by Erin Trejo
“Jackson let’s move,” Mason roars, shoving past me. Mason moves toward the door with me right behind him. My mind is spinning a million miles a minute.
“I’ll drive the car,” Jackson announces, and takes my bags from Mason.
The two of them head out of the door until Mason realizes I’m not behind him. He stands in the doorway with his eyes burning holes straight through me. My insides tremble as the past comes rushing at me all at once. It’s as if the air is being pulled from my lungs. The room sways and spins. I can vaguely hear Mason calling my name, but then he isn’t Mason anymore. My body shakes as I fall to the floor and voices and faces swarm my vision. No, this can’t be happening again.
“You smell so good,” Alvaro mumbled, his lips close to my ear. “You smell of a freshly fucked whore. How do you feel, mi amor?” How can he even ask me that?
“I want to go home,” I tell him as tears stream down my cheeks.
“Oh mi amor, that will fix nothing. You are what I made you to be. You will forever be my personal slut. Whoring yourself to please me is what you do, don’t you?” If I had any strength I would slap him, but I don’t.
“Just let me go home. I hate you,” I say as I cry harder. The back of his hand slamming into my face makes me see bright lights in my vision.
“You hate me? No Whitley, you love me. Remember me fucking you on your daddy’s floor the first time when you were thirteen? Taking you so hard that you wanted to scream, but you were afraid that your daddy would hear you. Then daddy gave you to me, right? You remember this, yes? You don’t hate me, you love me, and I will always love you. I must go back to Cuba now.”
“I don’t want to go to Cuba,” I sob as Alvaro laughs.
“Stupid girl, do you really think I’d bring my whore home to my wife? I’ll return for you one day.” His lips linger on my forehead as his words rip my heart out. His wife? He’s married?
“Whitley!” That voice. I know that voice. Slowly pulling my eyes open I panic. Jumping up to a sitting position I slide up the bed trying to figure out where I am. “Whit, look at me,” Mason’s voice commands. I slowly let out a breath on the concerned face in front of me.
“Where am I?” I ask softly.
“The clubhouse. Doc gave you some meds. You scared the shit out of me Whit.” His eyes are wide with fear that I’d never guess Mason had in him.
“I don’t know what happened,” I admit. Mason runs his hand through his hair and comes over to sit on the bed next to me. He reaches for me, lifting me easily in his arms, and cradles me to his chest.
“You were screamin’. You wouldn’t wake up. It was like that night I found you in the hotel bathroom. Fuck me Whitley. You can’t do that shit to me again.” Mason’s words send a chill down my spine. If I doubted his feelings for me before, I sure as hell can’t now. I let him hold me. I like being pressed up against his strong body feeling safe.
“I’m sorry Mason.”
“For what?”
“For all of this. I never wanted you to be involved in this. I didn’t think he would ever really come back for me.”
“Fuck him. I’ll kill him,” Mason growls. I nuzzle even deeper into his chest and inhale the unique scent that is all him.
“All of my life I’ve been used. I was good at letting it happen Mason. I don’t know how to stop that. It’s what I am. I’m a whore. I fuck people because it calms me. I use sex to erase the past. I don’t even know how that makes any sense,” I mumble into his chest. Mason sighs and tightens his arms around me.
“We all handle shit differently. I don’t blame you, but I am stoppin’ it Whit. You wanna fuck? Fuck me. You wanna fight? Hit me. Whatever the fuck you need to do to get over it, you use me.” Pulling back, I look at him confused. No one has offered that to me. Aside from Jackson no one has cared if I was any more than a whore.
“That’s the whole damn problem Mason. I don’t want to use you. I don’t want to hurt you. I just want this to be over with. I want it to never happen again. I am what they made me to be. Just leave me alone Mason.” I climb out of his lap and he sighs as I walk across the room and huddle into myself in the corner. I hear him huff. I glance over as he stands and heads toward the door running his hands through his hair.
“I’ll let you have your space. I did it once before but understand what the fuck I’m sayin’ here Whitley. Space is a gift I’m givin’ you. I don’t have to give you shit and you know it. I will though, because you need it. You’re not leavin’ this clubhouse and you sure as hell aren’t leavin’ me. When my sister died I almost lost myself. When I found you, I found a piece of me. Don’t you dare for one goddamn second think that your selfish ass is takin’ that from me.” I look up and lock eyes with him for just a second.
“How did she die?”
I don’t know why that’s the only question that I want to ask, but the need to know is overwhelming me. There’s something about this whole thing that is killing me. Mason licks his lips as a sad look crosses his features.
“She killed herself.”
27
Mason
I just drank until I passed out in the front room the last two nights. I know Whitley and Jackson are safe. Viking has guys set up all around the clubhouse, so I have no doubt they are safe. The only thing I doubt? Her; just Whitley. Have I been reading her all wrong this whole time? I saw the look in her eyes when I told her Briann killed herself. I didn’t tell her how she did it, but that’s irrelevant. I shove myself up off the couch, scrub my hands over my face, and make my way to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water.
“You ready to meet Manuel?” Viking’s voice comes from behind me. Taking a long drink from the bottle I nod my head before turning around to face him.
“You think I’m makin’ a mistake with her?”
“Don’t ask me that Mason.”
“I don’t think you are. She’s good to you man.” I glance over Viking’s shoulder and see Axle grinning like a fucking asshole.
“What the fuck would you know?” I ask.
“I know you don’t look like a fuckin’ zombie when you’re with her.”
“Fuck off Axle.”
“He’s right though,” Viking adds.
“How about all of you bastards fuck off? You don’t know shit. That girl is broken; tried to kill herself three fuckin’ times. It’s not that I don’t understand it, because fuck I do, but what the hell happens next time when I’m not there for round four?” I snap. Axle raises his eyebrows as understanding washes over him.
“You should let her go then. She’ll always be a thought in the back of your mind though. You’ll always wonder if she’s lyin’ dead in some alley somewhere. I know you Mason. Keep her around and keep an eye on her,” Axle tells me. He’s right about one thing. I’d wonder, I’d worry, and I’d fucking lose my mind. Whitley has a hold on me that I can’t explain even to myself, and I sure as hell can’t shake it off.
“I don’t fuckin’ know what to do here brother,” I mumble under my breath.
“Get the fuckin’ meetin’ with Manuel done and over with. Let’s see what he has to say. I have the Cali boys headin’ out here to be our backup. They were the only ones that weren’t on some other shit,” Viking says. I nod my head and scratch the scruff on my jaw.
“I appreciate you backin’ me Viking.”
“Fuck off Mason. That son of a bitch sent that text for a reason. I’m guessin’ he’s in with Armando and knows about your girl. We’re family. He came after family.” Viking shrugs like that’s the end of the conversation. I’ve thought about taking it further and making him listen, but that wouldn’t do me any good. That son of a bitch is just as stubborn as I am.
“You good with Manuel?” Axle asks while leaning against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest.
“I’m good with him, but not Julio. That motherfucker hates me,” I chuckle.
“Heard that. You did knock out half of his teeth. I wouldn’t like your ass much either,
” Axle laughs.
“You handle the talk with Manuel. Let him know I’ll personally deal with Julio. Get that road paved Mason. We need this to go off without any fuckin’ issues. You’re lucky Ruger has contacts over the goddamn border. That last hit they did went down perfectly. That’s how I want this. We can’t afford the blowback that could come from this.” I nod my head and slap a hand on his shoulder.
“I got Manuel. Keep an eye on her, yeah?”
Viking nods his head. I walk out of the kitchen and as soon as I step into the front room Whit appears. Her eyes are red rimmed and swollen from crying. It kills me to see her like this, but there is nothing I can do for her right now. I need to stay focused to handle business.
“I’ll be gone most of the night. Guys will be here if you need anything though.” Whitley watches me, but I don’t know what else to say to her. I’m not letting her go.
“I don’t know what I want any more Mason. Most days I don’t even want to be alive,” she says softly. Each word that comes out of her mouth kills off a little more of my heart.
“I get it, I do. I can’t fix it for you Whit. I don’t know what to do. I’m not lettin’ you go though. You might have it in your head that you might run, but I will find you. I’m not givin’ up on whatever this is.”
More tears spill down her cheeks. Whit reaches up and swipes them away quickly.
“I can’t offer you anything Mason.”
“You give me enough without even realizin’ it.”
I move closer, lean down, and press a kiss to her forehead. Pulling away from her feels like I’m losing her. As I turn and walk out the front door something inside me screams to just hold her in my arms and never let her go, but I can’t. Not yet. Not until I know this shit is over and she’s safe.
I grab my helmet and climb onto my bike. There’s a nagging voice in the back of my mind that I want to ignore. She isn’t going to be safe until this is done. Alvaro has already made it perfectly clear he isn’t done with her. He showed up at her fucking job. I can’t let him get his hands on her. Revving the engine, I pull out and head off to meet Manuel. The entire ride is going to be filled with thoughts of her. Thoughts of her crying, and of her dying. Everything that we’ve endured over the last few months is eating away at me.
28
Whitley
“What are you thinkin’?” The guy I’ve come to know as Ink asks sitting down next to me.
“That I hate being here. It’s boring and I need to go to work,” I mumble under my breath.
“You tired of bein’ here already? Mason not keepin’ you happy darlin’?” he smirks.
“Can I go to work or am I being held captive?” I snap. Ink chuckles and shoves out of his chair.
“You’re free to go as far as I’m concerned. Your other boyfriend left his car for you,” he huffs as he turns to walk away.
Shoving quickly out of my chair I snap, “What the fuck is your problem?”
Ink turns and his eyes are deadly. He stalks toward me until he’s close enough to wrap his hand around my throat and push me against the wall. He holds me there and stares into my eyes. My heart has kicked up a notch. This is not the way Mason holds me. This is evil. It’s deadly.
“You fuck with my boy’s head. I don’t like it. He sees somethin’ in you, and I just don’t see it. I respect Mason and his choices which is why I haven’t fucked with you, but you keep pushin’ a man like Mason and he will snap. You can’t play with his emotions the way you are.” His eyes are hard and his stare is lethal.
“I’m not doing anything to him. He won’t listen to me. Don’t you think I’ve tried to tell him? I don’t want him to waste his time on me anymore than you do.”
When I snap this, Ink releases me. He takes a step back and watches me intently. He doesn’t say anything else just turns and walks away from me.
I take that as my chance to get the hell out of here. I need to get to work. I need to get away from all of this shit. I can clear my head and be me when I’m at Joe’s. If anyone will understand its Joe.
Hurrying out the front door I jump in the car Jake left and take off. Rolling the windows down I let the wind blow through the car hoping it will take all of the negative that I feel right now away. I’m not naïve enough to believe it will work, but it’s worth a try.
The drive to Joe’s doesn’t take long, and I smile as soon as it comes into sight. I park around the back, jump out of car, and head in through the back door. Taking in a lungful of stale air and I sigh.
“Joe!” I yell as I walk through the back room. When the door flies open I smile.
“What are you doing here?” he asks as if he’s surprised to see me.
“Uh, coming to work. What the hell did you think I was doing?” I tease.
“Mason said you wouldn’t be in this week.”
“Mason doesn’t run my life,” I tell him before pulling him into a hug. Joe hugs me back with a smile playing at his face when he pulls away.
“Trouble in paradise?” he asks with a laugh.
“I didn’t know we were in paradise?”
I wiggle my eyebrows at him and head out front. As soon as I step foot behind the bar a sense of peace rushes over me. This is my home. It has been for a long time now. Joe took me in when no one else wanted me. He gave me a job when everyone else thought I was just a homeless junkie.
“Hey Whitley!” I hear my name being called. I grab a beer, pop the cap, and slide it down the bar.
“Hey Mike, that one’s on me.”
I wink at him and settle into my routine. Serving drinks and being nice to people has always been easy for me. I enjoy the light conversation. It makes the night go by faster, but I also like meeting new people.
“Whit!” Carla squeals from the other end of the bar. I turn on my heel and grin when I see her rushing to me. I lean over the bar and hug her tightly.
“Has that hottie been keeping you locked up? Joe said you were taking off for a while,” she says quickly.
“No way. I’m my own person. I just had a lot going on. How have you been? I need dirty details. Did he lick and stick? Was it huge? Tell me,” I squeal with excitement as I mix her favorite drink. Carla laughs and takes her seat. Setting her drink in front of her, I pour myself a shot. Knocking it back quickly I see Joe walk out to the front.
“Don’t drink all the good shit Whitley,” he teases me. I grab the towel and toss it at him, sticking my tongue out before looking back at Carla.
“Okay, spill it. I can tell you did something. You’re all glowing and shit.”
“Okay, fine. Yes, we had sex, and it was awesome. Oh my god Whit, Nick was insane in bed. He fucked me like a maniac,” she beams.
“Don’t stop now, I want the juicy details.”
“He was so big. I didn’t think he would fit. When he me pinned on the bed, I almost came. It was that easy with him,” she coos.
“Damn, you’re getting me wet. He pinned you to the bed? And you liked it?” I ask her needing to know more. This is what I’ve missed. Being able to just be me and have fun. I love working here, but more than that I love the people.
“I actually did like it. It was crazy. I wasn’t sure if I would, but oh my god, the way he took control.” She grabs her drink and takes a long pull. “I was so turned on. I see now why you like sex so much. It was insanely fun,” she squeals.
I giggle as I wipe the counter in front of me. It doesn’t take long for me to fall into a routine. I’m serving drinks, talking, and having a good time when the front doors burst open. Masked men move into the room and shots are being fired. Before I can scream or react, I’m being yanked down to the floor.
“Crawl into the back. Go. Now,” Joe snaps.
I nod my head as he reaches for the gun he keeps under the counter. The shots are loud and people are screaming. My stomach clenches and all I want to do is call Mason. I crawl through the door and stand when I get to the back. I run through the maze of boxes, climb into the back c
loset, and lock the inside lock. Joe told me about the closet. He had it set up this way just in case we were ever robbed. I slide my phone out and silence it before typing out a message to Mason with trembling fingers.
Me: Shooting at Joe’s
Mason: What the hell do you mean? And why are you at Joe’s?
Me: Working. I’m scared Mason
Mason: Stay hidden
My whole body trembles. I can hear the commotion and people yelling. It sounds like explosions going off. I’ve never felt so afraid in my life. Everything that I’ve done and everything that I’ve thought I believed in all flashing in my mind. I wrap my arms around myself and let the tears fall down my cheeks. I don’t know how long I’ve been in here. I don’t know what’s happening out there. I slide the lock open, push the door open slowly, and peek out. I don’t see anything. Taking a deep breath I walk out slowly. Creeping around the boxes my heart starts thundering in my chest. My breathing increases the closer I get to the front. Pushing through door that leads to the bar, I begin to scream. There’s blood. So much blood.
“No,” I cry looking around. There are people I know. People I’ve served and laughed with. People that left me tips. People that hugged me. Shaking my head slowly I continue to look around. “No, god no!” I scream through my tears. I run to Joe and fall to my knees. I lift his head up and put it in my lap as I start to cry even harder.
“Joe? Wake up Joe. You can’t do this to me!”
The pain in my chest worsens. How can this happen? How the hell does this happen? As I rock Joe’s limp body in my arms, the world slowly slips out of focus. Everything around me turns to fuzz. There is no noise. There is no light. There’s only me and the death that lingers inside of the bar.
29
Mason
“We have one shot at this Manuel. If this doesn’t work we’re fucked,” I tell him.