I’d given her some bullshit excuse about it being because she was my boss’s daughter, but in reality, I didn’t give a fuck about that. I was doing it for her. I was denying what I wanted to protect her. Because I’d always protect Belle, at any cost.
Her bedroom door swung open, and her face appeared, covered in the largest sunglasses I’d ever seen. “Let’s go,” she croaked out as she pushed past me. I stared at her as she walked down the hallway and toward the front door but didn’t move as she halted next to it. Even in her hungover state, she knew not to go outside without me checking first. I expected her to give me a snarky comment when I hadn’t moved, but all she did was stare at me. I couldn’t see her eyes behind her sunglasses, and I hated it. I hated that I couldn’t tell what she was thinking.
Torn Bond: Bonded Duet: Book One Page 10