His voice trailed off under my red-hot glare. If I’d had the ability to shoot lasers out of my eyes, the two of them would have been extra-crispy by now. Too bad I didn’t have my own superpower.
Matt still sat on the bed, Karen straddling him. They made no move to disengage or hide their costumes. I knew at once they were actually relieved I had caught them, not only doing the nasty but exposing their secret identities. Relief filled their treacherous eyes, and tension oozed from their pores as if a weight had been lifted off their shoulders. They were happy they’d just ruined my life with their lies and deceit and betrayal. It made me ill.
I took a step back. I had to get away from them. From both of them. My heart couldn’t take any more. I whirled around to dash out of the room.
My high heels snagged on the thick carpet, and I went down in a pile of white tulle. My tiara slipped off my head and rolled across the floor, and my hair tumbled out of its pearl-studded clips. I struggled to stand, and my eyes fell on my cell phone, which I’d dropped, along with the key card. Hitting the floor had made the phone’s screen light up, showing the wallpaper picture of me with my arms around Matt, both of us smiling, both of us happy. At least, I had been happy—then.
The volcano of anger inside me cooled and congealed into a large, black lump of hate. Matt and Karen had had their fun at my expense. Now, I was going to do something about it. Something to even the score. The pieces of my broken heart twisted in my chest. Something to hurt them like they’d hurt me. Only worse.
I got to my feet, dusted myself off, and stalked over to my phone. Something crunched under the toes of my torturous shoes. I looked down. I’d just smashed my cubic zirconium tiara to bits. It, too, was fake, just like everything else in my life.
I snatched the cell phone.
“What are you doing?” Karen asked.
“Just giving the two of you what you so richly deserve.” I squinted at the traitorous, spandex-wearing pair on the phone’s screen. “Say cheese.”
*
The next day, the headline in the Beginnings Bugle screamed MACHINATOR UNMASKED! CRUSHER UNCOVERED! IDENTITIES REVEALED! Find out the truth behind town’s superhero, villain. Story and photos by Carmen Cole.
My story described in honest, if painful and humiliating detail, how I had uncovered the pair’s real identities. A photo of Karen and Matt, their spandex suits visible beneath their rumpled clothes, stretched across the front page of the newspaper. When they’d realized I was taking pictures of them, they’d tried to talk me out of it. Fools. They should have saved their breath. I would never listen to a word they said. Never again.
When asking nicely hadn’t worked, Karen tried to yank the cell phone out of my hands and squeeze it to bits. But Matt, being the valiant, noble, oh-so-faithful superhero he was, intervened. As I’d coolly backed out of that hotel room, they were rolling around on the floor, punching and kicking each other. I wasn’t sure if they were fighting or engaged in some sort of kinky, rough form of foreplay. Perhaps it was all the same to the superhero-and-villain set.
Not even stopping to change out of my wedding gown, I’d gone straight to the Bugle and told the editors what I had. It had been one of the most embarrassing, mortifying, downright degrading things I’d ever done, but I squared my shoulders and held my chin up. Page One had been cleared.
I’d spent the rest of the day at the newspaper, digging up all the information I could on Matt and Karen, aka the Machinator and Crusher. Matt’s supposed accidents at work always occurred the day the Machinator engaged in some big battle. Karen’s long absences and sudden arrivals in town coincided perfectly with Crusher’s stints upstate. Dates, times, places, injuries. It was all there. How stupid, how blind I’d been. I was ashamed to call myself a journalist.
When I didn’t show for the wedding ceremony, Matt’s mother called the paper. I told her everything.
She didn’t speak for a moment. “What about the flowers? And all the food? Everything’s already been paid for. I can’t eat a hundred chickens by myself.”
“Didn’t you hear me, Matilda? I just told you that your son is a superhero.”
“Oh, I know that. Who do you think makes his costumes?”
“And did you know about him and Karen too?”
“My boy is special. He gets tons of fan mail. You didn’t think he’d be happy with just one woman, did you?”
I hung up on the old bat. She’d never liked me anyway.
An hour later, the local news blared onto the television set. Matt and Karen had made quite a mess at the Forever Inn, and part of the historic building had collapsed. Some things just aren’t made to last. Or to withstand a superhero-ubervillain battle. I sent a photographer to get pictures.
A couple of friends called, trying to get me to calm down and give Matt a chance to explain. I told them to have fun eating Matilda’s precious, already-paid-for chicken and went back to work.
The next morning, the Bugle sold out in minutes. The press guys came back in to print an extra 10,000 copies. Phones rang off the hook, as the wire services and national media picked up the story. The Bugle’s stock soared. Management had never been happier. As for Karen and Matt, the two of them vanished once the story broke. No one could find them, or their alter egos.
I collected as many copies of the newspaper as I could and posted them all over my tiny cubicle. Everyone and his brother stopped by my desk to congratulate me on the big scoop. The publisher himself even came out of his office to give me an atta-girl speech. A few of the sports guys cracked jokes about how I’d gotten the story, but a heated look from me sent them scurrying for cover. I was in no mood to be made fun of.
After spending almost twenty-four hours at the newspaper, I went home. I opened the door to my apartment, tossed my keys onto a nearby table, and flipped on the lights. Piles of cardboard boxes greeted me. After our honeymoon in Hawaii, I was supposed to move in with Matt, and most of my things already had been packed away.
My thoughts turned to Matt. Where was he? Had he seen the story? Was he sorry he’d lied to me? Or was he with Karen? Picking up where they’d left off?
Had he ever really loved me?
My eyes traced over the boxes. Hearts and silly cartoon figures wearing lacy veils and diamond rings decorated the cardboard. The jagged pieces of my heart scraped against each other. The wedding, the honeymoon, the happily ever after. All gone. A few tears leaked out of my eyes, but I smacked them away. I’d done my crying on the way to the newspaper. I wouldn’t do any more.
I dug through one of the boxes, found some wrinkled sweats, and walked into the bedroom. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror over the dresser. My auburn hair stuck out at funny angles. Dark purple circles ringed my eyes. Pain and anger burned in the blue depths. I looked more than a little crazy. I felt that way too.
To top it off, I still wore my wedding dress, although I’d chucked the unbearable shoes hours ago. I smoothed down the ruined gown. The wear and tear of the day had turned the snow-white fabric a bland beige. The diamond in my engagement ring sparkled in the dim light. I’d been so happy the night Matt had put it on my finger. So sure of my love for him, and his for me. Now the ring just reminded me of broken promises, shattered dreams, and my own blind stupidity.
I yanked the ring off, marched over to the dresser, and pulled open a door on my jewelry box. I stared at the ring a moment, then stuffed it in the back of the drawer and shut it. I turned a key, locking it away.
I won’t be fooled again, I vowed. Not by anyone. Never again.
Chapter Two
From that day forward, I was on a mission.
A mission to unmask every single superhero and ubervillain in the entire world. Oh, I wouldn’t get around to all of them, but I was determined to out as many as I could, as fast as I could.
No one would be deceived as I had been. No woman would come home to find her boyfriend slipping into a neon pink codpiece. No man would be puzzled over why his wife had a strange
collection of whips and an odd affinity for black leather. No mother would wonder why her son could never be on time for anything. Not if I could help it.
I started out small. After work and on the weekends, I traveled to neighboring towns and cities on my crusades, learning all I could about their respective superheroes and ubervillains. I looked at their websites and promotional materials. Read their poorly written autobiographies and rambling manifestos. Even bought a few plastic action figures for research purposes. Naturally, all of the superheroes and ubervillains had colorful names like Killer and Slasher and Halitosis Hal. The only things more flamboyant than their names and personalities were their costumes. The two groups had never met a skintight, spandex outfit studded with rhinestones they didn’t love.
All the superheroes and villains had strange, sometimes frightening powers, like the ability to move objects with their minds or shoot red-hot flames from their fingertips. Because the goals of the heroes and villains were at odds, they often engaged in long, lengthy battles that destroyed bridges, overpasses, and municipal buildings. Some of the bigger cities had several superheroes and ubervillains battling it out for supremacy while leveling skyscrapers right and left. And they all wore masks to hide their true identities and thus avoid paying for the public property they decimated on a weekly basis.
I had plenty of time to spend on my mission. My dad had died in a car crash when I was a kid, while my mom had passed away from breast cancer a few years ago. I didn’t have any other family, and Karen had been my only real friend. Everyone else had been Matt’s friend before they were mine. They drifted away like smoke after my story came out. In a week, I went from the belle of the ball to an outcast. I preferred it that way. There was no one left to lie to me, no one left to hurt me.
I perused police reports, scouted battle sites, and examined torn bits of masks and costumes. I worked up flowcharts of people kidnapped and saved by villains and heroes. I even recorded powers and weaknesses and costumes and symbols in a color-coded journal. I’d always had a knack for organization and a good memory, and both helped immeasurably as I sifted through mountains of raw data.
In the end, it was ridiculously easy. There was always someone the superhero saved over and over and over again, whether it was a wannabe girlfriend or a boyfriend or a kindly widowed aunt. All you had to do was find that special person and see who was closest to them. Then, bada-bing, bada-boom, you found your superhero.
As for the ubervillains, their hunger for money and power tripped them up. Most villains had buckets of cash acquired in less-than-legal ways and were often involved in shady, land-development deals.
Accidents involving radioactive materials raised a big red flag, because radioactive waste was a great way for heroes and villains to get their powers. So were magic rings, bites from rabid or otherwise altered animals, and the old-fashioned, natural, genetic mutation.
I soon learned that I had a knack for uncovering secret identities. All you had to do was dig long enough and hard enough and deep enough, and you’d uncover that one piece of information that would solve the riddle. I’d find a scrap of evidence, something seemingly inconsequential, and everything would fall into place. The dots connected. The picture cleared. I’d always loved puzzles, from crosswords to jumbles to word searches. Uncovering the identities of superheroes and ubervillains was the ultimate human jigsaw puzzle. And I was rapidly becoming a master.
Six months after my botched wedding, I left the Beginnings Bugle for a larger newspaper that wanted me to uncover the identities of the resident superhero and ubervillain. Three months later, the Kilted Scotsman and the Blue Berserker woke to find their faces splattered all over the front page. The public found out what the Scotsman really wore under his kilt, while the Berserker went, well, a little berserk over the whole thing.
A few months later, I went on to another newspaper.
And then another...
And another...
And another...
I left a trail of unmasked superheroes and ubervillains in my wake. Of course, not everyone was happy about my private vendetta, my endless exposés. The superheroes begged me to stop my activities or retract my stories, while the ubervillains tried to bribe or threaten me. But nothing matched the righteous fervor that had awakened in me. Not threats, not money, and especially not tearful pleas.
Nothing satisfied me more than a good unmasking.
*
Three years after my first superhero unmasking, I hit the jackpot.
The editors at The Exposé in Bigtime, New York, hired me to uncover the identities of the Fearless Five, a group of superheroes, and their enemies, the Terrible Triad.
The Fearless Five and the Terrible Triad were legends, not just in Bigtime but throughout the world. They had the strongest powers. They waged the biggest battles. They engaged in the most amazing escapes and the most elaborate schemes. They were the crème de la crème of superheroes and ubervillains.
What made the puzzle so tempting, so intriguing, was the fact that little was known about any of them. Oh, countless stories had chronicled their escapades, but no one had a clue as to their real identities. They would be tough puzzles to solve, but I was up to the task.
After all, I was Carmen Cole, reporter extraordinaire.
The job proved harder than expected. I worked for three months and came up with nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zero. I started with the superheroes as I always did, because they were easier to unmask. Ubervillains were naturally more conniving and not shy about killing people to keep them quiet. But the Fearless Five had covered their tracks well. I pored over police reports and mocked up flowcharts galore, but nothing linked the heroes to anyone. They were ghosts who showed up, battled evil, and saved the world before bedtime.
Then, one day, I got a break. A kid called in and said he saw a man in a tuxedo transform into Tornado, a member of the Fearless Five. Such tips were not uncommon, and most of the reporters at The Exposé hung up on the crackpot callers. Not me. I visited the kid, who gave me a description of the man in the tux. I had a sketch artist work with the kid, then took the drawing and compared it to the men I thought might be Tornado. I narrowed my list to three suspects, then dug deeper until I unmasked my superhero.
Tornado was Travis Teague, a wealthy businessman specializing in wind power. How clichéd. But I was sure. I could feel it deep down in the pit of my stomach. A couple of weeks later, I verified my suspicion by capturing Teague turning into Tornado through the use of a hidden camera. My inner voice crowed with pride and victory. I notched another superhero exposé on my belt.
Carmen 1, Fearless Five 0.
*
The day the story ran, the entire newsroom gathered around to toast me with champagne and pizza. Even the newspaper’s publisher, Morgana Madison, attended. In a way. She took in the rowdy scene from the windows of her office, which overlooked the newsroom. She was always up there, overseeing her massive media empire, while we slaved away earning her more millions.
I spotted the publisher and raised my glass. Morgana smiled and raised her own glass in response. Superhero exposés were terribly good for the bottom line, and there was nothing Morgana Madison cared about more than that. She was in the newspaper business to make money, and she didn’t hide her ambition.
Normally, I would have waited until I’d uncovered all of the heroes’ and villains’ identities and written one big exposé about everyone, but my editors insisted we run the story about Travis aka Tornado Teague right away. I went along with the plan. I was, after all, the golden child. I’d uncover the others’ identities soon enough.
Now, I was reaping the rewards of my clever brilliance, and so was everybody else. Everyone except Henry Harris, the newspaper’s technology reporter. He was the only person not joining in the festivities. Instead of drinking, he crouched at his desk near the back of the newsroom and stared at his computer screen. His fingers stabbed the keyboard with rapid strokes. Henry was a bit of an odd duck, his n
ose always glued to his computer or buried in some book about the latest, greatest, technological advances. I liked him, though. He was nice, polite, and always helped me unfreeze my computer when it freaked out.
I grabbed an extra glass of champagne, strolled over, and plopped it down on his desk.
Henry blinked like an owl. “Oh, thanks, Carmen. I didn’t realize it was time for the toast already. I guess I just lost track of things.”
“No problem, Henry. Come on, join the rest of us. We’ve got free booze and pizza, courtesy of the company.”
“Well, I really should finish this story—”
I pulled Henry out of his chair and into the middle of the newsroom. I wasn’t going to take no for an answer. This was one of the best days of my life, and everybody was going to share in it, whether they liked it or not.
“Speech! Speech!” one of the junior reporters shouted.
“Yeah, Carmen. Tell us why you do the things you do,” someone else asked.
“It’s like…karma,” I said, espousing my unmasking philosophy, which everyone had heard many, many times. “We all know that villains cheat and steal and lie, but the heroes do it too. They lie to their friends and families. They make excuses and let down those closest to them time after time. That’s bad karma. One day, all that lying is bound to catch up with them. I just make sure it happens sooner rather than later. What goes around comes around. It’s karma.”
“Hear, hear,” Henry said in a quiet voice.
I clinked champagne glasses with Henry and the rest of my drunken colleagues. I’d never felt so exhilarated in my entire life. I was floating, flying, soaring. I was on top of the world. Now that I’d unmasked Tornado, the rest of the Fearless Five would soon follow. After that, I’d tackle the Terrible Triad.
Karma Girl Page 2