BARON: The face of the man is full of shame, it is afraid lest it fall under my eye.
He holds the lantern peering at the woman. The BARONESS hovers close behind. RACHEL pushes SUSY out upon the little man. The lantern is extinguished.
BARONESS: Oh, oh, come away, Baron, come away!
BARON: Ha! Ha! (His voice is screaming.) It is the attack! Stand behind me, Baroness, I defend you. (He ends on a high note, flourishing a stick he carries.) I have hit him! Ha! Come on!
MRS SMALLEY: You’ve hit me, you little swine.
BARON: Stand behind me, Baroness. I defeat this man — I — (He chokes with gutturals and consonants.)
MRS SMALLEY: Would you, you little swine!
BARON: I will thrash you — I will thrash you — low-bred knave, I will — (He sputters into German.)
MRS SMALLEY: Let me get hold on thee, I’ll crack thy little yed for thee.
BARONESS: Baron, Baron, they are murdering you!
BARON: Ah, my sword, my sword! Baroness, my sword! I keep him at bay with this stick.
MRS SMALLEY: I’ll show thee, the little nuisance, whether tha’rt ter hit me on the shoulder.
BARON: I have not my strength of old, if I had my sword he were killed.
BARONESS: Thy are murdering the Baron! Help! Help! Oh Baron —
RACHEL (suddenly rushing at her): Shut up, you old chuck! Shoo!
BARONESS (screaming): Baron! Rudolf, Rudolf! Oh-h — !
BARON (groaning): Ah, Baroness!
He turns. SUSY rushes through his guard and seizes his wrist.
MRS SMALLEY: I’ll have that stick!
BARON: The lady — the Baroness von Ruge, my wife, let me go to her!
MRS SMALLEY: Drop that stick, tha little — !
BARON: Little, little again! Ah, my sword to thee. Let go my wrists, foul one, base one, fight thus! (He lapses into a foreign fizzle.)
BARONESS (fleeing): Help, help, help!
RACHEL (catching her by the end of her long cloak and pulling her round backwards): Whoa, you’re going a bit too fast!
BARONESS: Whose voice is that? What? Oh-h — !
Enter NURSE.
NURSE (breathless): Whatever is the matter? Who is it?
MRS SMALLEY: Drop that stick, little lizard —
BARON: My wife! God, think of my wife!
BARONESS: Baron — they’re killing me — Baron!
NURSE: Baroness! Oh, for shame — oh, how dreadful!
She runs to RACHEL, who flees.
HARRY (rushing up): What’s goin’ off?
NURSE: The poor Baron — an old man! Oh, how dreadful!
BARONESS: Rudolf, Rudolf! Where am I — what — where?
BARON: I will kill you.
HARRY (to his sister): Has ter no more sense, gre’t hound?
MRS SMALLEY: What’s tha got ter do wi’ it? (to the BARON) Drop that stick!
BARON: I will certainly —
HARRY: Come off! (He wrenches loose her wrists.)
BARON: Ha! (In triumph.) Thief! (He rushes forward. SUSY avoids him quickly. He attacks HARRY, fetching him a smart whack.)
HARRY: The little wasp —
NURSE: Don’t, Mr Hemstock — don’t hurt him!
BARON: Ha! (He rushes again. HARRY dodges to avoid him, stumbles, the BARON gets in a blow. HARRY goes down.) Ha, I have smitten him — Ha!
BARONESS (fleeing): Baron — help! Help! Baron —
BARON (pursuing): My wife —
NURSE (to BARONESS): Come away, Baroness, come away quickly. The Baron is alright.
BARONESS: I have lost a galosher, he has lost his hat, and the lantern — oh!
BARON: Ah, Baroness, safe! God be glorified. What — oh, only Nurse. We haf been ambushed by a band of ruffians.
NURSE: You had better hurry to the vicarage, Baron, you will take cold.
BARON: Speak not to me of cold. We haf narrowly escaped. Are you wounded, Baroness?
BARONESS: Where is your hat, and the lantern, and my galosher?
BARON: What matter —
NURSE: You had better take the Baroness home, Baron. She will be ill.
BARONESS: We can’t afford to lose them — the lantern and your hat and a pair of galoshes.
BARON: Speak not of such —
They leave.
HARRY (rising slowly): The little snipe!
MRS SMALLEY: It serves thee right.
CURTAIN
SCENE III
The kitchen of the HEMSTOCKS’ house. MR HEMSTOCK is stirring a saucepan over the fire.
NURSE (entering): I am late. Are you making the food? I’m sorry.
MR HEMSTOCK: I hardly liked leavin’ her — she’s funny to-night. What’s a’ th’ row been about?
NURSE: Somebody buffeting the Baron and Baroness. I’ve just seen them safely on the path. Has Harry come in?
MR HEMSTOCK: No — hark — here he is! Whatever!
The door opens. Enter HARRY, very muddy, blood running down his cheek.
Whatever ‘as ter done to thysen?
HARRY: Fell down.
NURSE: Oh dear — how dreadful! Come and let me look! What a gash! I must bind it up. It is not serious.
MR HEMSTOCK: Tha’d better ta’e thy jacket off, afore Nurse touches thee.
HARRY does so. MR HEMSTOCK continues making the food. NURSE sets the kettle on the fire and gets a bowl.
NURSE (to HARRY): You feel faint — would you like to lie down?
HARRY: I’m a’ right.
NURSE: Yes, you are all right, I think. Sit here. What a house of calamities! However did it happen?
HARRY: The Baron hit me, and I fell over the lantern.
NURSE: Dear me — how dreadful!
HARRY: I feel fair dizzy, Nurse — as soft as grease.
NURSE: You are sure to do.
Exit MR HEMSTOCK with basin.
HARRY: Drunk, like. Tha’rt as good as a mother to me, Nurse.
NURSE: Am I?
HARRY: My mother worna one ter handle you very tender. ‘Er wor rough, not like thee.
NURSE: You see, she hadn’t my practice.
HARRY: She ‘adna thy hands. ‘Er’s rayther bad to-day, Nurse. I s’ll be glad when ‘er’s gone. It ma’es yer feel as if you was screwed in a tight jacket — as if you’d burst innerds.
NURSE: I understand — it has been so long.
HARRY: It has. I feel as if I should burst. Tha has got a nice touch wi’ thee, Nurse. ‘Appen ‘er’ll leave me a bit of money —
NURSE: Oh, Mr Hemstock!
HARRY: An’ if I could get some work — dost think I ought to get married, Nurse?
NURSE: Certainly, when you’ve found the right woman.
HARRY: If I was in steady work — Nurse, dost think I’m a kid?
NURSE: No — why?
HARRY: I want motherin’, Nurse. I feel as if I could scraight. I’ve been that worked-up this last eight month —
NURSE: I know, it has been dreadful for you.
HARRY: I dunna want huggin’ an’ kissin’, Nurse. I want — thar’t a nurse, aren’t ter?
NURSE: Yes, I’m a nurse.
HARRY: I s’ll reckon I’m badly, an’ then tha can nurse me.
NURSE: You are sick —
HARRY: I am, Nurse, I’m heartsick of everything.
NURSE: I know you are —
HARRY: An’ after my mother’s gone — what am I to do?
NURSE: What creatures you are, you men. You all live by a woman.
HARRY: I’ve lived by my mother. What am I to do, Nurse?
NURSE: You must get married —
HARRY: If I was in steady work —
NURSE: You’ll get work, I’m sure.
HARRY: And if my mother leaves me some money —
NURSE: I must tell you where the will is, for fear anything should happen.
HARRY: Then I can ax — is it done, Nurse?
NURSE: Just finished.
HARRY: Should I lie down?
NURSE: Let me straighten th
e sofa for you; don’t get up yet. Then I must see to Mrs Hemstock, and I’ll speak to you about the Baroness’s things, and about the will, when I come back. How does the head feel?
HARRY: Swimming, like — like a puff o’ steam wafflin’.
NURSE: Come along — come and lie down — there, I’ll cover you up.
MR HEMSTOCK (entering): Is he badly?
NURSE: I think he’ll be fairly by to-morrow.
MR HEMSTOCK: Tha’rt cading him a bit, Nurse.
NURSE: It is what will do him good — to be spoiled a while.
MR HEMSTOCK: ‘Appen so — but it’ll be a wonder.
NURSE: Why?
MR HEMSTOCK: Spoilin’ is spoilin’, Nurse, especially for a man.
NURSE: Oh, I don’t know. How is Mrs Hemstock?
MR HEMSTOCK: Funny. I canna ma’e heads or tails of her.
CURTAIN
ACT III
SCENE I
The morning after the previous scene. The dining-room at the vicarage, a spacious but sparsely furnished apartment, the BARON considering himself in all circumstances a soldier. The BARON, in martial-looking smoking jacket, is seated at a desk, writing, saying the words aloud. The clock shows eleven. Enter BARONESS, in tight-sleeved paisley dressing-gown, ruched at neck and down the front. She wears a mobcap.
BARON (rising hastily and leading her to her chair): You are sure, Baroness, you are sufficiently recovered to do this?
BARONESS: I am only pinned together, Baron. I shall collapse if the least thing happens.
BARON: It shall not happen.
BARONESS: My head has threshed round like a windmill all night.
BARON: Did I sleep?
BARONESS: No, Baron, no, no! How do you find yourself this morning?
BARON: Younger, Baroness. I have heard the clash of battle.
BARONESS: I was so afraid you had felt it.
BARON: I — I — but I shall fall to no sickness. I shall receive the thrust when I am in the pulpit, I shall hear the cry, “Rudolf von Ruge”! I fling up my hand, and my spirit stands at attention before the Commander.
BARONESS: Oh Baron, don’t. I shall dread Sunday.
BARON: Dread it, Baroness! Ah, when it comes, what glory! Baroness, I have fought obscurely. I have fought the small, inconspicuous fight, wounded with many little wounds of ignominy. But then — what glory!
BARONESS: Has Nurse come yet?
BARON: She has not, Baroness.
BARONESS: I wish she would.
BARON: You feel ill — hide nothing from me.
BARONESS: She promised to try and get the things. I know the hat will be ruined, but if we recover the galosh and the lantern, ‘twill be a salvation.
BARON: ‘Tis nothing.
BARONESS: ‘Tis, Baron, your hat cost 15/ — — and my pair of galoshes, 3/6, and the lantern, 2/11. What is that, Baron? Reckon it up.
BARON: I cannot — I have not — (a pause) it is twenty-one shillings and one penny.
BARONESS: 15/ — and 3/6 — 15, 16, 17, 18 — that’s 18/6 and 2/11 — 18 — 19, 20. (Counting.)And five pence, Baron. Twenty-one shillings and five pence.
BARON: ‘Tis nothing, Baroness.
BARONESS: ‘Tis a great deal, Baron. Hark! Who is that called?
BARON: I cannot hear.
BARONESS: I will go and see.
BARON: No, Baroness — I go.
BARONESS: To the kitchen, Baron?
Exit. The BARON, at the window, cries on the Lord, in German.
NURSE (at the door): Good morning.
BARONESS (hastily turning back): Have you got them?
NURSE: The hat and the galosh — we couldn’t find the lantern.
BARONESS: Those wicked Hemstocks have appropriated it.
NURSE: No, Baroness, I think not.
BARONESS: Your hat is not ruined, Baron — a miracle. Put it on — it looks as good as new. What a blessing. Just a little brushing — and my galosh is not hurt. But to think those wretches should secrete my lantern. I will show them —
BARON: Baroness!
BARONESS: I was going to the kitchen. I hear a man’s voice.
NURSE: The Baker’s cart is there.
BARONESS: Ah! (Exit BARONESS.)
NURSE: I am very glad the Baroness is not ill this morning.
BARON: Ah Nurse, the villainy of this world. Believe that a number of miners, ruffians, should ambush and attack the Baroness and me, out of wrath at our good work. The power of evil is strong, Nurse.
NURSE: It is, Baron, I’m sorry to say.
BARON: I think those people Hemstock instigated this, Nurse.
NURSE: No, Baron, I am sure not.
BARON: Will you say why you are sure, Nurse?
NURSE: I saw, Baron. It was not Harry Hemstock, nor his father.
BARON: Then who, Nurse? They are criminals. It is wickedness to cover their sin. Then who, Nurse?
NURSE: Some people from Northrop. I cannot say whom. You know, Baron, you are an aristocrat, and these people hate you for it.
BARON: The mob issues from its lair like a plague of rats. Shall it put us down and devour the land? Ah, its appetite is base, each for his several stomach. You knew them, Nurse?
NURSE: No, Baron.
BARON: You heard them — what they said — their voices.
NURSE: I heard one say “Catch hold of Throttle-ha’penny!”
BARON: “Catch hold of Trottle-ha’penny” — Throttle-ha’penny, what is that?
NURSE: I think it means the Baroness. They are so broad, these people, I can’t understand them.
BARON: I will punish them. Under the sword they shall find wisdom.
BARONESS’S VOICE: Oh, shameless! Shameless!
RACHEL’S VOICE: He was looking at my brooch.
BARONESS’S VOICE: Come here, Baker, come back.
BAKER’S VOICE: A stale loaf to change, Baroness?
BARONESS’S VOICE: You shall go before the Baron this time. Go in the dining-room, Rachel.
BAKER’S VOICE: Me too?
Enter RACHEL, in cap and apron, the BAKER, and the BARONESS.
BAKER (entering): Thank you, Missis. Good morning, Nurse. Expect to find the Baroness in bed? I did.
BARONESS (to RACHEL): Stand there!
BARON (sternly to BAKER): Stand there! Take a seat, Nurse. Pray be seated, Baroness.
BAKER (seating himself in the armchair): Hope I haven’t got your chair, Baron.
BARON: Stand, sir.
BAKER (to NURSE, as he rises): Nearly like my father said to the curate: “They’re a’ mine!”
BARON: Baroness!
BARONESS: He was, Baron, he was —
RACHEL: He was bending down to look at my new brooch. (She shows it.)
BARONESS: With his arm —
BAKER: On her apron strings —
BARONESS: He was stooping —
BAKER: To look at her new brooch.
BARON: Silence!
BARONESS: He kissed her.
BARON: Coward! Coward! Coward, sir!
BAKER: Ditto to you, Mister.
BARON: What! Sir! Do you know — ?
BAKER: That you are the “Baron von Ruge”? No, I’ve only your bare word for it.
NURSE: For shame, Mr Bowers.
BAKER: When a little old man, Nurse, calls a big young man a coward, he’s presuming on his years and size to bully, and I say, a bully’s a coward.
Complete Works of D.H. Lawrence Page 743